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Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000
From: some chick
Subject: the squared circle

in regards to the wcw "sour slam" bubble gum...

"squared circle" is wrestling jargon for the ring in which the wrestlers do their wrestler things. your guess is accurate; "squared circle" because it's square, but it's called a ring. ring being circular, square being, y'know, square.

wow, we got something right for once

wcw is notorious for making the most amazingly asinine merchandise on the market, most of it not really pertaining to wrestling, squared circles, or anything even remotely useful.

a friend & i were in a san diego macfrugal's where they had these WWF door hangers that spew insulting sayings when a person walks by. we turned them all on, so that the next person who wandered by got an earful

the main reason behind this is that the WWF (world wrestling federation for the hoity-toity non-wrestling-watching community) is violently and thoroughly kicking wcw's corporate keister in ratings and buyrates. so, wcw releases a myriad of useless crap featuring the mugs of their top grapplers in the hopes that some poor shmuck might buy said crap, allowing wcw to make a buck. they did make one product that i like, though. if i find the motivation, i may send you one.

cool. we like said crap

in regards to your culturally tolerant remark about wrestling fans...

is there any more sense in fascinating over a phone booth in the desert?

once it became a mass-phenomenon? maybe not. before? yes.

i could expound on the appeal that i find in sports entertainment (so aptly titled because it doesn't claim to be a real sport), but i think it only comes down to amusement, and how we maddened creatures go about filling our days with assorted media and other propaganda for no justifiable reason whatsoever.

well, but the same could be said of bear-baiting or cock-fighting.

From: m j j
Subject: SoCal circle
Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000

I found your website while looking for the zip code for Felicity -- I actually stood myself at the center of the earth.


Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000
From: Dave C.
Organization: Gastronomic Rapacity Exceeded
Subject Officer Ogg

Hi Y'all!

Great website. Love the 666 incident.

I remember Officer Ogg (I think "Ogg" was the correct spelling) from growing up in Tempe AZ. Born there in '68 and remember that it seems to have been when I was between 7 and 10 years old. It was a poison control public awareness program. They had a jingle about if you saw a sticker of Officer Ogg on a bottle, your supposed to not drink it. Can't even remember the words. But I know the hepatitis one they used to do! Wanna hear it? Good...

Any ways, the commercials would have the kids drop the bottle and cover their mouth just like Officer Ogg on the button. The state poison control center or Maricopa County must have been the poison control organization that did the program.


Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2000
From: Bethany
Subject: more more more

hey there you stinkbug,

whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch. what a little wussy-assed simp you are. ya, BM99 rules sucked, but what do you care- you never follow rules anyway and as I remember it, abusing the rules was partly what made it all worthwhile last year.

well, the booksigning was the main fun thing, yeah. but last year didn't compare to previous ones. maybe just getting burned out (arf)

I think maybe it had to do with being relegated to the wastelands by the PTB, the cold, cold weather, your brokeness, and the fact that you didn't have even the whipit bicycle.... sounds definitely like burnout. arf arf.
I'll burn an album for you.


Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2000
From: Vickie D.
Subject: Mojave Glass Trade-Off

Hey Deuce!

How bout a shaker canister of Lemon-Lime Twang??? I know you have the packets, but do you have the little shaker of Twang???

we do not. that would be a fine addition, wedinks

I have some other stuff buried in my home that I plan on sending soon....

excellent. keep those cards & letters coming

I should be able to find them since I am moving, and thus have to sort and pack.

you're packing & moving, we're replacing the bathroom sink assembly. which of us is having more fun?

Hoping this note finds you well.....have you ever thought of spawning your own religion...Deuce-ism???

it was our impression that we already had

Yours in faith,
Vickie

we are actively seeking acolytes, applicants, supplicants, whatever. sign up today ... for the future!

From: Semolina
Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2000
Subject: Yow!

Deuce ~

You're fast (part II). I wasn't even gonna start looking for another couple of days. Rare kudos to the USPS.

I GOT 2 PAGES AND AN EXCLAMATION POINT!!! I AM HAPPY! :> (Being able to be easily amused is a good thing these days.)

Looking forward......
Semolina


Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000
From: Laura B.
Subject: heart of glass

Because you already have a Mr. T cabbage patch doll (Can you recommend a good outfitter? My T lost his pants about a year ago, and he's wearing a kind of sarong thing I fashioned from an old scarf. Not very manly, I realize, but it breathes.),

we're the wrong "outfit" to ask about this ... our mr t is completely au naturale!

I offer, with a somewhat heavy heart, my autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Adrain Zmed in exchange for a piece of the booth. I've loved Adrian ever since Solid Gold, and of course, Grease II (and Bachelor Party, to a much lesser extent). I've had the photo since I stalked him (and Debbie Gibson) at Planet Hollywood, when he was starring in Grease at Gammage a few years ago.

zmed ... zmed ... zmed ... not ringing a bell ... (off to imdb) ... zmed ... imdb ... zmed ... imdb ... hey! he "speaks romanian, as well as english." that's gotta be worth something right there

(Sally Struthers was there, too. She autographed a photo for T. after I told her he'd earned his Associate degree in hotel management as a result of her inspiring late night TV commercials. She got misty. It was a good day at Planet Hollywood.)

probably a good day for sally, too -- who asks for her autograph?

and speaking of misty ... wonder whatever happened to misty rowe?

So, do you have want or need of such an item? It really is nice.

the question is, does the world need to see such a thing?

we think so

If so, tell me where to send it, and I'll expect my shard of glass where i live with two tango dancers and the occasional sultry french woman. i have a cat with an ascended testicle and a twisted leg,

special breed, or just one lucky cat?

a vegetable garden, a view of the city and fake mine (ever hear the legend of baby doe tabor? seduced a silver baron, they got filthy rich, had peacocks, went broke, his appendix exploded, he died, she held vigil in a tool shed in leadville, colorado for thirty years. went nuts [duh]. spoke to the ghosts of dead miners. now their mine is replicated as a crappy restaurant. good story, bad brunch.)

Life is good.

Hope you are well.

PS I also have a field guide to Nude Recreation in North America, which contains many fabulous color photos. Naked people checking into hotels, shopping in open air markets (inexplicably, for clothes), you know, folks just hanging out naked. I'd glady send that instead of Zmed.

aw, geez ... now you force us to make a choice?

maybe you should surprise us. or, if you'd like two pieces of mojave phone booth glass (earrings?), send 'em both. the readers have already expressed their approval of nakedididity (dana plato) ...

From: ambopacer
Date Fri, 23 Jun 2000

While I'm at it; tracked through BM99 last night. Nice to see another D.O.C. feature, despite the unpleasantness. Plus, bm9904branch.jpg features quite nicely a '63 or '64 Rambler station wagon (either a Classic or an Ambassador, can't tell from the photo)- I've been earning extra money drawing people's cars at car shows ($15 each- on a good day I make over $100) and a big AMC/Rambler show is tomorrow. The book signing was pure brilliance; was already privvy to it thanks to Dr. Cliff but your pix/perspective~welcome. Also reminds me; my military-surplus contact in Waukesha is holding a few carrotsuits for me... Can't wait to see how Taxonomical Exhibit Bat turns out. Also, bravo for not including photos of 99's flaming man...a final jab. Did you even stick around for it? If not, hooray. Sad to see that BM's become a commune of hippie communists. 2000's shaping out to be a bad year for obscure points-of-interest. No more Booth, no more BM...

ALSO- just remembering the graphics I did for the MidEast thing- notice the colors (orange, green, blue) and the FONT (JuliusBlack), and now notice, two years later, that the color scheme and especially that font have now completely overgrown the marketplace- advertising in TV and print, product logos, it is absolutely EVERYWHERE (and driving me crazy since I lost that font to a virus last year) Either I augured this off some premonition or the entire graphic design world is cribbing from DOC...don't you just hate it when the WHOLE DAMN WORLD latches on to something you think is great and absolutely drums the damn thing to death? (hmm...booth, bm...) that reminds me, rewriting that Mid East piece is still something I have to do.

Well, we still have herr W and Whip It's in suspended animation...march on, join bravely, let us to't pell-mell!


From: Charlie Monoxide
Subject: BM99
Date Fri, 23 Jun 2000

I just read about BM99. I found the part about the cops in Beatty interesting:

"Obviously, what they really wanted was to take a look inside the vehicles. Nevada law enforcers have become used to the event and know that many of the BM-bound will be "holding." They don't know they're oinking up the wrong tree entirely with this crew, but no matter -- I refused them permission to look inside, as would anyone who knows what's good for him. So they wrote out a fix notice for the headlight & we took off again. "

Did they really let you off the hook so easily?

believe it or don't, they did.

I was stopped once and they asked me if they could search my car, and I was so scared, I let them (I had nothing to hide) but, I felt like I had forsaken my own constitutional rights simply because I was a scared little pussy. I'm surprised though, that the cops in a little town like Beatty would let you off so easily. I figure they'd make up a reason to search you.

well, they've got to figure that most bm-ers are coming from cities, where there are hordes of lawyers & such. maybe that's it.
and the cops weren't exactly unpleasant. they were just *unnecessary*.

Anyway, I'm actually more disappointed to hear that attention from media pigs, like myself, has destroyed the booth.

Finally, did you know that there is a playa, similar to Black Rock, down near Wilcox, Arizona? I've never been there, but I've heard of it, and even seen it on flights East. Maybe we should have our own BM in AZ? Do you think AZ is ready for it? Prolly not.

we investigated that, actually. it's gov't-controlled -- surprise! -- and not public-accessible. too bad, cos it's gorgeous. but it was used as a bombing range, so there may be unexploded ordnance. THANK YOU UNCLE STUPID SAM

Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2000
From: Burford
Subject: bat

i laughed my ASS OFF!!! over that bat story!

oh, man....

i *knew* it was going to end up in your freezer

yeah. he was in there only about a week, before going off to mr. brody. that bat was a cute little feller. i tried scanning him, but it just didn't come out well.

glad to see the part about the cardhouse log being useful

i know somewhere there's a photo of it with a popsicle stick stapled to it. was that one of your photos, do you think?

"buried like a pharoah" is that line original or borrowed?

original, as far as we know. at any rate, it just showed up in the brain.

Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2000
From: Thomas M.
Subject: Sealand update!

Found an article on Sealand that I thought you'd like to see.

we think prince roy can expect some uninvited official international visitors very soon, unfortunately.

Also, did you notice that the police car that was tourched during the Lakers victory "celebration" was number 666? Burning Car 2000! Later.

it's all part of the wider conspiracy. you'll see. (just wait till the year 2666)

Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2000
From: Juan M.
Subject: El Diablo

Hi! Greetings again from sunny, balmy Orlando, Florida.

I was making a mix CD for the sister (she's going to London in a few days) when it dawned on me that I owned three Rock en Espa~ol CDs that had songs titled "El Diablo" -- three different bands, three different songs. Go figure. I went online and decided to do a song title search on CDNow -- it turns out Jose Feliciano and Arcadia (a solo project by Simon Lebon's Duran Duran (which, yeah, yuck)) have also done songs titled "El Diablo". And Grace Slick. And Frankie Laine.

My question is this Can you think of any other songs titled "El Diablo"? Songs that probably are not listed in the CDNow or Amazon catalog? I want to fill up a CD with "El Diablo" songs.

Has Deadbolt done any? If they haven't, don't you think they should?

definitely. it seems that el vez would have to have recorded something called "el diablo" -- i mean, how could he NOT?

A burn of the CD with the three "El Diablo" songs (plus some non-"El Diablo" songs) is on its way. That's a poor consolation for a purloined phone booth and a damaged rock, but it's the best I can do.

we appreciate condolences of all kinds and denominations.

Also, I notice you (rightfully) give high marks to Famous Recording Artists and Paris in April, but you don't mention Chrominance Decoder -- have you heard it? It's terrific.

it's good also. we just like the other two better.
we also like the cd she did with los cincos

My best to both of you.
Cheers,
Juan

PS -- Have you thought of doing a Deuce of Clubs book? You certainly have enough material -- the reviews, the articles, the interviews.

one is in the works, in fact. stay tuned.

From: Scott L.
Subject: Struckus house
Date Mon, 19 Jun 2000

When did you see the Struckus house? Do you know if it's still for sale or not?

that must've been at least three years ago now. don't know whether it's still for sale, but you could try phoning the realtor who showed it to us.

Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000
From: jjanis
Subject: item102

so.
didja win?

you don't seriously believe *anyone* does, do you?

From: doug
Date: Mon, 5 Jun 2000
Subject: NPS Follies

Deuce,

Be careful, if Giant Rock becomes as popular as the Phone Booth, they may haul it away too!

Keep your eyes on the mail this week as I am sending some more color for your front porch.

hmm ... some NPS blood for the doorposts, perhaps?
(scratch that: the blood had to come from a creature without blame or fault...)

From: Neil K.
Date Sun, 4 Jun 2000

Our census taker keeps coming back. I told him no more info. Says his boss won't let him not get the facts. I instructed him to tell his boss to fuck himself. Says that probably a team of two "other" guys will likely follow up. Why do I get a shoolyard bully / powertrip vibe from these guys now?

the key is total avoidance.

Date: Sat, 03 Jun 2000
From: Eric E.
Subject: Cardinal Martini

Hey there,

You ought to revise your little blurb about Cardinal Martini. He is indeed a Jesuit, but the Jesuits were not really the people who brought us the Inquisition. Technically speaking, the Inquisition was instituted by various popes at various times. But (and I'm sure this is what you're referring to) the guys who did the dirty work, inquisitors, were almost always recruited from the Dominican and Franciscan orders, and sometimes cardinals. The original Inquisition was in the 1200s, and the Jesuits weren't even founded until a couple of hundred years later, if I remember correctly.

true. they did administer the inquisition during & after loyola's time, but you're right, it was already an established institution by then.

Date: Fri, 02 Jun 2000
From: Thomas M.

Great site, you've had me laughing for days and that is not an easy task.

PS BTW, my original message to you mentioned attending a lot of Grateful Dead shows; I just want to dispel any illusions about me being a hippie. NO WAY!! You're right, they screw up everything. They even screwed up the Dead scene.

Keep writing, you have a great gift.


Date: Fri, 02 Jun 2000
From: fitzhugh maccrae
Subject: Chelsea Bondage

Yo, Chelsea -

Wheredafuq are ya, and how about an e-mail address?

we have NO idea what you're talking about.

From: michael m.
Date: Wed, 31 May 2000

I took a look at your web site. I like it a lot. My four cousins and I have a 5 month old web site we are seeking notoriety. We request that you deuce of clubs folks take a look at our web site. We would appreciate your words ...a mention on your web site about [our site]. We are all artists. That is what our web site is all about ...underground art, music, poetry. We have a rockin showcase for our fist band up. Just click on "the funhouse". We are adding content all the time. We hope you can talk about us. Thank you.

Mikeyzoom

this isn't a link site, pal-o. try contacting weblog sites, that's a better bet

From: Zabman
Date: Wed, 31 May 2000

I was wondering just how BIG your site is (to the nearest megabyte)? I consider myself a frequent visitor and have on more than one occasion simply gotten "absorbed" into your site. It seems the farther I get in, the more you have, it just keeps going (and going, and going, nothing out lasts the power of energ . . . sorry . . .)

dunno how many MB. but it's over 4,000 pages. that much we know. and, sometimes, rue.

From: 'tine
Date: Tue, 30 May 2000
Subject: oobie-alles

bonjour deuce...

glad you found your oobis...any word on my glo-glo boots?

later daddy-0,

'tine

sadly, still no sign of glo-glo boots.

Date: Tue, 30 May 2000
From: Candi S. Subject: oobiland!

Delighted to see all your Oobinfo consolidated in one place. Wow.

A suggestion on the page of things-that-are-not-Oobi, a scan of the cover of Phil Dick's novel UBIK. Maybe a scan of an album by the band Pere Ubu, too.


Date: Tue, 30 May 2000
From: jacquelyn j.
Subject: Woo. Not John. The Big Waponi One.

have you seen this?

jvtv fans are convinced it is the Big Woo's inspiration.

you can tell them:
one of us grew up near there -- and that happens to be the redundantly-named "picacho peak," site of the westernmost battle of the war between the states.

although it would have been nice to grow up near the Big Wu...

From "."
Subject: hello
Date: Sun, 28 May 2000

I recently came across the Basement Internet Show and heard your interview. I checked your website out and gotta say it's a cool site and a lot of informative topics and realistic views of today's world.

you'd have to be in the minority with that assessment, but thanks

I was especially intrigue in your "freedom project" as I have been researching other nations for citizenship.

I am already familar with Grenada because I probably will become a citizen of Grenada. Primarily because they do not inforce a world-wide income tax that the IRS does.

I just wanted to say that I support you and hope that you will continue your webpage and maintain your beliefs.

later,
"."
Member of the Free World Order
"libérez le peuple des gouvernements"(Free the People from the Governments)

thanks, we intend to. let us know how things go in grenada.

From: Jerry
Date: Sun, 28 May 2000
Subject: Million dollar bills

The statue of liberty in NY sells our wacky million dollar bill for $2.00
I give them away at my website.
Perhaps you would like to check it out......and show them....hell even give
every visitor 0ne for free.
I saw you on TV about the phone booth...in the desert......
Isn't it just like the phone co. to remove it.
What is this country Going to.......phoney money?.....chuckle
thanks a Million
can you believe we've sold 42 million of these things
lots of other uses...though.......no time to mention all the uses

we're not sure what you have in mind, but ... thanks

I simply wanted to give them away at your site.
if possible....simply add a link.... and say......"hey...this guy gives
visitors a million dollar bill".
if you can't....no big deal
I just like to watch peoples reactions when they get one.
they are just a lotta fun

but what does that have to do with the mojave phone booth? why would we do that? we don't get it.

Wasn't talking about the mojave phone booth
I just think that people would get a kick out of getting a bill free from
Your site.
plain and simple.
have a nice day

[here's a surprise: he's an AOL user.]

Date: Sun, 28 May 2000
From: jacquelyn
Subject: please send me email. please.

please send me email, as i am bored. (not whining)

how can you be bored? there's a wide, wide world out there. and april march is in it!

you can add me to a list, if you like. i don't mind. (eeyore voice)

done. (indistinct cartoon-y voice)

Date: Sun, 28 May 2000
From: Slimette
Subject: you may have seen these dumb little signs in store windows

this week's sign:

CORONADO WELCOMES
* Microsoft Corporation
* Del Monte
* Global Crossing
* Klein Doctors / Germany
* Digestive Disease

am I crazy for thinking this is funny??

we're not psychiatrists, but we do think the sign's funny.

From: John K.
Subject: Updates and stuff
Date: Sat, 27 May 2000

Amazing site you've cooked up. Feel cheated I only learned about the phone booth after they took it out.

feel free to thank "them" in any way you choose.

Ok, I'd like some periodic updates and stuff. Also, a couple questions --How come you haven't warned any of us about the fact that the Southeastern Mongolian Province of Dornogobi has been quarenteed effective May 1, 2000, due to concerns about the spread of hoof-and-mouth disease primarily among cattle?

because we are participants in a huge hoof-and-mouth conspiracy.
AND NOW YOU'VE SPOILED IT!!

--On that space ghost interview w/Wagner, sounds like SG and his boy Zorak were startin to lay out a little "hey-ho" gansta rap chorus at the very end.

(ramones, actually, by way of tod browning)

Ever thought about orchestrating Tristan and Isolde with a cover by the likes of Masta Killa or Puff Daddy?

we have thought of little else for months.

You know it would be da bomb. I know for a fact that Marty Robbins' "Battle of New Orleans"

wasn't that johnny horton?

has been done in the gansta style to much acclaim.

Much to enjoy on the Deuceofclubs.

danke

Date: Thu, 25 May 2000
From: Steve M.
Subject Love your car

I have that Herb Alpert album, and a couple of others.


From: kimberlee
Date Fri, 26 May 2000

don't get rid of wagner! i mean i probably wouldn't risk my life and limb to save wagner from a burning building, but he doesn't exactly seem to be a burden. besides, if not for wagner, some of those pics might have turned out to be just more boring old vacation pics, like in those old tv sitcoms where neighbors try to find ways to get out of coming over for dinner and too see vacation slide shows or something. that wouldn't be fitting for you.

i want to go to that valley of the moon place, it looks like an excellent setting in which to regress.

another question re adventures of wagner....

was ray parker jr the guy that sang carpenter songs in a bright yellow ruffley shirt in "amazon women on the moon"?

hmm, dunno. seems like the rest of hollywood was in it, but ray's not listed

Date: Wed, 24 May 2000
From: madcap one
Subject: Wagner

I have notcied that Wagner in his wide ranging travels has yet to visit the Windy City of Chicago,

he has, actually. but it's a gnawing, painful memory.

though he is quite fond of detroit

Fond of Detroit, what the hell have you been feeding him?

a steady diet of something-or-other.

I envision a montage of fine sightseeing poses such as in the Ivy at Wrigley Field and possibly at home plate,

you have a wrigley field connection?

with the lions guarding the Art Institute entrance, and atop the now 2nd highest building in the world. Any possibilities of an excursion out to the stinky onion city?

we're finding, these days, that things we thought impossible are, in fact, possible. sometimes they are good things.

Date: Fri, 19 May 2000
From: Jim R.
Subject: wow

hey, I read about your car, the phone booth the burning man excursion in 97, all very intertaining and fun fun.. accidently came across your web site when I was looking up info on Bisbee ariz.


Date: Thu, 18 May 2000
From: Slimette

hey, the photo final critique was today. people LOVED the wag thematic! it was great. thanks for lettin' me keep the model!

the prof seemed to really like the concept. and this guy rob...oh, it was classic! he overanalyzed a lando/wag pic to the point where it was very hard not to laugh. they're just freakin pictures! when I get them back, do you want to see 'em?

you kidding? of course!

I gave several people the url (including rob! yes!). but I felt I should acknowledge your influence in my art (ha! high art).

oh, man. do you remember the substance of what he said?

well, the photo was of wagner in "land o' lando", the shelf where I keep all the landos...rob started talking about how wag represents classical things, while lando represents the future and technology. then he got on the subject of shrines, and how the picture is obviously a melding of cultures and eras...then some girl asked, "I wonder what it means that he's got a hole in his head?" she was utterly serious. my tongue still hurts from biting it so hard!


From: Rob
Subject: N'other sctuff about Baker
Date: Thu, 18 May 2000

Ooop, just fukin off at work and read something else on the site about Baker.

Funny you should mention the Baker thermometer. My first encounter with it, wasn't an encounter with it. I forget the first time I went to Bun Boy, but they had all these T-shirts about the World's Largest Thermometer. I looked to and fro outside.

Couldn't see it.

I asked the waitress where the thermometer was.

Apparently it was fixed by the time 1997 came about, because when I was out there it had fallen over in high winds and destroyed the gift shop underneath it. At that point I was tempted to get a T-Shirt, but when I found out they were going to rebuild it someday- it no longer was a novelty for me. =sigh>

Oh and ifins you ever go out there again, forget the Bun Boy. There's a really scummy looking place across the street called the Mad Greek's. The food there is fantastic ifins you're into Greek food. The calamri was absolutely divine.

we ALWAYS eat at the mad greek's. (well, we ate at bun boy once. once.)

Date: Wed, 10 May 2000
From: Leigh Ann H.
Organization: Bavarian Illuminati Motorcycle Cabal
Subject: Dick's Head or Bust

Fuckin awesome site; got to it through a (really old) mail from a friend telling me to go visit the Mojave Phone Booth pages -- which I only just now got round to actually visiting.

Cheers!
- LA


From: Neil K.
Subject: Census, freedum
Date Tue, 9 May 2000

Thanks to you, I was able to properly respond to the census taker at my door yesterday.

at least we accomplished SOMETHING yesterday

Today I hear the "crime ratings based on zip codes" have been provided to us here in San Diego, thanks to statistical manipulation of census data. What a crock.

Well I am naturally a "fed"-up citizen, but the census had me rocking on th fence....could it be beneficial to me in some way....I hadn't researched it enough. So when the guy was at the door (Sunday afternoon no less) I made him wait while I consulted your "boycot the census" link that I had glanced at a few days beforehand. Census servant was waiting on me while I was reminded about that IRS snafu whereby they randomly browsed through peoples returns...this struck a chord.

After updating myself on the Items, Mourning, and Books, I returned and performed my duty as a goddamn 'Merkin Citizen and answered only that there were 3 people living here. He continued to pry...he asked me if this was a vacation house...he even tried to get lines of info on each resident. No dice census boy. He left looking a little miffed- but he's just a bot, So i had mostly pity for him.

Jeez I remember when I was a little kid, in elementary school they tried to brainwash the hell out of us about the census and how important it was. I didn't quite buy it then.

PS -My boss had Deuceofclubs blocked from our server at work.

not surprising. wonder how many of the world's work hours deuceofclubs.com wastes every day?

From: Cindi & Dave
Subject: just stuff
Date: Mon, 8 May 2000

Just another quick note to say how much we like your site.

danke

I was just thinking (a scary prospect) about how much we especially enjoy the "oddities" (unusual but cool stuff) you discover and put on line for everyone to enjoy. I particularly liked the road trip through Superior, Arizona. I really liked that movie [U-Turn], to the extent that I had to dig out the Rand McNalley GIANT atlas and check to see if in fact Superior was a real place. Imagine my delight when I saw that it was. So often movies use fictitious places.

but if you visit superior, i wouldn't mention the movie, if i were you ...

I have actually called in sick a time or two just to spend time cruising the stories on your site.

ahhh. heartwarming, that is

Give my best to Wagner, and once again, keep up the good work!

respectfully submitted
Cindi & Dave

PS Congrats on your recent OOBIE acquisition!

we will strive to be worthy of it

Date: Sat, 06 May 2000
From: gila mon
Subject: Giant Rocks

Just a lil' ol' something.

I read with great interest the Giant Rock Split thing because I heard a program on it on Art Bell a while back... This is from some web sites...

On February 19th and 20th, Shri Naath Devi was inspired to bring a number of powerful healers to the desert near Giant Rock to pray, meditate. She said that the Native people were no longer doing ceremony in this area and that the earth itself was about to react with a violent upheaval. If the Mother accepted the prayers that were scheduled, then Giant Rock would crack at the side, relieving pressure on the Earth's tectonic plates. If the prayers were not accepted, then Giant Rock would split directly down the middle. The fact that Giant Rock has not moved for millions of years made the likelihood of such a change remote. And yet, the next morning, to everyone's amazement, the boulder had not cracked; rather one-third of the rock had split and had fallen to the desert floor. Shri Naath Devi interpreted this in the most positive light. She said that the Mother had opened her arms to us, cracking open her heart for the whole world to see.

new agers ... hippies ... UFO nuts ... HELLLLLLP USSSSS!!!

From: Laura P.
Subject: winslow, arizona
Date: Thu, 4 May 2000

Hey there! I'm a friend of Jess's, and I enjoy your site (especially the weird thing she sent you, the penis shaped whatever it is), but I've never written to you because I basically know I'm not cool enough. :-) Anyway, I saw your Item of the Week, and I'm not sure if you're aware of another song lyric inspired by that line:

I'm standing on the corner
in Winslow, Arizona
and I'm quite sure
I'm in the wrong song
--Tori Amos, "In the Springtime of His Voodoo"

A fun song, but I never knew where that line came from before. Now I do! You have educated me! I can make semi-erudite jokes with my friends! Thank you for your wisdom.

Laura

what has the world come to, laura, when eagles trivia (if you'll pardon the redundancy) passes for knowledge?

From: Alex
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 2000
Subject: Wow. that is incredible

On a friday night in England i lazily slouched in front of the Television watching some comedy show about the internet. Each week the find strange websites, and yours came up on national TV!!! Instantly intruigued by this weird project I visited your site. I have literally spent hours there. It is the most fantastically stange, yet undeniably interesting site I have ever stumbled upon! What made it even more special was the music i was listening to at the time which had a very atmospheric effect on the site (music was a 'Kid Spatula' cd,very strange synth stuff). Anyway, Wagner, what a guy, he must be paid loads, by model breast desn't get out of bed for under $8000!!!!!! You have trained him good. More to the point, i think what you have done here is really special, chasing something so insignificant, that suddenly it becomes a passion dear to your heart, so important it deserves a fantastic website to let people know about it. Wow. i am amazed. I've seen lot on the internet, but it'll be a long while until your fantastic site is beat.

All i can say is....wow, thanks for such an incredible site and one without porn (hey! it makes a change!)

Thanking you ever more, Alex, UK, Nottingham.

danke. like your countryman jeeves (and we don't mean the search engine!), we endeavor to give satisfaction.

From: DJ 'tine
Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000
Subject: god bless wagner!

daddy-0

love dat elian-i-ated photo of wagner... gave me a hearty chuckle in light of all this propaganda run amuck...

merci.
'tine


Date: Wed, 26 Apr 2000
From: IRIEMAN
Subject: Elite Models Action Drink

Hello Deuce

First I must say that I find every aspect of your site truly enjoyable! I spent half my work day following the 666 cough syrup trail and looking at Celebrity Duck Soap. Very entertaining! So how did I find you? You may enjoy this...

Cruising through the local Pic-N-Save (i don't what they call it where you are),

they used to be called that, but now they're called mac frugal's (which is where the model drink bottle you saw was purchased.) we did visit a pic-n-save last month in san diego, though

I saw a couple crates (literally) of the "Elite Models Action Drink"- Of course I picked up a sixer just for the looks, which is a pretty rad label.

After reading the label "and the ingredients, I just had to try one! BIG MISTAKE! Have you ever tasted that stuff?

didn't try the citrus (that was bound to be bad), but the cranberry (or whatever that was supposed to be) wasn't so bad. kinda bland, but not offensive.

I got the "California Citrus Energy" flavor (what the hell is that supposed to mean?). I let it get really really cold in the fridge and finally cracked one open and took a manly swig- THIS SH*T TASTES LIKE SH*T!!! No, honestly, I'd have to say it tastes like a unique blend of Tang, carbonated water, and Isopropyl (rubbing) Alchohol!! NAAAAAASSSSSSSTTTTTTTYYYYYY!!

I found your site because I wanted to find the website shown on the bottle- as you know it's gone- but *your* site came up in the search engines. In fact your site is the only site I have found that even acknowledges the existence of "Elite Models Action Drink"!

I don't know if you had the guts to taste it- If you haven't, skip it! No wonder models are so thin...

Another "swing-and-a-miss" beverage is "ORBITZ" by Clearly Canadian. Although this bev. is actually drinkable, I know why anyone would want too, since it has floating crap in it.

tried that stuff. those little floatie things were like fat globules. hated it. it's a texture thing.

I have picked up wierd beverage products just for fun on a few occasions, but I think that your site has driven me to get a nice Collection going... Perhaps to match my "I can't believe they have a book" collection, including wonderful volumes by Kathie Lee Gifford, Tanya Harding, the Menendez Bros, and of course everyone associated din the OJ Trials, to name a few. I should put them online maybe?

Anyway, just thought I'd say hello and let you know I enjoy your page! Have nice one...

irie

PS- just how did you scan that label? I've tried couple techniques with no good results...

just roll the ol' bottle over the moving scanner bar & voila!

From: Tess
Date: 25 Apr 2000

Deuce,

I first heard of The Booth a few years ago, thought it was cool, and forgot it as I was broke and living in the Greater Seattle Area (and I lost the number soon after scribbling it down in a dark bar). BUT! I've moved to L.A., am still broke, and have 'too much time on my hands' now. You can bet I'll keep watching your site (all of it), and may make a pilgrimage to The Booth at some point. I love to drive (I have driven the Seattle-L.A. route a few times and then some), so this looks like a sweet ride to me. Plus I intend to make Burning Man probably in 2001, so it happens to be on the way for me.

I am inspired to find and do other unique things on my travels. Currently I'm working on some travelogue pages for my site, maybe I'll find something bigger to do than just pretty pictures of the Oregon coast. Speaking of which, I'm a big dino-head, and I visited my first crummy dinosaur park last weekend, Prehistoric Gardens, in Port Orford, OR, 105 miles up US 101 from Trees Of Mystery, home of the giant Paul Bunyan and Babe (the blue ox) statues. These are a must for anyone just 'passing through'. Thanks for the kick in the pants your site has provided me today!

I started this e-mail an hour ago, and got browsing your site again, only to rediscover my unfinished work now. So many things to comment on, but I'll keep them to myself (all good, I assure you).

but why? we're like anyone else -- we LIKE to hear good things!

Okay, I think Wagner is pure genius. I had a frog years ago that was in every pic, but he uh, disappeared. I may find something else, if it wouldn't be too copy-catish. Art cars rule, I was working on a Jokermobile ('74 Mustang II Ghia) until I uh, lost it. Let's see, what else excited me yesterday..? There was your Gimme Page, I have a Gotta Have List, but it's much more mundane. I may add Glo-Glo Boots to it though. A lot of things at your site excited me into shooting e-mails to The Man (explained shortly), and various friends. I even crawled around the official Twang! site and requested some info though I'd never heard of it before (the Chili flavour on popcorn sounds very good).

Oh, I left out being totally impressed by W's appearance on Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast (and other related material). Just about my fave show, but I hardly get to catch it anymore. I must've missed that one. (Everyone could tell you I have an unhealthy crush on Tad.)

One thing I must say though, is that I got up and ran around my little home office when I saw Can I Get There By Candlelight? in your book club area. In fact, without scrolling I could only see the title, and excitedly described the cover art to my cat (oh, how I wish The Man were home to bear witness). Imagine my excitement as I scrolled to see I was right - it's my favourite book as a kid (it's the one on the right with the girl and her pony, Candlelight, sneaking through that old creaky gate in the hedged stone wall, coming back from their adventures in the past). It's not exceptional, but I've thought of that book often over the years. It had an innocent creepiness that I loved. What was great was that I was reading the rhyme and the book came back to me just before I saw the title. Thanks!

Your site is awesome. I will enjoy hours of exploration to come!

thanks. sorry to hear you have a home office, though -- that means when you're browsing deuceofclubs.com you're not wasting company time! (well, it could be billable time, though ... we hope.)

From: Rob C.
Subject: Hey That Elian Photo!
Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2000

Oh man, that was so funny! Not the photo, but the story, of a photo-manipulation that was SO necessary that you had one in your box when you got home!

Also, the census story is rad. They are FLOODING our airwaves out here with Census Crap about how important the whole thing is. F-ing annoying. I think we already had this discussion about the Nazis collecting data on occupants... I am thinking the most effective action would have been a gross over-reporting of occupancy. Oh well, I got the short form, so I am counting myself lucky.

Those census reps get from $10 to $12 an hour, FYI. Don't forget to leave some shell casings on the porch!

we have something better

Ah, the good old-fashioned Jehovah's Witness! Got into your place by guile. Oh my god! Wow. You sure are nicer online! I liked the part about steeling yourself, and there being none left. A 4 page letter, at least you know she put a lot of effort into it.
I am speechless. What if you had a sign that showed $2 /per knock, 3 knock minimum. No Refunds?

if it could be collected, it would be a good plan

I guess that makes sense, considering how you gaurd against the Spam-bots on your CONTACT page. I seem to recall a photo of a caller-ID box too.

Along somewhat similar lines, have you ever tried political action?

why, yes.

I was thinking that I might try getting telemarketing outlawed in California. Voter Referrals, I think they are called, where you get the proposition on the ballet by bothering people outside supermarkets. I can't wait to try and secure 10,000 signatures by standing outside Target with a big "Stop Telemarketing" sign. My question is who wouldn't sign it?

it would be good theater: annoying the hell out of people in person in order to stop others from annoying the hell out of people over the phone

From: Ryan R.
Subject Hi there...
Date Wed, 19 Apr 2000

Deuce,

Hi there!! My name is Ryan and I am from Regina, Saskatchewan in the fine country of Canada. I just wanted to say that I enjoyed the stupidity that I found on your website!!! It looks like a lot of fun....


Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2000
From: Neil W.
Subject: Phonebooth and 666!

You folks are my new fave website. I feel the fool that I haven't heard of you before now. I have much catching up to do!

The Mojave Phone Booth is to be a travel destination of my near future. I have driven by it many times and not even known it! I live in L.A. and have been to Vegas countless times! And I never knew of it! Oh, the humanity!

And on the subject of this 666 Cold preparation; a friend of mine gave me a bottle of the stuff years ago and I still have it. I've never used it because I wasn't aware that it was sold that commonly. I've never even seen it on any shelf in any drug store- EVER. So, here I've had a bottle of this stuff on my bookshelf for almost 10 years- and I see it on your site. Imagine my surprise!

Cheers to Deuce of Clubs!


Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2000
From: Dr. Brody Culpepper

Holy FUCK!,

Wagner with DEAN STOCKWELL!! Man, that's almost as good as Wagner with Dennis Hopper. After all, Dean played THE best Orbison-lyp-synching psychotic mobster femme in Blue Velvet that I've ever seen.

Good show, Ol' boy.

Mr. Brody


From: Shawn M.
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 2000

I was spending my morning zipping around sites of little consequence and I came across some photos of Whip It! in Houston.

What concerned me, was the picture you can find located at...

http//www.bobsokol.com/artcars/whip.jpg

What was the purpose of the small child submerged in the Shaving Cream?

ha! an elvis costello song comes to mind ... "opportunity, opportunity ... this is your big opportunity ..."

Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000
From ERIN B.
Subject s-p-a-m don't cha know its my best friend

Mr. Deuce Sir-

You are a source of inspiration to those of us not as off beat as you. I enjoyed the Wagner bust everywhere it showed up as well. Anyways, thanks its fun perusing y'alls site.

erin


From: ˇULTIMA!
Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000
Subject Post-Traumatic Stress

*Love* the Postal Meter! Your genius meter can be quantified by the intensity with which I enviously mutter to myself, "Wish *I'd* thought of that!" Now I'm making my Reba the Mail Lady figurine from the Pee-Wee's Playhouse Collection send messages about my moon phases to onlookers using a keychain Ouija board in a sad, uncredited replication.

--ˇULTIMA!


From: don
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000
Subject: Giant Rocks

I was in need of a California road trip real bad, so after provisioning with ten bucks worth of beef jerky, Triscuits, a can of aerosol cheese, a case of beer, guns and tools we shoved off and headed away from town. Ended up at Giant Rock about dusk and discovered that Giant Rock is now Giant Rocks. Seems a couple of days earlier some religious freaks with no outdoors sense built a fire under the Integretron facing side of the rock. The fire blazed all night and stressed the rock internally until it fractured and sent an apartment sized boulder crashing to the ground.

Unfortunately nobody was hurt in the "accident". Now I hear the Shiterra Club wants to put a fence up around the rock - imagine that.

I'll be flying back to California in a couple of weeks for another road trip as I am now sequestered here in (B)Orlando Fla with nothing to see but Disneylame, alligators and rednecks. Probably hit the Barker (Manson Family) ranch or Joe Travis' bar in Rachel, NV

Thanks for the website - it's quite a tonic!

Hasta la Bye-Bye,
Don


From: JonyB
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000
Subject: Not a put on

deuce

Nobody is putting you on , I wrote the other story to my friends and the rock is now two rocks. we did not know each other were writing either.( coincidence )15 minutes apart I wrote to him and other after you received from him.

Yes it broke, from fire and rain.

PS Your web is cool and appreciated, if you follow up I would like to know when you do . It's now two rock after all these years laying there as one.


Date Sat, 25 Mar 2000
From: Bob H.
Subject How I landed on the Farrah page...

...as much as I hesitate to admit it, I actually clicked from a link on another of your pages to get there...and, I really, really enjoyed the phone booth.


Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000
From: The Right Rev. N
Subject: Duke of URL

How do you pronounce URL?

This has puzzled me for a while. I have trouble when I go to relay it in conversation.

Is it pronounced Earl? "Could you send me an URL" or is it "You Are L". That would change an to a. "Could you send me a URL".

here in rural arizona, we like to say, Earl. that's the name of our local mechanic down to the garage.

The upside?
If this is my biggest problem, I have it made.

you have made the problem! congratulations!

I've "Made" it? Does that mean, from this day hence, it will be known as the "Rev. N" gambit?

no. it means that from this day forward you shall be known as "wink martindale"

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