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Hey, your photos and text for [Wagner at Burning Man '96] (and in San Francisco) are absolutely great! I have not laughed so much in weeks! Very creative!!

From: Kate
Org: New Times
Subject: Scottsdale colony

Funny how your reputation as a brilliant conceptual artist is growing here, while I'm still trying to find a damned show for you to review! Gilstrap and Voas are likening you to Warhol. It's all so exciting! If you start a Factory, I want to be Nico. best, k

P.S. Keep calling. I promise to pick up. We need to get this colony thing done! Before your star takes off.

From: Aussie
Subject: what it is?

What's all this about the deuce of clubs, dammit! I just happened on a 2 of clubs story in talk.bizarre today, a good long one, too, from some personage in Sydney. What's even more infuriating is that he intermingles the 2 of clubs with the word "Fruitbat". Yeesh! I'm going to bed!

From: Paul Lukas
Subject: Re: show-us low-us

Hello, Deuce ...

I'm a friend of Mark Simple's and also of Liz Clayton's, the latter of whom gave me your name. Actually, I was already somewhat familiar w/ your name, but it was Liz who told me that you were the person to ask about Show Low, AZ. I write a short weekly travel column about places I haven't been to, and Show Low, from Liz's initial description, sounds like a great place for me to write about. If you're willing to help, tell me the basics about how the place got its name, and anything else you think I should know about it.

Many thanks,

Paul Lukas

P.S. I also publish a 'zine called Beer Frame -- maybe you've heard of it, maybe not...

but of course. in fact, i even have your book. excellent stuff indeed, yep.

well. show low.

show low is the town i was born in. it was smaller then (pop. ca. 1,200)--more people now. like the rest of arizona, it's filling up with Q-tips (retirees, usually from iowa or wisconsin) who come here to die, but not before hopelessly clogging their arteries and our roadways. and our denny's, too, dammit. anyway, show low's most salient feature is the deuce of clubs--you can hardly take two steps in show low without seeing some reference to it. it seems that in the 1800s there was a land dispute on a ranch shared by two ranchers, clark and cooley. they decided one of them had to go. but they were not barbarians. they could have settled the matter by means of some cruel method, such as a duel or its western analog, the gunfight. but they were not barbarians. they agreed to draw cards. said clark to cooley, "if you can show low, you win." cooley promptly drew the deuce of clubs, lowest of all cards. displaying the card to clark, cooley said, "show low it is!" therefore the town is named show low, the street where i lived is called cooley, and the street where i was born is called deuce of clubs.

related side note:
"deuce of clubs" used to be a boys' reformitory slang phrase meaning to "both fists."

marginally related side note:
snowflake, a town near show low, was not named after a snow flake, but rather after its two founders, mr. snow and mr. flake. improbable, but true. (strangely, the phone book shows few listings for snow, but plenty of flakes.) i've used that as a bar bet for years--it's been good for lots of drinks. (but proof is usually demanded--a book will do, but one can also call the az historical society, if one is drinking during the business hours of the day.) typically i'll offer the sucker a chance to get back: i'll offer double or nothing that show low was named after two guys, mr. show and mr. low. i've never had a taker.

even more marginal side note:
snowflake has a street called full house lane. who cares

(now if you want to write about a *real* bizarre little town [the one featured in kathryn bigelow's cool noir vampire film Near Dark], ask about my time/sentence in "coolidge")

hochste lust!
deuce of clubs

From: Lazlo Nibble
Subject: Whip it!

Deuce, you goo bum, you drive right through Albuquerque and pass up the chance for a rare Cardhouse staff semi-quorum? I am insulted.

Love the car, though.


From: "Ll. Dunn"
Subject: Tape-beatles interview


How pleased I was to see you had put the Tape-beatle interview on the web so many others could read and plagiarize it. I wonder if you would do me a favor and add a link (or several) fro that page to my own presence on the web. It would be most appreciated.

.11. (Lloyd Dunn, et al.)
Static Output / P.O. Box 8832 / Iowa City IA 52240-8832 / USA

I would very much like to hear your report on the goings-on at Burning Man [97] when you get back. Will your impressions appear on the web?

.11. (Lloyd Dunn, et al.)
Static Output / P.O. Box 8832 / Iowa City IA 52240-8832 / USA


From: evelyn
Subject: ART CARS

hey - i think i met you many years ago...

are you a rock and roller?


From: Mike Shawaluk
Subject: Interesting page!

Especially your "Space Ghost meets Wagner" page (or is it vice versa?)

Also, I like the nifty yellow embossed "Cartoon Planet" background on that page. Mainly because I created it, for my "Modern Music for Swinging Superheroes" lyrics page, where you most likely ran across it. Don't worry, it's not copyrighted, I promise I won't sic my lawyers on you. In the same way that the Cartoon Network folks haven't sic'ed their lawyers on me for creating & using this background, from a scan of their Cartoon Planet logo. Actually, it's kinda neat to see my handiwork on someone else's page, it's my 15-seconds of non-fame.

Do you mind if I link to it, from my page? If you've ever seen the SGC2C transcripts, I'm the guy who does them; they're on:

Thanks again, and have fun, and whatever else you can think of.

- Mike

Ghads, this is wonderful, but I need about three hours to get through everything!

Lisa U.

that's why it's important to look at it while you're at work

From: Howie
Subject: Kevorkian Health Corp.

Your desire is our horror.

Visit us at

From: Marbut93
Date: Wed, 19 Mar 1997 15:18:41 -0500 (EST)

Subject: re:Ghoulardi

I am a Ghoulardi fan and I am interested in your reference to him, but I don't understand it. I would appreciate it if you would explain. I know little of what he did after leaving Ohio. Also i found out his shirts are available from J&L Printing at 216-891-0212. Thanks Cathy

i guess poor ernie passed away last month! there's some info from the TV Horror hosts site ( i've got more info if you need it. (for example, did you know he was an announcer on america's funniest home videos? sad, but true. he was also the announcer on the carol burnett show. (btw, if you like ghoulardi, you really should check out the cramps! use the hotbot engine and search on ghoulardi--at least one cramps site is sure to appear.)

From: "Taran L Doty
Subject: El Gran Juego de la Oca

Hi. I ran across an "Oca" web page this evening and noticed that there was another fan in Phoenix. I had to ask if you could tell me what happened to that show. Is it still around? Do you know if there is any way to pick it up here in town? Any news on what may have been the greatest television gameshow in history would be appreciated. Thanks.


last i heard, the show's still running in spain, but with a new host (sadly, emilio was canned or left, not sure which). telemundo dropped it, as you probably know. the only way i can think of that one might possibly get the show is with a satellite hookup of some sort, one that can tap into spain. wish i could be of more help

From: [Mr. X]
Organization: Manique Galactic Inc.
Subject: Matt Gerson: idiot

Subject line sez it all.
Sheesh! I sometimes have to be around him all day.

tom, tom . . . why so harsh on the Gersonator? you should be HONORED to be so much in the presence of The Man!

On other notes, we got Matt an actual producer, so even though his syntax still sucks, at least he takes a breath during his 5-30 minute rants.

a friend of mine thought he noticed a difference recently, with the review of Contact. but i just listened monday, & it still seems like MATT to me!

Did you hear his missive on The Crucible? NOT ONCE did he mention communism - let alone Authur Miller!

sure he did! in fact, what he said was, "author Arthur Miller," while what you wrote was "Authur." long live Matt!

and maybe he didn't mention COMMUNISM, but his did mention COMMandment and reCOMMendation--surely a crypto-reference to the red menace!

I send this of my own free will, beholden only to the All That Is.

Blessed Be!
[Mr. X]

i send this at my own pleasure, beholden only to the Wonder That Is Matt. Deuce

blessed be MATT!

From: [Mr. X]
Organization: Manique Galactic Inc.
Subject: Matt Gerson: idiot

Mat has been under a lot of pressure (for him) as of late as Bud (Matt's dad and the real owner of KXAM) was in the hospital for a spell and there was no one to sign juniors allowance checks.

MATT's father owns the station?!?!?
suddenly much becomes clear. . . .

From: [Mr. X]
Organization: Manique Galactic Inc.
Subject: Matt Gerson: idiot

Oh, you did't know that DID you??

Oh yes, Bud owns the station because junior has to do something and dad has to be able to tell all the Hoity-Toity up in Detroit at the Pistons Club just what junior does.

Bud is a majority stockholder, BTW.

From: ward
Organization: Sun Microsystems

Subject: Wheat Paste, eh?


I'm in the market for a recipe for unremovable wheat paste and rumor has it that you are willing to part with it via email. So would you be a dear and kindly send a copy of that recipe to me? Thanks.


P.S. LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE that art car.

From: Mark Gunderson
Subject: Grand CANYON!!

Wow, what a web site... so you're a hyperactive child, yes? :-)

So I was looking at the art cars site because I got mail about the upcoming show, and looked at the list of cars that were going to be in it. Hmmm, "Whip It"... well, maybe it's a Devo-oriented car; that might be interesting... but it turned out to be THOUSANDS of times more interesting once I discovered its TRUE NATURE!!

First off, I admit that I TOO COLLECT WHIPPED CREAM ALBUMS. Much like you, I couldn't enter a thrift store without them falling into my hands; I eventually decided the only way to get them out of my site was to buy them all...

Second, I was totally FLOORED when I got to the parade and discovered your proposed soundtrack...! Yes, I confess that I am a member of The Evolution Control Committee, and, well, that's my cat on the front. :-) Quite the pity you didn't get to use it for your soundtrack... oh well...

Excellent job on the car, I must say. Is it holding together any better? Any way I could get the recipe for that wheat paste? I've gotten some from the hardware store before and it's worked okay but not amazingly. I've been wanting to convert my Trooper into an art car but haven't had the time for it yet, but it may happen soon... No idea what theme yet, but vinyl certainly is foremost in my mind... and cassettes...

Oh, we have a web site, though it's in need of update and graphics and so on:

Later, escalator!

okay, here's the much-requested recipe for wheat paste, as i got it from the net (where, exactly, i can't remember)

Tips for Terrorists

Recipe for WHEAT PASTE

1 cup of wheat flour
1/2 cup of rice flour
3 teaspoons of cornstarch
2 cups of water

Combine wheat flour, rice flour, and water in a pot on the stove on low heat. The mixture should be very watery. Stir the mixture constantly with a wire whisk until the paste begins to thicken just a tiny, tiny bit. This may take about ten minutes. Take the pot off of the heat when you start to feel the mixture thickening. In a jar with a lid, combine three teaspoons of cornstarch with a half of a cup of water. Tighten the lid and shake the mixture until there are no lumps of cornstarch that are visible. Add the cornstarch mixture to the flour mixture and stir for another two minutes. Now you are done. Your arm may get tired, so I suggest that you do this with someone else so that you can switch off stirring.

I cannot emphasize the importance of stirring enough. Yes, it is tiring, but don't stop.

Wheat paste is the best way to put up PERMANENT posters. If you have a message that you don't want taken down, wheat paste it!!! It may take you a few tries to get just the right mixture, but once you do, it's way better than Super Glue.

From: Mark Ryan
Subject: kolob (that which cannot be named)

You taunt the God of our planet, and thus you shall become as one with the dust of the earth.

i already am. if you don't believe me, wait & see what happens to me when i'm dead.

Kolob does not take kindly to the belittling of he, or his minions.

kolob may kiss my bony arse
actually, i hate to tell you, but kolob isn't a person or a god. it's supposed to be a planet from whence the god of this planet came. or so mormons believe, anyhow. i don't know WHAT you're supposed to be.

As I smite thee, so shall you be smitten. As I conk thy melon, so shall I sing (as Donny) in acccordance with the earthly personification of all that follow Kolob the one.

I'm a little bit country (whack whack)
I'm a little bit rock and roll (smite smite)

You have been warned.

Li'l Kolob

hochste lust! (ferociously anti-mormon greeting)

Subject: The Osmonds

As a life-long, devout member of the LDS Church (Mormons) I speak for MANY when I say the Osmonds have long been an embarrassment to their fellow members (that's not an official church position, but I would sustain it as one if given the chance)! Producing a commercially sold album about Kolob and sacred things contained in the Pearl of Great Price violates our hope that we will not cast pearls before swine (no offense intended) i.e., display before the whole world the sacred truths we believe and that can come to be believed by anyone willing to study, ponder, and pray about such things!

As to our belief in our abilities to become gods -- it's true! We really believe that. But 1) it's not something we believe will be easily attained and 2) it's not something that most of us find easy to comprehend. But it make perfect sense. Children grow up to be parents but don't comprehend it as children and heavenly children of our Father in Heaven will grow up to be heavenly parents themselves (i.e. gods) -- if they're good enough. It's what we believe and it follows a natural, logical course that earth-life mimics.

Don't confuse that belief with The Osmonds album, lyrics, and cover art. That's their interpretation of the belief -- an interpretation prepared for commercial distribution. Don't you know that it's gotta be a little whacked!?!

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