Date: Fri, 23 Feb 2007
From: Tim H.
Subject: You rang?
Checked my messages and had some thing about global warming & creative pollution or something? Came up as your number.
my cellphone likes to drunk dial people. and, apparently, talk about controversal topics.
Judging from the latest Randumb I'd imagine booze and science once again have joined forces.
as they do whenever i'm living righthells yeah they do.
From: Heather M.
Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2007
I was under the impression that flies just fertilized each other's eggs or something, like fish
i am bringing you . . . the SCIENCE
-- or that they just spontaneously made new flies relentlessly using bits of shit.
that is what was commonly thought . . . until SCIENCE
Actually, I never thought about the notion at all and am now therefore curious about the equipment flies have to accomplish this miniature fucking.
whatyou wanna buy some fly porn?
I got plenty on my plate to worry and wonder about and don't need any help from YOU, mister man!
but . . . SCIENCE! science? no?
From: Rob H.
Subject: bumper stickers
Date: Sun, 18 Feb 2007
How can I get ahold of eight of those great bumper stickers?
bumper stickers? what bumper stickers?
I was trying to find out where the "nobody beats Wagner's meat" bumper stickers came from and stumbled onto your web site. I thought maybe you were the one to talk to. Anyway, thanks for the response.
those are from a venerable new orleans establishment. name: wagner's meat.
Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2007
From: Bergeron Natalia
Subject: case study
THE WHITE RIVER STAGE WAS 28. STRONGEST WINDS MAINLYNEAR LYNN CANAL. SNOW ACCUMULATION LESS THAN AN INCH THROUGH 4 PM.
A MIX OF WINTER WEATHER INCLUDING FREEZING FOG AND LIGHT FREEZINGDRIZZLE WILL CHANGE OVER TO LIGHT SNOW THIS AFTERNOON. THIS STORM IS EXPECTED TO BE A BITCOLDER AND MORE UNSTABLE THAN THE ONE CURRENTLY EXITING EASTCENTRAL ARIZONA.
VISIBILITY WILL BE LESSTHEN ONE MILE AT TIMES. A MIX OF WINTER WEATHER INCLUDING FREEZING FOG AND LIGHT FREEZINGDRIZZLE WILL CHANGE OVER TO LIGHT SNOW THIS AFTERNOON. SNOW ACCUMULATIONSLESS THAN 1 INCH THROUGH 4 PM.
well, sure. thanks. (by the way, natalia, weather balloons are for taking weather readings. you're really not supposed to eat them.)
Subject: Kem Cards
Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2007
From: Kevin G.
While researching the history of Kem Plastic Playing Cards, Inc., I came across this page -- http://cardhouse.com/a/deck/d7.htm -- and was wondering if you had any additional info on the history of the company.
(not per se; but refer to the next question for possible guidance)
Um, thanks for responding. It is appreciated.
here to help. wanna live. anya jenkins
From: Jimmy E.
Subject: deuce of clubs symbolism?
Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2007
can you please send me some insight on the meaning/symbolism behind the deuce of clubs?
but how would i get it back?
oh, sorry; i thought that said lend.
i have found some interesting origins of the designs and playing cards..
in my past few days ive tried to find information.. years ago i wrote
a story about a man who found a 2 of hearts card, it foretold his
relationship with a girl.
for me, a recent love affair was in town and she happened to find a
deuce of clubs card.... im trying to unravel the mystery
thanks, anything would help
anything can be a dangerous word, jimmy.
here's the deal:
two represents the two of you. clearly.
clubs represents . . . well, the suit of clubs developed from the earlier tarot suit of wands. are you following me, here? you do have a wand, right? a wand? see?
so this is the mystery in short: the two of you are meant to marry and spawn, like everyone else.
alternatively, here's The Mystery in a nutshell:
there was a playing card in the street. there are lots of playing cards in the street
(see http://cardhouse.com/a/deck/deck.htm). i myself once found a deuce of clubs in the
street andhere's the kickeri run a website . . . called . . . (are you ready for this?)
deuce of clubs!!!
OMG WTF HOW DID THE CARD KNOW LOL LOL ROTFLWMNHO???
it didn't know. i just must have looked incredibly gullible, and centuries of
being dealt by gypsies and card cheats have given playing cards a real sharp eye for a
deuce of clubs
(OMG WTF THERE IT IS AGAIN!)
Subject: Reacting to your web-page
Date: Fri, 9 Feb 2007
From: Jeff W.
When has anyone been arrested for posting an anti-bush sign?
From: Jessica D.
Date: Sat, 3 Feb 2007
Nothing like a Doc in the house, for seeing the sunny side of personal annihilation and reconstruction.
Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2007
From: stim bimblish
I just came across your "tribute" to Matt Gerson. I know this splendid fellow. Someone here pointed me to your site. Well done..but you don't know the half of it. I share you horror of his prose but frankly, it must have struck something deeper in you. I certainly would not devote the time it must have taken to do what you did.
no effort is too great for devoted students of such matters.
As I don't work directly with him, I have the luxury of being able to watch from a distance and laugh my ass off. The people that work under him are, alas, depressed and suicidal..as you might imagine.
i cannot imagine such a thing. i would be taping his every word for the dissection of future generations, who might be inquiring into where, exactly, we went wrong.
Oh..love your helmet.
proper wagnerian attire is important when conducting rituals of this nature.
sorry to hear about your house fire, ? -- please convey my greetings to the mysterians.
do you have matt gerson stories to share? break out, man! break out!
Subject: spring session m-agrams
Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2007
I think Sting should have called that album Scared Vole.
i like it, though i doubt it would be nearly twee enough for mister sensitive artist man.
From: burns taylor
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007
are you the horse racing astrologer?if so I have an interesting question for you that could make a lot of money for both of us if you can answer it!
i thank you for writing. what is your question?
WAIT! DON'T TELL ME!! if my powers are worth what i paid the guy in
the traveling medicine show for them, i will be able to divine your
question using my powers of astro-horse race-ology!!
[ . . . ]
hrrm. getting bupkis. what's your question? say, you don't happen to
drive a circus wagon, do you?
sorry,i didn't expect a quick response,
sorry, i read your mind.
i started reading about a book saying the author could beat the races using astrology,than followed
the links,I'm not sorry! as it is drop dead on your ass funny!if you
have a radio show,please show me how to find it! i particuliarly liked
the 666 cough syrup,i will send you some more links but try this one
for starters,you will have to google it,how to commit suicide if your
under 13,read the last 20 pages first!,skip through the long winded
and boring ones,you will laugh your ass off!,trust me on this one!
also read mark twain's summation of the mormon religion from the book
roughing it,you will also laugh your ass off! mark twain met them back
during the time when brigham young was still alive and the avenging
angels were actually a part of the scenery,you will get a new insight
into just how twisted and devious the mormons really are.,but back to
the point,if you really are interested in thoroughbred betting and
know something about astrology(i don't), i can show you something
that will interest you,please let me know
yes! proceed! with the proceedings! viz, let 'er rip! with the interestingness!
i did a google search +horse+racing+astrology,and your site came up,it says you wrote a book called horse racing astrology?well I'm glad i found your site anyway"and often,those things are more profitable than the things which we wish to behold,do you wish to look?',galadrial,speaking to frodo about the mirror,"the lord of the rings",how you could take a subject as loathsome as a singing religious hypocrite,ala tammy faye bakker,and make it so drop dead on your ass funny!,i don't know,i shall read your entire site and send you some more of my very own funny links, my hats off to you! but unless you are a very proficient thoroughbred handicapper,I'm afraid my question would just bore you to tears,as it is very serious and verrry technical!
Date: Fri, 26 Jan 2007
My name is Jake Carter and I am a production assistant on the new New York Show "Chewin The Fat" on FM 98.5 WBZB. We are currently scheduling our late Winter/ early Spring live on-air shows and would appreciate a couple of products to sample on air and to give out to our listeners. Our show premieres late February and both of our hosts will talk about and taste your products. I appreciate you help. Please send your samples to:
c/o Chewin The Fat
68-50 Main Street
Flushing, NY 11367
New Radio Show Promoting Healthier Lifestyle Debuts in New York
New York.. Joesph Gannascoli, also know as Vito of The Sopranos, is launching a new radio show called "Chewin The Fat" on FM 98.5 WBZB, Business Talk New York® . The show's health format deals with topics ranging from sport snacks, late night TV show munchies, low calorie foods, restaurants, nutritional supplements, and diets. "Chewin the Fat" is already attracting celebrity attention from Playboy Model Nikki Zierling, Baywatch Star Gena Lee Nolan, Good Times' Jimmy Walker, American Idols' Kevin Covias, Celebrity Chef David Burke and Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner.
The shows co-host, Sean Pomper, of The Flavor Spray Diet, says " In todays' health conscious society, its about time dieters can have someone in the trenches with them, offering a true opinion towards todays' low-calorie foods, restaurants and exercises." Each week the show will feature a new food product for Joe and his guests to taste and rate. The show premieres late February and is simulcast over the Internet live. Talks have already begun to syndicate the show in several other metropolitan cities.
About Business Talk New York ... BusinessTalkRadio.net, Inc. owns the Business TalkRadio Network® and Lifestyle TalkRadio Network® which provide programming to more than 1,100 radio stations across the country. In addition, they own KNUU, Las Vegas, WXBR(formerly WBET), Boston and WGCH, Stamford/Norwalk, CT. The company has purchased WBZB-FM(Business Talk New York)®, WDRE-FM and WLIR-FM, all Long Island, subject to FCC approval.
The show premeires in late February.
Certainly. Which of our products are you most interested in?
From: Rebekah G
Subject: Comment on Switcharoo
Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2007
well, it's a *little* bit important, let's face it. okay, just to me.
Is the funniest thing that I have seen in ages. Thanks for having such a twisted sense of humour and sharing it. :)
it's all about the luv. it used to be all about the money, but that didn't work out. so
now it's all about the luv.
From: Laurie M.
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006
that looks like a big boy crime scene!
depending upon one's definition of crime, it kind of was a big boy crime scene
Date: Sat, 2 Dec 2006
I’ll tell you why the cough syrup is called 666. It taste like hell
i can't believe it took 11 years for someone to come up with the perfect response.
leaving aside the grammar.
From: BRIAN R.
Subject: A question for the site of unimaginatively named cities.
Date: Sat, 2 Dec 2006
My name is Brian. I am in a Marlboro contest that has trivia questions about the west.Do you think you might know the city in this trivia question?It goes like this:
"Once upon a time,a western town was mighty enough to name itself after one of the largest cities in America,yet it could'nt quite kick up enough dust.Now its lighthouse shines on little but grassy bluffs,and that's the key to finding the name of this might-have-been metropolis."
can the Site of Unimaginatively named cities answer this trivia question?Please E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
i believe i know the answer to that. what might you trade for it? more importantly, what about the site of unimaginative city names would have led you to believe i would have the answer?
(that i do is beside the point.)
man. i sure get a lot of don't get it email.
Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2006
From: Cardhouse Robot Again
hahahah "flagrant reference" ...
you flagrant referrer.
one of my friends was completely obsessed by missing persons when he was younger. 'cause he was hot for bozzio, mostly. so he ended up meeting and wooing a gal who both sounded like her and looked like her. sometimes the ducks really line up.
wow. how'd that work out for him?
well, when he started talking about it, the look in his eyes said it worked out quite well.
that sentence scareded me.
(i don't think it worked out that well for terry bozzioa friend of mine opened for post-terry missing persons once, and he said dale bozzio spent much of her stage time bitching about terry. WOOOO ROCK & ROWWWWWWL).
What a waste of time, my estimate would be that she would have the crowd in her pocket before she even opened her mouth.
but this was sometime in the mid-1990s. so, maybe not.
Well, when I'm a super hot chick, I ain't squanderin' it, no way.
are you saving up for any operations your friends should know about?
and man, those anagrams ... thems highlarious.
the internet is good for more than online gaming, kids!
makes me want to think that they wanted to title their band "pissing sermons" but went for a radio-friendly anagram.
i poked around a little bit to see if i could find any background to that anagram. i mean, sitting around the studio for five minutes with some scrabble tiles could easily have yielded something better than "spring session m." i mean, single letters that aren't words don't belong in anagrams (i hope that point is made by "miss porn sings e"probably not. people will think, "dude, she was on ecstasy way back THEN?")
i can remembervividlyseeing that album on the wall at Harmony House when it first came out. the brain, it's very useful.
yeah, "go, brain." my brain always confused the missing persons cover with one by someone called something like suzi/suzzi/suzy andrews/andrewes? might've been . . . german? seemed about as familiar with the english language as the blonde from ABBA? had a song called something like . . . "teenage ice age"?
i'd probably like that brain space back
ah, found it. for some reason, they made "ice age" into one word. so it's "teenage iceage" by suzy andrews.
is this something i should root out and listen to? the answer is probably no.
it's a strange song. strange album. now it is stuck in my head.
i found the german original, of which it was a cover: grauzone's "eisbar."
which, in turn, is covered by dresden dolls.
YEAHHHHHHH!!!!! CABO!!!!! (i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself)
[from wonder showzen]
q: what is love?
a: "a neuro-chemical con job!"
From: Brian R.
Subject: Monk & Moo
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2006
I can't believe someone out there remembers Monk & Moo. That show inspired my friend and I to do our own public access show...although we never really got past the filling out the paperwork part.
like they say over at the greeting card companies, it's the paperwork that counts
Was that show local only to Phoenix?
far as i know. wonder what ever happened to ol' monk & moo?
Subject: Tape of Sons of the Pioneer
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2006
Sir, I'm trying to find the means for purchasing a copy of a video tape I saw years ago, regarding the history of the Sons of the Pioneer group. I would greatly appreciate any assistance in this matter. Thank you very much.
i'm afraid i don't know (a) where to find such a thing (other than ebay) or (b) how it happened that you asked me.
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2006
Subject: Re: Re: Tape of Sons of the Pioneer
I apologize for this automatic reply to your email.
To control spam, I now allow incoming messages only from senders I have approved beforehand.
If you would like to be added to my list of approved senders, please fill out the short request form (see link below). Once I approve you, I will receive your original message in my inbox. You do not need to resend your message. I apologize for this one-time inconvenience.
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fat chance, golfnut30
I got your address through the website of Sons of the Pioneer at Branson, MO. I understand the video tape I was trying to trace originally came from a Roy Rogers museum somewhere in Arizona.
hrmm . . . the roy rogers museum in branson was originally located in victorville, california. there's a rex allen museum in willcox, arizona, though. maybe that's it.
From: Chrisman, Jeff
Subject: RE: Do you know anything about the "Prophet Johnny Chambers, Phx
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006
Doc you may have to look up the old e-mail but if you think Christ forgets check this out.
From: Chrisman, Jeff
Subject: Recall: RE: Do you know anything about the "Prophet Johnny Chambe
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006
Chrisman, Jeff would like to recall the message, "RE: Do you know anything about the "Prophet Johnny Chambers, Phx".
recall? what? what are you talking about? i know there is an email someone wrote in with that subject line, but what do you mean by "recall"?
From: Robb L.
Subject: unde unde extricat
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006
Okay, after googling and poking around some latin translators, I'm
going to go with: "from one source or another: freedom" as a
translation of the phrase.
"how, how to escape"
(horace, satires (I))
That's what I get for not being literate in the classics. Or classical languages.
I'm not, however, at all confident about
the image. It appears to be a woman in a burka writing something.
Assuming that women in totalitarian Islamic societies are not allowed
to read or write (I don't know this, but it wouldn't surprise me) my
interpretation would be: "People, no matter what their
circumstances, long to be free, and will grab onto that freedom in
any way they can." Or something like that.
Am I in the ballpark?
no, but that's one hell of an imagination you've got there (or else one hell of a burka fetish); what a terrific fundamentalist xtian you'd make. [ducks frying pan]
I think I've got that out of my system, thanks. There should be an "emoticon" for a flying frying pan. Yahoo's big on animated emoticons. And the keystroke sequence to trigger it should be:
perfect. so let it be written (typed).
It really does look like a burka to me, except you can see the nose. Ohhhhh, the nose. Put that away, you saucy wench.
it isn't easy to pick up on the simmering sexuality fairly oozing from that fuseli work. i guess you have to be into noses. not that i would know.
Even though I came to the conclusion by misinterpreting key elements of the image, I think the "message" of my interpretation is pretty close to that quote.
Okay, in the words of Dr. Evil, "Throw me a friggin' bone here."
would you settle for a frying pan?
now try this on for size:
"All the best stories in the world are but one story in reality--the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape. " (Arthur Christopher Benson)
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006
From: Kim S.
How about the cool pic with the snippet from Horace? I have not read much Horace (until today, that is, thank you very much <not snide but sincere) and correct me if I'm wrong: Does the line "mercedem aut nummos unde unde extricat" translates to "Unless by hook or crook they raise the sum" and if it does, what are you trying to tell us? Let the punishment fit the crime? Reject resentment for reason? A political commentary? Perhaps it's more personal. Has "a friend has crossed you"? Or maybe, just maybe, my imagination is running with me and you just thought it was a cool pic.
it is a cool pic. the literal latin translation is "how, how to escape?" it is, indeed, from horace's satires; given fuseli's bent, however, i prefer to take it that for him it has to do with larger questions than debt.
Date: Sun, 19 Nov 2006
From: Cardhouse Robot Again
speaking of ho: ho-lee SHIT
some idiot who was on amy grant's three wishes program is sending an update TO A FUCKING MANDIBLE WEBSITE
is there a limit to human stupidity? is there?
i. think. NOT.
Right now, I am trying to telepathically shoplift chocolate from a nearby convenience store, but I'm still not as stupid as that guy.