To Deuce of Clubs index page Autographed copies of Adventures with the Mojave Phone Booth are now available!

Autographed copies of Adventures with the Mojave Phone Booth are now available!

Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2010
Subject: General Questions
From: JP


First of all love the site, since it was seriously the craziest site I have ever seen. I was working on a project in my class about the usability of your website and I was hoping to get some info from you. Overall I get what the site was about, but what did you design this site to represent? Or more importantly, what is your site type of audience does your site usually attract? Thanks Doc

how on earth did you settle upon deuce of clubs to use in a project about usability? on a scale of 1 to 10, it probably scores about a .05 for usability—it's a mess! also, it's very old, and must look hilarious to people who weren't on the internet in the mid-90s. can you tell me a little more about your project?

Thanks for writing back. Believe it or not it was assigned to my group by my instructor. He has emailed u in the past I think lol. Anyway the project mainly focuses on the what problems we see on the site like organization, navigation, etc. My group actually create a test and gave it in class and pretty much u know the results of those lol. The only thing were missing now is sone key background information like what it's truly is about and why u created.

honestly, i made it merely to amuse myself and my friends. we were (and remain) the target audience.

Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2010
From: eric x
Subject: Loveline


Saw your site on Loveline/Adam and Dr. Drew, it's so cool you got to meet them! I was wondering if you ever taped the old radio show or MTV show? I'm also a big fan and collector of Loveline stuff, so would love to have copies if you have any old shows/TV episodes or know anyone who might.

sorry, eric--it was just a fluke thing. they were speaking on the university of arizona campus and i happened to be there. but i am happy to know there are collectors of loveline stuff. that's a data point i know will come in handy someday. somehow.

Date: Sun, 12 Sep 2010
From: Jeffery C.
Subject: Christian Song Demos

When I was in High School my band teacher used to bring in a CD every once in a while and let us listen to one terrible (but funny)song. I had him burn a copy of the disc and up until today, I thought I had one of the only copies of the album. I was under the impression that nobody else knew about this music.
I was just wondering if you could tell me where you came across all these songs. I'd love to know where they came from.


all i can say is that i was given the cd by a musician friend who wishes to remain anonymous. i believe this collection has been circulating for quite a long time. i wish i knew the dates of all the recordings--or, really, had any information more than what i have now.

Date: Sun, 5 Sep 2010
Subject: The Blessed Sounds of Incredible Christian Song Demos
From: Cathy B.

Hi -

I stumbled upon your site while doing a search for "Lord, give the devil the measles" - half expecting to find a YouTube video of some Jeff-Foxworthy-ish hick in a nightclub.

I too, possess the wonder that is "The Demo Zone". I was recording a CD in Nashville and the producer presented all of the performers with a copy of this glorious CD. He told us they were demos that had been sent to Word records but rejected (why, oh why?).

i know, right? if Word had issued any of them, i'd be able to say i'd bought some Word records in my lifetime.

I guess it started with a handful and kept being passed around and added to until it metastasized into the version you and I have.

I especially love the plea for "cease and desist" orders from the artists. I wonder if anyone will be brave enough to do it!

I'd love to know whether any of them have become aware of their down-market "fame"?

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone when you listen to the songs and think, "Oh my God, are you kidding me?"

Date: Wed, 25 Aug 2010
Subject: Choco Tacos
From: Tim B.

Choco Tacos are the best thing since weed.

Weed goes great with choco tacos.

It is America's COOLEST taco!

Well maybe hillary clinton's is. BUT CHOCO TACOS ARE DAMN CLOSE.



two things continue to surprise me:
1) that a joke piece i wrote a decade and a half ago still arouses 2) this weirdly high level of indignation on the part of choco taco partisans

Date: Tue, 1 Jun 2010
From: neil k
Subject: what I know about the berto

Heya Deuce

How's the van? Mine is a mitsubishi with the alarm panic button 'in the back' where I sleep unfettered by poundings of cops. I just wake up and activate the alarm (installed for only this purpose) and go right back to sleep. Not moving at all helps.

Anyhow, as far as I recall, it all started with Roberto's restaurant in Pacific Beach near San Diego. They proliferated, renowned for their Carne Asada (how can you fuck that up?) a competitor knocked off the last two sylables-name a Alberto's. They had more bargain items and were known as the value leader. They also proliferated. Then cam knock offs of both of these-ALiBERTOS and ROBERTitOS spelled just like that. At some point, I lived very close to a Jaunbertos that was undergoing an ownership change- with a big ol blank plastic lighted sign (about 6x8') that stayed like that for a few weeks.

At another point about 5 minutes after that, I had vinyl letters made at a sign shop that said (in 1' high letters) X-BERTOS.

It stayed like that for a week or so, wish I could find the photo.

true story

From: Grey D.
Subject: Hobo joes
Date: Sat, 13 Mar 2010

I was goofin around the web and noticed this site! I thought it would be helpful to let some of your readers know there was a hobo joe’s in Farmington New Mexico. It took the place of a bankrupt bob’s big boy for about 2 years and then it went bankrupt I suppose?

From: Robb
Subject: You are insubordinate ducks, obstructionist ducks.
Date: Tue, 23 Feb 2010

I can read that sentence over and over and it still makes me laugh.

if i lived in a place none of these government entities could reach me, i would do nothing but laugh and laugh and laugh.
(actually, that is what i've been doing this afternoon, because i've been watching one kristen schaal video after another.)

From: Tamara M.
Subject: Mary Lou Gully's Book
Date: Sat, 13 Feb 2010

Hi Doc,

I found your article about Mary Lou Gully's book, My Mystery Castle and enjoyed the excerpts. We just got back from a trip to the Phoenix area and had the pleasure of touring the Castle. Ms Gully is now 83 years old and doesn't do tours anymore. But sometimes if she's up to it, she still greets visitors. Unfortunately, we didn't get to meet her the day we were there.

I was just wondering if you still have the book and perhaps was interested in selling it. If you aren't interested in selling it, could you please let me know how you found it.

Thanks again for putting the information about this book on your website.

i wouldn't be willing to part with my copy. it's one of my favorite books. i got it maybe fifteen years ago via the internet. at one time some friends and i were talking with mary lou about trying to get it reprinted—she should have it for sale at the castle (even if it weren't a terrific book in its own right).
i see there are some available via bookfinder but they've gotten pretty expensive—the prices range from $78 to $183, unfortunately.

Thanks for replying. It says on the one page flier that is handed out currently for visitors to the Castle, that the reprinting of Mary Lou's autobiography is in the works, but I doubt it.

i think those fliers have said that for at least fifteen years.

Maybe you could rekindle your friendship with her and get it updated etc.

it's been on the's just the list is so long.

You're right $78 to $183 is steep for me right now due to the economic downturn.

I had fun looking at your phone booth site. It's too bad the powers that be decided to remove it. It wasn't hurting anything or anybody...just fun stuff for travelers to run across.

i guess no bureaucracy can withstand that kind of a spotlight.

I also saw that you are a burning man enthusist. My brother use to go there every year for quite a number of years. Is it still going on.

yep, although i haven't been since 2006.

What are you up to these days?

principally, trying to finish a book about the mojave phone booth.

Date: Sun, 7 Feb 2010
From: Raymond R.
Subject: Club membership and other inquiries


your site is wonderful. Your tact for beating spammers will be remembered.

Q: Do you have memberships available ?

i guess i probably should, shouldn't i?

Q: Why is Al Sieber: Chief of Scouts, by 'Dan THRAPP' so expensive ?

i don't know but i would suspect the old supply & demand dynamic.

Q: Is this an interactive site ? Can book sections, various thoughts, and points of history and record be discussed with you or among members ?

not so much now but it will be when the site moves to drupal.

Two letter were sent by myself today. They went to two different authors, concerning accurate points of fact and representations of Native Americans and Indigenous Peoples of the Americas. I personally take offense to terms such as renegades, savages, and other hideous epithets.
These were, and are, men and women, warriors if you will, who chose to be the very first "Homeland Security".
The other point I made was the holiday for a man who began the genocide in the Americas. Did he ever set foot on continental United States soil ??? Christopher Columbus discovered nothing! We were already here. We were happy in our ways and, as all civilization do, we would have developed into a great nation.
Sorry, I am a descendant of the Muscogee (Creek) people. I am a warrior (3 years in Viet Nam), and have been elevated to Elder by my peers. Disparaging remarks, attitudes, facts of a "poetic license" nature toward these wonderful, beautiful people infuriate me.

i'm inclined to believe that by the time people on this continent come to see their past in clearer terms they will have reorganized into different forms.

If I can be a member of "DOC", I would be honored.

we are honored to have you aboard.

Date: Wed, 30 Dec 2009
Subject: Love Tractor "I Broke My Saw" Lyrics
From: Edward W.


Thanks for posting your reproduction of the lyrics. I found another site with a reproduction. Most of it is similar:

Date: Thu, 19 Nov 2009
Subject: Found Playing Cards
From: Loren H.

Dear Mr. Deuce,

I seem to remember from a long time back that you also collect "found" playing cards, as discovered, and submitted to your site. Is this true? If so, are you still collecting these? Have you completed your deck? I scanned your "gimme" page, but didn't see anything related.

you have me confused with the cardhouse robot:

Thank you for your quick reply. I have been a "booth" fan ever since I heard you on WRIF in Detroit many, many years ago.

Date: Thu, 5 Nov 2009
Subject: New robot overlords
From: jess

My coworker and I were thinking about starting an internet rumor about these Illuminati robots who turned up in the new Annenberg Public Policy Center building. Then we realized that, as my coworker put it, "It really needs a fake e-mail address, preferably with a totally fake website to go along with it. And the website would need to have old-looking stuff on it, too." That's too much work for us because we are lazy, but I figured you have a decade of credit as an internet weirdo, so please feel free to make up a conspiracy theory or just enjoy the kitchen robot.

i am enjoying the kitchen robot. ("i'm a little robot / short and stout / here is my handle / here is my positron laser cannon")
unfortunately, i don't have time for another project, but i would be happy to host a krufty looking whatever you came up with. (if it's possible for a website to have an antique appearance, that would be mine.)

We'll see if we come up with something... mostly we're all talk, but if the riffing on kitchen robots continues, talk may be enough to whip up a nice little falsehood. We're just curious how long it would take to get back around to Factcheck.

Meanwhile, I've got my coworker spending billable time on your site, and that's always the real goal, right?

From: manuel a.
Date: Wed, 1 Jul 2009

I want to purchase a copy of Numerology and Horse Racing by Rigel Spica (psuedo-Richard Carter). Do you have this book (if so, cost is...) or know where I can purchase a copy. Publish year is 1968. Thanks in advance.

actually, it's Astrology and Horse Racing.
and also? good. lord.

From: Miranda J.
Date: Sat, 16 May 2009
Subject: 666 Cough Medicine

Hey Doc,

I was doing a search of the "666" cough medicine online and I stumbled upon your website. I couldn't help but crack up when I read your article. When my brother and I were kids, we recalled my grandfather having this medicine in his medicine cabinet. We use to shutter at the 666 name as well, thinking that it was evil, or the mark of the beast. Actually, we never heard my granddaddy call it 666, but instead, he called it 3-sixes medicine. And let me tell you, that medicine WORKS! It tastes REALLY nasty, but it works. When I went to my grandparents' house as a kid and I had a cold, I would try my best to muffle my coughs so that granddaddy wouldn't hear it. Then, one day, when I was watching TV and coughing silently, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. I turned and said "huh?" and before I knew it, granddaddy forced a huge spoonful of it into my mouth and then made me chase it with an orange. It was disgusting, but I stopped coughing shortly thereafter.

There was a time he use to go to some neighborhood drugstore to buy the 3-sixes, but now that they've shut the place down, he says that he now has to place a "special order" for it. I don't think the traditional drugstores like Rite-Aid, Eckerd, or CVS carries it now.

Anyway, I just had to email you and tell you about my 3-sixes experience as a kid.

Take care,

i've heard radio commercials for 666 and i was surprised to hear that they pronounced it as "three sixes" as well. what fun is that, i'd like to know? but i still think the official explanation of the name is disingenuous at best. i think they should just own it. what's the worst that could happen?

Date: Tue, 03 Feb 2009
Subject: two additions to Excellent Active Super Amusive Play . . .
From: Bonnie D.

Hiya Doc,

your website's Excellent Active Super etc. section reminded me of two things around my house. I will send photos if you deem them funny enough!

1) a pink pencil box -- part of a stationery set: "BONNIE BEAR: Dreams Come Live"

2) a tag on a green sweater I bought. This is after the "Hand Wash/Do Not Bleach" blah blah part of the tag:
"Fade in color, contract to belong to normal phenomenon slightly while washing away dirt."

It just spooks me out every time I wear that sweater -- I don't know . . .

Cheers --

sure, please send photos along. i especially like that second one. i like being confused while trying to follow directions.

Cool. I should also say that I'm pretty lame in that I've been busy this whole dumb week. Thus, it may take a small while before I send pictures—but I haven't forgotten . .

Date: Fri, 30 Jan 2009
Subject: btw
From: Heather M. just keeps a-gettin' better.

Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2009
From: klcl Talk
Subject: Hello! Regarding the bookclub

Your website is awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. I wonder though, the books mentioned in your bookclub, those that are rare and long out-of-print, how come you don't digitize them for everyones viewing?

Maybe I haven't looked through your site thoroughly enough?

it's enough work as it is just copying excerpts, although if you can secure me a grant to digitize entire books, i will happily accept.

Thank you for responding.

I'm assuming you are kidding, but just in case you are serious, maybe you could get one for "The Bible in the Hands of its Creator"? "Digitizing Historical Records"

their requirement #1:
"To make these projects as widely useful as possible for archives, historical repositories, and researchers, the applications must demonstrate: The national significance of the collections or records series to be digitized; "
i don't think i could make a case for the bible in the hands of its creators on that basis.

From: Joe B.
Subject: Texas Tech 66-68 football photos
Date: Thu, 11 Dec 2008


I am trying to find the archives of Jim Laughead 's photographs. I played football at Texas Tech 66-68 and would like to get some photographs that Mr. Laughead took.

I would appreciate any help that you can offer.

i'm afraid i'm not able to help, but i think i heard that his archive was in dallas, so you're in the right place, at least.

From: Park Cities Historic and Preservation Society, Executive Director
Subject: Jim Laughead
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2008

Our organization had a research question about the photographs of Jim Laughead. From the note on your website it appears that I should connect with the family and wondered if you could help with that connection.

(. . . annnnnnnnnd ditto.)

Date: Wed, 10 Dec 2008
From: Eve B.
Subject: Shall I introduce myself?

Nah. I'd rather talk about the dead rat that you have in your freezer. Now, I'm not sure that you actually still have this rat in your freezer, but, if you're anything like me, it's been sitting there for over a decade and you have no intention of getting rid of it. What concerns me about this rat is that if it's entombed in your freezer, you have failed to transform it into its appropriate Whip It! incarnation. And that, my dear, is an utter waste of one fine dead rat.

Let's think about this from the rat's perspective for a moment. You're going along, making your little rat nest in the trunk of someone's car, thinking about the pesky sperm plug that you'll have to chew out of the canal leading to one of your twin uteruses in order to get some action later in the evening. And then BAM! You're dead. At this point you may be thinking "Wow. What did I even do with my life? I was so caught up in my mundane daily rat habits that I forgot to take advantage of living." Then along comes a man with a vacuum. At first you don't think much of it. You're too caught up in self pity. But when the man picks up your lifeless carcass, cradling it tenderly in his large, calloused hands, you feel something new. Something that you can only recognize as the beginning stage of hope. The sensation that all is not lost after all. The man brings your body close to his face, and the corners of his mouth start to curl upward as he whispers sweet promises in your cold, tattered ear. You don't understand everything he's saying to you, and you don't need to. The words you manage to decipher, the only ones that matter, are Whip It! Your life may have wasted away, but your death will not be in vain.

Fast forward a decade. Maybe more. Your small gray body, the same one that the man had coveted, garnered, and placed gingerly in his ice-box, sits waiting. There are ice crystals on your fur, freezer burn has accumulated in every cell of your rigid carcass. It takes anyone who happens upon your corpse an increasingly prolonged period of time to determine what you are. You think back to the day when hope was restored, and now begin to believe that your death, much like your life, will remain forever barren. The days grow darker, and you slip into despair. Whip It! becomes an ever-fading speck on the distant horizon of your soul.

So anyway. What I'm essentially getting at is that I think it would be swell if you revisited that chapter of your life and closed it out. Maybe I'm underestimating you and completed this project years ago. If this is the case, please accept my apologies. I may have jumped to conclusions because I didn't see any follow-up. Or perhaps Amy Grant's Mandible accidentally guzzled the ratty remains, thinking it was a frozen burrito. Such things are bound to happen when you don't have any eyes, or rely on the eyes of god to guide you. However, if I am correct, please consider following through. It's honorable, and, most importantly, hilarious.


well, eve, you've said a great deal here, and if it weren't too late, you'd have convinced me to get all spendy and go ahead with my rodent plans.
however, i no longer have the rat in my freezer. in fact, i no longer have a freezer. i sold my house a number of years ago and got hold of some desert hillside. that's a desert rat move, and if you guessed i made it because i'm a desert rat, you'd be right.
backtracking, though [cue harp glissandi]. . . the fruit of my taxidermy research was that
(a) all those people who say taxidermy is affordable must be doing their own taxidermy, and
(b) either way, there's lots of work out there for taxidermists—every taxidermy outfit i contacted couldn't even think about dealing with my rodent mounting needs (unfortunate word choice, stay with me, here) for a great deal of time into the foreseeable future.
in the freezer therefore sat the rat until my escape from the city of tempe. i gave the poor feller a (relatively) decent burial in the back yard, which the new owners may or may not have discovered when they re-landscaped. or just landscaped (i'm not much for caring about landscaping).
at any rate, it's heartwarming to see someone giving a rat's about poor ol' . . . ratty. i guess i would've gotten around to naming her post-stuffing. but you may be heartened to know that the rat's freezer companion—a bat that committed suicide by flying into the side of my head—found a permanent home when it was officially entered into the permanent collections of the california academy of sciences, much as wagner was, minus the having to stay there forever and be dead.

Date: Sun, 14 Dec 2008
From: Eve B.

Ah. I suppose that burying ol' rattykins was the appropriate action in such a scenario. Particularly if you placed her in a location where the new owners had a high chance of unearthing her in all of her decaying glory. Dead things have a sense of humor too, often more so than their living counterparts.

Seeing as how you chose to move to the desert, a wise choice for a desert rat such as yourself, I have a feeling that more dead things will come your way. Since you live in the perfect climate for mummification,

don't i know it

you could perhaps consider taking the taxidermist out of the situation and go the route of natural preservation. Just tie it in the position you desire and throw it outside where the vultures won't eat it.

pretty hard to find such a spot in the desert ... (, an url for every occasion[TM]!)

I have used a household food dehydrator, or borax when I required my subject to retain its flexibility, but I haven't been able to perfect either of those methods to leave my roadkill smelling of roses. Though I suppose you could start with one of those methods and then store your prize outside in a hot, dry space to complete the process.

i have a friend who uses a "kill box" attached to his art car (it's really a roadkill box—what he puts in there is already dead).

It seems that mummified creatures don't hold on to such an unpleasant odor, which makes them suitable for interior decor. Do be warned though that if you leave your subject in the food dehydrator for too long the fur will want to separate from the body and you may be left with a patchy rat.

damn, where were you when i needed taxidermic assistance?!?

This effect is rather un-sexy. Unless you then cover your patchy rat with whipped cream, as this frothy dairy delight brings sex appeal to any scene.

which brings us back to the problem of odor, once again. (i have experience with the whipped cream part, you can trust me on that.)

The only issue that I can foresee is that Wagner might become jealous of all the attention the ever-sassy Verminia is sure to attract. You'll need to bring him a special gift before you introduce him to your new bundle of joy, just to reassure him of his place in your heart. A new party dress perhaps?

a nice thought, but no need. wagner fears neither man, beast, nor statuary.

Best to you and your future expanding family,

From: Laurie M.
Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2008

last saturday we went to Tucson and on the way home we stopped at Reb's about 7:00 pm and got some grub

LOVE the reb's. is that old rebel sign still sitting up against the building?

we heard shooting - like a shooting match (sounded like home—we've got that skeet range rv park over there by us)
We looked back sort of beyond—northeast of rebs towards where it was coming from and there was alot of light and activity but couldn't make it out.
Afer we had our meal we decided to investigate and we drove around and found a lane that went to it.
It was this place called the Arena Bar and they have an old-style rodeo grounds/arena . There was a mounted shooting contest going on!
It was a really perfect night and we watched from the bleachers. (No admittance charge!)
These people were galloping thier horses and shooting through a course of balloons attached to posts (blanks).
Of course I had to go into the lodge and it was this really great knotty pine old place!
The crowd was amicable /mellow. I suppose a sort of refined cowboy set!

you know me too well . . . that's exactly the kind of story i love to hear. so cool!

I told this Benson foray story to a number of people and their response was so.... alienating. Probably because there are guns involved. They just don't get my excitement on this, so thank god for you!

Date: Mon, 25 Aug 2008
From: Doug B.
Subject: Smokin' Token arcade game


I just thought you might want to know that the companion game to Smokin' Token is Goin' Rollin'. It's exactly the same game with different colors and blacklighting.

Goin' Rollin' isn't in production any more, but Smokin' Token Extreme is one of BayTek's latest games.

if the mothers of america knew what really goes on inside those arcades, there'd be not a one of them left.

From: Yma
Subject: you
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008

blow my mind.

just read the second coming myspace top friends. got goosebumps when it all came together. you rock.

danke, danke. maybe you should be in charge of myspace, instead of tom.

From: Wade E.
Subject: The Second Coming Myspace
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008


If you need more IP addresses, you are more than welcome to use my worse than useless Myspace page. Hopefully you'll get the 17 of these that you need to continue your experimentation in making Myspace and interesting place-a seemingly impossible task.

i may take you up on that, thanks.

From: Lou Minatti
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2008

Notes found in a satchel from circa 1990...

The man on the phone was excited, pepped-up. He talking to us from the middle of the absolute nowhere netherzone of central Nevada. He liked the idea of our coming out to make a documentary film about his truck stop...

"We serve bone-carved ham here! Carved from the bone in our kitchen! We have an old woman -- she's 85 -- and she's the only one who knows how to carve the ham from the bone...!"

Here's the facts:

The ham with the bone in it is sitting in the middle of the desert and the old lady is carving on it night and day. Truckers are addicted to the meat that falls in great piles of slices at her feet. It's the same bone and the same lady and the same big, sharp knife year after year. The story of the Loaves and the Fishes, except with pigmeat. Nothing changes out here in the desert -- that old petrified cowboy down the road with the arroyo-dry scalp has been sitting out in front of the gas station for 75 years. That old lady, she doesn't even know what year it is. The same with the meat -- you don't know who had it before it came here and you certainly don't know the name of the pig. Or the name of the trucker eating it.

Out here in the middle of this desert, little things loom up enormously...two people are a town, a shack is a palace, an abandoned can of deisel is an industrial accident. You write your name in the dust and it's the Hollywood Sign; say your own name out loud and it's a pronouncement from Moses. Food is the same way -- a plate of ham and eggs stands out enormously out here. You could put it on a map -- there's nothing else around for a hundred mile radius. A road, some mountains, and then a gas pump and a plate of ham and eggs. And it might as well be the very same plate of ham and eggs reappearing over and over, for all you know...

From: RobbL
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2008

Oh, I almost peed myself when I read, "have you ever wondered how they keep the snakes from writhing around under Nancy Grace's wig?"

Priceless. — Making People Almost Pee Since 1995

Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2008
Subject: Praises for ReCaptcha & Question re digitizing books

I'm writing because when I was reading your site, I was impressed when I saw your information on the recaptcha project and why you use it.
Normally, I HATE Captchas but when I read about recaptcha and the good cause it's aiding, it immediately changed my attitude and I felt very willing to enter the two word captcha. I love it when something I'm doing, or my pc is doing as in the case of the UnitedDevices, GRID, BOINC, etc projects, is at the same time contributing something useful to help others.

If all sites who use captchas would use Recaptcha and post the info that the Captcha is helping a project that is working to benefit everybody, it would change attitudes of others too, just like it changed mine!

I am not sure how the process of digitizing books is done, or exactly what digitizing books even is, but I am a longtime bookworm and have wondered how books are turned from printed books into ebook form, if it was done via scanning pages or what, coz I have a giant book collection and would love to preserve some of my books online for all to be able to access. So far, I couldn't find much information on the redigitizing books captcha site or their internet archive link, but maybe I haven't looked enough yet.

the best luck i've had with OCR was with a microtek scanner (ScanMaker 6000). i don't recall the name of the OCR software, but it was even able to recognize handwriting and specific printed fonts with ease. doing an entire book is a pain, though. one day soon the technology will be there, but we're not there yet, i don't think.

BTW re your Julia Roberts-BinnyBoy makeover....wonder if Julia had her lips filled with collagen just to make her an even better double for Binny :))

re: julia's lips -- only julia knows for sure....

Date: Tue, 27 May 2008
From: hartwell littlejohn
Subject: pertaining to j & h

you're probably well aware of this, but if not...

i even used j & h productions as a verb once. i was given that tape in the 80s by the legendary lou minatti (of action amenities, inc.), whose counsels i value unto this very day.

Date: Sat, 10 May 2008
From: PGB
Subject: Notes on TUB

Mr. Clubs,

Thanks for the excellent collection of songs from the Unbelievable Believers.

de nada x 10. i am greatly pleased to have been featured at the mighty fmoo

Here are a couple notes.

===His Eye Is on the Sparrow

I'm pretty sure this title is a reference to the Prayers of Kierkegaard. The text is trying to point out how God is all-seeing and all-caring. One part includes this:

"The needs of a sparrow, even this moves thee."

having been raised babdist, i would have to say it goes even a ways further: in between posing as an idler for the shopkeepers, kierkegaard was alluding to luke chaptahhhh 12, verses six through seven, inclusive:
6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
one day all those hours wasted in sunday school will come in handy. i am hoping it is somehow connected to the craps table.

===We Want to Fish for Men

I think the missing word might be this:

"All the *weeping* going on"

oh, man. duh. right in the very next chapter of luke:
28 There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out.
damn, my lost sunday school hours really failed me there. glad i wasn't at the craps table—something really bad could've happened!

Thanks again. And the commentary is 82.3% of the fun!


good of you to say so.

Date: Sun, 4 May 2008
Subject: Opal Simpson

Excitement is a pitiful word. It will have to suffice for now. I was thrilled to find the archives of the Burton News on your website. I am Opal's granddaughter but never knew her. Denny Simpson is my father but I didn't meet him until I was 21. Your info on the Simpsons provided much I did not know about that side of my family.

Thanks! Kim

great to hear from you. i wish you could have met opal. she was a stitch. i was born in show low (hence the domain name) but even after we moved away we still got the white mountain paper and were able to keep up with the goings-on at burton. when we lived in phoenix a whole bunch of us visited the church at burton one sunday and the simpsons were thrilled, because they were able to put up a larger number on their church attendance board than they'd ever had before. i remember that the collection plate showed the signs of a recent shotgun blast through the window, from some idiotic vandal.

Nice to hear from you doc. My mother moved us to Kansas when I was 3, so you probably know more about the simpsons than I do.I do have some great pictures though.(One of Opal cooking ) that I'm sure you would get a kick out of. My dad, Denny has some of her entries in his baby book too. I'm getting married this August, in Washington State where I now live. When the dust settles from that flurry of activity I hope to dedicate more time to learning about the simpson history. I am a voracious reader and on good days fancy myself a writer, and am also a history buff so everything about these articles fascinate me. I have a hard time with grammar and syntax but now feel that I can use the excuse that it's hereditary.chuckle chuckle. Thanks for writing back! Kim

From: Clinton McClung
Subject: Reposting some tracks at WFMU
Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2008

Howdy, hi. I'm one of the bloggers over at WFMU's Beware of the Blog. Your site has become a back door favorite over here, and I want to do a post about it on our blog (and give some ups to our friends at Music For Maniacs for turning us on to your site).

as the pansexual orgyist said, it's nice to be appreciated, no matter through which door.

I want to repost some of the songs - but also quote some excerpts from your comments and definitely point people over to your site because your comments and lyric transcriptions are really spot on and hilarious.

Just wanted to make sure you were cool with that, and see if you had anything you wanted me to add.

- Resident Clinton

100% cool with it, and also very pleased—beware of the blog is on my daily check list, and i'm glad to have the chance to contribute. (even though i'm in arizona, i've been a WFMU fan for years, having learned about wfmu via dj 'tine of new jersey. i enjoy spreading the good news and confusion here by wearing my "investigate fish farm" shirt and WFMU cap. i was wearing the latter on the day i had to explain RTFM to my baptist ma. shocked, she looked at my cap and said, "then i definitely don't want to know what WFMU stands for!")

[WFMU's post re: Unbelievable Believers: Incredible Christian Song Demos]

Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2008
From: rambly

if you could be cryogenically preserved, and someone would wake you up, later, would you do it?

without hesitation.

and when would you want to be woken up?

no, i guess . . . dinnertime . . . in the year 2525. to see if man is STILL ALIVE! and also to see whether dinner is ready.

maybe you could have a dinner frozen with you.

i'd probably wake up to find i was dinner. MAN IS STILL ALIVE . . . AND HE IS HUNGRY


i would get to yell a cinematic "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

and then.... DING!

except i wouldn't hear that part. unless man who is STILL ALIVE in 2525 likes eating people who are . . . STILL ALIVE!

From: discsteve
Subject: Burning Man
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2008

Thanx for the report on BM 1999. I've always wanted to make the scene, but didn't realize it was such a fucked-up, commercial venture. Just came back to deuceofclubs from the BM web site. Are they fuckin' nuts? $295.00, per person, for a fucking ticket? 20 fucking dollars for the ability to reenter the site? Ticket pre-purchase mandatory? Permission needed to film/tape? I can only wish upon them the same spot in Hell reserved for the capitalist pigs that ran the Woodstock anniversary event.

I think I've lost ALL interest in making the trip to Black Rock.
I think I'm going to puke. Heil Harvey!

BUT . . . did you read this?
it explains why i went back in '05 (and in '06, too).

Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2008
From: Matt W.
Subject: Any idea how to get a hold of Nothing, Arizona by Don Simpson?


The link at your page for Nothing,Arizona is dead, and I was wondering, do you know of anywhere else where the book is available?

sorry, i don't. i don't even see any copies listed at bookfinder.
good luck,

Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2008
From: Kim S.
Subject: horse races


As the warm breezes of Spring waft though my window, I tend to wax poetical (in some bass ackward sort of way).

Speaking of breezes, the winds of change have blown me around and I find myself without convenient Internet access. A mixed blessing, i reckon. Less porn (oh and no DOC)

no porn and no DoC. i wonder, with shakespeare, which is the greater tragedy?

but more time for reading and waxing.

then i hope you're reading library books.

This has been kicking around on my desk for a while. It was inspired by you and your race horses.

"Faugh-A-Ballagh!" roared Robert the Devil. "Cut loose the sheet anchor and cast off for the Promised Land." "Aye aye, Cap'n." replied Orlando Guiccioli, first mate aboard the Bel Demonia. (1)

"The Prome Minister Wormsley sent Sir Hercules Glaucus, Baron Bertram Weatherbit, even that fop Duke Idvl Pantalonade after me." said Robert the Devil " All met my namesake dancing at the end of my cutlass." (7)

The tavern grew hush as the three pirate sisters strolled into the common room. Constance Ithuriel (the Orville Mare) a tall redhead, Hilda the Milkmaid (the Hampton Mare) a buxom blonde, and Morgiana Espoir (the Cervantes Mare) a raven-haired beauty. Robert the Devil felt a touchstone drop. (25)

Ursula Cinizelli took on the Orville Mare and fought her to a standstill. All she had to show for it is a Jerico Birdcatcher and a lot of scar tissue. (33)

"Didn't you 'pocahontas' Hilda the Milkmaid (also known as the Hampton Mare) at the Pantaloon Festival in Augusta?" whispered Jerry Humphrey Clinker. "Yes, yes Clink. With the glee of Priam and the harmony of Voltaire." said Robert the Devil. (47)

"It's all quite complicated." explained Ethel Stockwell. "You see, Miss Letty Wanona won the Turquoise Amulet in the Melbourne Lottery. She then traded the Amulet to Ethelbert Hersey for the Eclogue Memento. Dame Durdan of Bay Celia employed the services of three certain pirate sisters to 'acquire' the Memento. Not for the relic itself but for the treasure hidden within." "Of course!" grinned Robert the Devil. "The Deuce of Clubs!" (61)

you know, i think i'm going to start just making up book excerpts, instead of typing out real ones.

From: Lisa F.
Subject: Looking for Peterson's Incident Report from 2001
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2008

Hey there Deuce of Clubs, I came accross your website and there is a faschinating document—

hey, you say that like popeye!

Peterson's Incident Report Book—I'm doing a project for school and would love to get a copy of this? Possible? I will pay, do let me know. Thank you!

i wish i could help you, but my copy is in storage. would you happen to be in portland? according to powell's has a copy right now for $7.93.

I ordered it from Powells- and a big thank you to you Deuce!!

Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2008
From: jess
Subject: Worse than 666?

Did you know there was a KKK Medicine Company?

yow! i did not.

I was looking for antique type on eBay and found a printer's block with their logo. Most of the info online seems to be about some suit they were involved in (not about the name), but here's a doc on bottle collection that mentions it (.PDF)

the keokuk explanation seems plausible—at least more plausible than monticello's explanation of 666. i wonder whether it was commonly referred to as "kay kay kay" or "three kays" (as 666 is called—in radio ads, anyway—as "three sixes"?

Date: Sun, 24 Feb 2008
From: dan h.
Subject: Christian demos

Those songs were good, but I was really hoping I would see a writeup about "At an Inn on a Dark Night So Long Ago" or "Indian Love"

of course i now must ask you whether you have mp3 evidence of these delights?

i have them on my computer and also "the demo zone", as far as it goes with songs that aren't on the site. do you mean that you want me to send them to you?

i don't know what the demo zone is, but i'd love to hear them & if you don't mind emailing them.

Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2008
From: H R
Subject: A link to your site added in, re: chiasmus

A discussion of chiasmus on another forum led indirectly to my discovery of your site - hence I posted a link to the latter in the former:

[NOTE: Link may or may not work; that board does not archive all its threads.]

As the name might suggest, this is a site unapologetic to the jackass, Joseph Smith, the cult he founded, the psychopathology of the Faithful, etc.

3X (an amused bystander)

BTB, interesting technique to hide your email addr ...

From: Laurie M.
Subject: kitten
Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2008

Wow Im so honored front page of DoC!
you got the cuteness of cats going on now.
kitten is playing and sleeping and eating.
tentatively named "trip".

that is a great name.

shingled saguaro kills me.
surfing on DoC is good when its on someone elses timeclock but its killin me on my self employed time.
I cant stop.

Subject: exotic world / burlesque question
Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008
From: George S.

Hi Doc,
I have a good friend, Cathy Russell, who is a burlesque dancer in the chicago area that goes by the name of maiden sacrifice. She is putting on a burlesque festival at the old Admiral Theater here in Chicago from mid-Feb to Mid-March and she is billing it as a festival since it's 6 weeks long and at multiple venues. Do you know, or do you know who I should ask about whether there has ever been any other so called Burlesque Festival? Cathy would love to call her's the first if she is really the first one. Thanks very much for your time! Please let me know if there si someone else that you know that I should try...

my guess would be that the burlesque hall of fame (that's what exotic world renamed itself after its move to vegas) might know.
best of luck,

From: jim vanhollebeke
Subject: RE: ... Thank you Doc!
Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008

Thank you, Doc,

I love your strange place.-
It reminds me of mine!
(:)) Thank you for the little INFO you could give me on the wonderful book,
THE SECRET MUSEUM OF MANKIND by unknown sources. It has been a fascinating mystery to me for many years.

I would like to send you a copy of MY book, Jim vanHollebekes, TALES FROM MY VAULT.
It is autobiographic....all true ... and hillarious.
I'll send the book with no obligation on your part - if you simply reply - with your snail mail address.

Thanks again for a very entertaining and educational website.
I hope you'll find time to visit OUR unique and remarkable place too!

May I send you my book?

best wishes,
~Jim VanHollebeke

Date: Sat, 5 Jan 2008
From: Ian Macky
Subject: Secret Museum of Mankind ad

Hi Doc...

Can you tell me where you got that ad for The Secret Museum of Mankind?

I'm in the process of scanning/transcribing/thumbnailing/indexing and finally researching... and I'd like to include a copy of that ad, so would be nice to have an original.

that scan was sent to me by the cardhouse robot 7 years ago. as he notes beside it, it came from Keen magazine (july, 1942). you could write him to see if he remembers anything else about it.

good, thanks.... (keen magazine??)

i know, huh? weird. people would swallow anything during wartime. oops, i mean, will.

W -> Worst

Imagine what else we could have done with that $1 trillion.

are you compiling a secret museum of mankind website?

yes, i've got about 800 pictures done so far. i've got blisters on my fingers!

i need to write a cover page, and want to include that ad. most of the museum came from "People of all Nations" i think; still trying to pin down the sources.

terrific! good work. if you'd like me to link to it, let me know when it's ready and i will do so.

Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2008
From: Ian Macky

Hi Doc...

I've finished the Secret Museum and posted it all. Still waiting for some books to arrive in the mail which may clear it up some, but it remains largely a mystery. I know where most of the images/text came from, but not why they weren't sued into oblivion for ripping them off.

Hopefully the mystery will unravel. I'm not done picking at it yet.


well done! however did you track down the sources you did? just go plowing through old books at the library?

by searching around for photo caption exact text, i found matchs for original pages for sale on, and the seller ID'd the source-- Peoples of All Nations. from that and the author (Hammerton), i found this which led to more books from the original period. So far I'm only sure about two. Once my Hammerton arrives I'll go through it and mark which Secret Museum pages are from there; eventually I hope to locate them all.

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