All Access:
Amy Grant's Mandible's Mailbag

Date: Sat, 13 Feb 2010
From: Tammy
Subject: Mandible OrangeYa?

re: devoted fan of The Mandible since 1997 has noticed suspicious activity from a fringe group

Dear Fellow Mandibleians:

It has come to my attention that an ever-so-miniscule sect known as Christians Who Really Get It (the horror- Christians with a sense of humor!) has emerged, claiming the Holy Mandible as their own, and co-opting Mandibleian principles and precepts.

It appears to this concerned devotee of the sacred jawbone that this group is doing the unthinkable and...THINKING FOR THEMSELVES.

To make matters worse, they seem overtly erudite,doctrinally fluid, and questioning to the point of contentiousness. They are the Holy Mandible's worst nightmare- TRUE believers in the Lord Jesus Christ who are trying to be faithful, loving, kind, and REASONABLE, not to mention REAL and funny, and inclusive.

You can easily see the menace this poses to our cause of passing on the Enlightenment of the Mandible to those who have felt burned and banished by vain religiousity and vapid evangelicalism.

If Mandlebelians encounter these emergent church refugees, they should immediately make the sign of the mandible, and avert their eyes lest they come to realize that yes, there really ARE real Christians out there who get it and who are culturally attuned and relevant.

I get it... OH MY MANDIBLE- IT'S HAPPENING

Yours truly,
"Jaws of Life"

I get it: you get it. Wait. I don't get it.

From: legphotog
Subject: a fan
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 2009

Hi, Amy,

I have been an admirer of your legs since I was in college, back in 1980. I never got too much from your music, buy your legs never disappoint. Keep on walkin'

I use my legs almost every day, to flee from the Evil One.

And sometimes I just run errands.

From: William M.
Date: Fri, 26 Dec 2008

Hi Amy, I have listen to your music for sometime now. I had the pleasure to watch you on Faith and Fame today. I saw a picture of your Great Great Grandmother and she appeared that she may have African Heritage. I am wondering if she does?

I am african American and I am always interested in history.

Now that you mention it, there does seem to be a resemblance between my mandible and that of great Pharaoh Akhen-aton of Egypt! Check it out:

From: BILROJ
Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2008
Subject: Seasons Greetings

Somewhere I owe you an apology—maybe this helps a little.

Probably not your exact understanding of the holidays, yet you doubtless will find any number of concepts that resonate with your views.and faith.

Best wishes from :

It's so awesome you remembered the One Whose birthday it is!

(No, not Annie Lennox!!!)

(I mean, yeah, Annie Lennox!!! But of COURSE I'm talking about Mithra Sol Jesus!)

♥♥♥,
Amy :)

Subject: Fwd: APPLEBEE'S - ENJOY! ($50.00),
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 2008
From: Gina P.

Have a great lunch!

Hope you enjoy your lunch on Applebee's!

My name is Bill Palmer, founder of Applebee's. In an attempt to get our name out to more people in the rural communities where we are not currently located, we are offering a! $50 gift certificate to anyone who forwards this email to 9 of their friends. Just send this email to them and you will receive an email back with a confirmation number to claim your gift certificate.
! !
Sincerely
Bill Palmer
Founder of Applebee's

Great googly-moogly, Gina, you pretty much fall for anything, don'tcha? Next time, how about you Google-y before you moogle-me?
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/applebees.asp

Snopes before you leap!
Amy
:)

Subject: Re: APPLEBEE'S - ENJOY! ($50.00),
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 2008
From: Gina P.

That was a quick response. It really does work because I'm a total sucker for things like this and I'm going to the big AB tonight with my confirmation letter. Oh, if you do decide to do this, and you go to AppleBees, don't get the steak.
Or does a big star like you eat at AppleBees??????

Gina, Gina, Gina. Did you not visit the web page whose url I provided? And did you not follow the link from there to the Applebee's website FAQ? If not, I've attached a screen capture of the first two questions. (For your convenience, I have named the image applebees_scam.jpg.) Notice carefully the answer to both these questions:

Besides, as Snopes asks, do you really think the Applebee's founder would misspell Applebee's?? Well, maybe you do, since you spelled it AppleBees. (Note: Applebee is a name, and therefore the name of the restaurant—since it belongs to the fictional Applebee (or T. J. O'Pootertoot, or whomever)—gets the possessive apostrophe. Applebee's is not the same as AppleBees, and does not denote, for example, bees made of apples.)

Have a good time tonight and please, please, please (please!!) videotape the restaurant manager's reaction and upload it to YouTube. (Note: YouTube does not denote tubes made of you.)

People really let you rummage around inside their mouths, Dr. P.?

Fascinated,
Amy
:)

Date: Tue, 02 Dec 2008
From: Dave

I know you're only Amy's mandible, but do you think you could talk her into singing that old spiritual, the knee bones connected to the leg bone, the leg bones connected to the ankle bone, etc. etc. ?

Sorry, there is but one bone we deal with here at Amy Grant's Mandible. (Hint: It's the mandible.)

Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2008
From: burknstock
Subject: wounded warriors

Dear Amy, My name is Shannan [ . . . blah blah blah . . . ] We have many great programs but one of my favorites is the Wounded Warrior program. We offer a specially trained assistance dog to any soldier that has been wounded in the fight for our freedom. [ . . . blah blah blah . . . ]

There are soldiers fighting for our freedom? I don't think that's even legal, currently.

Date: Thu, 4 Sep 2008
From: Kristy

Dear Amy:
I am not sure if this is a true way to e-mail you or not, but I've done everything else I know to try, so I'll give it a shot. As the subject line indicates, Dr. [X] was my cousin. As you and Vince both know, [X] was a warm-hearted caring man who would do anything for anyone. Tragically he passed away a couple of years ago, also as you know, and Vince is playing, at the end of September, in a town that was near and dear to [X]'s heart: Ashland, Kentucky. [X]'s and my grandparents lived here; [X]'s mom grew up here, as did my dad, as did I, and many other family members; and [X] very often visited our grandparents here, up until the day they passed away. In fact, he spent several summers here with them during his childhood. Ashland was a place [X] loved and a place to where he was connected, and I just wanted Vince to know that when he does play in Ashland, KY, he will be playing with the spirit of [X] nearby. His ashes are buried here, in fact. If at all possible, I will be in the crowd, feeling as though a part of [X] is with me, as I watch Vince sing.
I just wanted Vince to know that [X] is there in spirit.

Dr. [X] ghostly concert attendance acknowledgement status: [x].

Date: Wed, 09 Jul 2008
From: Masha

Hello Amy Grant
My name is Masha,
I just wanted to thank you really much for writing and sinning so many great songs.

Until I realized it was a typo, I almost stopped reading at the word sinning (The Mandible has taken a lot of heat on this page).

I think you are the best singer in the world. My dream is to maybe see you live in concert once. I was wondering if you are going to be making any new albums in the future?

As long as there remains breath within me and I remember how to work the Mandible hinge.

Your songs are so beautiful and inspirational. I’m only 14, now, but I hope when I grow up I can become a gospel singer just like you.

Learn from the best!

I wish you the best of luck in the future

Many thanks for your kind words (-1).

PS you have your father eyes

Only because I haven't found just the right taxidermist yet. (Not to be defensive, but in Tennessee you're allowed seven years to look for one before possession of human remains becomes an official police matter.)

; )
Amy

Subject: Re: from your dental friend
Date: Wed, 05 Mar 2008
From: Gina P.

Hey Amy,

Did the police man give you my card?

He was a friend of yours? I duck whenever I see a cop. Never have an unnecessary encounter with law enforcement, that's my motto.

I liked the man from the Islands, he had a great sound. What was his name?

Marley? Bob Marley?

I would like to buy his CD.

He'd love to be around to sell you one, I'm sure.

You guys are real for doing the concert, it is amazing to me to see all you and your husband give back. Thats what it's all about.

Your dental friend,
Gina

Hokey + Pokey 4-ever!

:)

Subject: Re: from your dental friend
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2008
From: Gina P.

Hey, I've got an idea. Let's skip the nice words to you and ask you about your needs. You obviously have some incite into the motivations of people. That probably comes from years of being in the public eye, and having people scrutinize your every move. You being a "Christian" and all. Why do you care to write back to these emails? Especially if you have no intention of revealing if this is indeed who you really are. I think you may be someone who gets a laugh out of making people like me think I might actually be emailing the great and mighty Amy G. Grant??????????????????????????? Tell me this, do you really feel loved? Do you still carry around guilt? Respectfully, Who the hell are you? Can you say you know for sure. your dental friend,
Gina

Ps. This is sort of fun like a ping pong game, but writing to some unknown person is kinda wierd, but I think you told me that already.Maybe one day I'll really meet Amy.

Wow . . . *mental* and *dental* totally rhyme. I just noticed that!!

:)

P.S. -- I think your ? key might be stuck. (You might should wash your hands before typing, if you've had your hands in peoples' mouths.)

Subject: Re: from your mental friend
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2008
From: Gina P.

THAT IS FUNNY

From: Kara
Subject: Looking for one of Vince's songs
Date: Sat, 9 Feb 2008

When I watched the Oprah show this past holiday season, you and Vince Gill were on it.

What is the name of the song Vince wrote for you? I call it the "Smile" song.
You an Vince have a very blessed relationship. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us in America.

You may be talking about "Whenever You Come Around," which Vince Gill wrote with Mr. Pete Wasner.

Or you may be talking about "Smile," which was written by Charlie Chaplin. In which case you may have the wrong website.

Subject: Christmas Lyrics
Date: Tue, 4 Mar 2008
From: Peter D.

Is there any way to actually contact Amy? I have some Christmas lyrics I'd like to send her, and was wondering what address might be most appropriate...

Most Appropriate: Stand outside her window, hold a boombox over your head, and blare your xmas mix tape (it worked in a movie once.)

Thanks
-Pete D.

This message (including any attachments) contains confidential information intended for a specific individual and purpose, and is protected by law. If you are not the intended recipient, you should delete this message.

Any disclosure, copying, or distribution of this message, or the taking of any action based on it, is strictly prohibited. [v.E.1]

Oh, damn! I answered your message. *Answer* is a verb, and a verb is what? Right. An action. How I hate violating applicable laws!

Amy
:)

Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2008
From: Peter D.

ROFL!!

I love the boom-box idea. That's way romantic! Except without music to go WITH the lyrics, the effect might be, well... bizarre. :)

Or, as various Departments of Literature around the world call it: poetry.

There was music, of course, but the guy who wrote the music did it very quickly (you know Pastors... they're always so pressed for time), and I was never entirely satisfied with it. So I'm thinking - the music part should be re-done by someone willing to spend a bit more time with it.

And good grief - there MUST be some way to eliminate that annoying blurb about "confidential information..." at the end of each email! Augh, how embarrassing. Serves me right for emailing from my work address (sigh).

There is. Quit your job.

But seriously... am I writing to Amy Grant here?

I give up. Are you?

Or is this... Amy Brant, perhaps? Or Amy Ant, sister of 80's superstar Adam Ant (the guy who's name took me 10 years to figure out was a homonym for "adamant." As in, "Dude, like, I'm soooo adamant when I sing, 'Baby, baby... where did our love go? You don't need me... need me no 'mo...'").

I'm digressing badly, huh? Alrighty then - so, should I just send you the lyrics to a song & see what ya think? Could be... interesting! (and hopefully not bizarre) :)

Send them along. We could see what the Readership thinks of them.

Thinking back, I believe I wrote one from Mary's perspective (and yes, yours was better, LOL), one from Joseph's perspective, and it's been so many years, I'll have to look it up on some hard drive to find the rest.

"The rest" = Jesus's perspective?

What do you suppose the baby Jesus would have been thinking? I mean, the God part of him, not the human baby parts. I'd be thinking, "Things are going to be pretty boring in here for at least a few years. Wish I'd indwelt a teenager, at least."

You know, that might not make a half bad Xmas song for Vince to sing.

But I do remember sitting on a beach the summer prior to that Christmas, working my little tail off on the lyrics while the California sun crisped me to a crackly crunch. So I think maybe one of them is pretty good... hopefully... maybe... :)

You have a way with words, there, Pete. Let's see the song, how 'bout?

Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2008
From: Peter D.

Alrighty then, bratty, I mean Amy (teasing, totally) - I'll find that puppy. Those puppies I mean. :))

They give us new computers ever year or two at this consulting firm, so, the lyrics aren't on this particular hard drive. I'm working up in San Fran this week, at Levi's (home of... ummm... Levi's). But when I get back to Phoenix this weekend, I'll pull them off my backup drive and send them on.

Now that I've finally gotten up the courage to contact you about this... well, it'll be vulnerable, no bout-a-doubt it, but what the heck.

And here I was, thinking Ned Flanders was a fictional character.

Beats having them gather dust I suppose, huh?

I like the idea of Jesus' perspective. I really hadn't considered that. I was sticking with the oh-so-human element, back then. But, honestly, your idea is new! Hmmmm. It would be fun to work with that, wouldn't it?

I hope you have a great (rest of the) week! :))

I'm away from my computer for a while, and then I head for Texas, but when I get back I'll expect to see those lyrics. And something from the perspective of the Infant Savior would be great, too.

Till then,
Amy
;-)

From: Erin D.
Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2008

This is driving me mad, I heard this song but didn't hear the title, so when I typed the lyrics into google the only thing that came up was your site, so maybe you can help me?

What is the name of the song with the lines:

"They're faking all their morals on the mat It's an act, it's a fact You've got to be a hustler if you want to make a name Bein' good can only get you hurt "

My search could have been entirely wrong but its driving me insane and I need to know the name!

You managed to find this very page in your search, and didn't notice that this very page contains the answer—in red, yet?

(Google also yields this, and this, and this.)

I guess they don't teach Googling in school, like when I was a young googly mandible. . . .

Subject: from your dental friend
Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2007
From: Gina P.

Dear Amy, are you still out there?

You know, I never really thought of myself as "out there." Am. I. Out. There. Hrmm. I thought I was pretty mainstream, really. (Within the limits of my out-there-ness.)

Are your children's teeth still in a bad way?

No, I've been rubbing their choppers with Mr. Clean's Magic Erasers. And you know what? Those things *are* magic!
Plus, kids LOVE the taste!

I haven't written you in a long while. I'm the dentist that you said would be fun to party with. I don't party, but I love to laugh a tell great stories.

Tell me your best great story.

Can you imagine working in a persons mouth all day,what you would see and how people react to the news that they need a root canal. I think most would rather drink battery acid, than get a root canal.

You should introduce them to the wonders of oral health via household cleaning products. I'll bet you could have your own InfoMercial!

I still wish I could meet you, I would love to talk to you about your career and the wonderful music you have written. I've been listening to you since Fathers Eyes came out. What a life you have led. I wonder what you think about people who admire you and your music. Does it get annoying to deal with fans, or is it still flattering?

I never forget that my fans have made me the mandible I am. They keep me grounded and real, and not so "out there."

I mean, there are some fans who repeatedly write long emails with rambling biblebabble comprehensible only to the voices in their heads [finger points to messages below], but you know what they say—into every life a little clinical insanity must fall.

I wish someday I could help you with children's charity events. Most of my dentistry is with children, and I've done a few mission trips to help. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. My # is 268-6262. Maybe if you have time you can call.

I'm not sure I have time to try the number with every possible area code. Unless I make a song out of the touchtones. (Say. . . . that's not a bad idea. TRADEMARKED! TRADEMARKED!)

Actually . . . you know how Cher had one of her assistants dial the Mojave Phone Booth, instead of calling it herself? I'm kind of like that. I'm grounded and real, but I mean, c'mon, let's not be ridiculous—I'm still too fabulous for technology.

Amy
;)

Subject: your dental friend
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2007
From: Gina P.

Hi Amy, Thanks for writing me back. I am probably going to regret telling you this, ( one of my best stories ), because it's humiliating but funny. Funny for everyone but me. There was a time in my life when being gifted up top was great, but not after children. I swore that after I had my two boys I would have a reduction. ( In the chest area ) My husband decided to play a joke on me one day while I was at work. He called me and said that I needed to call Capt. Diece ( Dale was in the Air Force at the time ), and give him some insurance info. about my upcoming surgery. The phone conversation went something like this. The phone rings, a man answers and says this is Capt. Diece, can I help you? I said my name and that I needed to talk to him about my breast reduction surgery. The phone was silent on the other end, and I thought what is taking him so long to respond. He finally said, tell me more. I told him that I was calling about an insurance issue since the surgery would be done at the base hospital, and as usual I always say more than I need to. I told him the name of the surgeon, how tired I was of lugging these things around and how I wanted them to look normal again. He began to laugh ( which I expected ), but what I didn't expect was laughter in the background, and someone saying, Oh my Lord this is funny. My face began to feel hot from embarrassment, and I said who is that laughing in the background? He said, do you know who you are talking to? I said yes, Capt. Diece at Moody Air Force base. He said, not so, this is James at Capt. D's seafood restaurant. I screamed, and said why did you let me keep talking like I did? He said, because you just wouldn't shut up, and it was funny.

Since then my husband hasn't played as many jokes on me because he tells his friends, payback is hell.
Tell me what you think of the story,( and not that I'm lame )

Oh. My. Lord. I don't know quite how to respond to that. Well, if we were sitting around a Pioneer Girls campfire, I'd probably tell you this story that happened to a friend of mine who worked for an airline. When that airline acquired its first 757s, the flight attendants were making a training video highlighting the new features. One of them called down to aircraft maintenance where my friend worked:

"We need some Kotex up on gate 47!"
"Some what, now?"
"Some Kotex! Now!"

This was a guy named Eddie, a very excitable and imperious flight attendant with a vaguely foreign accent. It caught us off-guard, but it wasn't an unreasonable request—the airline stocked feminine products in the aircraft lavatories, and the flight attendants would need to know exactly where.

"So, um, how many do you need?"
"Two or three, it doesn't matter! Just get some Kotex up here right away!"
Eddie almost sounded as though he were about to have a little emergency himself, so we hurried over to the gate and burst onto the scene, waving the Kotex. The entire video crew broke into laughter. Eddie just about bust in two screaming.
"Not KOTEX! I said KOTEX! KO-TEX!!"
We stood, dumbfounded. "But Eddie, these ARE. . ."
"KO-TEX, I said! TEX! For COATS!"

Because of his accent, we had misunderstood Eddie. What he had asked for were identifying labels that were put on garments in First Class. Coat. Tags.

<;)
Amy

Date: Mon, 10 Dec 2007
From: John Brubaker
Subject: April, 1 1999

On April, 1 1999 I warned you to shut down this site,

So you're wondering how I could possibly have failed to take seriously a message you sent . . . ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY?

it has been 8 and 1/2 years sense I have contacted you.

I remember your message (though I don't remember it having any "sense").

Perhaps this second message of yours would have had carried more weight if you'd sent it after some biblically symbolic period, such as 7 years, or "time, times, and half a time," or even 666 days.

But 8.5? That's not a biblical number, that's a Richter scale reading. Who the hell's afraid of earthquakes?

Besides, given that over 3,100 days have passed since your first warning, how important could it be? In light of 2 Peter 3—"One day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day"—that means it's been more than three thousand years since you last wrote me. Gosh, what have you been up to all this time? Not bothering to get your G.E.D., I think we can safely assume.

What say we give it another few thousand years and then you can get back to me with your third message? (Hint: 3 = biblically charged number)

Now let me teach you Revelation. Read what I wrote on april the 1st 1999 then go to chapter 5 of Revelation John wept and wept because there was no one in heaven on earth or under the earth to open the scrolls. Where was JESUS. He was on earth but his job was not finish yet. That is why it says no one knows the day nor the hour that the son shall come not the angels nor the son only the father. Go to chapter 12 that is the second birth. And her child was snatched up to GOD and his throne. All that means is there was a hedge put around him so satan could not kill him. Chapter 14 I looked and there before me was a white cloud and seated on the cloud was one like a son of man a crown of gold on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand and a angel tells him to swing his sickle. Now what is a angel telling Jesus what to do, I thought Jesus was in charge of the angels? In the old testament the son went by many names, Michael and others. So Lets say God the father wanted to change his name and he sends a angel to mary to call his son Jesus and when Jesus leaves the cross and goes to heaven the father says son I want that name. Now the father Is Jesus. Who rules in heaven? God the father rules in heaven not the son. Now the son does not have a name, He gets his name in Revelation. Once into the world for salvation, once into the world for judgement. in Deuteronomy it says I will raise up a Prophet likened unto myself, and I will put my words into to his mouth and any man that does not listen will given direct account onto me for it was me that was speaking and not he. Jesus said mosses wrote of me but you will not believe mosses how will you believe me. Now that verus gets used twice one in jesus day and once in Revelation. MOCKERS AND SCOFFERS SHALL NOT ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

". . . FOR YEA AND VERILY, THEIR WAY SHALL BE BLOCKED BY THEM WHAT LACK ABILITY TO SPELL, OR CIPHER, OR UNDERSTAND SIMPLE HUMOR."

What??
Amy
:)

Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2007
From: John Brubaker
Subject: NOW FOR YOUR AMUSMENT

God take's the foolish of this world and make's them to be the wise, and take's the wise like youself and you should know the rest.......! 8 stand's for the beginning....10 stand's for the wedding (Great catching away). 5 wise 5 foolish=10 Those who deserve love will get love, those who deserve mercy will get mercy, those who deserve compassion will get compassion, and those who deserve Judgement will be judged and get judgement. I have come for the harvest....NOT A FOLLOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The church failed to do it's job. I will fill the churches to over flowing. Mosses did his job...but failed to get into the land of milk and honey. Samson failed to do his job. Jesus did his job, and I will do mine...........I think men are heartless, not all but most of them.........Women have heart's, but many have become like men with out a heart!!!!!!!!!! My thought's are not like your thought's........You asked where I have been for 8 1/2 year''s? I have been suffering for men and what they do......The lamb alway's take's the punishment for man kind...For GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD. Not the son so loved the world. You thought the FATHER was going to let this world go on as it is. HAHAHAHA. See I have a sense of humor toooooo.........I don't have to prove myself to know man. Or women. Jesus kept saying he could do nothing with out the father, and I am the same way, I can do nothing out the father. JOHN BRUBAKER

Date: Thu, 13 Dec 2007
From: John Brubaker
Subject: Gary

Well I see gary went down, busted for pot, dui and losing all his money. Whose next Vince? Let's all just set back and watch!!!!!!!!John Brubaker

Date: Thu, 13 Dec 2007
From: John Brubaker
Subject: post my letter's

I never loved a women in my life. GOD put that love in my heart for amy grant in 1993, he kept dragging me across the floor of my place, it took a half hour to wear me down. Then a hand came up through the floor and ripped my heart out my chest and it hurt so bad and I felt it being worked on and then it was stuffed back into my chest, when I rolled over I was madly in love with amy grant. Then I found out she was married, I about lost my mind, and then she said GOD was leading her in a new direction. In 1996 I knew she was going to marry vince gill, I started sending letters to her fan club, and putting amy only on them. In 1999 I was e-mailing her web site. It said I KNOW who you are amy belongs to GOD. They were saying I was satan HAHAHA the Jews called JESUS a false profit and nailed him to a cross. (they have not had anyone in 2000 years) You can call me satan, a false profit and a lunatic and a mad man if you wish, but when I step out the DOOR you will get the one that calls himself jesus. my names John.(Beloved of GOD). Like that song by pink floyd says. there will be no safety in numbers when the right one walks out the door. See I came out of the world, but I go by the bible. I'm a sinner, washed in the blood of the lamb, I make mistake's. but like everyone else I can be forgiven. ASK the devil I beat him to a pulp and I would do it again, just for the fun of it. HAHAHAHA. see I don't like him either!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well any way back to amy she said I have finally found true love. Meaning vince gill, and she has had a child by him. Let's say a person goes up to a rich women who has it all on this earth, and he has nothing on this earth. But he offers her a stone and tells her in the stone is a key to his heart, and it will be hers forever. She thinks he is a mad man and tells him to leave before she calls the police. So the time passed away and they both entered heaven, she finds out she turned down a prince of heaven. Now the moral of the story she has forever in heaven to think about it. You see I am not of this world but of the world to come. And the sons of GOD (ANGELS) looked down and saw that the women were beautiful and took them as their brides. Do you think GOD set there and created each angel, it says go forth and multiply. as it is in heaven so shall it be on earth and vice versa. Begotten means begat. Men made sex evil with their dirty little minds. Back to amy I hope she is happy with her life!!!!!!the stone will be offered to someone else. I feel sorry for amy. There shall be a new heaven and new earth. now you say people say the old earth will go on, nonsense. You don't put old wine into a new wine skin. Jack Van Impe keeps yelling that the old earth will go on. Why would you want to remember it. John Brubaker

Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2007
From: John Brubaker
Subject: why are you not posting these?

The anti-christ is the son of satan. Uh oh does that mean that he is satan's spawn? satan has sex no way........lucifer was the most beautiful angel in all of heaven and then GOD created man in his own image. lucifer became jealous and got 1/3 of the angel's to back him. The rest sided with the Father. There was a migthty battle in heaven and a 1/3 of the stars or suns were cast down from the sky. Now the angels had to chose their sides. always a choice. Men have to make theirs to. David said and the Lord GOD spoke and it was there. He could have defeated them all if he wanted to. But he wanted them to make choice's who they were going to stand with GOD or lucifer. Jesus the lamb of god never sinned, he was born of the virgin birth, die for sinner's and opened the gate's of heaven. Now why couldn't the lamb come back as a sinner go through the molding process like everyone else do other JOBS get the harvest. The rest is to deep for your mind to comprehend!!!!!!!!! In Jesus day most men were humble, but now they are brash and arrogant. So in stead of saying who do you say that I am. You Just tell and walk on. If you had a son and you were going to bring him back where would you put him in Israel. NO WAY!!!! the Jew's called him a false profit and nailed him to a cross. Europe NO WAY!!!!! that is where the anti-christ is coming out of. The Untied States the greatest christian nation there has ever been. And they accepted the Jewish people with open arms. Am I Jewish don't know, I am mixed and my father was adopted. I am the last of seven children. He came to the hospital when I was two day's old with another women in arm's and told my mother I am leaving you with the seven kid's and take that bastard son with with you. He died in 1977 the year I went down, I tried to get his adoption records but they are sealed even after all these years, Solomon took the seed in to the gentiles which was forbidden. I went down in 1977 two things happened there was a great revival in Korea, and Iran started calling us the great satan. The Korean people treated me nice, where most Americans treated me like dirt. When I was a little boy I would cry to GOD it was not fair that I was not born Jewish, because they are his chosen people. When I was in high school a guy I knew used call me a German Jew. In the military a German SFC came up to me and said your Jewish aren't you. I said yes, I felt so bad after saying that, I wanted to be Jewish so bad. I have had to learn to think for my self, I do not think in groups. People do not like me. If you are of this world people will accept you, if you are not they will not accept you. If you come after me to get my job or to harm me, I likened my self to a tiger. I will climb up in a tree and wait for you to come by and pounce on you. Other words I will get your job before you get mine. When I start thinking I get wild, I think of every direction you can come and then some, and then I nail you to a cross!!!!!!! I always said I'm 99.99.99% Right. When you come after me I will tell you how I am going to get you. And then I show you my right hand like I am coming that way so your ready. Then I show you my left hand and you are looking over there and then before you can move I am all over you with the right and I got you the way I said I was going to do it. If all the Profits and disciples and Jesus were here on earth were would they be? They would be in a mental institution......or with your mentality a nut house. And they would have GOD under neath a microscope. When my time comes I am going to rip this world apart....and don't you call me a christian........that name was given by Paul.....so much evil has been done in name of Christianity..........You can say I am a born again sinner, washed in the blood of the lamb, and a servant of the most high Jesus...........You know the story of Jesus Christ.........maybe one day I will tell you the story of John Brubaker...........................Those who have their oil full and their wicks trimmed, and have been watching will get out. They are the wise. Bench warmers and those playing around in the world will not, those are the foolish. They have to go through the anti-christ to get in. All of my life and sin and short comings shall be revealed to the world to see. And I have failed a lot and sinned a lot, hey never said I was perfect. I had the devil pounding on me since I was a child no armor. crawling out of trap after pit fall after trap after pit fall. So I can look at my life and say I've done that. I can also say I was tempted with that and I did not do that. As far as Amy goes there is a small burning ember, like if you put a fire out with water and it is still smothering. I remember the first time I saw the sign of devil being flashed at concert's on TV. I thought what is that? So there was this guy down at work I knew he would know so I ask him. He said John that is the sign of the devil. I knew right then to leave it alone. Amy did not check it out before she did it, it looked cool and everyone was doing it. Christian's can be cruel they have been cruel to me to. I learned a word for them Hipochristians. Judge not less ye be Judged unless you are going to be the judger. And it also says you shall know them by there fruit's. Now the gloves she wore with six points, another stupid move..............And her posing with the two men in drag, my gosh how stupid......she is in the public eye.....you leave the likes of those alone...doesn't it teach you homosexual's shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.........Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed because of that.........I do not attend church, I give tithes, I like pop and mellow rock music, I do not listen to christian music. King of Pain by the Police reflects my life. The last album by Pink Floyd really reflects my life.(The Division Bell) sort of like one shall be taken and one shall be left. I am very meek, shy, and do not push my shelf on anyone. But at the same time I can come out of character and blow your mind, and you don't know if you are dealing with the father or me.......I smoke......if a man lives to be a 100 years old and he has smoked since he was 16. And when he dies he dies of natural causes not due any ting to the smoking did he defile the temple of GOD? NO!!!!!!!!!! Then let GOD be the judge of sin not man. Now if you are 35 and you start getting sick from them you had better quit. I remember gary chapman had a Christmas special and he said he baked the cookies him self. Amy liked to eat something before she sang, she ask gary for one he said no they are for the guest, if you are good you can have some when you get home. Steven curtis chapman came out and put him in his place. HAHAHA He couldn't give a cookie away. I would have offered her the whole tray. He mite be in the soup line's soon. You see GOD can put thoughts in men's mind's, they don't have to be christian. I often wondered if a song was written just for me when I needed it......like King of Pain........and there are many other's........You have the 10 commandment's and the few other's that GOD says not to do, after that it is between me and GOD. NOT you me and GOD. Those who miss out on heaven it will be their own fought not GOD'S..........If I could make it in, and over come all odds.....what excuse will they have...........GOD is fair true and just in all thing's..........It says and the book's shall be opened, that's your life.....everyone is a book, a story....every thought, every decision, every choice, everything. I don't want to see gary go to hell, but to watch him crumble is ok....maybe now it will make a man out of him......how many time's did Amy have to drag him home.....he thought the bible was his protection on divorce......Now if Amy hasn't blew it with the FATHER, let's see what's going to happen to vince gill. I don't hate vince, and I hope he makes it to heaven......sweet pea.......I can look into people's eye's and I know if there born again or not.....and I have several other gifts you never heard of.....Samson was strong he got that from heaven, that was one.............those who miss out on heaven do not know what they are missing out on....It is untold what the FATHER is going to do for those who love him................Jesus opened the gates with the blood that covers all sin.........John Brubaker

From: Dwight Stubblefield
Subject: Anne Stubblefield Cancer Outreach 501-C Non- Profit
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007

AMY,
I saw you and Vince on the Oprah show today. I need to tell you about a great need throughout Tn.and the nation that most people don't about. I didn't until after the death of my wife Anne, and I asked her oncology nurse in Tullahoma, Tn. what I could do to help cancer patients taking chemo. Iwill quote her. we have patients comming here, so sick, can't eat, all they can keep down is Boost or Ensure, and they don't have a dime to pay for it. If we had some here to hand to them they will accept it. Start bringing us some. I did. Soon all 20 clinics started asking for some. To make this short I have delivered over 38,000 bottles or 2,375 gallons. I need many times that much. Today I got a notice from the Community Foundation of Middle, Tn. that I mhad gotten a grant. There is no overhead, so all donations goes to a sick person that can't help themselves. Thanks, and GOD BLESS,
Dwight Stubblefield Tullahoma, Tn. 37388

From: jewels rowbottom
Subject: thank you
Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2007

i just to thank you for helping me get through so really rough parts of my childhood especially for your song ask me from the album heart in motion it really helped me alot thank you

well i glad i put ask me on the album heart in motion cos i almost did a cover of whole lotta love instead you're welcome
amy ;)

From: Billy L.
Subject: Another mandible
Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2007

Hey Amy's mandible, looking great as always!

I wanted to point you in the direction of Tina Arena.

Now there's a mandible you can set your watch to! Extremely beautiful lower jawbone, wouldn't you agree?

Tina! Arena!
Banana-fana-fo-fina!
My jaw's keen-uh!
Ti-na!

Fee fi mo mean-ly,
Amy ;)

Date: Sun, 8 Jul 2007
From: Anthony
Subject: Married to one of Gary's ex - girlfriends

Hi Amy, I married a young lady from Texas back in 1980 who was engaged at one time to Gary. She met him at Gary's Dad's church back in DeLeon, Tx. She has literally told me EVERYTHING about this guy. So I am behind you all the way on your decision to divorce him and get on with your life. And now that Gary has been arrested for DUI and drugs it makes it even more clear why you had to leave. His bankruptcy and separation from wife # 2 is in the news also. He is going to lose it all just because of his stupid self-centered ego and pride. This must break Terry's heart. You know he wanted better than this for his son. Best wishes, Anthony in Oklahoma. P.S. My favorite song is "Lead Me On"....( I watch the video over and over).

I don't know what on earth would make you think that Amy Grant wants to hear dirt about a man she once loved.

Shame on you!
Amy
:(

Date: Sun, 03 Jun 2007
From: cheeergurrlx3

Dear Amy,
                I really love your music. I think you are a great role model to a lot of people! My name is Amanda and im 13 yrs old! If I have a bad day I always listen to your song 'Every Heartbeat." It is an amazing song. When people ask me, "Who is your favortie artsit?" Instead of saying one of those famous "Kool" artsit I say, "Amy Grant." A lot of people dont know what Im talking about, but I sure do!!

Sincerely,
               Amanda

P.S
.          My address is         Â

In case you can send me an autographed picture, which I would love!! I think ur soo awesome!!

Essay Question 1:

Which is preferable—cheerocracy or cheertatership?

Please be detailed in your answer, providing specific examples where applicable and use the letter  only where it supports your argument.

Cheerfully,
Amy
;)

From: Scott S.
Subject: Special request
Date: Fri, 24 Nov 2006

Dear Amy,

I have an unusual request. My name is Scott, a resident of Troy Michigan.

My wife has been a fan of yours and has spoken of you with me from time to time, especially about your wedding.

Recently our family has been going through very difficult financial times. As such, I have been limited in what experiences I have been able to afford to give to my wife and children. (5)

Recently, I decided I was going to play a game, to stimulate some thought on their part. I asked them the question. " If you could have lunch with any 3 people you admire, who would they be..NO LIMITS!" Among the people my family chose, were God, the pastors of our church, a local radio talk show host (Bob Dutko), yourself and deceased relatives.

I did not promise my wife or the children that I would make any of these meetings happen,(besides God, he walks with us always.) I have been working hard to make as many of the request happen as possible.

Some of them have not been difficult. 2 of the children (ages 10 and 14) chose leaders out of our church (Berean Baptist of Grand Blanc). My son (age 10) [Name deleted by Amy Grant's Mandible, who knows the poor kid will one day be embarrassed by the company he kept in his youth.] sat in on an hour broadcast at WMUZ in Detroit to see Bob Dutko broadcast.

I understand that you may get many odd requests from your audience, and it may or may not be desirable for you to give your time in this way. In any case, I am asking if you could make time to correspond with my wife by e-mail or phone. (since lunch would be a little difficult.) Is this possible?

"NO LIMITS"—yet you have family members who shot their wish wad on local pastors? Holy cow, nothing like dreaming big. Good thing you didn't LIMIT them—they might have chosen lunch with you.

Mandible kisses to the wife,
Amy
;)

O=

From: Scott S.
Subject: RE: Special request
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2006

They are the best Pastors, If you like, I can arrange for you to have lunch with them as well.

Many more blessings.

I believe I will pass on that. Pastors tend to be unkind and say mean things about a person, when all that person is trying to do is love her neighbor. How can a person help it if her neighbor was Vince Gill?

Mandibular wishes,
Amy
;)

From: Scott S.
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2006

Well, perhaps that is why my children chose their Pastors! God knows for a fact that I haven't lived a perfect life, or lived next door to Vince Gill! They still accepted me and have taught the unadulterated truth. Without hate. I call it Grace. On the other hand, they do like spicy food, I don't know how that would sit with you;)

Yet again, to you, my pastors are not local.....(Now you must know that I am laughing) Is that a big enough dream?...LOL

In any case I am just pleased that you did not live next door to Danny DiVeto. Think about that for a minute. I am sure that would have been a most excellent boost to your career.

Thank you once again, may your blessings be continually multiplied, and never divided.

From: Tami S.
Date: Sun, 26 Nov 2006

Hi My name is Tami and my husband told me that he found a way to communicate with Amy Grants publicist and that it was in a rather humorous fashion. I was touched that he would try to find a way to make one of my wishes come true as well as that of our children. You see, he has been out of work for a couple of years and wanted to do something of significance for his family. These lunch dates have proven to be wonderful moments for our children. I have always appreciated Amys music.While she went through changes in her private life with the public unfortunately watching, I watched with respect as it appeared to me that she was making decisions for herself. When I went through my own divorce and remarriage, I thought of her. Obviosusly I do not know her at all. I respected that she held her head high and did what she thought was best for herself and her family. One day I wanted to tell her that. That is really why she came to mind when my husband asked that question. I thought if we ever met we might be able to encourage each other. In any case, I pray that all is well for her. If her second marriage faced any of the difficulties that ours has had, it might mean something to hear a kind word from someone. God bless, Tami Schroeder

From: Bradley O.
Subject: drugs, sunbathing in the nude
Date: Sun, 19 Nov 2006

Amy,

Although this is a humorous site, and I'm asking a serious question, here it goes.

Is it true that you have had your share of smoking pot and other illicit drugs, sunbathed nude, etc. the way you have been quoted in magazines back in 1985?

Bradley
Bemidji, Minnesota

You are correct to recognize the humor, Bradley (and in this, you are ahead of a large percentage of people who write in to The Mandible).

But since I am only a Mandible, I cannot answer for what the rest of Amy's body does. All I can say is:

"Sir, I am unaware of any such activity or operation—nor would I be disposed to discuss such an operation if it did in fact exist, sir."

Jawohl and good day, sir
Amy
:)

From: richard
Subject: Carlee
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006

Amy

First of all we wanted to wish you and your family a great holiday season from ours. We wanted to let you know that Carlee had her yearly check-up last week and everything went very well. We really miss Dr. Iaucone, he is a great man!! We watched the video from the three wishes program the other night, and I still can't believe we were able to be a part of that. Carlee remembered everything at the hospital, and the party and we went into the play room that we filmed the party in. Tristan is doing well also so we can continue to count our blessings from GOD everyday. We will always remember how great it was to spend the time with you, and I hope we can see you again in the future. I hope you get to read this, and may God continue to bless your family especially during the up-coming holiday season. Take care!!!

Sounds as though Amy neglected to give you the email address to the rest of her body, so you got stuck with just her Mandible. Well, as the old saying goes, the rest of Amy Grant's body's loss is Amy Grant's Mandible's gain!

P.S. Carlee got a letter from a lady in Europe the other day that had seem the episode and was touched. PRAISE GOD!!

I have to believe that a majority of the people who watched Three Wishes were touched. PRAISE BOB!!

Luv,
Amy
:)

Date: Fri, 13 Oct 2006
Subject: Laurence Gonzalez

Hi Amy

I'm hoping you can help me. I need to find a photo of Laurence Gonzalez and I believe his book Deep Survival is published by DOC. Either way, please let me know if it is possible for us to get a photo of him through DOC. I need to know immediately as this is going to layout on Monday.

Thanks so much for your help
______________________
Leslie
Associate Photo Editor
Fortune Magazine
1271 6th Avenue
New York, New York 10020

WOW, leslie. i am pretty much floored, here. let's review the facts:

1) you're trying to contact a religious singer...

2) ...by way of a website devoted to the religious singer's *jawbone*...

3) ...regarding a photograph of a completely unrelated author...

4) ...of a book that happens to be featured on a completely unrelated part of the website...

5) ...having assumed that that website must certainly have published the unrelated book in question.

that's pretty good. again i say: WOW. you must be the talk of the (Almost Six Impossible Things Before) Breakfast Club. all i can say, leslie, is:

you ROCK!

much, much luv,
amy
:)

I'm gathering this basically means you don't have a photo. Right?

thanks

you sure guess it-a quick, boss!

amy
:)

From: John H.
Subject: Need your help
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 2006

Dear Ms. Grant,
I tried to reach you throu the intertainment system regarding a song which I have invented and am interested in you interducing it to the public. It a song that came to me in the middle of the night ago while in the hospital. Thson is a short catchy tune and the music to it still is in my brain.
Please contact me using my E-Mail address and we caan discus how best way to get it before the public.
Please contact me soon.
Regards,
John

What is your song called? You wouldn't happen to be the composer of the amazing song, "Oh, Lord," would you? (If so, I am not sure my help is the kind you need.)

Amy
:)

From: Butterfly_Barb
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2006
Subject: prayer has led me to you

Hello Mrs Gill (Grant),
I am Ms. Shaffer,a retired 75 yr old woman from a small town in pennsylvania. I wont lie and say Ive known about you for many years,but recently saw a show called 3 wishes,that my daughter taped some time ago about a school football field wish coming true along with an adoption and a small excercise pool for a disabled youg girl..this being the reason my daughter taped it. If you can tolerate the lengthy ramblings of pride and frustration from a concerned mother,I'd like to tell you about her heartbreak and courage.
My daughter,"Jo" is a 42 yr old nurse who has always stuck by her principles as I always taught her...however,it hasnt always proven me right and I fear her losing faith..but cant say I would blame her at this point,yet we still pray.
She has a love for animals unlike any other and many years back was heartbroken when.after surviving a flood,but losing her home,her pomeranian was poisoned with antifreeze by a cruel neighbor. She was crushed,but opened her heart and rescued a beautiful siberian named moogie..he was her life. She mothered him to 14 yrs of age and lost him to blindness and renal failure due to diabetes. I thought her tears would never end..he was her child,as she had lost 4 babies (miscarriages) and is unable to have any. Suddenly,with every bone in her body,she began involvement with a husky rescue and also stated one here in our area. She rescued 15 to date out of her own pocket and small donations thru collection containers,found them vet care and forever homes..however,she adopted 3 herself. One found stabbed and tied,one isolated,deprived and starved,another found beaten in a shale pit. The latter one,Glacier(Glacey) who is so quiet and as sweet as they come,was diagnosed with 2 ruptured vertabre. She has taken every spare penny and repaid the vet who did the first surgery,but,as we feared,there was one other disc that looked suspicious..we tried to save it,but as of this past week,he has collapsed and she is carrying his little body up and down steps outside and feeding him by hand..rolling pennies for his medicine.
Normally,this wouldnt be such a hurdle..she would have the surgery done and he'd recover for good finally..however,last year she went thru chemo and recently went through another flood and while trying to rebuild a roof,broke her left ankle. This girl is absolutely the poster child for Murphys law..lol Her dream is to someday open a hydrotherapy business for animals that have surgery and require it,as there is none within hundreds of miles and may have proven a positive therapy in preventing this other disc from slipping,but we'll never know,will we?
When I say she sticks to her principles,it's because,even tho she knew it would mean loss of her position,she witnessed for the state against a nursing home abusing patients and suddenly found herself "without available shifts" She fought for uneployment and won,but still had to fight long and hard for a new position elsewhere. She somehow managed to care for these babies(her boys,as she calls them) and did without health insurance,dental and medicine. As a result,her diabetes has taken its toll on her teeth,along with her own disc problems,but she doesnt complain,even though I see her limp and cry occasionally.
So,Amy..here I have a beautiful daughter who stays to herself,trying to find any help she can to save this little husky requiring a $2,500 surgery to live before the pressure on the spinal cord paralyzes him,she doesnt smile anymore or even date because of her dental problem and Im watching her loose her dream and wish of a small business where she can work with the one thing she loves,animals..instead of standing 12 hrs a day passing meds at a place that might not call on her again for weeks at a time.
She even requests the night shift so she doesnt have to drive in the heat,as she has no a/c in the old car she drives.
In my eyes,and maybe Im bias,I just hate to see such a beautiful.intelligent,giving individual give up on life,especially when one of the things she holds dear..Glacey can be saved by removing a simple piece of broken bone. It breaks my heart to watch this,but I can do nothing,as I am on a retired/fixed income. Im not asking for a hand out. I just would like to see Jo get some help back since she has helped so many herself..this includes her volunteering in 9/11..hurricane Katrina and countless animal rescues....she has even brought me in to care for after my stroke and helped me get back to semi-independant living. If you,or any organization you know could extend a helping hand or lead her to a group that can,I would be forever in your debt. Ive prayed so many days for an answer and by mistake put that tape in again today,so I acted on it. I have learned your show was cancelled through reading email on your website and I am sorry it didnt last..it should have.
I pray this finds you and your family in good health and happy and I anticipate hearing back from you soon? Jo is fighting the clock for Glaceys life.

                                     God Bless
                                   ^j^            ^j^
                                           ^j^
                                     ^j^         ^j^
                              
                              Ms. Barbara S
                                 Pennsylvania

Re: your subject line ("prayer has led me to you") . . .
If prayer has led you here, then prayer has definitely led you astray.

But whoever led you to those ASCII angels deserves some sort of prize.

But wait—I count five: this wouldn't be Frank "Frankie Five Angels" Pentangeli, peeking from behind his witness protection program gender-reassigned cover identity of Mrs. Barbara S, would it?

'Cos if it is, I swear I had nothing to do with that truckload of pantsuits that went missing in Rahway, I don't care what Fredo blabbed around to everyone.

From: Jody P.
Subject: Dawn Patterson
Date: Wed, 17 May 2006

Dear: Amy

Hi I watch your show when it airs. I see the things you do for families and it is great. I have a family that is in great need of help. My husband ,our church, and I are trying to help this family. They have 5 kids and only have a 3 bedroom trailer. We are wanting to add more rooms so each child can have their own room. Only problem is we don't have the income to do all this. We have been praying for a way to help this family out. If you could please Help us make this families dreams come true. Also our Church is wanting to start a school and can't afford it please I am begging you to help us . I know you you have a great big heart filled with th Lord. As do we so please if there is so how you can help us let God lead you our way. We are from Mississippi. Thank you and may God Bless you.

Dear Jody P.,

Thank you for watching my show when it airs. Which, since it has been canceled, is never.

But never fear—entertainment is still to be had.

Amy
: )

Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2006
From: M.C. Jojo Smith

Subject: Hey JAWBONE!!!!

Hello Mrs. Grant,

I was wondering if your such a great singer could you:::::

Sing while not moving your mandible. That is keep your mandible stationary and open your mouth by rocking your head back and forth.

You can practice by resting your chin on a coffee table. If you can do this I'll send ridby $7.00. If he's not dead from the plague.

Do you like Praise Music???? I like the subgenre of Praise, its called Christian Rap. There is some oily guy named Carmen. He raps about god. He's good you should do a duet with him, I'm sure he'd split the money with you. My cellmate says christian rappers are soft, but man I prayed about it, and the spirit told me Jesus likes Christian praise rap. He spiritually made me feel the the streets of Jericho were rough and tough too. He also said that the Book of Mormon was wrong because if the Indians (Not Ridby) were really Jews then how come the got ripped off on the Manhattan Island sale???????

Makes you think......

Hey, you should give Christian Rap while immobilizing your mandible, a try.

Best Wishes
M.C. Jojo Smith

Dear Mr. M.C.

I met a cat called that once. It stood for Motel Cat.

Regarding singing without moving my mandible: apparently, you are laboring under a confusion. I am married to Vince Gill, not Edgar Bergen.

But regarding praise music and xtian rap, you will find some warm and uplifting selections freshly uploaded at Deuce of Clubs:

(Also: We Mandibles prefer that term, rather than "Hey, JAWBONE!!!!")

Demo-liciously yours,
Amy
: )

Date: Thu, 8 Dec 2005
From: rigy jacob
Subject: Request for a favour

RIGY JACOB,
VARAMBATH (H),
IRINGOLE P O,
PERUMBAVOOR
S INDIA 683 548.
TEL. +91 98477 30278

Dear Ms. Amy Grant

At the outset, let me introduce myself. My name is Rigy Jacob, I am living in a small town of South Indian state Kerala. I'm working in a small software marketing company in the Cochin City. I live with my parents and wife.

I,m sending this E mail to you for asking a small help. My Father was a State Govt. Officer and Mother was a head Nurse, We had an average finiancial background. My parents spent a lot to get my elder sister educated anfor her marriage etc(aprox:10lakhs). Now she is a Nurse Practitioner settled in the U S in Chicago. My parents expectations were to get some help from her but she did little. She's been there for 4 years and her husband is a US citizen.

Recently, due to our financial crisis, we had to sell our 25 lakhs' property for the half price. Now we are toiling hard to get resettled. Since we are not in the below poverty line in the Govt. records we wont get any kind of help from the Govt. Even though my wife is a graduate nurse, I must have a great sum to get her employed in any developed country. Since we are ashamed to stretch our hands to our nationalities, I was thinking of asking of a small financial help from any forigen personals or societies. I think you are the right person to ask for some help.

So let me take this oppertunity to beg you a small finiancial help of 7-8 Thousands of US $ only. I would be much grateful to you if you could help me in this matter. Once again I humbly beg you to be kind enough to help me. I believe, you will never deny my request. If this mail troubled you, I regret deeply and beg your appology.

Regards to You and Family.

Thanking you,
Yours sincerely,

Rigy Jacob.

Rigy, yours being such a well thought-out request, it merits its own response page, Wishful Mandible.

Date: Sat, 6 Aug 2005
From: Jean
Subject: Amy, singer and genie, but not in a bottle, but maybe a shot before she goes on stage

Hi, Jean from Petaluma here. Here in Petaluma for the next 14 hours anyway. I saw on your website a mandible update and it reminded me of Amy's future venture. (I also just saw you already know about the venture but damnit I already wrote the email and want to do something to put off packing for trip. I'm a little sorry, I guess. Maybe.)

I've been seeing on my friend the TV promos for a new show starring the mandible. The show will air on Fridays at 8 or 9 p.m. depending where you live, on NBC sometime in September. The show is called "Three Wishes". Amy and crew go around the country Granting wishes to people.

They must have hired one of those punning newspaper headline writers to come up with the concept.

I thought I was pretty clever thinking of "Granting" wishes until I looked up the show on the internet and every other dog is saying the same thing, or Amy will "Grant" a wish.

It's a plague of punning newspaper headline writers. Also, the sky is falling. I'm not sure which is worse.

I plan to make some popcorn for the first show so my mandible will be moving for the heartwarming hour. Why I feel this is necessary, I don't know.

In 14 hours I leave Petaluma and travel to the United States to a town called Las Vegas. I most definately like to stay in my country, but every once in awhile like to see other cultures. Have to be back to my people on Wednesday, so short trip.

Everybody wins big in Vegas, according to your friend the TV. How'd you do?

Anyway, wanted to tell you about the show you already know about. Wonder if Amy Grant fans might have pre show parties. Playing her music, drinking the stuff they call in church "The Blood of Christ" and whatnot.

You mean Welch's grape juice? Probably not. Welch's grape juice is a liquid sacred to Babdists. I used to get yelled at for going after the last drop of Welch's in the communion cup with the tip of my tongue.

[Prizes and other consideration for these product mentions provided by Welch's, Inc. or whoever the hell owns the trademark these days.]

From: Anaisabine
Date: Thu, 4 Aug 2005
Subject: Fwd: Amy Grant Ringtones & Images Now Available on Beliefnet Mobile

i thought you'd find this fascinating:

From: Beliefnet Mobile
Subject: Amy Grant Ringtones & Images Now Available on Beliefnet Mobile
Date: 04 Aug 2005

To VIEW this email as a web page, click on the link below, or copy and paste it into your browser's address window: http://www.beliefnet.com/nl/partner/dwango/050803AG.html

Wow. That's some tempting spam, there, except I'm not sure whether it's a good idea to "spiritualize your mobile phone." Personally, I have a hard enough time finding where I left my mobile phone as it is, and it's fully visible. I talked to my agent about this, and here's the improved Amy Grant spam we came up with:

From: Edward Chong
Subject: "Nashville: Hills of Harmony", a book you wrote.
Date: Tue, 7 Jun 2005

Dear Amy:

I am not sure this message will ever reach you, but I am trying to contact you because of the book you wrote in 2002, "Nashville: Hills of Harmony".

If you're looking for a refund, how about you buttonhole the ghostwriter? That's what I did when I read the thing.

I recently purchased a warehouse of a publishing company in San Diego, Heritage Media Group which went out of business a couple months ago. Since Heritage bought Towery Publications around 2003, the warehouse was full of books and your book was one of the many titles I found.

Listen, if my ghostwriter had to reimburse people for the warehouses full of his unsold crappy books, he'd have to write more crappy unsold books for the next five hundred years just to get the money. Which he wouldn't, 'cos: *unsold*. So you see his dilemma. Or I guess, rather, yours.

In short, I have 10 boxes (10 copies per box) of brand new book of yours; I think you friends would be more than happy to own a piece of your book, your work.

You really don't know "me" friends, do you.

Inside of the books are many great pictures and a touch of Nashville's history.

I know, I know. I said I didn't write the thing. I didn't say I never read it.

(Well, skimmed through it, anyway. Why do you think busy celebrities have their books ghostwritten, after all?)

"Hills of Harmony" can not be found anywhere nowadays, except these last 100 copies.

I congratulate you on cornering the lucrative Nashville: Hills of Harmony market! You'll soon be rich. How about a loan?

(By the way, you should notify Hamilton's (a publisher's closeout book company) know that you have the market cornered on these books. They seem to have plenty of copies—and at only $4.95 a pop.)

Do you know anyone who is looking for these books?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHHAHAHAAA

Weeeeeoooo. Dayum.

Please let me know. Thanks.

Here's my best offer: your 100 "Amy Grant" books for, let's say, 500 Amy Grant ringtones.

Believe me, you won't get a better offer. And at least they're actually by me.

Kind Regards,
Edward chong

Ohhhhhhhhh. I get it now. Chong! You're TOTALLY HIGH! Aren't you!

My best to Cheech,
Amy
:)

From: Edward Chong
Subject: Re: "Nashville: Hills of Harmony", a book you wrote.
Date: Fri, 5 Aug 2005

Amy, You SUCK!!!!!!

Nuh-uh! That's illegal in Tennessee! Those tabloids LIE!

All books are sold. You don't want to help that's fine, but you Mother fu...

I don't know Mother fu... but I know Kung fu...

Also I know David Carradine.

go to helllllll.

Now, Edward, I know you don't mean that.

What you mean is hell.

(There's only one L in it. Otherwise it would be 777777734. What sense would that make? Plus, some of your cheaper calculators wouldn't even be able to display it. Where would be the joke in 77777773?)

Have a beautiful day. Also: take whatever money you made on my books and go rent a sense of humor. Or buy some ring tones!

Just kidding!
Amy
:)

From: Edward Chong
Subject: Re: "Nashville: Hills of Harmony", a book you wrote.
Date: Fri, 5 Aug 2005

The way you write, I can tell that you are not the real Amy.

Right under the buzzer!

You are just some COLD BLOOD "creature" who excess to the mail box.

Brrrrr! That's me, cold excess all over.

Have a real life, see ya.

See ya, wouldn't wanna be [a book buyer from] ya!

Mandibular "wishes"!
Amy
:)

From: Gina P.
Date: Wed, 3 Aug 2005
Subject: I am a dentist,let's talk mandible.

Dear Amy:

I work with Dr. K who says he is your neighbor. He kids me at work all of the time and I'm not sure if I believe him. I moved to Nashville a year ago with my two boys, and was happy to hear that you lived here. Will you please tell me if it is true that you are his neighbor.

I'll consider him my "neighbor" as soon as he brings back my dadblame leaf blower. Yeah, he thinks I don't remember who took it but I do. And guess what? I sneak into his office every day on my way home from the recording studio and snag at least one magazine, sometimes two. He wants back his vintage issues of The Modern Priscilla, he knows what he has to do.

In case he doesn't, you can tell him for me. GIVE ME BACK MY LEAF BLOWER YOU MOOCHING MOTHERLESS DENTIST!!!

I have most of your albums,

YOU have my albums? GIVE ME BACK MY DAGNAB ALBUMS!!!

and have been listening to your music since Father's Eyes. There were times during a rough marriage that your music ministered to my weary soul. Thanks for all the great music.

Wait, there's more: Now, available for the first time on Beliefnet Mobile, Amy Grant ringtones and images to spiritualize your mobile phone! Beliefnet: Get Totally Tangled Up In It!

My boys and I would love to meet you sometime. For nearly twenty years your life has been sung through your music, and I think that is brave to tell of your hearts struggles.

Wow, did my mitral valve prolapse make it into the tabloids already?

As difficult as it was to write the songs for behind the eyes, I'm so glad they were put down to words and music, because so much healing has come to me through the words of those songs. Maybe if I'm over at Dr. K's for a get together, he can introduce us.

Maybe. But the garage door stays locked to the five-fingering likes of you two. I'm serious.

Amy
:)

P.S. If you want 100 copies of my book Nashville: Hills of Harmony, I can totally hook you up.

From: Gina P.
Date: Sun, 7 Aug 2005
Subject: Re: I am a dentist,let's talk mandible.

Dear Amy:
This website is obviously not hers (Amy).

Apparently not obvious enough to prevent a person holding a medical degree and therefore, one would have expected, some degree also of intelligence and common sense, from trying to play Six Degrees of Amy Grant with it.

(Hrmm . . . I wonder whether the Six Degrees game allows fractional degrees? If so, does the leap from Amy Grant to Amy Grant's Mandible have to count as a full degree?)

However, I can't resist taking a stab at your so called sarcasm. Who are you anyway? What kind of sick twisted warp, takes letters from people who mean well, and make fun of them.

The sort that applauds your use of warp. Brava!

My name is Amy . . . and I am a warp.

If this is in fact you and not some jealous ex-fan who needs to feel better about herself by criticizing others,

Holy cow. If nothing else, I admire your ability to create a whole back story out of nothing. Brava, redux! (I'll bet you give one hell of a Flannelgraph[TM] presentation in Sunday School!)

especially Mrs. Grant, I feel sorry for you and your stupid website. Your responses are not funny, even if this was a fake website. Give up and find a day job.

(Most of my concerts are at night, but point taken.)

Better yet, enroll in the nearest clown school, because at least they can make you look funny.

Gina, Gina. I sense with my sensitivity and deep sensing of the feelings of the less intellectually fortunate that you are miffed with the Mandible. But is that sensible? "Come," as a certain ancient visionary madcap wrote, "let us reason together." I submit that the cause of your anger is that you, unable to rise above a mindlessly celebrity-enamored culture, tried to slake your desire for an undeserved brush with A Famous Person by dashing off a fangirl email to a website dedicated to that person's jawbone. Let that as a tempering influence sink deep into your snooty umbrage.

Bite me,
Gina

I'd have thought that a dentist would recognize "Bite me" as a dangerous invitation. Especially to a Mandible.

Luv & huggums,
Amy
(of
Amy Grant's Mandible Website Ventures Ltd.
Remember:
Four out of five dentists who recognize parody websites when they see them, laugh open-mouthed at the fifth, who didn't.)

Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005
From: Gina P.
Subject: Re: I am a dentist,let's talk mandible.

You are a real piece of work Amy.

I've had bridgework! I'm the Mandible.

I am quite famous in my own right, but maybe not what you in your celebrity head would consider famous.

Famous, eh? Truly? 'Cos I, as you know, am famously grande-Mandibled. What are you famously?

You are a self righteous person,

I've been told that I'm a righteous dood. Is that the same thing?

and notice I said maybe we could be introduced sometime. You would be the lucky one to know me.

Gina

No, you would be the lucky one—to work on my teeth, that is. (Or teef, as we say here in Nashv'll.). But if you did, you should charge me half price for being twice as easy to dentistize, because of all the elbow room in my Mandible. I realize that you, as a dentist, see an endless procession of mandibles. But I am telling you. It's big.

So you are a dentist. And we're talking Mandibles. You got your wish. See how this ties in with my new NBC television program, Three Wishes (except that you get only one)?

Luv,
Amy
;]
(Check out the big Mandible on that emoticon!)

Date: Thu, 25 Aug 2005
From: Gina P.
Subject: Re: I am a dentist,let's talk mandible.

Dear Amy,
I will work on your teeth any time. As a matter of fact, Dr.Snodgrass ask Dr. King the other day why you didn't bring your kids to our office.

Well, the reason's a little embarrassing. You see, recently we decided there was no good reason to put off the inevitable, so as a family activity one weekend we went out back to the shed, where the kids all got their l'il teefees busted clean out of their heads. We're going to have falsies installed in their mouths once the little scamps stop growing, which should be any time now, with their new all-liquid diet. (And also stop bleeding, one of them.) I'm sure that you, as an Appalachian dentist, completely understand this difficult and personal decision we were forced to make. It'll save ever so much grief during the difficult years, and it's bound to have benefits for the children, too. And after all, we figured, weren't ivory teef good enough for the Father of our Nation What's Now at War & So On?

Say . . . your office wouldn't happen to sell any second-hand children's dentures, would it?

Dr. King said because I don't want her to see how crazy this place is.

Oh, that Dr. King. You give him a good smack across the choppers for me, won't ya, & tell him how totally nutty I think he is, y'hear? Wotta buncha madcaps y'all are over there to Cool Springs, my, my!

On a more serious note, how did you get this web site started?
gina

Asking about the origins of a website devoted to a singer's jawbone is your idea of a serious note? Land o' Goshen, I can't imagine the kind of stunts you must pull when you're trying to be absurd! But it makes me wanna PARTY with you, dentist!

Amy
;)

Date: 01 Sep 2005
From: Gina P.
Subject: Re: I am a dentist,let's talk mandible.

Dear Amy,
I'm sorry to hear the tragic story of your children's teeth, and to tell you the even more tragic news of the total recall of childrens dentures. Kids don't mind going around without their teeth. I have found kids to be quite resilient. How many children do you have? I had always wanted a large family, but could only have two. My ovaries decided to turn against me, forcing me to have them removed. Now adoption is an option. Thanks for the one wish by the way.
If I really had one it would be to set up a childrens dental clinic in the more remote areas of Nashville, where the kids have Tenn-Care coverage and there aren't enough dentist's who accept that program. I might get to do it someday. Hey, sorry I called you self righteous, because you probably aren't. I'm going to go to the Titans game tonight and sit in the channel 4 sky box. This will be my first Titans game, I'm sort of excited to go. Good Luck on your show, and I'm going to try and watch, between soccer, baseball, PTA, dinner, feeding farm animals,cleaning house, and so it goes.
gina

From: Andrea
Subject: HI AMY
Date: Wed, 20 Apr 2005

Dear Amy,

I know you get lots of emails( and I just read a lot of them) but just wanted to say hi. By the way, you are my fave singer ever. I am 11 and just LOVE your songs. Especially your latest cd, Greatest Hits 2004.

Hey, could you send me the lyrics to "You're the kind" on your new cd, the 2004? Thankx!

Lu ur greatist fan, Andrea(SerferGirl)

I believe you mean "Lucky One." Here you go:

You're the kind When you love you love with all your might and You're the kind I would dream about at night Now I'm the lucky one Baby I'm the lucky one You're the kind That I want to be with in the dark and You're the kind who is capturing my heart And I'm the lucky one Baby I'm the lucky one And I have never been the one to fall in love so soon But I could never face another night or day without you Baby I'm the lucky one You're the kind With poetry and valentines and You're the kind Who will never ever leave And I'm the lucky one The luckiest girl Baby I'm the lucky one And I have never been the one to fall in love so soon But I could never face another night or day without you I'm the lucky one Baby I'm the lucky one...

Subject: send me your mandable
Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2005
From: Jason C.

I wrote a song and, if you're not too busy, I'd love to hear you sing it. If you are too busy to come, just send your mandable. It may not be able to sing, being without lungs and a voice box and such,

au contraire (see The Brain That Wouldn't Die, They Saved Hitler's Brain, Re-Animator, et al.)

but I could probably rigg something up by reversing the vacuum's air flow and maybe a fan. It may not work for singing, but the mandable sounds funny. We'll have a few laughs. Please wrap it in plastic, though. Disembodied mandables can leave such a mess.

disembodiment? wrapped in plastic? i'm not sure i like where all this twin peaks talk is leading.

(also: *mandible*. having made it famous, i like to see it spelled correctly. Bless me, what *do* they teach them at these schools?)

amy
:)

From: Justin C.
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 2004
Subject: Hi Amy

Hi Amy i think you have the prettiest voice ever and i was wondering if you made trips to churches to sing but before i ask anymore what religion are you

i'm zoroastrian. i just sing all those songs about jesus to confuse people. we zoroastrians are all about confusing the people, don't you know.

also sprach zarathustra! see? that was confusing, wasn't it.

well how much do you charge to come to a church to sing and when will you be available if you make trips to churches to sing please reply to my email i will greatly appreciate it thank you so much

i require a love-offering of $12,947 per appearance. (i like a lot of love.)

luv,
amy
:)

From: Bradley O.
Subject: Greatest Hits 1986-2004
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 2004

Amy, thanks for putting out this excellent compilation of your hits from 1986-present and the bonus disc is a nice treat for us fans. As a matter of fact, it is so nice to me that I can play my favorite 7" mix of "Every Heartbeat" without having to dig out the 45 although I am a fan of vinyl. If I find Heart In Motion on vinyl someday, I'll pick it up although I have the CD. The Greatest Videos DVD is also a great disc that I do recommend fans to buy. I did have a nice Thanksgiving and then I wish everyone on this website a Merry Christmas and pull out your Christmas CDs of Amy's music. If you ever get the opportunity to cover a Gordon Lightfoot song and/or a John Denver song, please do so as you'd do a great job doing it. In the case of Lightfoot, I can automatically picture you doing practically anything of his in my head, especially "If You Could Read My Mind." In the case of John Denver, I can automatically picture you doing either "Rocky Mountain High," "Annie's Song," "Back Home Again," "Leaving On a Jet Plane," "Some Days Are Diamonds," "Fly Away" with Vince, "Shanghai Breezes," or "Take Me Home, Country Roads" in my head beautifully. I can't picture you doing "Thank God I'm a Country Boy," "Grandma's Feather Bed," or stuff like that though. "The "Soundstage" appearance with Peter Cetera you did was great and it looked like you had fun doing that show. I agree with your comments that the video for "The Next Time I Fall" with Peter is very much dated in today's perspective, but during the perspective of the time it came out, it was a great video. Although there are 2 videos for "Good For Me," you or a compiler at Universal, definitely picked the right one as that is the video I remember watching on VH1 and TNN when it came out.

Date: Sat, 27 Nov 2004
From: Emily
Subject: Hugh Amy Grant fan

Dear Amy,
I'm a hugh fan!

he's pretty cool, but that "playboy mansion" of his is totally overrated.

I luv all your songs. and I think that you and Vince Gill make such a cute couple. Do you know when the next time you and him will do a duet??

honey, we "DUet" almost every night. sometimes twice.

That lady that called you a slut is soooo not a christian.

yeah, probably not. that's way too hard a word for most of them to know.

I'm an alter server and I'm 14 years old.

that seems a little young to be chasing people around and handing them court documents.

Amy, you are not a slut.

that is sooooo sweet of you to say.
will you write my fair-weather fans and tell them that for me?

and I hope that you continue to make beautiful music.

either that, or i'll try & start.

Luv your biggest fan,
Emily

keep on something or other,
amy
:)

Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2004
Subject: Google lead me here and I just couldn't find my way out!
From: Kim M.

I was doing some research on a Rich Muillins song this morning, Hold Me Jesus.

in football, holding is a personal foul. luckily, football is dumb.

I found out that Amy Grant performed the song on a tribute album I think in '98, a year after Rich died. Anyway, my research on Google lead me to this crazy web site and I just couldn't find my way out.

the preterite form of *lead* is *led*. perhaps this hampered your egress.

You folks have totally lost your minds. While I agree that Amy does have a nice mandible I do feel that she is just another simple human begin trying to find her way through life. Somehow we have placed her on a some kind of pedestal expecting her to be perfect.

amy grant is not perfect. (neither is your grammar, by the way.) but amy grant's mandible? ah, *that* is purrrrrrrrrrrrfect.

There was only one perfect soul...Jesus. While we are asked to imitate His likeness, we will never be able to obtain His purity.

(*attain*, i think you mean.)

We shouldn't expect Amy Grant or any other performer or simple person to do so perfect.

"to do so" ... ?

I do hope that Amy Grant never makes her way to this site unless it becomes a little more positive. She's taken her lumps. Let her be.

thank you for speaking on behalf of amy grant (something we here know a little bit about).

how do you know that Amy Grant isn't secretly happy that someone out there is answering the fundamentalcases who write in to condemn her?

We never know who we might be entertaining...

[Here she actually quotes the lyrics of that stupid Joan Osborne song in their entirety]

good point. for example, you might be entertaining ... JOAN OSBORNE'S LAWYER, RAWR, CHOMP, PAY UP

on second thought, no. it is not remotely possible that you might be entertaining.

and thanks for getting that stupid song stuck in my head...

Nobody calling on the phone
'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

... and thank you joan osborne for that horrible assonance.

luv,
amy
:)

Date: Wed, 21 Apr 2004
Subject: Please forgive us, Amy!
From: Laura H.

Amy,

I have read some of these e-mails that a few self-proclaimed "Christians" have written to you; please accept my sincerest apologies for these "Christians" who are judgmental, pious, and holier-than-thou people for they truly do not follow the teachings of Christ. These are the people who give Christianity a bad rap. Gee, I'd hate to see how they would judge me.

If we needed an accountant, teacher, builder, etc.... God would have sent one. We needed a Savior, and God sent us Jesus to stand in the gap and pay for our sins. Even those who walked beside Christ, breathed the same air, witnessed His miracles, and heard His teachings sinned and turned their back on Him (look at Peter!)

In essence, I am saying that we are ALL sinners and sin is sin is sin is sin..... Can these "Christians" truly say that they have never told a "lie" to another; can they say that they have always "respected their mother and father"; have they always kept God first and foremost in their lives above people, places and things? If not, well they've broken three of God's ten commandments right there.

God knows your heart, Amy! What has/has not happened is between you and Him. I will always be a devoted fan of yours, and I am grateful that God uses you to minister to us.

Love,
Laura Hoffman

Spoken like someone who reads the Bible, rather than just thumps on it.

Date: Thu, 11 Mar 2004
From: Betty R.
Subject: IMPORTANT E-MAIL

To whom it may concern:

I realize you get tons of e-mails, but this e-mail IS A VERY SINCERE E-MAIL ASKING FOR HELP.

I have written a song a week or so ago and I KNOW this song is a hit. (Everyone to whom I've song this song to, was very moved and thought it was beautiful.) I am a Christian, but the song can be song for an easy listening radio station as well as a Christian radio station. The song is titled, "She's A Lady Now." It was written especially for 15 year old Hispanic girls or Sweet 16 Causcasian (or any other race) girls who have just crossed the line from childhood into womanhood.

I would be happy to sing it to you if you feel it would help.

Yes, I am a singer. I am not famous or anthing. I think this song has a better chance of being promoted by someone who is famous. Please call me at 619-200-63[xx]. We can talk about setting up some kind of contract and all that good stuff.

I wish I knew of another way to get ahold of Amy Grant. PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE.

Sincerely,

Betty A. R.
San Diego, CA

you sound like a DYNAMIC person. do you have a picture?

Date: Thu, 11 Mar 2004
From: Betty R.
Subject: IMPORTANT E-MAIL

Why would you want a picture of me?

Because I'm shallow. Faces are important! For example, do you think people would have made Amy Grant a huge star without her Mandible?

Now I am becoming skeptical. Is this a legitimate e-mail for contacting Amy Grant? I'm interested in promoting this song. It's an awesome melody.

I KNOW Amy would like this song. I just know it.

> The song is titled, "She's A Lady Now."

i do like that Tom Jones song "She's A Lady."

or maybe i'm thinking of sue wilkinson's great hit of 1980:

I remember Sally from number four
She always had boys queueing up at her door
She wasn't so good looking, but she seemed to have such fun
While I had none, I asked my Mum, "How come?"
Mother said Sally was loose and cheap
And girls like that ended up on the street
Not like me, I was good, you see
Now I saw Sally in the deli today
She's a lady now in every way
So darn rich, people tell me she's a witch
With lovers by the score, do I have to tell you more
Oh, you've got to be a hustler if you want to get on
Principles can only hold you back
The only women makin' it are women who are shakin' it
They're faking all their morals on the mat
It's an act, it's a fact
You've got to be a hustler if you want to make a name
Bein' good can only get you hurt
Chastity and virtue never brought a woman fame
And men will always crave a cunning flirt
When you read the newspapers every day
There's always some hussy that's having her way
By dating someone famous, she makes herself a name
And no one blames her, I guess we'd all do the same
But then they get married and before you know
She wants divorce and half of his dough
Gets herself a lawyer who's a really shrewd guy
And get's the judge's sympathy by crying and crying
Well, the next time it happens as she starts to write
Of her schemes through the days and her men through the nights
And even though it's tasteless, the book sells coast to coast
On all the chat shows, you can see her boast
And now they're makin' a film of the book
And no one gives a damn that the girl was a "Huh"
They've got posters obscene, now she's mixin with the cream
No one even cares what she's done or where she's been
...Yes, you've got to be a hustler if you want to get on

> It was written especially for 15 year old Hispanic girls or Sweet 16 Causcasian (or any other race) girls who have just crossed the line from childhood into womanhood.

(didn't jerry lee lewis get in trouble for crossing that line?)

< We can talk about setting up some kind of contract and all that good stuff.

what sort of terms were you looking for?

> =====
Jesus Loves You! Please read in your New Testabment Bible Acts 2:38

p.s.—"stabment?"

From: Sam C.
Subject: daring and brilliant!
Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2004

Hello —

Let me start by saying I am actually listening to Amy Grant as I type this. I have loved her since I was in, oh...the 6th grade or so. Somewhere along the line, I began to hold her up to "diva" status in my mind. And I NEVER doubted that she deserved that status.

Let's forgive her for that ugly "Baby Baby" phase...we're all enticed by money, aren't we? The greatest thing that ensued from it is that more people finally knew who she was. And who she was, and who she is, is an amazing, talented woman. I don't claim to know her personally, nor do I necessarily care to...

I finally had the opportunity to meet Amy, thanks to winning a radio contest in San Francisco back in 1997. I knew that this meeting would settle my decision, once and for all. I approached her and began a conversation that actually lasted for quite a while. I had a lengthy conversation with her about the guy I was in love with...and yes, I'm a boy too...

Let's just say that the love I got from her was unparalleled and incomparable.

She signed two autographs for me...one for me, and one for my boy. Enough said.

Sam

p.s. Even as a gay guy, I realize that the mandible is absolutely perfect...

clearly, Mandibular Admiration knows no boundaries.

From: JOHN WHEELER
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2004

Dear Mandible:

Have you ever bitten the head off of a bat a rodent or possibly a small barnyard animal?

no. ozzy offered me half a bat head once, but i had already eaten two boxes of popcorn chicken that night, so i felt there had been enough carnage.

I didn't think so.

but even worse you bit the head off your husband and sucked out his heart.

hrmm. strange, then, that he managed to remarry.

Ok I got that out of my system, you shared your lips with another man, well vince

what makes you think vince & i share lips? we don't believe in kissing. kissing is gross. plus, i might strain my mandible. then where would i be? i might stop receiving emails from kind, loving folks such as yourself.

and now you want to come crawling

back to Christian music. Well I know God will forgive you. But you should not be selling music in his

name.

did god tell you to tell me that?

(you might ask god to dictate the next time there's a message for you to deliver—you seem to be having difficulty with punctuation.)

and also Mandible button up your blouse.

Wheel

whee!

why are you looking at my chest, john wheeler? is that any place for one of the finest American theoretical physicists to be looking for answers?

besides, i have a perfectly *lovely* mandible for you to stare at.

luv,
amy
:)

From: Julie
Date: Sat, 11 Oct 2003
Subject: heee-larious

Your website is hilarious!
Loved the story about the Cherry Clan.
You should post a link to your site on her newsgroup: rec.music.artists.amy-grant.
They live for this stuff over there.

Peace,
Julie

Modesty forbids. The fame of The Mandible speaks without speaking.

No, that doesn't make sense.

But it speaks without posting. That's it.

Amy
:)

Date: Fri, 3 Oct 2003
From: Amy M.
Subject: Amy Grant As Wholesome Homewrecker

I must congratulate you on your perceptiveness of the Mandible.

Hard not to perceive my mandible. It's right under my nose, after all.

I am not alone in my love of hating her. After all, underneath all the sickening goodness, lies the heart of a homewrecking slut. She may seem happy now, but she has some things to answer for. Vince Gill's wife was devastated when he left her for the Mandible. I hope she gets punched really hard in the Mandible someday. That would be hilarious!!!!!!!!

You have quite a sense of humor, there, Amy Lynn. Would you by chance be, Amy Lynn, a professional wrestler?

And worse yet, she shares my beautiful name. But my beauty far outshines hers. FACE IT, MANDIBLE, I'm YOUNGER and HOTTER.

Love to hate the Christian slut,
Amy Lynn

Hotter? Where is your proof of this, Amy Lynn? Are you on any CD covers we should know about?

Amy
:(

No, I don't exploit myself for financial gains.
Thank You,
Amy Lynn

And what's with the hostility?

That's what I'D like to know! You called me a slut! :(

I thought this was all in good fun.

That's what I thought, too.

If you love her that much, I'll keep my opinions to myself. Sorry to offend.
Amy Lynn

Hostility only makes The Mandible stronger!

Date: 20 Aug 2003
From: Dave V.

I continue to get a laugh out of this mandibular celebration, and I find it inspirational, as well. It has me thinking about making a webpage about Sharon Corr's Cheekbones from Heaven; believe you me, she has some one of the best sets of poskiluu in the world. Amy's poskiluu aren't bad, either, but she already has Mandible fame.

there is a yahoo group called "amy grant's legs." this is getting out of hand.

then again, should amy grant's legs be *in* hand in the first place?

amy
:)

Date: Sat, 02 Aug 2003
From: Marcia P.
Subject: Amy Grant, what else?

I have been a fan of Amy's since oh, probably the early to mid 80's. I have always considered her a refreshingly naturally pretty gal. The phenomenon that you notice to be her mandible I have always appreciated as her "crossbite". For me it is the position that her mandible takes as she opens and especially closes her mouth that is so intriguing. Of course, your version is much more humorous. Love your website or rather the basis for it.

muchas gracias. "crossbite"—hadn't heard that one before. there are dentists in the family who will have to be consulted about this.

luv,
amy
:)

Oh yes, please let me know if they concur! I have always wondered if I'm right about this.

then again, in the end, crossbite or underbite, it's the Mandible that counts.

From: RevMom
Subject: So Glad
Date: Wed, 23 Jul 2003

My dear Amy,

Today is my lucky day. I, a stressed-out white woman, have been saved from an inevitable emotional and intellectual apocalypse, by your magnificent mandible. For you see, in spite of the numerous tasks I must accomplish, I found myself coerced into watching reruns of The Big Comfy Couch by these people I've given birth to. Several hours of Loonette and Molly and that weirdo Mr. Bedhead, well, don't ask. It was just terrifying. It seemed that all life drained from my being. I was as dull as Kix cereal. I had erratic thoughts of "Flurpity Flurp" and Darren Stevens and feared I might never ever again recognize that beckoning call of something genuinely clever.

And then I met your mandible. And now, like the lyrics of one of your earlier gems, "I'm so_____glad, glad to find the reason that I'm happy sad, that you've torn it all away..."

Truly, truly it is your mandible that has afforded you so much success. Lisa Marie Presley has, I have noticed, a somewhat sheepish (as in timid not woolly) looking mandible which is probably why she fell off the stage during a recent concert appearance on The Today Show. What a dork.

May the blessings on your mandible prevail,
RevMom

"dull as kix cereal?"

you have no idea how exciting kix cereal can be.

luv,
amy
:)
(that's what i look like when i'm around kix)

Subject: Mandible & thanks
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003
From: Don M.

Until I saw Amy Grant sing "God Bless America" at the all star game the other night, I didn't have full appreciation for the mandible. Damn, it really is impressive isn't it?

Thanks for the site. I spend way too much time there.

freaky, no? jump back, from the mandibular greatness that is the amester.

Date: Thu, 29 May 2003
From: Gary L.
Subject: El Shaddi

Greetings.

Would you please suggest a way (or two, etc) to obtain a copy of the words to the song "El Shaddi"? (I think that this is the correct spelling, it seem to be one of many in use)

I have found midi versions all over the WEB, but I cannot locate the words.

Thank you.

Yours in Christ,

Gary L., Steward

Wow, I used to want to work for an airline, too!

Okay, this is going to be *verrrrrrry* complicated, but if you can serve peanuts on an airplane, I am sure you will be able to follow my instructions explicitly.

1. Open your favorite browser. (You're going to try looking on the "WEB" again.)

    

2. In the address box, type http://www.google.com and press the Enter key.

    

3. In Google's search box, type the following (with the quotation marks exactly as you see them below):

   "el shaddai" lyrics

4. Choose from about SEVENTEEN HUNDRED AND NINETY different pages that have the lyrics to "El Shaddai."

Tune in next time when I assist you in finding your own navel.

In wild blue wonder,
Amy

From: Bradley O.
Date: Sat, 11 Jan 2003

Thanks for the laughs on this site. BTW, Amy, you are one of my favorite artists in any kind of music to the point that I gave Gary a lapel pin of Bemidji, Minnesota to give to you as well as a pin for himself when I was in Nashville.

Boost for Bemidji!

I remember you mentioning on CDNow.com that you are a fan of Ray Charles's "Spirit of Christmas" album, it is on CD now.

Thanks, I already downloaded the MP3s from the Internet.

I am sure you are not a supporter of unauthorized downloading of copyrighted music, in fact I know you aren't.

Not when it's inconvenient, that's for sure. Those "legal" sites are such a pain!

In fact for you downloaders who frequent this site, it is theft and God days state in the Ten Commandments, "Thou Shalt Not Steal."

And isn't there also something against the quartering of troops? It is a fact that I do not support the quartering of troops.

BTW, I know for a fact you do not support such activity selling pirated copies of CDs, bootlegging concerts, etc. either. In fact, that is also a sin.

You seem to know many facts. I don't remember there being that many facts. Perhaps I was sleeping.

For those people who insist that people in CCM, including you, should only sing Christian music, you can sing whatever you wish to sing just like any other artist.

But doesn't the *CM* stand for Christian Music? I must consult the bylaws. Maybe after my nail appointment.

For those supporters of this site looking for Whipped Cream and Other Delights, check your local Goodwill store, garage sales, used record stores, eBay, etc. It has been issued on CD but the CD is now out of print and it does go for high sums of money on eBay while the vinyl LP is plentiful.

Supporters of this site looking for Amy Grant product will be happy to know that the Amy Grant catalog remains in full and plentiful supply.

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: Bolariwa
Subject: Love, Amy Grant (Read This Please)

Hi,

This is Davia, a.k.a Bolariwa.

I came across your music some years back and had since fallen in love with it making it i.e Amy Grant my number one singing artist and her music one of the best. Unfortunately, I have just an album with me" Behind The Eyes". I have sought desperately after other albums like" House Of Love","Heart In Motion","Lead Me On", e.t.c. but I have not been able to get them in the Nigerian Market, especially in my area.

Congratulations on your latest release .wish to see it in the Market very soon.

Bolariwa
Nigeria,
West Africa.

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: Bolariwa
Subject: Love, Amy Grant (Read This Please)

Hello

Are you there? It's Davia.

I'm not a professional singer but I love music writers and love writing as well but lately I have been putting pen on paper to write R&B and Rock Music Kind of Music. I wish my lyrics can be appreciated by somebody and probably performed.I would have loved to send a Demo tape but since cd/tape recorder has been stolen I have not been able to save enough to buy another one. I wish I have one now. I usually listen to your tape ("Behind The Eyes" and "The Book" in which you performed the wonderful "Nothing Is Beyond You") when I visit my friends or borrow their walkman and they now get to fall in love with you and your music, especially your style of singing which to us is unique and your lyrics which I have downloaded for them from the internet.

The chorus from the lyrics I just put together include;

I'll always love you in the day
I'll always love you in the night
I'll always love you when the wind blows
I'll always love you in the rain
So don't tell me it's not true
The love you said you had for me
'Cause I'll always love you everyday
So do you love me anyway?

Amy Grant, you have really inspired me, I wish I can sing like You Do. It's just so unique and unmatchable!

Bolariwa
Nigeria,
West Africa.

Date: Fri, 03 Jan 2003
From: baron C'ote

I came across your music some years back and had since fallen in love with it making it i.e Amy Grant my number one singing artist and her music one of the best. Unfortunately, I have just an album with me" Behind The Eyes". I have sought desperately after other albums like" House Of Love","Heart In Motion","Lead Me On", e.t.c. but I have not been able to get them in the Nigerian Market, especially in my area. If you send me information on this, I will send along the contract that will guarantee you at least 30% of the multi-millions trapped in a Nigerian bank oil crude baron C'ote scam scam scam

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: precious barbara
Subject: filling my soul

amy,
you fill my heart and soul with your good christian singing crap. i can not describe how much i need you to write me back.

i am here for you, precious. i am here.

i know we are connected amy. you know it too. don't deny it. otherwise you would not have inspired me to write you haiku

oh amy you do
fill my soul like cherry pie
stuffed with warm goodness

your number 118th fan,
precious barbara

cherry pie is good. coincidentally, i saw a show today on vh1 that explained whatever happened to bobbie brown or bobby brown or bobi brown—at any rate, that hot cherry pie babely from that "cherry pie" video. mmm ... warm goodness. at least in those days. now she looks like a tired, weathered skank. not in jan crouch's league, mind you. but it's coming. oh, is that coming.

luv,
amy

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: precious barbara
Subject: filling my soul

i don't even like cherry pie filling, amy.

i'm sorry, precious barbara—i had thought you were an AMERICAN. 9/11! UNITED WE STAND!!! WOOOO!! SPRING BREAK!!!

i just know that this must be what it feels like to have your soul stuffed with cherry pie filling. sweet, hot, red, and kinda yucky, yet sugary, but not something i like, but everyone else likes it.

perhaps you would prefer your soul to be stuffed with something else?

your number 118th fan,
precious barbara

p.s. since i wrote you a poem, and you are a superstar, will you send me free personal electronics, like maybe a walkman or something?

i'm sorry, but i'm plum out of stock of personal electronics. would you settle for a snow globe?

luv,
amy

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: precious barbara
Subject: filling my soul

i don't understand amy. why are you treating me this way. i thought we made a vow to never hurt each other no matter what. why don't you send me a cd player???? i live in AFRICA!

i think it's illegal to export complex electronics to terrorist nations. aren't you a terrorist nation? that's what tom ridge says.

then again, he is a damned yankee.

send me some sit bitch,
precious barbara

sit bitch? is that the new barbie?

p.s.
i'd like to be stuffed with flan, but that is not what i get from you

we don't eat a lot of flan (whatever that is) down here in tennessee. unless you can bar-b-q it. can you?

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: precious barbara
Subject: KILLing my soul

fuck you amy. fuck you and your land of easy access to portable electronics.

how's this amy:

oh amy you do
KILL my soul like wary lies
stuffed with cold badness

your number 811th fan,
precious barbara

change *lies* to *flies* and i think you just might have something there!

i salute you at the beginning of a great career,
amy

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: precious barbara
Subject: READ THIS FIRST AMY. READ IT FIRST

i'm sorry amy. i still worship your gospel. your name, like a litany, warms my mind. amy amy amy. of course i'm not mad at you.

your number 114th fan,
precious barbara

p.s. can i have a cd player or something.... as a symbol of your forgiveness.

dearest precious,
or
precious dearest,

whichever.

i'm sensing that you desire a cd player. where could i be getting that idea?

luv & pie (whatever flavor pops your tart),
amy

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003
From: precious barbara

amy,
i can tell how much you've grown apart from me. i will let you be. you shall hear from me never more, never more. you can't say it hasn't been fun, amy. you can't say we didn't share a lot.

- precarious barbara

sharing is great. well, except for sharing custody. which would suck.

and we're back to custard. or flan. may you be filled with it.

parting is such sweet horror,
amy

From: Mark W.
Subject: Amy Grant doing the devil sign
Date: Wed, 1 Jan 2003

hope u like it Marcus

Amy Grant making the Devil Sign.jpg

oh, great. i work SO HARD to leave my devil past behind, and now this.

thanks SO much,
amy

Date: Tue, 17 Dec 2002
From: Rene M.
Subject: Remembering You

Amy,

Just a line hoping and wishing you the best.

Rene M.

thank you, rene. It's always good to have good will wished toward one's mandible. good, good, good. if my mandible could gamble, it'd take those good wishes & gambol out to vegas. it'd be a gamboling, gambling mandible!

hrmm ... idon't *know* that my mandible can't gamble!
VEGAS, HERE I COME (GAMBOL) (TO GAMBLE)!

cha-CHING!
amy

From: Fred R.
Subject: Amy Grant and her Mendable Mandible
Date: Mon, 23 Sep 2002

Amy is and her Jaw is coming to town. Will you be my date to go see her mandible as well as her teeth ? I am not gay but I am happy.

and in exactly what alley would my battered, lifeless body be discovered the next morning by prodding garbagemen?

I WOULD watch out for the prodding garbagemen....they ARE gay. Your body wont be lifeless if they get a prod at you but you will have a headache from the ether. They'll taunt you by using your underwear as a sling shot !

Date: Tue, 24 Sep 2002
From: Carita

Never correspond with the above person again, please...k?

on a scale of 1 to 10, rate the likelihood that i would meet up with some random stranger in response to an email like that

Well, 1, I suppose. Unless it were in a dark alley, with nary a shred of light from the moon, with both participants clean-shaven and wearing muumuus.

This had better appear in Mandible Ravers, btw.

From: Anaisabine
Date: Sun, 30 Dec 2001
Subject: amy grant's mandible / gloria estefan's ankle

i went to tonic the other night and saw the amazing downtown jazz band sex mob with slide trumpet player sid bernstein (if you haven't heard of them you should really check them out... they do an incredible version of the james bond theme "nobody does it better").

i was in the bathroom when on the door of one of the stalls i saw this statement, " I love Gloria Estefan's ankle" and i immediately thought of you and your Amy Grant Mandible page... do you think there's any connection?

i don't remember lyrics all that well, but i don't recall an ankle bone being connected to a mandible bone. but it's always possible.

From: Domey
Subject: Immovable mandible
Date: Mon, 3 Dec 2001

I have figured out the reason for Amy's mandible not functioning properly during vocal output. As it turns out, she is a "fembot". There is some sort of mechanical problem with the mandible assembly. I was able to determine she is a "fembot" when, at one of her record signing sessions in my town, I pointed a remote control in her direction and depressed the "rewind" key. She immediately got up and walked backwards from the store. Then, later, I heard that she was leaving Vince Gill and going back to her previous family. I would like to apologize to Vince Gill and Mr. Chapman's new wife. I am sure this will complicate their lives and I am deeply sorry.

Most of the absolutely "venomous" Christians who responded earlier will probably be greatly relieved at this news. Especially since she will be singing only Christian songs soon. But, at least now, all will be right in the eyes of God. Also, the woman who wrote earlier and called Amy a slut for taking Vince Gill can have him now.

fembot ... hmm ... interesting. more importantly, it establishes the all-important link to Cindy Margolis for which we've been looking.

From: Paula in the UK
Subject: garbage
Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001

I've read some of the stuff on your site, I think you need a good lesson in manners.From what I've read all some people want to do is better themselves, what chance have they got when mindless inconsiderate baffoons like you run them down.The world is tuff enough itself without first class idiots making it any harder.May I suggest you get a life,get out of this fantasy world you live in,drag yourself away from your keyboard,take alook at the real world and show a little compassion for others who may not have had the opportunities to make a better life for themselves and their families

your disguistingly

What I'm hearing you saying is that you don't want me to spell-check your message.

Touchy-feelingly,
Amy
:)

From: Rob
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001
Subject: Nice uvula?

Hi Amy, my name is Rob and I love uvulas. One of the letters I read said that you had "an exceptional" uvula. Id love to see it! See ya later, Rob

Hi, Rob

You're one weird guy. But weirder weirdos have peered at my uvula, so here goes, and good luck!

1) Wait in line several days ahead of time to buy a front-row ticket to one of my shows.

2) Buy a front-row ticket to one of my shows.

3) Sit in the front row at one of my shows.

4) Wait until I hit the high-A during the show.

5) From the front row, peer discreetly at my uvula.

6) Spit; rinse; repeat.

Uvular Luv,
Amy
:)

P.S.—Did you notice that "uvular" backwards is Ra Luv U? Maybe if my fans write Atlas Entertainment and Warner Brothers, I can get the part of Scooby-Doo in the film coming out next year! (I hear they're going to use an animation, but damn, animations don't gotta feed families!)

From: Rob
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001

Hi Amy, nice to hear from you. Well I'm glad you have a sense of humor about uvulas. I actually photograph woman's uvulas and have quite a collection LOL. Is it possible there are any photos of your uvula floating around?

My uvula doesn't really float around. It's attached to my soft palate. I'll bet that's true for most people.

If not, I'll have to try to capture one myself at one of your shows. Are you coming to New York any time soon?

I guess uvula hafta wait & see.

Uvually,
Amy
:)

From: Rob
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001
Subject: Re: Nice uvula?

Hey Amy, that was a funny letter. Anyway, I was wondering if you ever opened for U2 in the 1980's. I kinda remember being at the show and seeing this girl with nice long curly brown hair and possibly a cowboy hat prancing around the stage before U2 went on.

You think I would "prance?"

Being that I'm not very familiar with country music, I remember that I made it a point to remember who that girl was.

... except that you don't remember.

Are my memories correct?

If you don't remember your own memories, how am *I* supposed to remember your memories?

See ya later, Rob
PS...I see you have mastered the Uvulanguage!

First my mandible, then my legs, now my uvula ... what on earth will people fasten onto next?

A.

From:Rob
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001
Subject Re Nice uvula?

Well I thought you would remember opening for U2 better than I would

From:Rob
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001
Subject: Maybe it wasnt U2

Hi again, Amy. Do you remember opening up for any other rock acts(Bands etc) during that time period (Late 80`s/Early 90`s). See you later, Rob.

Well Rob, I'm not sure of the difference between between "rock acts" and "bands etc," but the important thing to note here is that OTHER BANDS opened for ME, not the other way around. I mean, really.

So anyway, let's see, who are some of the little people in my career that I can remember ... hrmmm, ah, it's all coming back to me ... Skinny Puppy ... Laibach ... Jesus & Mary Chain ... Jesus Jones ... Daniel Johnston ... 999 ... ah, thee crystal ball, she grows a-dark ...

("Or"—as the Virgin Mary said in Life of Brian—"did I dream it?")

Geez, I just saw where Kelsey Grammer is gonna get $1.6 million PER EPISODE of Frazier. Where was *my* grammer when that kinda dough was being parceled out?!?

Industrial Luv,
Amy
:)

From: Rob
Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001
Subject: Re Maybe it wasnt U2

Hi Amy, I knew you would challenge my use of the word "act" when I described a rock group, so I also threw in the word "band" to cover myself LOL. But anyway, I know all bands have a beginning at some point

I see that someone has read his Anaximander ...

and usually they open for someone else when they begin. And after I did a little research on your discography, I saw that your breakout album came out around 1984, so that enforces my belief that your days of opening up for bands would be in the mid 1980`s, right when U2 was tearing up the country.

But that was before my big crossover. You may be thinking of Lone Justice. Or maybe Laibach.

OK, so they weren`t doing it literally LOL. America is still in one piece.

Whew! I was WORRIED there for a minute. Thanks for clearing things up for me!

But anyway are you really Amy Grant? I notice that you get evasive and humorous when I ask specific trivia about your past experiences. See ya later, Rob

You write to Amy Grant's Mandible and you're surprised to receive evasive and humorous responses? C'mon.

Evasively and humorously,
Amy
:)

From: Rob
Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001
Subject: Re Maybe it wasnt U2

LOL, what on Earth is an ANAXIMANDER?????

google.com, rob. google.com.

Philosophically,
Amy
:)

From: Rob
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001
Subject: Amy Grant....SPEECHLESS??

Hi Amy, I haven`t heard back from you since I wrote that uvuletter. I imagine you have been evaluating your uvula shape LOL? See ya later, Rob

I thought I told you to go & look up Anaximander.

From: Rob
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001
Subject: Re: Anaximander

Well I can see that Anaximander had all sorts of theories about evolution and nature, but nowhere can I find his theories about the shape of your uvula!! (Then again, I think he was long gone by the time you were born, LOL)

You sure are LOLing yourself a lot. Careful you don't go blind!

Maybe I'm missing something and if I am, don`t be shy about telling me what it is. (Of course I know you wouldn`t be) See ya later, Rob

Oh, you're missing something, alright. I just don't have the heart to say what.

Say what?
Amy
:)

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001
From: Kathleen M.
Subject: Nuggets of Mandible Wisdom

I've been a fan for a long time.

I had to impart these nuggets:

1) Have you noticed Reese Witherspoon's mandible?

As often as possible.

Man, it's bigger than Courtney Thorne-Smith (the previous mandible queen). I thought her mandible on the movie posters for "Freeway"

(One of my favorite DVDs)

a few years back was carnival sideshow large.

Some of us are attracted to carnival sideshow mandibles, I guess.

2) Your story of Amy Grant signing your Cherry Clan candy inspired me to bring something strange for John Linnell (of They Might Be Giants) to sign when he played in San Francisco.

Excellent. Inspiring bizarreness gets me through the day sometimes.

Screw having him sign a CD or a photo! Looking around my apartment, I came across an interesting item: a rubber ducky wearing a sombrero. Much to my dismay he didn't even bat an eye at signing it. Oh well.

If you want a rise, next time, try Amy Grant.

Anyway, your projects are great. Loved Oobi and of course the phone booth pages, too.

This is pretty random, but I was on epinions.com (where people post opinions about products, restaurants, etc.) the other day, and noticed that the reviewer for the thing I was reading about was one Amy Camus. I instantly recognized the name (though spelled backwards) from the Amy Grant's Mandible page. And doing a little web search I discovered that Yma is her alter ego Peruvian jungle princess thing. So, you referring to her as Yma so as not to confuse her with Ms. Grant was not a coincidence (otherwise known as a co-inky-dink).

Enough with my rambling...

Fresh Mex Wishes,
Kathy M.

From: Emmiana
Date: Thu, 5 Apr 2001

does amy know you are doing this?? she would love it!

From: Jay
Subject: Can't BELIEVE...
Date: Sun, 11 Mar 2001

Dear Amy's Mandible,

I can't BELIEVE you actually had any attraction to that schmuck, Vince Gill!

Had that clown on my show in 1993 and saw first hand that his mandible does not protrude nearly as much as mine..........Jees.....he doesn't even have to have a special coffee mug.

Sure, he sings well, is rich and can match his clothes, but, can he down a whole cheese-steak sammage in one gulp like me? Hunh? Bite 16 penny nails in two like me? Shotgun a brew, without swallowing, like me? Does he have an extra set of bicuspids, molars like me?

AMY, AMY, AMY, my high school nickname was "Pelican Boy" for crying out loud!

———Jay Leno

Dearest Jaw Jay,

True, Vince's mandible is dwarfed by yours ... but if I were to mate with a Mandible of your caliber, we'd end up feeding our offspring with turkey basters. Even so, I can't deny the appeal of your lower yacker. Maybe you remember that old song of mine, "Next Time I Fall in Love":

Next time I fall in love
I'll know better what to do.
Next time I fall in love, OOH
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love, it will be with you.

OOH,
Amy
:)

From: dj 'tine
Date: Sat, 24 Feb 2001
Subject: a compliment to the mandible?

found this phrase on The Surrealist Compliment Generator:

"I must demand your pleasing chin! How it passes there and back again like a leopard searching for its misplaced frontal lobes."

Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2001
From: Will
Subject: Rev. Billy Graham

Dear Amy,

Do you respect Billy Graham, and believe the message he preaches ?

Respectfully, Will

Hrmm ... this sounds like a trap. Are you a Pharisee, by chance?

Luv,
A.
:)

Date: Wed, 14 Feb 2001
From: Will

No, I'm not a pharisee. I'm not jewish. Why are you so defensive ?

Well, Will, maybe you are a literalist, who knows? But my comment wasn't meant literally, it was a humorous deflection. This is, after all, a humor site.

But let me give you an exegesis of my text: I had an idea where you might be going with your question, viz., If I believe in Billy Graham's message, and he preaches against divorce, then why did I get divorced? And that called to my mind one of the gospel passages where Jesus asked the Pharisees whether they believed in John the Baptist.

See?
A.
:)

Date: Sun, 11 Feb 2001
From: Greg A.
Subject: WOW

Hey, Since I was 17 and standing on the grass at my first Jesus Northwest, and watching Amy on stage (back then with just a guitar). I have been stricken with a compassion for what she has had to deal with. I never really thought i would recieve the opportunity to put this into words and actually address i to her.

Thank you Amy for giving me this opportunity.

Greg

From: Felicia
Date Mon, 5 Feb 2001

Deer Ami,

Yer a relly good singer and dancer and actor. I relly liked you in that movie with the guy and the kid and you sang stuff. I cryed. Say hi to Vince Gill from us in houston, texas. Don't listen to them mean people becuz their christians and there probly in bed with they're cousins.

You're fan,
Felicia

From: Mike P.
Subject: sticks and stones
Date: Sat, 3 Feb 2001

Dear Amy,

It sounds to me like a lot of people are bitter in here concerning your personal life. Who are they to judge? We are all "HUMAN"! You keep on keepin on!

Mike P.

From: WildfireP
Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001
Subject: Your Adultery

Dear Amy:

You might be in love and God does forgive but he is not mocked. I am ashamed of you and your blatant disregard for your legal family. You made a covenant and God does not forget. Just as David paid a price for his mistakes, along with Clinton, Jesse the Jerk Jackson, Jim Baker, etc., so will you. Repent and ask your real husband to forgive you along with your children who you abandoned. No excuses, you blew it and you have yet to confess your sin.

Disgusted

Dear Disgusting:

Is this that "first stone" we read about in the Bible?

How thrilling it must be for you, to be without sin. Wow!

Luuuv,
Amy
:)

From: Wildfire
Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001
Subject: Re: Your Adultery

Amy,

I still do not hear any remorse in your words about sin just that it was OK for a woman in the Bible that Jesus personally ministered to. That woman did some soul searching and repented. Have you forgotten that David had to be reminded of his sin by the prophet Nathan. There is a scripture in the Bible that says, to much who has been given, much is required. I don't know if you realize it, but that fits you Amy. Please lets put away the ignorance factor and face up to the fact publicly that you have sinned and your "new marriage" was conceived in sin. David did the same thing and he had to face it to. In fact he lost his illegitimate child and the sword never departed from his house. Remember Amy, heaven and earth will pass away, but His word will never pass away.

Now you might think I am mad at you or I don't love you, but you're wrong. I still have your tapes and I know that God has anointed you to do a work. His gifts and callings are without repentance. The problem is, you have a responsibility like any saint of God to confess your sins when they are done in such an open fashion. This country has seen its share of leaders who have fallen, but most of them did not have that intimate relationship that you had with the Lord.

May the Holy Spirit minister to you in a special way. By the way, I have never ever written a letter like this in my life and I believed it needed to be done.

To: Wildfire
From: Amy
Re: Your Adultery Your Effrontery

I have to ask you, "Wildfire": Did you even bother to read the other letters on this page?

And as long as we're on the subject of paying attention to detail, when you say, "to much who has been given, much is required," I think you mean to say, "unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required" (AV). Geez, not even The Living Bible screws it up badly as you do! Ah well, those pesky "hims" & "whoms" can be confusing—apparently even for people who think they know EVERYTHING! (How DO you know so much about my "intimate relationship," anyway?!?)

If you're going to thump the Bible over someone's head, you should at least quote it correctly. It's amazing how many people who claim they believe every word of the Bible can't even string more than two or three of those words together without fouling them up...

From: Wildfire
Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001
Subject: Re: Your Effrontery

Well, its obvious that Amy Grant is not answering my letters because all I talked about was facing up to her sin of adultery and repenting of it vocally. She certainly would not use the word effrontery because it is not in her vocabulary, but instead she would probably explain her sin and say she is dealing with it.

Gee, you seem to know all about me! I wonder how? You must be a mind-reader. Or maybe you think you are God, who knows?

The word is clear about divorce and adultery, God hates it and it is sin. I believe I was led to write to this address and personally never expected any reply. I am disappointed that I have only heard some weak defense and sarcasm. Hopefully repentance will be dealt with and Amy will judge herself. The Bible says to judge yourself or you will be judged.

I do not condemn Amy Grant, I condemn the sin which mocks God.

And I mock the sin that condemns you. Are we even?

I may not know about Effrontery, but at least I know enough to use an apostrophe in the word it's.

If anyone's being mocked on this site, it's people who excuse their self-righteousness with the rubric, "I was led." It's a huge step from "I believed it needed to be done" to "I believe I was led." "I was led" covers a multitude of sins...

Betcha didn't foresee that I'd know the word rubric, now, didja?!

Luuuuuv,
Amy
:)

From: Bosnia
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000
Subject: Me and Amy

This is me with Amy////

and her mandible is beautiful , and so is the rest of her. And she is a really nice lady.

Way to block out my face with your head!

Just kidding. (Blockhead.)
A
:)

From: lindsay C.
Date: Sun, 05 Nov 2000

Hello Amy.

Well you are a true inspiration to music. My sister and I have loved listening to recrods, tapes, and cd's of yours. hehe You have been around in the music business for a good long lifetime and I know that has to be difficult to do. To accomplish your goals is hard to imagine. I was also wondering if you know Steve Mcelyea? He is my music pastor at my church. I guess he has worked with you before. My questioin is how diffucult was it to get where you are today in the music business? I want to go in "music business" but do no know where. Like what area in the business. I am a musician but I do not think that is what I am called to do if you know what i mean. I would like to work with the musicians though. If you have any pointers I would greatly appreciate it:-) The best to you and Vince! Take Care.

Date: Mon, 30 Oct 2000
From: Sonia
Subject: FUNNY PAGE...:)

This page is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile!!! I needed the laugh, considering today is Monday and my husband is being impossible!! Keep your chin up! (sorry had to add that!)

From: Breimer
Subject: "Christian" Ministry
Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000

It might not be any of my business, but I was just wondering, are you singing less about Jesus just so that you can become bigger and more popular and make more money? If you are is that really a Christian example? Aren't you supposed to use your talents to praise God and not money or fame? Please think about this!! Thank You, God Bless!

You should have stopped right after "It might not be any of my business."

Thanks,
A
. :)

From: Erika T.
Subject: No subject, just a letter
Date: Sun, 8 Oct 2000

Dear Amy,

I'm so glad you ditched Mr. Chapman. He was ugly. In fact, he still is ugly. Your new husband is much more attractive. You and Vince make an adorable couple. Your mandibles look very good together.

Congratulations on the new baby. With the genes this baby is getting, he or she should be absolutely beautiful. I hope his or her mandible is as nice as yours is.

God bless you and your husband and your kids and your mandible.

With much love,
Erika

Gee, you make it sound almost TAWDRY, Erika...

Amy
:)

From: Brguy
Date: Wed, 4 Oct 2000
Subject: Great site!

I appreciate your sarcasm! Made my day.

"Sarcasm?" Why ... whatever do you mean?

Date: Thu, 28 Sep 2000
From: Izzy

Dear Amy

Don't worry be happy :) the truth is no one on earth is truly married, we are either married to God who comes to us as a mate, or we are married to people in which case we are all adulterers against God not man....... We None of us could ever stand a chance, so if you have love take it no matter how or in what way, you and Vince together, put a big smile in my heart.......................

PS. Rather what I should have said was , because we none of us could ever stand a chance at love on our own, our sweet Lord sent us His love (Jesus) for us to enjoy, and that my friends could never be wrong, in any way or any form........................
And His love will prevail over rules regulations and all human made legalism.......Thank God

Date: Wed, 20 Sep 2000
Subject: HILARIOUS
From: guthrie

OH my goodness, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Please keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
A Fellow Mandible Afficionado

From: Russell S.
Subject: 2000 Christmas concert?
Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2000

From Hawaii to Seattle last year to catch your last Christmas show of the year.... The best yet...

Thanks! Must have been a tough decision (whether to wear a hawaiian shirt, or flannel, I mean!).

Currently is there a Christmas tour scheduled this year?

Aloha..

We've decided not to celebrate Xmess anymore. Instead, we will burn Pharisees in effigy, over a crackling open fire.

Cackling, there will be, too. Cackling—bet on it!

Merry, er, Pharisee!

Amy
;)

From: Nascar1873@aol.com
Date: Fri, 8 Sep 2000
Subject: How can I get Saundra Bullock's email address

This is for my friend in Montgomery Alabama 36109 Warren36109@yahoo.com
1-334-262-6718 1816 Hill Hedge Road Montgomery Alabama 36109 after 5pm Mon thru Friday.
Please have saundra to call him he doent believe computer will reach that far lynnmcduffie@hotmail.com

Date: Fri, 1 Sep 2000
From: Laura H.

Amy,

Sometimes we Christians are our own worst enemies. I'm sorry that you have gotten the kind of flack that you have re: your divorce, the cross-over thing....

Regarding your divorce: you know, sometimes even Christians make mistakes (geesh, is it true?) When I got divorced, I felt like a failure to the core. But, I clung onto His Word, and kept reminding myself that His love is perfect and never-ending, and not based on circumstances. We are not perfect, just forgiven. Anyway, God can take ANY circumstance, even divorce, and work it out for His good. I met a terrific man, we married six years ago, and we have been blessed with two boys. There has been only one Man Who was perfect - and that, as you know, is Jesus. Jesus hung out with the sinners like me... not the religious leaders who cast judgement and ultimately had him sentenced to death. I may not like the idea that you got a divorce... I don't like the idea that I was married before and got divorced myself... but I won't pass judgement on you. Vince seems like a nice guy (and he's kind of cute, too!) Just keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Regarding your music cross-over: I say, go for it. People that maybe wouldn't have been exposed to your earlier works will probably be because they like your music and want to buy other works by you. Like I said before, God can take any situation and use it for His good. Now, if you were writing lyrics like Marilyn Manson, well then... I would definately worry about you!!! Just let God take the reins, and He won't steer you wrong (you already know that!)

Keep your chin up, Amy, and know that not all Christians are as judgemental as some of those who have written to you. God knows your heart, and that's all that matters!

Laura H.
Indiana

From: James G.
Subject: Hi Amy
Date: Wed, 30 Aug 2000

Amy,

I have been a fan of yours for years. Your music has always inspired me, and actually helped me through some difficult times.

well, that's what we're here for.
that, and the money, of course! tee hee

(You also happen to be quite a gorgeous woman!)

Thanks. What do you think of my Mandible?

Anyway, what always amazes me about Christians is that they seem to forget that God does not judge one sin as being worse than another. In His eyes, all sin is ugly. What makes the people criticizing you so much better than you? I think that folks need to reconsider their judgement of your actions in light of their own lives. Seems to remind me of that parable of the adulteress caught in the act that was brought to Christ for judgement. Jesus' response? "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." The result? No one was left!

So I guess what you're saying is that I'm an adulteress, but that's okay, 'cos at least I didn't cast any stones?

Also, for my American fans: "judgment" is spelled without the "e" (my Limey fans should disregard this).

Well, it is quite amazing to actually be writing to you. Vince is one lucky man, and I wouldn't mind being in his shoes!

God Bless,
Jim

Wearing Vince Gill's shoes is a pretty weird fetish, Jimbo. But I reckon, as you say, that all sin is ugly.

From: James G.
Subject: RE: Hi Amy
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000

Amy,

I only meant the below as an example that God hates ALL sin, regardless of what we consider the magnitude (yes, this may also include wearing Vince's shoes!). I think that we as Christians sometimes forget this. We think that one sin is bigger than another, and thus, unforgivable. So I wasn't implying that your situation was that of the woman in the example below. Sorry for any confusion - in retrospect, it was a stupid one to use!

I am just upset about the way that I see self-righteous Christians treating you. We don't know your situation, and what you went through. I actually think that you are quite courageous to go through all this in the public eye (like you had a choice, right?). I think that a lot of us would be better off if we examined the plank in our own eye before pointing out the speck of dust in others!

Anyway, I was wondering how the people in your church treated you. I hope it wasn't like some of the folks on this board!

Seriously though, I just have to ask this. Is this REALLY Amy Grant? If it is, WOW! It is really an honor to "speak" to you! Talk about the wonders of modern technology! Do you answer all your mail or am I just special? (Feel free to use the second reason!).

Later,
Jimbo

P.S. I had no idea you were so zany, but you know what? I like it!

From: James G.
Subject: RE: Hi Amy
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000

P.S. What is all this about your "mandible"? Who started that?

From: James G.
Subject: RE: Hi Amy
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000

Oh, man!

I feel like a real fool. I can't believe I thought that you were really Amy Grant.

From: James G.
Subject: RE: Hi Amy
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000

Why are you doing this?

doing what?

From: James G.
Subject: RE: Hi Amy
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000

Pretending to be Amy Grant.

let us ask you a question: what is it about seeing a site dedicated to a singer's body part that makes you think it could POSSIBLY be run by that person? is it not perfectly OBVIOUS that it is a humor/parody site?

we really would like to know. this is not something that we anticipated, but it's pretty funny nonetheless

From: Jimmy Carlo
Subject: Wayne Rivers (The UK Cowboy)
Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000

Hi Amy, dont know if you can help but here goes.
I would like to present to you Britains Brightest New Country Singer WAYNE
RIVERS
We are trying to promote Wayne into Europe, USA, etc for the Festivals and
Country Shows. We are also interested in contacting
Record companies, Publishers, distributors and promoters who will be
interested in helping to forward Waynes career and get his name, voice and
music known around the world.
If you would like a promotional package including a CD please contact me by
e-mail.
We feel Wayne has gone as far as he can go with country music in the UK, due
to the demise of venues to play and the ever increasing popularity of "boy
bands"era.
Wayne has nearly completed his Theatre Tour in the UK, with his band plus
support artist. His CD (An Eagle Has Landed) which features songs of his
most admired artists (i.e. Garth Brooks, George Straits, and more) has had
air time on UK radio stations, and has gained in popularity throughout the
Tour.
Wayne is at present co righting his new original Album due for completion in
December called (Onwards & Upwards)
We would appreciate any interest, help or guidance you could offer to get
Wayne where we believe he should be (the top).
You can hear a 30sec medley of the songs from Waynes album on his album
page, and also other tracks on Waynes Tunes page that he performs in his
live show.
Please visit Wayne's web site to here the voice of
the future,,or e-mail me Thank you for taking the
time to read this mail and I look forward to your reply in the near future.
Best Wishes
Jimmy Carlo
(MANAGER)

NEWS FROM RICH COUNTRY
Wayne's' music often puts a contemporary edge to the more traditional
country sound. He feels he is very lucky that the versatility of his vocal
range allows him to embrace many styles, although he admits to preferring,
"Country that kicks, something to tap a foot too". However he refuses to be
pigeon-holed and there is no denying that a more traditional ballad is as
equally well presented by this consummate performer.
Wayne really comes into his own on the large stage. Visually and musically
entertaining and enthralling both the seasoned and new country fan.
The theatre tour which began in July will carry on now through to October is
a must see show. Being produced to please a much wider audience than that
normally associated with country. If anyone at home thinks country is boring
bring them along and allow Wayne and friends to prove them wrong

Lordy, lordy. You're some manager, Mr. Carlo!

You know, for a buck an hour you could probably hire an illiterate to write your PR releases for you. (May I suggest America's Brightest New PR Release Writer, Roadhog Moran?)

Good luck,
Amy :)

Date: Sat, 5 Aug 2000
From: quite
Subject: Oh please say it isn't so

In reading Gemsfound's message I was in shock. I mean we all know that Baby Baby got laid by her knew beau before they were married, so they have had enough "time" to spend together. The horror! But please tell me that these two screwed up individuals do not want to make babies.

So here is my question, when they get tired of this kid like they got tired of their first marriages. Are they going to dump the kid too? I mean if they did I am sure they would be forgiven just as they think they are now. Right?

From: M. M. McNulty
Subject: Request for info on music publisher
Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2000

Dear Amy,

I write songs—just received my copyright on a new hymn I wrote. Could you recommend a good music publisher I can work with? I also play lead trumpet professionaly with a 15 pc big band and I do the arrangements for the band. Any help you can offer I would appreciate.

Many thanks.
Mac McNulty

Dear Mr. McNutty,

Thanks for writing. Unfortunately, this site is about my Mandible, not music publishers, so I don't quite know how to answer. As Elvis Costello once said, "I don't have any more pull with these people than the average person does. In fact, they think I'm a few bricks shy of a load!" He said that to Tom Snyder. I'd like to meet Tom Snyder one day.

Hope this helps,
Amy :)

From: Gemsfound
Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000

I'm praying you get the baby you want.! Don't waste a moment trying. I left a marriage after 13 unhappy years - people in my town called me every name in the book. But NO ONE knew my unhappiness. My ex seemed like Mr. Nice-Guy but I was a lonely young woman. I got through it - but I can't even imagine being in the lime-light like you are!

It does kinda suck sometimes.

Then again, if I weren't famous—and gorgeous—would I be married to VINCE GILL? I think not!

God bless you for your strength. My new and loving husband and I tried at age 35 to have our dream baby. One thing led to another - I had some minor surgery to "fix" things. An infection set in and I had to have a hysterectomy. No baby for us - but we are still very much in love. God Bless you and Vince and your children (those here and future ones!).

Thank you for your Kind Thoughts
:)

Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000
From: Jim Wheat
Subject: ...kid with no jaw...

Thought you might get a grin out of the attached complaint that was posted on the Dallas complaint board.

We grow 'em smart here in Texas!

Sigh..the lone phone booth is history....:o(

Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000
From: kiwi
Subject: i have been duly exposed

i was an obsessive freaky little teenybopper in the 1986-88 era, which is when i became enthralled by the Owner of the Mandible. i too, could not help but notice the angle of the jawline, the uneven lilt of the lips, and the beauty of the sound that emanated from therein. i had a poster that illustrated the mandible in perfect profile, which became my favorite thing to draw for quite some time. (if i ever find one/can do it again i'll scan it & send it in/)

due to my obsessivefreaky nature, i wrote fanmail in approximately 1987, which somehow gave me a lifetime subscription to the Friends of Amy mailing list. Last time i went to my parents house, in addition to a letter annoucing her divorce from Super Country Star Gary Chapman (which i thought was pretty damned funny) there was, lo and behold, an AUTOGRAPHED TOURBOOK (from whatever tour she was promoting at the time) which also contains many amazing Mandible Viewing Opportunities.

if you can tell me where to send this piece of Mandible History, i will send it along to you, if you like. otherwise, i can certainly scan the more Opportune Views of the Mandible.

love the site. a worthy cause.

we thank you (and accept all amy donations)

From: Courtney G.
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 2000

I peeked at the Mandible Mailbag today for the first time. It was literally stunning.

Date: Fri, 26 May 2000
From: steve n.
Subject: Total Jawbreaker!!!

I think ya'll have Amy Grants' mindable on the mand. Look out. Whash nexsht!

sounds like you may have a mandible problem yourself, there, ol' boy.
demosthenes used to declaim on the beach with a mandible full of pebbles.
"go thou and do likewise," saith the gospel of luke, ch. 10, v.37.

From: Ajharzke
Date: Thu, 25 May 2000
Subject: Dearest Mandible

This is the funniest damn website I have come across in a long while. Thanks for the laughs.

Date: Sat, 20 May 2000
From: Leah S.
Subject: love it

Well aren't you the clever one?

is that a dennis casebier reference?

Never have I laughed so hard.

that is gratifying

I actually am an Amy fan, and was so won over by the mandible page, I spent many wasted hours poring over your mojave phone booth stuff.

wasted? WASTED?

I found your website by looking for Amy Grant concert info... and then I saw the one dedicated to her mandible and was intrigued. I always thought her mandible was a little terse myself...barely opens it when she talks and sings. She's got some mighty powerful jaw muscles!! Must grind her teeth a lot.

Thanks!
Jennifer

BTW, You need some new skits and news on Amy. The cherry clan is a good start.

skits?

By skits, I mean more confrontation with her mandible fans and autographed cherry clan boxes. How fun! (not on a stalker level though) Im sure she's seen her share of wackocrazies.

people, if you have access to The Mandible, we have access to Cherry Clan. you getting that, out there, people? PEOPLE!

Date: Wed, 17 May 2000
From: Emily B.

You know I will be within Ms. Grant's vicinity while she is participating in Michael Jordan's celebrity golf tournament. I am hoping to get an autograph although I must first hunt down a Whipped Cream & Other Delights record.

if there is enough time, we'd *love* to send you a cherry clan box for her to sign. just to see whether she remembers ... fondly

From: Amanda
Date: Sun, 23 Apr 2000

Hi I'm Amanda . I am thirteen years old . I want to know if you could help me? Well I don't want to brag but I think I sing good

That's great! (... but you need to work on your grammar, Amanda honey.)

and, I want to start in the music business . I am not rich either .To get to the point , I was wondering if you could help get me started? please , I really want to get started at a young age.

It's a little late for that—a young age would be, say, the age at which Marjoe Gortner started preaching.

Just to let you know I performed in front of my school and, I mite again at our choir year end concert .Oh yeah,I sang your song too , it was "Oh How The Years Go By" . I got a lot of comments and , people who never heard the song before loved it they told me so. Well please e-mail me back
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeee

Thanks,
Amanda

As Elvis Costello once told Tom Snyder, "I don't have any pull with the record industry. They think I'm half a brick short of a load as it is!" Just keep singing, send out some tapes, and hope for the best.

Oh, and stay in school, too.

Luv,
"Amy"
:-)

Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2000
From: Maxi Rose
Subject: Stupid question...

Can someone explain to me how people can view a website dedicated to the bodypart of the Christian singer Amy Grant, with all sorts of bizarre comments with regard to said bodypart, and think the mail they send actually is reaching and being responded to by THE Amy Grant?

I don't understand how stupid people can be. Any help in explaining the phenomenon would be appreciated.

Why, Maxi ... whatever can you mean?!?

Luv,
Amy
; )

Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2000
From: Emily B.
Subject: Maxi Pad

Maxi,

I would like to respond to your e-mail.

You are ruining the game. How stupid can you be. The enjoyment of this website is to laugh at people, whether they want to hang Amy high for her supposed "religious downfalls", or praise the beauty of her mandible. Whatever the comment it is amusing, so let it continue.

Why, Emily ... whatever can you mean?!?

Luv,
Amy
; )

From: Bonny R.
Subject: Congratulations
Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2000

Dear Amy

My name is Bonny and I am from Ontario, Canada. This just a little note to tell you that I have been a Vince Gill fan for a long time, and I am very happy that the two of you have found each other. All I wish for the two of you is a long and loving relationship. Do the two of you plan to do much recording together? I sure hope so. I wish nothing, but the best for the two of you.

Date: Tue, 11 Apr 2000
From: Kelly S.
Subject You're too cool.

Disclaimer—Let me apologize beforehand in case my next statement is taken as judgement (since it is NOT, I repeat, NOT intended as so) But, come on, we are talking about a Christian witness who, among other things, has pretty much made a (very healthy $) living out of assuming this persona/image.

true, she's made a lot of money. but we wouldn't know whether it was just image. it could be that things happened pretty much as she says.

And therefore, no backlash whatsoever should be expected from "american christians" (as you put it) at Amy's recent—if you can call 6 years recent—complete inconsistencies with the Christian doctrine? Just my observation.

have to admit, we haven't followed the "case" much, and so don't know to what the six years refers. is that the supposed length of the gill involvement?

regarding xtian doctrine, have you ever read what milton wrote about divorce?

In any case, way cool site!

danke, glad you like it.

So, we know how you feel about the Vince Gill/Amy Grant nuptials. Now, seems there's a rumor about Amy's probable pre-wedding pregnancy. Any thoughts on that?

Thanks.
Kelly S.

Probable Pre-wedding Pregnancy ... P3!

From: Darren R.
Subject: Hi amy!
Date Wed, 12 Apr 2000

I am not a big fan of country music,

You're not the only one! (Try being married to a country music "star!")

actually, I came across this site by accident. I live in Canada (no, not in an "igloo") Anyway, I have a question that you may not be able to answer, but here goes why is it, everytime I am "channel surfing", and I come across a counrty music station, thew only faces you see on there are "caucasion" (white) non-minorities???

You're from Canada, eh? Well, as long as we're making wild generalizations, eh, I'll go ahead & say that you probably, eh, go to lots of professional hockey games, huh? (I mean, "eh?") So, then, are ya pretty gosh-darn bothered by how many *Caucasians* you don't see out there on the ice, then? (I mean, "eh?")

Once in a while there will be a "tolken" minority singing a song,

Was that "tolken" thing meant to be a slur against little people? (That's what we sensitive folks call midgets these days.) I don't get it.

but it's usually dominated by a "caucasion" persona, any ideas or feedback why this is??? I wou;ld really appreciate the feedback, thanks!

I'm not surprised you should come to me with this timely question, given that I am an internationally-known expert on race relations. Unfortunately, my favorite show, _Family Matters_ is on. Perhaps you know of this show. That Urkel! Day-umm!

Oh by the way, it sounds like you got married recently, congrats!!!! To you and new husband!!

Thanks. He's a white country singer!

Eh?
Amy
:-)

From: Darren R.
Date: Thu, 13 Apr 2000

I guess you couldn't answer my question?...I thought that you might have an interesting perspective on the question at hand as your involvement in the counrty music scene, on a few differnt levels, (north american) might have provided some interesting feedback. I don't think I have offended you, and if I have, I apoligise, really!

Anyway, I think it's "cool" that you at least responded back to my message "eh", "YEE-HAW!!!!!"

From: Terri
Date: Sun, 2 Apr 2000
Subject: Wedding

Dear Amy

I am so happy to hear about your wedding to Vince! You make a perfect couple!! I have been a Vince Gill fan forever, and have enjoyed your music also. How do your children get along with Vince - he seems like he would be a good step-daddy! I am a Christian who finds it hard to understand the harsh judgement of other Christians - you are a wonderful, beautiful woman with a musical gift from God, and have been an inspiration to many. I too went through a divorce and have now found a terrific partner, that I know God attended me to be with.

Best wishes...
Terri

Thanks, Terri. Kind words and understanding hearts seem to have become rare lately.

From: Aristeia
Subject: Re and jones (HA! i had almost typed that) Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2000

i fell over laughing at this week's item, by the way. i need me one of those! (i didn't really fall over, but i fell over in my mind.)

i am currently exposing my friend kiwi to your site. she says she used to be an obsessive amy grant fan, like in sixth grade. and she's always liked amy's mandible, too.

From: Carrie J.
Subject: thanks- Carrie
Date Sun, 26 Mar 2000

Amy,

I have been blessed throughout the years to listen to the God-inspired music that you sing. I just wanted to thank you for singing awesome songs like "Father's Eyes" and "El Shaddi". I also wanted to say that I am very sorry that you are getting derogitory messages on this website. I also wanted to tell you that I am praying for you and your family.

Love in Christ,
Carrie

From: Silas Clark
Date Fri, 24 Mar 2000

Amy,

how can you, as a Christian divorce your husband for a non-Christian?

How do you know Vince is a non-Christian? Have you ever heard him saying his non-prayers?

It is wrong and God still sees you as married to Gary Chapman whether you like it or not.

Well, that's gonna be a little confusing around anniversary card-sending time, seeing as how Gary and I are married to different people now! Bet we get some weird gifts. Maybe hurricanes and lightnin'!

By the way, how did you get a job speaking on God's behalf? That must be a nifty gig. Does it pay well? (I mean, yeah, I've seen the fancy duds the religious broadcasters wear, but that could all be "donated," wink wink!)

I can't believe you've turned into a heathen.

Heathen means "heath-dweller." I live on a farm. That's pretty close to being a heath. And on my farm, we have hens. Get it? Heath + hen!
Then there's Heath Barkley, another country-type of person. And George Berkeley, a country philosopher. And don't forget Charles Barkley—now there's a damn heathen! Wheee-yooo! Write a letter to CHARLES BARKLEY, why don't you, Silas! (Remember to put your street address on the envelope. It's important.)

Thank God, as your old song says, that age to age he's still the same, unlike you, who turned your back on the faith.

Sincerely,
Silas Clark

Sheesh! Give some people a "biblical" name and it goes right to their head! I'll bet you'd be nicer to me if my name were Rebekah. Or Esther. Or Jethro.

Hmm ... "Jethro Grant's Mandible"—just kinda SINGS, don't it?

Love and kisses,
A.
-)

Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000
From: Heather Angst
Subject: Didn't think she'd do it

Hi. A while back I came across your site while browsing. (I still think you are very clever.) I'm checking in today to see what news you might have posted about the recent Grant/Gill wedding. Basically, I was just curious. Anyway, are you as surprised as I am that Amy went through with actually marrying Vince Gill? Please, if you can (or will), won't you answer me in your least sarcastic manner? I really do want to know what you think.

God's Blessings to You,
Heather

you don't know how difficult it is not to be sarcastic sometimes. . . .

hey, "Heather" isn't the same as "Heathen," is it? better watch out for old Silas, if it is!
(see how difficult it is not to be sarcastic?)

(but if you want the official deuce of clubs pronouncement on the subject, see the response to the e-mail from "barbara s." below)

From: Carol
Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000
Subject: I'm a vince gill fan

Amy - I have been a Vince Gill fan "forever". But now I am a Vince and Amy Fan. I wish you both all the best. I think you are blessed to have found each other and know everything is going to be great for both of you. Your newest fan in Kansas City.

Carol

Date Fri, 17 Mar 2000
From lalo
Subject Just Turned 47

Hi Amy!

My middle boy, he's eight, wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday. I told him nothing. He kept insisting on knowing what I wanted. I thought about it, for a day. I said, "Almost every morning, before I go to work, I come into your room to kiss you goodbye. You're my everyday gift, every single day I have the pleasure of seeing you grow, to know you're one of my gifts." He stared at me and said, "Really Dad, what do you want?" I realized that giving me a gift was important to him and is his way of expressing love and affection. I said, "Take me to Dairy Queen and buy me a cone dipped in chocolate." He smiled, he could do that.

I hope you are enjoying your everydays gifts. BTW, for me, those everyday gifts come at unexpected moments from unexpected sources. That's what I call way cool!

Talk to you later, Lord willing, See ya!
Lalo

From: susan welch
Subject: you bitch
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000

why did a slut liek you marry my vincy i am very disapointed in you i am never listening to you again slut

Dear Susan,

Vince & I thank you for your kind wishes during this happy time. We hope you and yours are having a happy time, too.

Happy Times!
Amy
;-)

From: Barbara S.
Date Wed, 15 Mar 2000

you are hilarious.
i'd bet she'd think the same

do you really think so? somehow ... i don't know

...what do you think of this marriage?

i think that being famous sucks and marriage troubles suck and that anyone stuck with both problems ought to be pitied, not scorned. but american christians are often very harsh, so who knows what will happen to her career ...

Date: Mon, 13 Mar 2000
From: Kara R.
Subject: surely you've heard the news...

...of the grant-gill nuptials. and in case no-one else has pointed it out, excite's coverage includes a nice photo showcasing the mandible

enjoy!
kara,
formerly known as the producer of the cars.com site of the week feature

ps any news on whip it!? i keep hoping to hear you on the radio with tom & ray...

From: SuzyQ
To: Amy Grant
Subject recipe
Date Sat, 15 Jan 2000

Hi Amy!

I'm looking for a recipe that you have. It is called Mudpuddles. Can you give it to me?

Hi, SuzyQ!

Sure thing. Here are the ingredients you'll be needing:

1. One measuring cup
2. One other cup (i like to use the one-cup cup. I call it a "cup cup"—cute!)
3. Lawn chair
4. An umbrella
5. A good book (Sidney Sheldon—guilty pleasure, yeah!!!)

What we do here in Tennessee, we like to sit outside on the nice, green lawn. It's fun to look at the horses.

Then, we wait for it to rain. It really comes down here, I'll tell ya.

When it does, put your book down. It doesn't matter whether it gets wet. It's Sidney Sheldon, for God's sake. (Or the Devil's—who knows??)

Then just lean over & scoop up some wet mud, and ... um, um ...

Ok, I have to confess, I really haven't the faintest damned idea what you're talking about. Mudpuddles? Can you give me a clue? Did I mention that in an interview?

(You do know that press agents typically answer all those questions—who knows what mine said?!)

Thanks for writing. I'm always glad to hear from fans ... especially now, when all the religious types are really taking the opportunity to give it to me from behind!! Especially those twits on TBN!

Love and hearts,
Amy :-)

From: SuzyQ
To amygrant
Subject recipe
Date Mon, 17 Jan 2000 194833 -0600

The recipe I wanted is called Mudpuddles and you were on a talk show and you showed how to do it. The talk show hostess was a women and i missed it.

Oh! I think I remember that, now! Was it on Sally Jesse? I used to like her quite a lot, before she started looking so haggard.

Maybe it wasn't Sally ... hmm ... thinking here. Who could it have been?
I think I need a hint. Was she morbidly overweight?

You said it was a family recipe and i think it was some kind of cookie.

I think I do have that recipe around here somewhere. The household's been kind of up in the air, what with all the "adultery" going on & all. But I believe I can find it, if I can keep Vince from getting underfoot (& elsewhere!) constantly, ha ha :-)

I am being serious and i do know how to play in the rain.Ha Ha!

Sorry about that. I was just having fun with you. I couldn't tell you were serious, and you wouldn't believe the emptyheads who write to me! :-)

Keep up the songs and God bless you.
Thanks, Suzy

We Grant women have an old family tradition ... we never just "give out" recipes; we like to swap things! Could be a recipe (although I have boxfuls of those, yawn! :-) ), or it could be something more interesting. Whaddya say?

Love ya!
Amy
:-)

From SuzyQ
Date Thu, 20 Jan 2000

THE RECIPE i WAS ASKING ABOUT(Mudpuddles) was seen on The View.

Oh, heavens! The View? I probably forgot the recipe because my concentration was focused on trying to keep up with what in blazes that Barbara Walters was going on about. Damn, but she can prattle!! She's sweet, in her own way, but I don't know, what IS that accent of hers? Hee hee. /:-)

You said it was a family recipe. Sounds like you are getting smart with me but I am Totally serious.

Thanks,
Suzy

Who's getting smart with *whom*, here, Suzy? I'm just trying to have a little Internet banter, here. I may be in hot water with the religious community, but c'mon—you could get divorced every day this week and who'd care?!

But people *will* care when you serve the genuine

AMY GRANT'S MUD PUDDLES!!

Okay, so this will take you about an hour, altogether 45 minutes preparation, 5-6 minutes to bake, and 15 minutes to cool down (don't burn those wagging tongues, people!)

For the cookies you need about a quarter cup of butter, a (11.5-ounce) package (2 cups) of milk chocolate chips (or you could substitute semi-sweet real chocolate chips), one (14-ounce) can of sweetened condensed milk, and 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour.

For the glaze you're gonna want a cup of powdered sugar, half a teaspoon of vanilla, and 2-4 teaspoons of milk or water.

Heat the oven to 350, melt the chocolate chips and butter in a 2-quart saucepan over low heat, keep stirring until it's smooth (that'll take about five or ten minutes). Take it off the heat and add the condensed milk and flour, and stir until it's smooth as my voice!

Next, mold roundish teaspoonfuls of dough into one-inch lil' balls. Put em an inch apart on non-greased cookie sheets. Bake for 6 to 8 minutes or just until set. (DON'T overbake em! You'll thank me later. Or you'll accuse me of being smart. Whatever.) The cookies might look like they're not *quite* done. But they are. Let em cool ALL the way down. Think afterglow. While they're cooling, you can mix the powdered sugar and the vanilla in lil' bowl. Stir in some milk until you get the glaze the consistency you want. Drizzle that stuff over the cookies.

You'll end up with about five dozen.

Let me know how they come out. Sorry for screwin with ya, Suzy. I just like to have fun with the normals now and again!

Good luck!
Amy :-)

From SuzyQ
Date Fri, 21 Jan 2000

Thanks somuch for the recipe for Mudpuddles. I Will enjoy it. Why are you being so dirty mouth? It just doesn't fit you. I am a Christian and I thought you were too. I can't help what other people think about you but I don"t talk bad about anyone. I have heard rumors about you and Vince Gill. Is it true? I would like you to be happy with whomever you want. I do not judge people by what they do, that is God"s right. Please don"t use a potty mouth. It don't sound good and please keep up the songs telling of our Lord Jesus Christ who saved us.

Bless you Amy,
Suzy

You know, Suzy Q, I'm ... I'm nonplussed. I tend to get that way when people judge me and tell me they're not judging me. And when people rip me a new one and then say, "Bless you, Amy." I believe I could do without any more of that sort of blessing. Well, at least you didn't put a smiley after "Bless you."

:-)

Did you know that "Mind Your Business" appeared on the first American penny? Don't you think that's a pretty good policy for Xtians, same as for anyone else?

I wonder how you'd like it if your every move were mercilessly critiqued by several hundred thousand stone-casters who think they know you.

Go back to the gospels, Suzy Q, and look up Jesus's harshest rebukes and you will see that most of them are directed at religious people. Think about it.

(Why are you called "SuzyQ," anyway? Don't you know that the lyrics to that song are filthy? Don't believe me? Try playing it *backwards*!)

Bless you (but in the good way),
Amy
:)

P.S.—How were the cookies? I find they always lift me out of a blue mood. I do!
:-)

Date Sat, 01 Jan 2000
From Kenneth A.
Subject hmmmmm

"Oh my yes, we can consider irreconcilable differences as magnificent mandible does not go with bulbous possum nose.." rumored quote from the first draft of the Grant / Chapman divorce papers. Really Gary, I think that when you had plastic surgery you could have gone for different look. Heck, maybe it could have saved the marriage. (Gary, why your nose looks just like vincie pooos. why I Could Never Say Good-bye now) But heck after she's slapped the s*%!^ out of ya over the past six years I'm sure you are glad to get out from under the shadow of her magnificent mandible.

psst...Randy Stonehill is Amy Grant dressed as a man....check out the jaw...er a mandible

with sincerest reverence.....

kennables

hmm ... you'd better pray about it, ken

From Mary W.
Date Mon, 20 Dec 1999
Subject amy and smitty

hi.came across your site by accident.....made my day!!.a question.....have you ever seen amy and michael w smith ( michael w - the chin- smith that is ) together on stage? he has that wonderful chin.next to her mandible...what a terrific sight!.....bye keep up the good work!
mag

From: megan
Date Wed, 15 Dec 1999

i just had a nonsense thought. gary chapmandible.

Date: Tue, 14 Dec 1999
From: sc

Had the greatest good fortune to work with AG on some of her early recordings (Nashville, circa '87.) My compatriots and I were most taken with not only her mandible, but cheekbones, eye geometry, general stature, etc... In fact, for a time, she was universally referred to as "Miss Bone Structure."

Fondest memory The time I "caught" (producer) Jimmy Webb and Art Garfunkle smoking a spliff in the john, so as not to offend AG's sensibilities. Such was power of that radiant countenance.

there was a Book of the Week that was an amy grant bio in which Amy says, "Why isolate yourself? Your life isolates you enough. I'm isolated when I walk into a room and somebody says, She's a Christian and NOBODY OFFERS ME A JOINT and all the coke (cocaine) disappears. . ."

I'll always recall AG as the coolest and most genuine of the "Contemporary Christian Artists" (as they were called at the time) I worked with.

The hypocrisy of their industry, in general, made the "drinkin'/cheatin'/cryin'" Nashville-types seem like model citizens.

From: Savdbyluv
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 1999
Subject: hilarious

You have a great sense of humor and I'm glad I came across your website!
Take care and continue to have fun.

I was searching for songs of Amy's with the guitar chords and your website was listed. The title made me curious, so I took a look. It's fun to come across someone who finds an interesting twist on anothers obsession. =)

Nice to meet you (in a sense).
Carin

From: StarKeepr
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 1999
Subject: Gee..golly..gosh

I was paddling...sorry can't surf..the web and came across the Amy Grant Mandible affair. Wouldn't it be odddddd if here Mandible played a Mandolin..Amy's Mandible Mandolin.

it's possible. she's a country girl, after all. thank god she's a country girl.

Ohhhhhh what a wonderful world. Yes, I took my prozac. Do you know the exact length?

inch & a half, maybe?

Of her mandible, that is.

oh.
then, no.

And while you're finding out all these wondrous things. Could you please explain what one-hour martinizing is and would I want it? Does it involve a man named Martin?

gee ... golly ... gosh

Enjoyed your site...It was ..umm..weird.

Regards,
A. Fan

so YOU'RE the one men would wish to be when they saw sally rand.

goddddddddd I'd love to get in that mind of yours and wade around!!!!!!!!!!

that could get messy

yeah well...mess is my middle name..no wait..it isn't..blonde moment here..marie is my middle name. Pardon the emails but you have got to be the wittiest person I've met on the internet and believe me there are some sickkkkk tickets out there.
Thanks for the laughs. Made a lonely day a funny one.

Date: Sat, 27 Nov 1999
From: Dave B.

Just wanted to let you know that my brother and I dig your website, it is one of our favorites. I was wondering if you wanted Miss Mandible to autograph a few more of your favorite things? What would those be? Maybe there are a few more friends out there that wouldn't mind helping you out.

intriguing. does this imply you have connections?

a Mandible signature on a whipped cream & other delights album would be nice ...

Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999
From: Heather Angst
Subject: Nice...very nice

I stumbled upon your website as I searched for Amy Grant info. Even though I understand that most of your remarks about Amy Grant are back-handed,

does it seem so? actually, i have nothing against amy grant. she's purtee.

there's no question that YOU are quite talented yourself. Must've consumed a lot of time, energy, and creativity to come up with the entire idea. Congratulations. It's certainly an interesting site.

Amy may not be the apple of everyone's eye; still, she's "entitled" to her own sins, much as the rest of us are. Undeniably, she's made her mark in a BIG way, big as in GOD and His Mighty Son, Jesus Christ. It never hurts to be reminded of how clearly we REALLY NEED HIM. Your efforts have helped in that respect.
So thanks.

Sincerely,
God Bless You.

From: Yasooo99
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999

The lights are flashing, the arms are down, but that train you've been waiting for will never come.

Have you checked out her feet?

are you feeling all right?

Date: Sat, 09 Oct 1999
From: mcdonald
Subject: Mandible, Schmandible

Amy Grant's mandible is okay, I guess. But having seen her up close a couple of times I can tell you that she has an exceptional uvula.

ciao,

Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1999
From: the madd hatter
Subject: explosive nipples?

greetings
I am sorry for the waste of time you are wasting reading this note.
how do I know you are reading this you may ask? well, if you did not read this then you wouldn't waist your time only I would have risked Carpal Tunnel syndrome to have you hopefully read this message.
any ways ~why don't people ever use that key?~~~
i like amy's Mandible to
because a Mandible is a terrible thing to waist
and so is a mime
i must depart now
nipples exploding with delight
the madd hatter

gee, i hope you're on THEIR team

From: Bill Foppiano
Subject: PLEASE ANSWER
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1999

Hi there!!!

I just really want to know..... DO YOU REALLY HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO ?????!!!!!!????????????

i could turn the question around on you

Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1999
From: Arnold
Subject: Bill Foppiano meant, "DON'T"

Hi there,

Bill Foppiano certainly meant to write, "DON'T you really have anything else to do?" (Not, "DO you really have anything else to do?")

—-Sincerely,

—-Arnold

wuullll ... thanks, arnold. actually, that was apparent to me.

p.s.—by "wuullll" (above), i certainly meant to write, "well."

Date: Thu, 16 Sep 1999
From: FromName
Subject: Man Dibble

If you see her again, could you ask her to -

"Perform a mandibular contraction on an adolescent amphibian of carnauba?"

Thanks!

From: jim
Subject: JIM
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 1999

H i Amy im Jim i been playing music for 30 some years but i havent made any thang out of it yet m not as good as u maybe someday i will be. i play gospel. I have your cd heart in motion its sounds so good my best song u sang is thats what love is for.Amy i know god gave me a talent to play music id love to jam with u some time it would be fun. I know u play the guitar so do i Amy feel free to email me back id love to here from u
GOD BLESS U TAKE CARE JIM

From: J THERRMNN
Date: Thu, 15 Jul 1999 19:56:39 -0700

WHAT ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT ON THIS SITE? PLEASE RESPOND.

if you are serious about wanting help, you're going to need to be more specific. thank you.

From: Deb
Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999

Thanks for a middle-of-the-night guffaw. This KILLED me! Deb

From: shawn
Subject: wow wee
Date: Wed, 7 Jul 1999

The lights dimmed and the voice of the 15000+ audience swelled. A low oscillating wave from a synthesizer made my teeth vibrate. Colored lights began to rise which had an eerie effect that made it seem like the room was moving.... then Neil Peart started a hypnotic rhythm and... wait, isn't this the Neil Peart's Mandible page?

From: lookinround
Date: Sat, 26 Jun 1999
Subject: No dimple in he mandible though

What an idea for a page! Cool idea at that. I thought i was the only admirer of womens jaws around till i saw the Amy Grant mandible page. She's a pretty lady all the way around including her mandible but i'm into dimples in a woman's chin. I.E Saundra Bullock, Gena Davis, Sophia Loren, Pat Benatar, the list goes on. It fills out and gives more lines to their faces.

pat benatar?

Good luck with your page, but how can you update it unless Amy has a facelift? :)

well, i might update it if i received a cease-and-desist order ... probably not, though.

Date: Tue, 22 Jun 1999
From: Alejandro
Subject: The Mandible

Just another fan of your website here... Well, I guess I'm a fan. When I was looking at it for the first time, I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. (Can I say DAMN on this or will I be flamed?) Well, either way, I almost fell out of my damn chair I was laughing so damn hard.

the amy grant's mandible site assumes no responsibility for mishaps occurring during the viewing of the amy grant's mandible site

You know, (as I am sure you do,) I was reading through the emailed posts to your board, and realized that there are a LOT of people who just don't 'get' your site dedicated to Amy Grant's mandible... either that, or maybe _I_ am missing something... It almost sounds as if people think you LIKE her music or something.

the world is a very thick place

Now, don't get me wrong about this, but I seriously doubt that you get dressed up in a pink tutu and leg-warmers and galavant around your bedroom whilst listening to Amy Grant records. Why is it that about 3/4 of the people who write to you don't see that you are indeed poking fun at her? It's beyond my comprehension. It just goes to show you that those who would prefer to be a 'flock' will follow whomever in their zest for 'the Truth,' even if this means worshipping Amy Grant of all people!

Anyways, I am obviously babbling on and on here, so I'll wrap this up. I love Cardhouse, keep up the good work, and thanks for keeping the mandible page up so I can show it to my friends whenever I have big parties at my house! (I have almost had to use the heimlich maneuver on 2 or 3 people after they saw it and almost choked to death whilst laughing their butts off!)

the amy grant's mandible site assumes no responsibility for mishaps occurring during the viewing of the amy grant's mandible site

BTW, my favorite letter here is the one that that fan wrote in ALL CAPS. Obviously, she thinks you have what it takes to get close to "The Mandible." Keep up the good work old chap.

From: lesley
Date: Sat, 19 Jun 1999

IF I WRITE IN ALL CAPS ARE YOU GOING TO BE OFFENDED?!?!

nope. just amused. bemused. something.

your twisted sense of humor makes me laugh.

good—that's what it's there for!

Are you an Amy fan?
That is unclear by the tone of your story.

really?

Keep it clean.

did you find something objectionable there?

From: Barbara
Subject: whoa
Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999

this is wonderfully entertaining...

Date: Wed, 26 May 1999
From: Jolene Ballentine
To: amygrant
Subject: wow

Amy sure has a cool mandible. Thanks for calling my attention to it :o)

From: Autumn
Subject: Me
Date: Sun, 02 May 1999

Nice mandible page. Reading your mandible webpage and its' stories makes me wonder how old you are and were you are from. Why do people write German phrases to you? Are you German?

nope, not a drop. but wagner is.

On to a "relevent", mandible subject: I am an Amy Grant fan, but I'm not so finatic about her that I would write bad things about the mandible webpage or try to "beat you" with scripture from Revelation.

thank you. no reason for people to get feisty about it ..

In highschool a few friends of mine all went to an Amy Grant concert(heart in motion) and we dressed like her, and I even had the "cutsie" Amy curls hanging down on my forhead for the concert. But that was as radical as I got.

yikes. in my circle of friends, that *would* be radical!

God bless,
Autumn

God bless ALL the seasons!

From: Autumn
Subject: Me agin
Date: Mon, 03 May 1999

This will sound strange, but, judging from your writings and your mandible page, you remind me of the boys I was in Show-Choir with in 1990-1993, we were called, "The First Edition." The guys in my Choir would always joke about "Drag-Queens" and "Pirates", and things like that. Of course, I, being a gulible, Christian girl at that time, didn't think anything of it. But now I am older and wiser.

i don't joke about drag queens. but amy does, apparently

Your friend Yma sounds like a good influence on you. You should keep in touch with her.

did she put you up to that?
(is that YOU, yma?)

God Bless, Autumn
(Yes, that is my real name. No, I'm not a hippie, but my parents kinda' were.)

hippies. brrrrrr.

From: Kathzz
Date: Sun, 18 Apr 1999

Something about this site bothers me....
If you are so fascinated with Amy Grant's mandible, why didn't you go see it in person? Why didn't you go yourself to the bookstore? It's difficult to give your website any creedence when you claim to have this obsession and have the opportunity to follow up on it, yet you don't make the commitment.
What up?

wow. you mean i've lost my amy grant "cred"?
i'm heartbroken

From: Carol
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999
Subject: Yikes!!

Hey,

I don't think those guys like your site, what do you think?

Of course they did post on April 1 so maybe you can take some solace in that. Wouldn't it be funny if it was really Amy Grant who wrote to you?! Nah, I bet she thinks this site is a hoot!!

Tell us another story...

Carol

i know lots of stories

From: Real
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 1999

You are going to Hell, for talking about Amy Grant, thus say it the LOARD.
Have a nice Hell

From: jbrubaker
Subject: Judgement
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 1999

Someone like a son of man, Hair white as wool and white as snow. Though your sins be as red as crimson they will be as white as wool and though they be as red as scarlet they will be as white as snow. He is washed in the blood of the lamb, he is a sinner. I have come to judge not save. I am here for the elect. You keep poking fun at amy. And you will be wearing the mark of the beast and you will lose your salvation. It is given freely and taken freely. God give's and God take's away. Now play around and see what happen's. You had 2000 years of love, now it is Judgement. Take this to heart or be lost forever, mark my word on it.
John. Play around and see. You will be sent to the anti-christ if you like it or not. She is going to be my bride forever more. GET RID OF THIS BOARD!

(Then, suddenly, a mere EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS LATER...]

From: Jerry Dodson
Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999

intriguing and humorous page. you obviously have too much time on your hands, but you use it to amuse your fellow man, so i applaud your lunacy.

From: BFC1019
Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999
Subject: WHAT IS THIS

I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR WEBPAGE.

perhaps i can help you. what is the nature of your lack of understanding?

From: BFC1019
Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999
Subject: Re: WHAT IS THIS

what is your page about, mandible, a picture taken with guys in drag? Did I miss something?

From: Carol
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999
To: amygrant
Subject: Eureka!

Let me preface this by saying that I am an Amy Grant fan of many years. I found the title of your web page most intriguing and curiosity getting the best of me, I clicked in. Upon seeing the photo on the first page, a chill ran up my spine and I was uncontrollably ravaged by goosebumps.

You see, throughout Amy's career I watched her perform on television, in her videos, and even in person at her concerts. As much as I enjoy her music, I find myself unnerved by the simple fact that she barely opens her mouth or moves her lips when she sings. It is truly bizarre and yet fascinating at the same time. When the subject of Amy Grant would come up in conversation with my friends, I would mention my true amazement that such a powerful and audible voice could escape such a narrow, restricted opening. More often than not, they would furrow their brow, glance at me sideways, and utter "Uh huh." For years, I have felt isolated, unable to find anyone who found her mouth as compelling.

Tonight, Dear Deuce, I found the answer I have been searching for thanks to you. Obviously, she is protecting her mandible from overuse! She simply does not want to risk any impairment as it is apparently her most alluring feature!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Thanks to you and your website, I will sleep soundly tonight and every night hereafter. Now, when discussing Amy Grant's singing technique, I can cite a kindred spirit and direct them to your "Amy Grant's Mandible" page as a reference! Thanks again!

Amy-azed,

Carol Z.

is this what they mean by "koinonia?"

Date: Sat, 13 Mar 1999
From: Pete Forbes
Organization: Stemming Music
Subject: Amy's Divorce !

Looks like Amy Grant has filed for divorce from her hubby of 16 years - Those nasty irreconcilable differences strike again. 3 kids, 11, 9, and 6 (report form AZ republic)

I wonder if the Mandible played a part ? mmmm

mandible? no, probably just the man

From: Picklepit
Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999
To: amygrant
Subject: Amy and the Drag Queens

I heard that Amy has filed for divorce from Gary what is your take on Gary?

i've only seen him in clips on Talk Soup

It seems that the marriage was dysfunctional at the start.

i don't know about that. you obviously know more about them than i do. really, i focus on just the mandible

Also with Gary's problems with drug use and other problems he has had might have contributed to the seperation.

there is a rat in separation

I guess the drag queen issue is no big deal but I guess people do wonder about her.

From: Fingers
Date: Tue, 2 Mar 1999
Subject: just plain bad bad bad

By the way, the newshour finished tonight with a shot of the Washinton monument being lit up and singing "America the Beautiful" was none other than her mandibleness.

They played the entire song, and the only thing i could figger was that they were intentionally trying to ruin amy's career because she sounded horrible. OFF key , flat, and just plain bad bad bad.. I didn't remember her being such a very bad singer. I just remembered that her material was crap.

—fingers

From: Picklepit
Date: Wed, 3 Feb 1999
To: amygrant
Subject: Amy and the Drag Queens

Whats with the drag queens and why is Amy having her picture taken with them? Please tell me the story behind this?

My question is did you contact Amy about this you should also maybe ask CCM editor John Styll about it.

From: EMccor5
Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999
To: amygrant
Subject: mANDIblE

Viva Dada.

From: Hostetler, Les
Subject: Mandibular Excellence
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1999

Herr Deuce;

Did you read that the woman attached to the Mandible is divorcing her longtime mate? An opportunity, perhaps, for the industrious, nicht wahr?

From: Krishna
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1998
Subject: New Year

I thought you'd wanna see this:

Thursday December 31 1:03 PM ET

Oh, God: Amy Grant Marriage on Rocks

A sad chapter to add to Amy Grant's storybook life.

Confirming rumors, the Christian/pop singer and husband Gary Chapman announced their separation Wednesday after 16 years of marriage.

"They both ask for your prayers during this sad time and hope that you would respect their privacy," a statement from the couple's management company said.

No divorce papers have been filed. But a split has been whispered about—in Nashville and on the Internet—for months.

Grant, 38, and Chapman, 41, wed in 1982. They have three children, ranging in age from 11 to 6.

Grant is one of contemporary Christian music's leading crossover artists. Her recording career spans back to the late 1970s, when she released her first album at age 17.

Chapman is a singer/songwriter. He hosts Prime Time Country on cable's TNN.

(yahoo news)

(I wanted to hear something about her mandible in the bio, but what can you expect?) Say, how did the mandible project go? It didn't have anything do with her marriage....or did it?

Osta,
Kris

Date: Fri, 01 Jan 1999
From: Bubba Kornfield
Organization: Bigrig Industries
Subject: Well, well, well, look what Wagner finally got,

I was reading today's AZ Republic and in the valley & state section, it states that Amy Grant has seperated from her husband of 16 years. I guess Wagner at last got what he wanted: Amy Grant all to his lonesome. He better be cautious though, rebound chicks are bad.

-Bubba

From: Yma
Sent: Monday, December 07, 1998
Subject: Mandible

Hi there. How are you? I miss you and our lengthy discussions about religion, politics, Wagner, etc. I don't really have anyone here to discuss such matters with. Or should I say, I have no one here with whom I can discuss such matters. Anyway...

My question is: When I had Amy Grant sign the little box of Cherry Clan "To Gottfried," was that for the Pope-to-be, or for you?

Today I bestow thee with the Oddfellows Award, that highly sought-after honor I grant to those people in my life who do things I consider odd, yet intriguing. Congratulations. If I was there, I would shake your hand.

Did you hear about Amy Grant and her hubby? That's too bad. I think we're probably going to her concert on the 18th. Have anything you want me to sign? hee hee

By the way, a friend of mine won tickets to hang out with Amy before her show, and he has backstage passes.

No, I will not ask him to do your dirty deeds!

Cheers,

Yma

From: PeabodyFred
Subject: Greasy
Date: Mon, 7 Dec 1998

Oops.........I ment to say Slick. And yes I do like big jaw bones. One more thing, give Jenny that $20 bucks you owe me.

Say hi to Smiley for me.

ok, well . . . thanks for the coded message . . . whatever it means.

From: Bob Helland
Date: Mon, 7 Dec 1998 08:42:08 -0600

Amy's mandible was here in town this weekend. I couldn't make it to the show, but the picture in the paper was AWESOME!

Hubba-Hubba.......for sure.

Fancy low-cut dress.

Made me feel like a teenager.....

Date: Fri, 4 Dec 1998
From: Paul Michel Girouard
To: amygrant
Subject: Mandible page

I stumbled upon your page on the Internet, and being a fellow AG fan, I found great interest - yours was so much different than everyone else's.

Why her mandible of all things? Oh my gosh! The experience you had IS SO GREAT!

Tell me more please, if possible! I'd love to hear from you..

P.S. I am a student at the University of IL at Chicago—and Amy didn't come near here on the Christmas tour this year. did she have a show near you?

From: Les Hostetler
Subject: Mandibular Excellence
Date: Tue, 1 Dec 1998

On behalf of myself, my former officemate Kelly and my current officemate Christine, I would like to inform you that you have secured a vaunted reputation in this room that supersedes that of any ordinary man. It began with Mojave Phone (hereafter "Phone"), which we have called (although to no avail) repeatedly after learning of its existence, and continues on with the fascinating—nay, *inspiring* — tale of your near-encounter with Ms. Grant's Mandible (hereafter "Mandible"). We took a secret ballot vote and unanimously agreed that we hereafter adopt you, Mr. Gottfried Danneels, as our official Marketing-Communications Office "Mythical Figure/Folk Hero and Living Legend."

This will result in certain changes to the general goings-on here, including but not limited to:

*All involved changing given name to "Gottfried," "Phone" and "Mandible" respectively;

*Collective swearing that, in the event any individual or collection of individuals is within 100 miles of the Mojave desert or any of Ms. Grant's listed destinations, those individuals shall visit the Phone and/or Mandible in your honor;

hola "gottfried," "phone," and "mandible":

i am honored. but i would have to say that the true Great Man is das Mann himself: richard wagner

may i just say without irony that i am truly gratified to hear that you have spent valuable work time trolling my site. what's your office like? this morning i filled a request for a weltanschauung-representing item to adorn the rec room of a loyal deuce of clubs reader. as your hero / legend, i might be persuaded to help you annoy your boss with a similar relic . . .

*Strike the former Marketing-Communications Office Mythical Figure/Folk Hero and Living Legend's (most recent: tie between Curly-Joe Derrida and Jacques Derrida) name from the official records;

i am glad to replace derrida (jacques, not joe), with whom wagner has deep and grievous philosophical differences!

*Continue to follow and marvel at your exploits and tales, as they are both informative and entertaining—a rarity in an often inhospitable world.

like jeeves, we endeavor to give satisfaction.

Thank you for your time and attention to detail. —"Gottfried" (formerly, Les)

likewise, "Gottfried"!

From: Dave
Subject: Hat's off to ya!
Date: Fri, 27 Nov 1998

There is a gadfly loose in the land and his name is Gottfried Danneels!

gadfry danneels?

The Mandible page is by far the greatest expose of Amy Grant's talent to ever hit cyberspace.

r u saying her mandible is her greatest talent?

Kudos to you who stand up for the rights of the little people.

we endeavor to give satisfaction.

Chewing Excitedly,
Dave Peters

we endeavor to give pure chewing satisfaction.

Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1998
From: Jeff Winn
Subject: Religious Rock?

By the way, what's your obession with Amy Grant? (Besides the fact that she's a hot chick.)

everyone needs a hobby.

From: Wen
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1998
To: amygrant
Subject: cherry clan/ Amy Grants mandible

Well, what a hoot, loved the challenge and keep up the good work. Would have loved to see her face.

Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1998
From: Mantler
Subject: Universe:Mandible...Mandible:Universe

The message I would like to share with the Big "M" is a question. When her pop hit "Baby Baby" came out, some of her hardcore Christian fans were somewhat concerned with the apparently racy subject matter. She squelched this concern by stating that one day she strolled into her living room and upon seeing her very young child playing contently, thought to herself..."baby baby". This quieted any potential rumors that she might have been admitting any sort of weakness or lust for her poor wretched husband. Thank God for immaculate conception, huh?

My question to her is, "Is that explanation of the genesis(!) of that particular song actually true, or did you just make that up to soothe the fears of the masses of your trembling Christian fans"?

Love the faux-wedding dress, too. Still white? It's a miracle!

Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1998
From: Tony

I have entered and will happily donate any winnings to your just persuit.

Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1998
From: Cathryn Bauer
Subject: New Amy Grant's Mandible Project

Greetings:

Could I get some idea of the message you will be delivering to Amy Sucrose —pardon me, Grant?

Blessings,
Cathryn

nothing complicated or untoward. just something in modest praise of the Mandible. and some cherry clan, if i can locate some in time.

Date: Sat, 31 Oct 1998
From: robert & marlana
Subject: christian bypass

with a name like Gottfried you should know its sacrilege to appress a mandible like the one perched upon Amy's face.Elvis would pitch his cheese burger if you attacked him in this way.now go watch tv.

"appress"?

Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998
From: Maureen
Subject: Mancow

A friend directed me to this site - I love it. I just want to let you know, I live in the Chicagoland area & listen to Mancow from time to time. He can be a real ass, but he's almost always entertaining - otherwise I wouldn't listen. I wish you luck on the show, and I'll be listening.

I dig your humor. The Amy Grant thing ROCKS, I look forward to reading more. Keep it up!

Mo

Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1998
From: gagreflex
Subject: Amy vs. Mira

Amy's mandible looks incredibly similar to Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino's! I think a comparison would be nice. That's the only impossible improvement I could suggest for your wry and witty, yet full-bodied web site.

—Alex.

Date: Wed, 05 Aug 1998
From: Chad Taylor
Subject: umm..... okay.

Very interesting site.... fairly amusing, in a weird, morbid, too-much-time-on-my-hands, so-I-was-surfing-for-anything-worth-reading-on-the-net sort of way.

"umm..... okay"—i'll try to take that in as nice a way as i can!

vbg! Yes, please do... I really did mean it as a compliment! The "umm... okay" thing was really the first thing that popped into my brain when I saw the site. Very unique.:) So, yes, I was trying to be nice.

Oh, and YES, Amy Grant does seem to have a sense of humor. When a rock group THE YOUNG FRESH FELLOWS wrote an unusual song called AMY GRANT (that wasn't very flattering), she laughed about it. So maybe there's still hope for you yet!>g<

oh yeah, i heard about that. that was a pretty mean song. funny, though.

Yes, it was funny! And it's one of those songs that once you hear it, you CANNOT get it out of your head for the longest time. So all of my friends, who already think I'm way too obsessed with AG wonder why I'm walking around singing "Amy... Amy Grant..."

grace,
Chad

*********************************************
"When it all comes down, if there's anything
good that happens in life, it's from Jesus."
—-Amy Grant—-

Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1998
From: Melinda W Messervey

I have to say...your website is hilarious. I have shown it to several people, I laugh more each time! To have a photo of Amy's face when Yma told her about you and her mandible....well, it would have been priceless. As an Amy fan fron day one I have to admit that this is THE story of stories about Amy...Thanks for the creative entertainment and, by the way, the largest mandible award goes to Maria Shriver in my opinion.

Mindy

From: LITTLE98@aol.com
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998
To: amygrant
Subject: HEY, HOW'S IT GOIN?

HI AMY MY NAME IS CARA MCCORD I LIVE IN INDIANA, AND I AM COMING TO YOUR CONCERT AUGUST 14th AT KINGS ISLAND! I LISTEN TO YOUR MUSIC EVERYDAY AND YOU ARE MY FAVORITE SINGER! AND AT MY CHURCH YOUTH GROUP WE SING SOME OF YOUR SONGS. MY DREAM IS TO MEET YOU, EVERY DAY I PRAY TO MEET YOU AT LEAST JUST SHAKE YOUR HAND AND THAT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!! I THINK THAT YOU ARE THE MOST PRETTIEST PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN, BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN YOU AT 3 CONCERTS BEFORE. ONE MORE THING THAT I HAVE TO SAY IS THAT YOUR CONCERTS ARE AWESOME AND THAT I LOVE YOUR VOICE SINGING AND TALKING!!!! THIS IS MY COUSINS COMPUTER AND HE SAID THAT I COULD WRITE TO YOU SO I DID, I LOVE YOU!!!

CARA MCCORD

well, cara, thanks for shouting.

Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998
From: Dr. Placebo
Subject: cherry crisis

so i read your article on Amy Grant's mandible, notice that you're another Cherry Clan afficionado—loved the house you built with it, btw—and wonder if you noticed that the bastards at Ferrara Pan have succumbed to the tide of 'political correctness' (or just plain ol' common sense in this case) sweeping America and renamed their candy.... Cherryheads.

I'm not kidding. And I'm not sure I've recovered, either. Now that I can't go to the grocery store and simultaneously satisfy my cravings for cultural stereotyping and sugar, i'm not quite sure what to do.

I just recieved a box of Cherryheads in the mail. I'll gladly scan it and send you the file if you'd like to do some sort of RIP for 'em.

Sigh. I guess we just have to keep on existing. anyway, your site is splendid, and has improved many a day of technoboredom. thanks.

Date: Sat, 13 Jun 1998
From: Michelle Ball

you have a very creative web page. I like it!

Date: Fri, 5 Jun 1998
From: John Lam
Subject: your website

hi, i just saw your amy grant mandible website. it is so cool! i was laughing the whole time. is that a true story about signing the box o chocolates and stuff? wow, you are just too funny. anyway, thanks for the comical amy site.

it's all true, my friend. yep, that's really her tiny signature on the box of cherry clan (which isn't chocolate, btw; it's kind of like cherry sours only it tastes like sucrets throat lozenges). there'd be photos of amy signing the cherry clan box, except i had no advance warning that my friend was going down to see her

my amy site is not anywhere near that funny. it's actually rather quite serious. later...

John Lam - An Amy Grant Website
http://www.geocities.com/Nashville/1075

From: Coyote Art
Date: Sat, 6 Jun 1998
Subject: rec.music.artists.amygrant

You're a hit, child of God!

From: Darrm
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 1998
Subject: it was great!!!!!!!!!

great site!!

darrm :-)

From: Sogomo
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 1998
Subject: TOO FUNNY...

You crack me up........... what a great sense of humor you have! Thanks for the story....

Later
MO

From: onion
Organization: thisiskent.com

you my friend are a strange but hilarious person. telling AG she has a nice mandible? letterman can't touch it.

Date: Fri, 07 Nov 1997
From: Tim Hansen
Subject: Amy Grant's Mandible

LMAO over the Amy Grant's Mandible Home Page.

In light of that, I told this girl I know (her name's Emily Muzatko) that she has a really cute mandible (and she does). I wish I could have captured the look she gave me on camera!! After I explained it, Alex, another friend of hers (with an Adam's apple the size of an Outspan Orange) made some derrogatory remarks about Emily's mandible involving her family lineage and Jay Leno!! I said, "My boy, you're greatly mistaken! Emily has a truly magnificent mandible!!" To which he busted out laughing. As a follow-up, I'm calling Emily "Mandible Girl" for the rest of the week. For your reference, there is a picture of Emily Muzatko attached to this E-mail. (300dpi.jpg)

Your dutiful servant,
Timothy W. Hansen

(p.s. the W. stands for Warren, but I just decided to tell people it stands for Wombat)

Something wrong with Wagner?

From: Lawrence Boyce [New Zealand]]
Subject: Hi there
Date: Mon, 25 May 1998

This has been an adventure. I have never been on a web page like this before........ I like and think it is awesome..........

Would you be able to keep me intouch with what Amy Grant is doing please. Like new ablums and if she is going to do a world tour.........

Some questions for you to answer.....

How old are you.?

I am 31 years old. Jus wondered if we could be friends.........?

Lawrence Boyce

lawrence, all i can say is, i'm glad it's tomorrow where you are.