From: Yma
Subject: you
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008

blow my mind.

just read the second coming myspace top friends. got goosebumps when it all came together. you rock.

danke, danke. maybe you should be in charge of myspace, instead of tom.

From: Wade E.
Subject: The Second Coming Myspace
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008

Doc,

If you need more IP addresses, you are more than welcome to use my worse than useless Myspace page. Hopefully you'll get the 17 of these that you need to continue your experimentation in making Myspace and interesting place-a seemingly impossible task.

i may take you up on that, thanks.

From: Lou Minatti
Subject: SAMSONITE CODEX
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2008

Notes found in a satchel from circa 1990...

The man on the phone was excited, pepped-up. He talking to us from the middle of the absolute nowhere netherzone of central Nevada. He liked the idea of our coming out to make a documentary film about his truck stop...

"We serve bone-carved ham here! Carved from the bone in our kitchen! We have an old woman -- she's 85 -- and she's the only one who knows how to carve the ham from the bone...!"

Here's the facts:

The ham with the bone in it is sitting in the middle of the desert and the old lady is carving on it night and day. Truckers are addicted to the meat that falls in great piles of slices at her feet. It's the same bone and the same lady and the same big, sharp knife year after year. The story of the Loaves and the Fishes, except with pigmeat. Nothing changes out here in the desert -- that old petrified cowboy down the road with the arroyo-dry scalp has been sitting out in front of the gas station for 75 years. That old lady, she doesn't even know what year it is. The same with the meat -- you don't know who had it before it came here and you certainly don't know the name of the pig. Or the name of the trucker eating it.

Out here in the middle of this desert, little things loom up enormously...two people are a town, a shack is a palace, an abandoned can of deisel is an industrial accident. You write your name in the dust and it's the Hollywood Sign; say your own name out loud and it's a pronouncement from Moses. Food is the same way -- a plate of ham and eggs stands out enormously out here. You could put it on a map -- there's nothing else around for a hundred mile radius. A road, some mountains, and then a gas pump and a plate of ham and eggs. And it might as well be the very same plate of ham and eggs reappearing over and over, for all you know...

From: RobbL
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2008

Oh, I almost peed myself when I read, "have you ever wondered how they keep the snakes from writhing around under Nancy Grace's wig?"

Priceless.

DeuceOfClubs.com — Making People Almost Pee Since 1995

Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2008
From: SpamBUSTERS
Subject: Praises for ReCaptcha & Question re digitizing books

I'm writing because when I was reading your site, I was impressed when I saw your information on the recaptcha project and why you use it.
Normally, I HATE Captchas but when I read about recaptcha and the good cause it's aiding, it immediately changed my attitude and I felt very willing to enter the two word captcha. I love it when something I'm doing, or my pc is doing as in the case of the UnitedDevices, GRID, BOINC, etc projects, is at the same time contributing something useful to help others.

If all sites who use captchas would use Recaptcha and post the info that the Captcha is helping a project that is working to benefit everybody, it would change attitudes of others too, just like it changed mine!

I am not sure how the process of digitizing books is done, or exactly what digitizing books even is, but I am a longtime bookworm and have wondered how books are turned from printed books into ebook form, if it was done via scanning pages or what, coz I have a giant book collection and would love to preserve some of my books online for all to be able to access. So far, I couldn't find much information on the redigitizing books captcha site or their internet archive link, but maybe I haven't looked enough yet.

the best luck i've had with OCR was with a microtek scanner (ScanMaker 6000). i don't recall the name of the OCR software, but it was even able to recognize handwriting and specific printed fonts with ease. doing an entire book is a pain, though. one day soon the technology will be there, but we're not there yet, i don't think.

BTW re your Julia Roberts-BinnyBoy makeover....wonder if Julia had her lips filled with collagen just to make her an even better double for Binny :))

re: julia's lips -- only julia knows for sure....

Date: Tue, 27 May 2008
From: hartwell littlejohn
Subject: pertaining to j & h

you're probably well aware of this, but if not...

i even used j & h productions as a verb once. i was given that tape in the 80s by the legendary lou minatti (of action amenities, inc.), whose counsels i value unto this very day.

Date: Sat, 10 May 2008
From: PGB
Subject: Notes on TUB

Mr. Clubs,

Thanks for the excellent collection of songs from the Unbelievable Believers.

de nada x 10. i am greatly pleased to have been featured at the mighty fmoo

Here are a couple notes.

===His Eye Is on the Sparrow

I'm pretty sure this title is a reference to the Prayers of Kierkegaard. The text is trying to point out how God is all-seeing and all-caring. One part includes this:

"The needs of a sparrow, even this moves thee."

having been raised babdist, i would have to say it goes even a ways further: in between posing as an idler for the shopkeepers, kierkegaard was alluding to luke chaptahhhh 12, verses six through seven, inclusive:

6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

one day all those hours wasted in sunday school will come in handy. i am hoping it is somehow connected to the craps table.

===We Want to Fish for Men

I think the missing word might be this:

"All the *weeping* going on"

oh, man. duh. right in the very next chapter of luke:

28 There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out.

damn, my lost sunday school hours really failed me there. glad i wasn't at the craps table—something really bad could've happened!

Thanks again. And the commentary is 82.3% of the fun!

-PGB

good of you to say so.

Date: Sun, 4 May 2008
Subject: Opal Simpson

Excitement is a pitiful word. It will have to suffice for now. I was thrilled to find the archives of the Burton News on your website. I am Opal's granddaughter but never knew her. Denny Simpson is my father but I didn't meet him until I was 21. Your info on the Simpsons provided much I did not know about that side of my family.

Thanks! Kim

great to hear from you. i wish you could have met opal. she was a stitch. i was born in show low (hence the domain name) but even after we moved away we still got the white mountain paper and were able to keep up with the goings-on at burton. when we lived in phoenix a whole bunch of us visited the church at burton one sunday and the simpsons were thrilled, because they were able to put up a larger number on their church attendance board than they'd ever had before. i remember that the collection plate showed the signs of a recent shotgun blast through the window, from some idiotic vandal.

Nice to hear from you doc. My mother moved us to Kansas when I was 3, so you probably know more about the simpsons than I do.I do have some great pictures though.(One of Opal cooking ) that I'm sure you would get a kick out of. My dad, Denny has some of her entries in his baby book too. I'm getting married this August, in Washington State where I now live. When the dust settles from that flurry of activity I hope to dedicate more time to learning about the simpson history. I am a voracious reader and on good days fancy myself a writer, and am also a history buff so everything about these articles fascinate me. I have a hard time with grammar and syntax but now feel that I can use the excuse that it's hereditary.chuckle chuckle. Thanks for writing back! Kim

From: Clinton McClung
Subject: Reposting some tracks at WFMU
Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2008

Howdy, hi. I'm one of the bloggers over at WFMU's Beware of the Blog. Your site has become a back door favorite over here, and I want to do a post about it on our blog (and give some ups to our friends at Music For Maniacs for turning us on to your site).

as the pansexual orgyist said, it's nice to be appreciated, no matter through which door.

I want to repost some of the songs - but also quote some excerpts from your comments and definitely point people over to your site because your comments and lyric transcriptions are really spot on and hilarious.

Just wanted to make sure you were cool with that, and see if you had anything you wanted me to add.

Cheers!
- Resident Clinton

100% cool with it, and also very pleased—beware of the blog is on my daily check list, and i'm glad to have the chance to contribute. (even though i'm in arizona, i've been a WFMU fan for years, having learned about wfmu via dj 'tine of new jersey. i enjoy spreading the good news and confusion here by wearing my "investigate fish farm" shirt and WFMU cap. i was wearing the latter on the day i had to explain RTFM to my baptist ma. shocked, she looked at my cap and said, "then i definitely don't want to know what WFMU stands for!")

[WFMU's post re: Unbelievable Believers: Incredible Christian Song Demos]

Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2008
From: rambly

if you could be cryogenically preserved, and someone would wake you up, later, would you do it?

without hesitation.

and when would you want to be woken up?

dinnertime.

no, i guess . . . dinnertime . . . in the year 2525. to see if man is STILL ALIVE! and also to see whether dinner is ready.

maybe you could have a dinner frozen with you.

i'd probably wake up to find i was dinner. MAN IS STILL ALIVE . . . AND HE IS HUNGRY

defrost...cook...start....

i would get to yell a cinematic "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

and then.... DING!

except i wouldn't hear that part. unless man who is STILL ALIVE in 2525 likes eating people who are . . . STILL ALIVE!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

From: discsteve
Subject: Burning Man
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2008

Thanx for the report on BM 1999. I've always wanted to make the scene, but didn't realize it was such a fucked-up, commercial venture. Just came back to deuceofclubs from the BM web site. Are they fuckin' nuts? $295.00, per person, for a fucking ticket? 20 fucking dollars for the ability to reenter the site? Ticket pre-purchase mandatory? Permission needed to film/tape? I can only wish upon them the same spot in Hell reserved for the capitalist pigs that ran the Woodstock anniversary event.

I think I've lost ALL interest in making the trip to Black Rock.
I think I'm going to puke. Heil Harvey!

BUT . . . did you read this?

it explains why i went back in '05 (and in '06, too).

Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2008
From: Matt W.
Subject: Any idea how to get a hold of Nothing, Arizona by Don Simpson?

Hi,

The link at your page for Nothing,Arizona is dead, and I was wondering, do you know of anywhere else where the book is available?

sorry, i don't. i don't even see any copies listed at bookfinder.

good luck,
doc

Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2008
From: Kim S.
Subject: horse races

DOC,

As the warm breezes of Spring waft though my window, I tend to wax poetical (in some bass ackward sort of way).

Speaking of breezes, the winds of change have blown me around and I find myself without convenient Internet access. A mixed blessing, i reckon. Less porn (oh and no DOC)

no porn and no DoC. i wonder, with shakespeare, which is the greater tragedy?

but more time for reading and waxing.

then i hope you're reading library books.

This has been kicking around on my desk for a while. It was inspired by you and your race horses.

"Faugh-A-Ballagh!" roared Robert the Devil. "Cut loose the sheet anchor and cast off for the Promised Land." "Aye aye, Cap'n." replied Orlando Guiccioli, first mate aboard the Bel Demonia. (1)

"The Prome Minister Wormsley sent Sir Hercules Glaucus, Baron Bertram Weatherbit, even that fop Duke Idvl Pantalonade after me." said Robert the Devil " All met my namesake dancing at the end of my cutlass." (7)

The tavern grew hush as the three pirate sisters strolled into the common room. Constance Ithuriel (the Orville Mare) a tall redhead, Hilda the Milkmaid (the Hampton Mare) a buxom blonde, and Morgiana Espoir (the Cervantes Mare) a raven-haired beauty. Robert the Devil felt a touchstone drop. (25)

Ursula Cinizelli took on the Orville Mare and fought her to a standstill. All she had to show for it is a Jerico Birdcatcher and a lot of scar tissue. (33)

"Didn't you 'pocahontas' Hilda the Milkmaid (also known as the Hampton Mare) at the Pantaloon Festival in Augusta?" whispered Jerry Humphrey Clinker. "Yes, yes Clink. With the glee of Priam and the harmony of Voltaire." said Robert the Devil. (47)

"It's all quite complicated." explained Ethel Stockwell. "You see, Miss Letty Wanona won the Turquoise Amulet in the Melbourne Lottery. She then traded the Amulet to Ethelbert Hersey for the Eclogue Memento. Dame Durdan of Bay Celia employed the services of three certain pirate sisters to 'acquire' the Memento. Not for the relic itself but for the treasure hidden within." "Of course!" grinned Robert the Devil. "The Deuce of Clubs!" (61)

you know, i think i'm going to start just making up book excerpts, instead of typing out real ones.

From: Lisa F.
Subject: Looking for Peterson's Incident Report from 2001
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2008

Hey there Deuce of Clubs, I came accross your website and there is a faschinating document—

hey, you say that like popeye!

Peterson's Incident Report Book—I'm doing a project for school and would love to get a copy of this? Possible? I will pay, do let me know. Thank you!

i wish i could help you, but my copy is in storage. would you happen to be in portland? according to bookfinder.com powell's has a copy right now for $7.93.

I ordered it from Powells- and a big thank you to you Deuce!!

Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2008
From: jess
Subject: Worse than 666?

Did you know there was a KKK Medicine Company?

yow! i did not.

I was looking for antique type on eBay and found a printer's block with their logo. Most of the info online seems to be about some suit they were involved in (not about the name), but here's a doc on bottle collection that mentions it (.PDF)

the keokuk explanation seems plausible—at least more plausible than monticello's explanation of 666. i wonder whether it was commonly referred to as "kay kay kay" or "three kays" (as 666 is called—in radio ads, anyway—as "three sixes"?

Date: Sun, 24 Feb 2008
From: dan h.
Subject: Christian demos

Those songs were good, but I was really hoping I would see a writeup about "At an Inn on a Dark Night So Long Ago" or "Indian Love"

of course i now must ask you whether you have mp3 evidence of these delights?

i have them on my computer and also "the demo zone", as far as it goes with songs that aren't on the site. do you mean that you want me to send them to you?

i don't know what the demo zone is, but i'd love to hear them & if you don't mind emailing them.

Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2008
From: H R
Subject: A link to your site added in www.exmormon.org, re: chiasmus

A discussion of chiasmus on another forum led indirectly to my discovery of your site - hence I posted a link to the latter in the former:

[NOTE: Link may or may not work; that board does not archive all its threads.]

As the name might suggest, this is a site unapologetic to the jackass, Joseph Smith, the cult he founded, the psychopathology of the Faithful, etc.

regards,
3X (an amused bystander)

BTB, interesting technique to hide your email addr ...