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From: Laurie M.
Date: Wed, 2 May 2007

I met Mark from Negativland a couple weeks ago and we were talking about phoenix/modified arts and he said the name of the place that it used to be - that great name what was it?

probably metropophobobia.

and I said oh yeah thats right my friend Deuce told me it was called that. He lived in tempe before it got ruined too and Mark said Deuce of Clubs?
it's a small world ain't it?

it certainly is. when i was in oakland for a couple of weeks i stayed with (well, parked my van in the front yard of) friends of mine who live next door to puzzling evidence (of the church of the subgenius), who is, i believe, a friend of mark's.

He spoke fondly of whipped cream car.

good to know poor whip it! left her Mark (so to speak).

From: [DUMB GUY]
Subject: [DUMB BAND NAME DELETED] (not spam, I promise) Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007

Hey man, I was wondering if you could help me out. My name is [DUMB GUY] and I'm a guitar player in the band [DUMB BAND NAME DELETED]. We're a local Metal band in [A DUMB TOWN]. Is there any way at all you can help us get votes to play at the [DUMB FESTIVAL NAME DELETED]? Nothing big, just a banner somewhere on your site that leads to [DUMB URL DELETED]. We need all the votes and plays we can get. You don't have to, but any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Josh
[INITIALS OF DUMB BAND NAME DELETED]

no.

From: David Di Sabatino
Subject: Larry Norman page
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2007

I laughed my ass off at your Larry Norman page.

Who are you?

wondering,
dd

suppose i were larry norman. what then? hrmm? we'd both be feeling pretty *foolish*, wouldn't we? you, with your infernal questions, and me, being larry-norman-pretending-not-to-be-larry-norman, ridiculing your "infernal" questions and yet reveling in the attention, always the attention, any attention at all? ah, what a complicated thing life is--almost as complicated as e-mail.
larry--no, scratch that, amy
no, scratch that. . . .
doc

From: [ ]@aol.com
Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2007
Subject: Puppet Koolers

What is story behind Puppet Koolers?

outer-space aliens? the mentally ill? mentally ill outer-space aliens?

I found a Michael Jordan Puppet Kooler at a garage sale and bought it for $20.00
Are they rare?, of any value?

no one's tried to steal mine, yet. you might check ebay for recently completed auctions.

From: John S.
Subject: Hi doc
Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2007

I recently found myself on your web site doing a general search for fonts with "hearts" dotting the "I's" can you please tell me which font you used for your imaging. Thanks

the font itself is bauhaus93, but it doesn't have the hearts; i just made those in photoshop.

From: aspears
Subject: confirmation that dollar bill is mark of the beast
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2007

alpha.rtf:

Revelation 13:16 states " He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead,
This verse is indicative of the fact that all [mankind] will be forced to use this mark or have the mind set of the mark. What could this possibly describe?
Revelation 13:17, says: “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”
Verse 17 is a continuation of the stream of thought from verse 16, and it states that no will buy nor sell unless he or she has one and/or all of the following three things: mark, name of the beast, number of his name. Notice that this verse gives two variables that one has to know in order to determine the mark. This logic then requires a simple algebraic equation to determine the "mark" by adding the X variable "name of the beast" [666] to the "number of his name" [unknown Y variable] i.e. X+Y=Z.
Revelation 13:18 states "Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man; and his number is six hundred and sixty-six".

Revelation 13:17 states that the mark of the beast consists of the name of the beast or the number of his name which indicates an alpha/numeric value or identity and that is indicative of a monetary system of currency that involves the transaction of necessities and/or goods. Therefore, it is vital that the mark [alpha numeric identity] of the beast is determined since Revelation 13:16 states that everyone will be "forced to receive" [influenced by and/or use of] the mark. Revelation13: 18 also states that those who are assisted by wisdom of God should calculate the mark of the beast.

In order to identify the mark of the beast, it is vital that we know what the given number [666] represents. In order to determine the pertinence of 666 one must acknowledge that John was confined on the island of Patmos by the Roman government, we should consider the significance of this. Why would John use 666 as part of the equation to determine the mark of the beast and what is the correlation? The Roman number system during the time of John's confinement on the island of Patmos was: D, C, L, X, V, I. * The conversion from the Roman number system to the arabic/decimal number** system is 666. The correlation of the Roman number system [666] with the fact that John was imprisoned by the Roman government is too obvious to ignore. The conversion of 666 from roman numeral values to arabic decimal value is pertinent to determine the mark of the beast in Revelation 13:17 which as stated above is indicative of an alpha/numeric value system.

As previously stated, the second step consist in the solution of an algebraic equation: X + Y = Z
To solve for "Z" [mark of the beast] by calculating the given "X" [666 or M,D,C,L,X,V,I] to "Y" [number of man] ***that was foretold by John to identify the second man or governmental numbering system. The greek manuscript interpretation of Revelation 13:18 indicates that the number of man is in future tense thus a number not in existence at the time of prophecy.***

The next step is the addition of the given [666] to the future number of man. This is verified by Number 1:19 that verifies when the word "count" is used it is in reference to addition as when Moses counted the men in Sinai. Solve the algebraic equation for "Z" [mark of the beast] by calculating*** X to Y whereas X denotes [666-D,C,L,X,V,I] * and Y denotes the "number of man" [1110-M,C,X] .**

666 + 1110 = 1776 [arabic-decimal value] and DCLXVI + MCX = MDCCLXXVI [roman numeric value]

These two values are identical, but presented both numerically and alphabeticaly as stated in Revelation 13:17,18 [ “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.” and again "Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man; and his number is six hundred and sixty-six"].

CONCLUSION:
Obedience is what determines whom you will serve, God, Jehovah or the beast [satans system]? The image of satan lives and rules now! His mark rules the world and is the cause of all the evil and violence in this system of things! You shall forever be distinctively and symbolically marked depending on whom you serve. The important thing is to know what the true commandments of God are so we can obey them and know the mark of the beast and what rules satan's system of things. As Jesus, Jehovah's son, gives us the Truth throughout God's word [bible], and tells us throughout the bible from Genesis to Revelation that you CANNOT be of God and of this system too. The mark [alpha/numeric identifying mark-"or the name of the beast, or the number of his name"] of the beast is here and has been here since 1935 when the seal of the United States was placed on back of the one dollar bill [monetary currency for transaction of goods - "He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead" and also “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”] (Matthew 6:24, Luke 16:9, Luke 16: 11, Luke 16: 13)

bravo.rtf:

CALCULATION OF NUMBER OF A MAN-Reference *3
Here is (5748) wisdom. Let him that hath (5723) understanding count (5657) the number of the beast: for it is ***(5748) the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.

Wde h sofia estin; (5748) o exwn (5723) noun yhfisatw (5657) ton ariqmon tou qhriou, ariqmov gar anqrwpou estin; (5748) kai o ariqmov autou ecakosioi echkonta ec. FUTURE NUMBER OF MAN:

Strong's Number: 2076 eiÎmiđ
***
Original Word: eiÎmiđ
Word Origin: third person singular present indicative of (1510)
Transliterated Word: Esti
Phonetic Spelling: es-tee'

charlie.rtf:

ROMAN NUMBERS: Reference *1

The big differences between Roman and Arabic numerals (the ones we use today) are that Romans didn't have a symbol for zero, and that numeral placement within a number can sometimes indicate subtraction rather than addition.

Here are the basics:

I — The easiest way to note down a number is to make that many marks - little I's. Thus I means 1, II means 2, III means 3. However, four strokes seemed like too many....
V — So the Romans moved on to the symbol for 5 - V. Placing I in front of the V — or placing any smaller number in front of any larger number — indicates subtraction. So IV means 4. After V comes a series of additions - VI means 6, VII means 7, VIII means 8. X — X means 10. But wait — what about 9? Same deal. IX means to subtract I from X, leaving 9. Numbers in the teens, twenties and thirties follow the same form as the first set, only with X's indicating the number of tens. So XXXI is 31, and XXIV is 24. L — L means 50. Based on what you've learned, I bet you can figure out what 40 is. If you guessed XL, you're right = 10 subtracted from 50. And thus 60, 70, and 80 are LX, LXX and LXXX. C — C stands for centum, the Latin word for 100. A centurion led 100 men. We still use this in words like "century" and "cent." The subtraction rule means 90 is written as XC. Like the X's and L's, the C's are tacked on to the beginning of numbers to indicate how many hundreds there are: CCCLXIX is 369. D — D stands for 500. As you can probably guess by this time, CD means 400. So CDXLVIII is 448. (See why we switched systems?)

DECIMAL NUMBERS: Reference *2

The decimal (base ten or occasionally denary) numeral system has ten as its base. It is the most widely used numeral system, perhaps because humans have four fingers and a thumb on each hand, giving a total of ten digits over both hands.

Decimal notation is the writing of numbers in the base-ten numeral system, which uses various symbols (called digits) for ten distinct values (0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9) to represent numbers. These digits are often used with a decimal separator which indicates the start of a fractional part, and with one of the sign symbols + (positive) or - (negative) in front of the numerals to indicate sign.
The decimal system is a positional numeral system; it has positions for units, tens, hundreds, etc. The position of each digit conveys the multiplier (a power of ten) to be used with that digit—each position has a value ten times that of the position to its right.
Ten is the number which is the count of fingers and thumbs on both hands (or toes on the feet). In many languages the word digit or its translation is also the anatomical term referring to fingers and toes. In English, decimal (decimus < Lat.) means tenth, decimate means reduce by a tenth, and denary (denarius < Lat.) means the unit of ten.
The symbols for the digits in common use around the globe today are called Arabic numerals by Europeans and Indian numerals by Arabs, the two groups' terms both referring to the culture from which they learned the system.

The most familiar numbers are the natural numbers, which to some mean the non-negative integers and to others mean the positive integers. In everyday parlance the non-negative integers are commonly referred to as whole numbers, the positive integers as counting numbers. In the base ten number system, in almost universal use, the symbols for natural numbers are written using ten digits, 0 through 9. An implied place value system, one that increments in powers of ten, is used for numbers greater than nine. Thus, numbers greater than nine have numerals formed with two or more digits. The symbol for the set of all natural numbers is N.

whatever ya say, there, jefe.

Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2007
From: LosT
Subject: Cards, booths, KEDJ

Ni hao DoC-

Out of curiousity, are you still in Tempe?

no, not for several years now.

Is your booth still alive an well?

you mean the booth that went to defcon, or the mojave phone booth?
actually, i guess it doesn't matter--they were both taken away. blows, pretty much.
kedj is still on the air, however.

From: Bob C.
Subject: BitterMan
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2007

Stop being a bitterman. We do things, life goes on. If I could blame everyone for my losses of MM cards in my life, it would congest the www. I lost many cards like you did (not any Mantle's) get over it. Mantle is gone. Some time soon we will all be gone. We all make major mistakes in our lives. Stop blaming Mantle. Stop blaming everyone else.

why anyone would bother writing in about this is beyond me, but it is obvious that you didn't even read the entire article (including the postscripts). go back and try again.
maybe I need to add a note after each paragraph i post to the site, saying: NOTE TO DUMB PEOPLE — AFTER READING THIS PARAGRAPH, CONTINUE ON TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH AND READ THAT ONE, TOO.

From: There is only one Catch
Subject: hello mr deuce, someone stole your name
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2007

howdy

surfing myspace I stumbled (really no clue why) upon this dude with a rather interesting tattoo:

at first I thought it might be you sporting that ink, but as i read his profile i noticed that his heroes are "limp bizkit"

loser though he may be, you cannot question his commitment to sparkle motion. (See also)

and I somehow figured that you are not really into those guys, or are you?. you should take em to court stealing your name and all that.

no, that deuce of clubs is most definitely unaffiliated with this deuce of clubs—which is almost a pity, because i'm sure he is CPF and BFF with every single one of the 315 porn stars in his "Friends" list:

Have been reading stuff on your site for some time, keep up the good work!!

greetings from antwerp, belgium, will be rooting for the papacy of kardinaal danneels next time he has a chance.... GO godfried!!!

i think by the time of the next pope election, poor kardinaal danneels will be too old to be considered.

From: Stacy T.
Subject: Please help me!
Date: Sat, 10 Mar 2007

I have been looking for years for that glow in the dark Alien air freshener! Do you have some for sale? Mine really deserves to be retired! Please let me know!

mine is not a retail site, just wholesale foolishness.
elsewhere, however, there is this.
and you might try froogle--they have a bunch of just great brand air freshener products listed.

Date: Sat, 3 Mar 2007
From: Daniel M.
Subject: Nothing, Airzona [sic]

Nothing, Arizona is actually located on Highway 93 NW of Phoenix, not 96. Thought you would like to know. Thanks for the great website. Keep up the good work.

right. 96 is what simpson, the author of the book, chose (possibly as a hedge against getting sued, if someone who writes a UFO book worries about getting sued for lack of verisimilitude). as you can see, i had already noted the correct highway number right beneath simpson's error.
(unless you're talking about a different page on the site. in which case, i plead ignorance. as usual.)

Date: Fri, 23 Feb 2007
From: Tim H.
Subject: You rang?

Checked my messages and had some thing about global warming & creative pollution or something? Came up as your number.

my cellphone likes to drunk dial people. and, apparently, talk about controversal topics.

Judging from the latest Randumb I'd imagine booze and science once again have joined forces.

as they do whenever i'm living right—hells yeah they do.

From: Heather M.
Subject: flies
Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2007

I was under the impression that flies just fertilized each other's eggs or something, like fish

i am bringing you . . . the SCIENCE

-- or that they just spontaneously made new flies relentlessly using bits of shit.

that is what was commonly thought . . . until SCIENCE

Actually, I never thought about the notion at all and am now therefore curious about the equipment flies have to accomplish this miniature fucking.

what—you wanna buy some fly porn?

I got plenty on my plate to worry and wonder about and don't need any help from YOU, mister man!

but . . . SCIENCE! science? no?

From: Rob H.
Subject: bumper stickers
Date: Sun, 18 Feb 2007

Hey Doc,
How can I get ahold of eight of those great bumper stickers?

bumper stickers? what bumper stickers?

I was trying to find out where the "nobody beats Wagner's meat" bumper stickers came from and stumbled onto your web site. I thought maybe you were the one to talk to. Anyway, thanks for the response.

those are from a venerable new orleans establishment. name: wagner's meat.

Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2007
From: Bergeron Natalia
Subject: case study

THE WHITE RIVER STAGE WAS 28. STRONGEST WINDS MAINLYNEAR LYNN CANAL. SNOW ACCUMULATION LESS THAN AN INCH THROUGH 4 PM.
A MIX OF WINTER WEATHER INCLUDING FREEZING FOG AND LIGHT FREEZINGDRIZZLE WILL CHANGE OVER TO LIGHT SNOW THIS AFTERNOON. THIS STORM IS EXPECTED TO BE A BITCOLDER AND MORE UNSTABLE THAN THE ONE CURRENTLY EXITING EASTCENTRAL ARIZONA.
VISIBILITY WILL BE LESSTHEN ONE MILE AT TIMES. A MIX OF WINTER WEATHER INCLUDING FREEZING FOG AND LIGHT FREEZINGDRIZZLE WILL CHANGE OVER TO LIGHT SNOW THIS AFTERNOON. SNOW ACCUMULATIONSLESS THAN 1 INCH THROUGH 4 PM.

well, sure. thanks. (by the way, natalia, weather balloons are for taking weather readings. you're really not supposed to eat them.)

Subject: Kem Cards
Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2007
From: Kevin G.

While researching the history of Kem Plastic Playing Cards, Inc., I came across this page -- http://cardhouse.com/a/deck/d7.htm -- and was wondering if you had any additional info on the history of the company.

(not per se; but refer to the next question for possible guidance)

Um, thanks for responding. It is appreciated.

here to help. wanna live. —anya jenkins

From: Jimmy E.
Subject: deuce of clubs symbolism?
Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2007

Hello
can you please send me some insight on the meaning/symbolism behind the deuce of clubs?

but how would i get it back?
oh, sorry; i thought that said lend.

i have found some interesting origins of the designs and playing cards..

in my past few days ive tried to find information.. years ago i wrote a story about a man who found a 2 of hearts card, it foretold his relationship with a girl.

for me, a recent love affair was in town and she happened to find a deuce of clubs card.... im trying to unravel the mystery

thanks, anything would help
jimmy

anything can be a dangerous word, jimmy.
here's the deal:
two represents the two of you. clearly.
clubs represents . . . well, the suit of clubs developed from the earlier tarot suit of wands. are you following me, here? you do have a wand, right? a wand? see?
so this is the mystery in short: the two of you are meant to marry and spawn, like everyone else.
alternatively, here's The Mystery in a nutshell:
dumb-luck coincidence.
there was a playing card in the street. there are lots of playing cards in the street (see http://cardhouse.com/a/deck/deck.htm). i myself once found a deuce of clubs in the street and—here's the kicker—i run a website . . . called . . . (are you ready for this?) deuce of clubs!!!
OMG WTF HOW DID THE CARD KNOW LOL LOL ROTFLWMNHO???
answer:
it didn't know. i just must have looked incredibly gullible, and centuries of being dealt by gypsies and card cheats have given playing cards a real sharp eye for a sucker.
regards,
deuce of clubs
(OMG WTF THERE IT IS AGAIN!)

Subject: Reacting to your web-page
Date: Fri, 9 Feb 2007
From: Jeff W.

When has anyone been arrested for posting an anti-bush sign?

google, jeff;
jeff, google:
http://www.google.com/search?q=arrested+%22anti-bush

From: Jessica D.
Date: Sat, 3 Feb 2007

Nothing like a Doc in the house, for seeing the sunny side of personal annihilation and reconstruction.


Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2007
From: stim bimblish
Subject: MATT

Doc,
I just came across your "tribute" to Matt Gerson. I know this splendid fellow. Someone here pointed me to your site. Well done..but you don't know the half of it. I share you horror of his prose but frankly, it must have struck something deeper in you. I certainly would not devote the time it must have taken to do what you did.

no effort is too great for devoted students of such matters.

As I don't work directly with him, I have the luxury of being able to watch from a distance and laugh my ass off. The people that work under him are, alas, depressed and suicidal..as you might imagine.

i cannot imagine such a thing. i would be taping his every word for the dissection of future generations, who might be inquiring into where, exactly, we went wrong.

Oh..love your helmet.

proper wagnerian attire is important when conducting rituals of this nature.

?

sorry to hear about your house fire, ? -- please convey my greetings to the mysterians.
do you have matt gerson stories to share? break out, man! break out!

Subject: spring session m-agrams
Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2007
From: Lazlo

I think Sting should have called that album Scared Vole.

i like it, though i doubt it would be nearly twee enough for mister sensitive artist man.

From: burns taylor
Subject: astrology
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007

are you the horse racing astrologer?if so I have an interesting question for you that could make a lot of money for both of us if you can answer it!

i thank you for writing. what is your question?
WAIT! DON'T TELL ME!! if my powers are worth what i paid the guy in the traveling medicine show for them, i will be able to divine your question using my powers of astro-horse race-ology!!
[ . . . ]
hrrm. getting bupkis. what's your question? say, you don't happen to drive a circus wagon, do you?

sorry,i didn't expect a quick response,

sorry, i read your mind.

i started reading about a book saying the author could beat the races using astrology,than followed the links,I'm not sorry! as it is drop dead on your ass funny!if you have a radio show,please show me how to find it! i particuliarly liked the 666 cough syrup,i will send you some more links but try this one for starters,you will have to google it,how to commit suicide if your under 13,read the last 20 pages first!,skip through the long winded and boring ones,you will laugh your ass off!,trust me on this one! also read mark twain's summation of the mormon religion from the book roughing it,you will also laugh your ass off! mark twain met them back during the time when brigham young was still alive and the avenging angels were actually a part of the scenery,you will get a new insight into just how twisted and devious the mormons really are.,but back to the point,if you really are interested in thoroughbred betting and know something about astrology(i don't), i can show you something that will interest you,please let me know

yes! proceed! with the proceedings! viz, let 'er rip! with the interestingness!

i did a google search +horse+racing+astrology,and your site came up,it says you wrote a book called horse racing astrology?well I'm glad i found your site anyway"and often,those things are more profitable than the things which we wish to behold,do you wish to look?',galadrial,speaking to frodo about the mirror,"the lord of the rings",how you could take a subject as loathsome as a singing religious hypocrite,ala tammy faye bakker,and make it so drop dead on your ass funny!,i don't know,i shall read your entire site and send you some more of my very own funny links, my hats off to you! but unless you are a very proficient thoroughbred handicapper,I'm afraid my question would just bore you to tears,as it is very serious and verrry technical!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzwha?

From: Dominicanrubia25
Date: Fri, 26 Jan 2007

Hi,

My name is Jake Carter and I am a production assistant on the new New York Show "Chewin The Fat" on FM 98.5 WBZB. We are currently scheduling our late Winter/ early Spring live on-air shows and would appreciate a couple of products to sample on air and to give out to our listeners. Our show premieres late February and both of our hosts will talk about and taste your products. I appreciate you help. Please send your samples to:

Sean Pomper
c/o Chewin The Fat
68-50 Main Street
Flushing, NY 11367

Thank you.
Jake

PRESS RELEASE:

New Radio Show Promoting Healthier Lifestyle Debuts in New York

New York.. Joesph Gannascoli, also know as Vito of The Sopranos, is launching a new radio show called "Chewin The Fat" on FM 98.5 WBZB, Business Talk New York® . The show's health format deals with topics ranging from sport snacks, late night TV show munchies, low calorie foods, restaurants, nutritional supplements, and diets. "Chewin the Fat" is already attracting celebrity attention from Playboy Model Nikki Zierling, Baywatch Star Gena Lee Nolan, Good Times' Jimmy Walker, American Idols' Kevin Covias, Celebrity Chef David Burke and Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner.

The shows co-host, Sean Pomper, of The Flavor Spray Diet, says " In todays' health conscious society, its about time dieters can have someone in the trenches with them, offering a true opinion towards todays' low-calorie foods, restaurants and exercises." Each week the show will feature a new food product for Joe and his guests to taste and rate. The show premieres late February and is simulcast over the Internet live. Talks have already begun to syndicate the show in several other metropolitan cities.

About Business Talk New York ... BusinessTalkRadio.net, Inc. owns the Business TalkRadio Network® and Lifestyle TalkRadio Network® which provide programming to more than 1,100 radio stations across the country. In addition, they own KNUU, Las Vegas, WXBR(formerly WBET), Boston and WGCH, Stamford/Norwalk, CT. The company has purchased WBZB-FM(Business Talk New York)®, WDRE-FM and WLIR-FM, all Long Island, subject to FCC approval.

The show premeires in late February.

Certainly. Which of our products are you most interested in?

From: Rebekah G
Subject: Comment on Switcharoo
Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2007

Not important,

well, it's a *little* bit important, let's face it. okay, just to me.

but switcheroo
Is the funniest thing that I have seen in ages. Thanks for having such a twisted sense of humour and sharing it. :)

it's all about the luv. it used to be all about the money, but that didn't work out. so now it's all about the luv.

From: Laurie M.
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006

that looks like a big boy crime scene!

depending upon one's definition of crime, it kind of was a big boy crime scene

From: DCharleneW
Subject: 666
Date: Sat, 2 Dec 2006

I’ll tell you why the cough syrup is called 666. It taste like hell

i can't believe it took 11 years for someone to come up with the perfect response.
leaving aside the grammar.

From: BRIAN R.
Subject: A question for the site of unimaginatively named cities.
Date: Sat, 2 Dec 2006

Hi Doc,

My name is Brian. I am in a Marlboro contest that has trivia questions about the west.Do you think you might know the city in this trivia question?It goes like this:

"Once upon a time,a western town was mighty enough to name itself after one of the largest cities in America,yet it could'nt quite kick up enough dust.Now its lighthouse shines on little but grassy bluffs,and that's the key to finding the name of this might-have-been metropolis."

can the Site of Unimaginatively named cities answer this trivia question?Please E-mail me at joolesj@yahoo.com

i believe i know the answer to that. what might you trade for it? more importantly, what about the site of unimaginative city names would have led you to believe i would have the answer?
(that i do is beside the point.)
man. i sure get a lot of don't get it email.

Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2006
From: Cardhouse Robot Again

hahahah "flagrant reference" ...

you flagrant referrer.

one of my friends was completely obsessed by missing persons when he was younger. 'cause he was hot for bozzio, mostly. so he ended up meeting and wooing a gal who both sounded like her and looked like her. sometimes the ducks really line up.

wow. how'd that work out for him?

well, when he started talking about it, the look in his eyes said it worked out quite well.

that sentence scareded me.
(i don't think it worked out that well for terry bozzio—a friend of mine opened for post-terry missing persons once, and he said dale bozzio spent much of her stage time bitching about terry. WOOOO ROCK & ROWWWWWWL).

What a waste of time, my estimate would be that she would have the crowd in her pocket before she even opened her mouth.

but this was sometime in the mid-1990s. so, maybe not.

Well, when I'm a super hot chick, I ain't squanderin' it, no way.

are you saving up for any operations your friends should know about?

and man, those anagrams ... thems highlarious.

the internet is good for more than online gaming, kids!

makes me want to think that they wanted to title their band "pissing sermons" but went for a radio-friendly anagram.

i poked around a little bit to see if i could find any background to that anagram. i mean, sitting around the studio for five minutes with some scrabble tiles could easily have yielded something better than "spring session m." i mean, single letters that aren't words don't belong in anagrams (i hope that point is made by "miss porn sings e"—probably not. people will think, "dude, she was on ecstasy way back THEN?")

i can remember—vividly—seeing that album on the wall at Harmony House when it first came out. the brain, it's very useful.

yeah, "go, brain." my brain always confused the missing persons cover with one by someone called something like suzi/suzzi/suzy andrews/andrewes? might've been . . . german? seemed about as familiar with the english language as the blonde from ABBA? had a song called something like . . . "teenage ice age"?
i'd probably like that brain space back
ah, found it. for some reason, they made "ice age" into one word. so it's "teenage iceage" by suzy andrews.

is this something i should root out and listen to? the answer is probably no.

it's a strange song. strange album. now it is stuck in my head.
i found the german original, of which it was a cover: grauzone's "eisbar."
which, in turn, is covered by dresden dolls.

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!! CABO!!!!! (i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself)
[from wonder showzen]

q: what is love?
a: "a neuro-chemical con job!"

From: Brian R.
Subject: Monk & Moo
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2006

I can't believe someone out there remembers Monk & Moo. That show inspired my friend and I to do our own public access show...although we never really got past the filling out the paperwork part.

like they say over at the greeting card companies, it's the paperwork that counts

Was that show local only to Phoenix?

far as i know. wonder what ever happened to ol' monk & moo?

From: golfnut30
Subject: Tape of Sons of the Pioneer
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2006

Sir, I'm trying to find the means for purchasing a copy of a video tape I saw years ago, regarding the history of the Sons of the Pioneer group. I would greatly appreciate any assistance in this matter. Thank you very much.

i'm afraid i don't know (a) where to find such a thing (other than ebay) or (b) how it happened that you asked me.

From: golfnut30
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2006
Subject: Re: Re: Tape of Sons of the Pioneer

I apologize for this automatic reply to your email.

To control spam, I now allow incoming messages only from senders I have approved beforehand.

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fat chance, golfnut30

I got your address through the website of Sons of the Pioneer at Branson, MO. I understand the video tape I was trying to trace originally came from a Roy Rogers museum somewhere in Arizona.

hrmm . . . the roy rogers museum in branson was originally located in victorville, california. there's a rex allen museum in willcox, arizona, though. maybe that's it.

From: Chrisman, Jeff
Subject: RE: Do you know anything about the "Prophet Johnny Chambers, Phx
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006

Hi,
Doc you may have to look up the old e-mail but if you think Christ forgets check this out.


From: Chrisman, Jeff
Subject: Recall: RE: Do you know anything about the "Prophet Johnny Chambe rs, Phx
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006

Chrisman, Jeff would like to recall the message, "RE: Do you know anything about the "Prophet Johnny Chambers, Phx".

recall? what? what are you talking about? i know there is an email someone wrote in with that subject line, but what do you mean by "recall"?

From: Robb L.
Subject: unde unde extricat
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006

Okay, after googling and poking around some latin translators, I'm going to go with: "from one source or another: freedom" as a translation of the phrase.

"how, how to escape"
(horace, satires (I))

That's what I get for not being literate in the classics. Or classical languages.

I'm not, however, at all confident about the image. It appears to be a woman in a burka writing something. Assuming that women in totalitarian Islamic societies are not allowed to read or write (I don't know this, but it wouldn't surprise me) my interpretation would be: "People, no matter what their circumstances, long to be free, and will grab onto that freedom in any way they can." Or something like that.

Am I in the ballpark?

no, but that's one hell of an imagination you've got there (or else one hell of a burka fetish); what a terrific fundamentalist xtian you'd make. [ducks frying pan]

I think I've got that out of my system, thanks. There should be an "emoticon" for a flying frying pan. Yahoo's big on animated emoticons. And the keystroke sequence to trigger it should be:

O--

perfect. so let it be written (typed).

It really does look like a burka to me, except you can see the nose. Ohhhhh, the nose. Put that away, you saucy wench.

it isn't easy to pick up on the simmering sexuality fairly oozing from that fuseli work. i guess you have to be into noses. not that i would know.

Even though I came to the conclusion by misinterpreting key elements of the image, I think the "message" of my interpretation is pretty close to that quote.

Okay, in the words of Dr. Evil, "Throw me a friggin' bone here."

would you settle for a frying pan?
now try this on for size:
"All the best stories in the world are but one story in reality--the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape. " (Arthur Christopher Benson)

Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006
From: Kim S.

How about the cool pic with the snippet from Horace? I have not read much Horace (until today, that is, thank you very much <—not snide but sincere) and correct me if I'm wrong: Does the line "mercedem aut nummos unde unde extricat" translates to "Unless by hook or crook they raise the sum" and if it does, what are you trying to tell us? Let the punishment fit the crime? Reject resentment for reason? A political commentary? Perhaps it's more personal. Has "a friend has crossed you"? Or maybe, just maybe, my imagination is running with me and you just thought it was a cool pic.

it is a cool pic. the literal latin translation is "how, how to escape?" it is, indeed, from horace's satires; given fuseli's bent, however, i prefer to take it that for him it has to do with larger questions than debt.

Date: Sun, 19 Nov 2006
From: Cardhouse Robot Again

speaking of ho: ho-lee SHIT
some idiot who was on amy grant's three wishes program is sending an update TO A FUCKING MANDIBLE WEBSITE
is there a limit to human stupidity? is there?
i. think. NOT.

Right now, I am trying to telepathically shoplift chocolate from a nearby convenience store, but I'm still not as stupid as that guy.

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