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Spanking the monkeys: The brief but brilliant The All-Spanking Show

by Deuce of Clubs

(First published in Planet Magazine, 18jul1995)


Most public access cable shows are bad. But only a few are brilliantly bad. Take, for example, The All-Spanking Show. Only the completely dull and incurious could have resisted checking out that one. Those who tuned in saw a lawn sprinkler watering a back yard. For half an hour.

Naturally, I had to keep watching. And, at the show's end came the payoff—a message came onscreen:

"Thank you for watching the All Sprinkling Show We would like to apologize for the misprint stating this was the All Spanking Show. I'm sure you enjoyed the sprinkling much more. Give us a call and tell us what you think."

Plenty did just that. The next All-Spanking Show featured the same sprinkler video, but now with an added audio track consisting of dozens of irate messages received from disappointed would-be voyeurs. "I stayed up late to watch your show! You could be SUED for false advertising! I'm calling my LAWYER!"

Whoever thought this up is brilliant.

There have been a few public access shows goodbad enough to watch. Bar Tyme and Monk & Moo come to mind. But my all-time favorite has got to be My New Chew Toy.

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