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Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2002
From: jess
Subject: monkey yeats

hooray, someone else knows about yeats and the monkey balls! i tell people that and they look at me like i'm insane. even though i have the word of a real live poet on the matter.

i think people don't realize how wackadoo the man really was.

i do. wackadoo. wackadoo-wackadoo. wackadoo.

From: Brandi J.
Subject: texas funeral
Date: Mon, 17 Jun 2002

DOC,
I found your site while looking for a track listing for John Wayne - Texas Funeral. Three used to be a link to buy the CD. Were you selling these?

nope. just adoring them.

For the love of all things holy please tell me that you are selling these! -

not to slight the holy, but ... no.

or at least one of them. I absolutely MUST have this as my copy has been loved to scratches, the insert long since mangled - but a good time was had by all.

and how could it be otherwise?

how did you get into jon wayne? are you a texan?

Alas, my heart is broken.

Thanx for getting back with me so quickly.

no problem. sorry about the broken heart.

I am not a Texan. My friend used to be in an almost successful band in LA back in the late 80's-early 90's and he knew the guys in the band. He sent "Texas Funeral" back home to his brother who promptly introduced it into the Microbus rotation. A bunch of drunk angst filled teenagers riding around dark country roads in a crappy Microbus with a crappier "stereo" listening to Apple Schnaups.

isn't that really what america is all about?

That is ALL that America is about!!

[Factlet: The guys from Jon Wayne were actually a punk band that toured nationally and the time spent in Texas jacked them up enough that they produced Texas Funeral.]

Well, the friend that had sent it back home to us in the first place had it with him in the studio last week and it brought back such fond memories that I have to have it.

half.com can fix your heart. there are two copies available.

Who would have thought that Jon Wayne would be bringing people together??

if jon wayne works at burning man, jon wayne will work anywhere.

Word to you mother

yep, you came to drop bombs, &c.

(note to government agents and government email sniffing software:
bombs, in this context, is a hiphop slang term for "mad rhymes."
please make a note of it.
thank you.)

Peace out...keep it real up in the feel, ight!
(now i feel like i am obligated to come up with a closer!)
-b


From: DSW
Subject: some lowlife copying your text for eBay auctions
Date: Fri, 14 Jun 2002

Check this out, some stooge copied your info on the Mindfuckers book for his auction.

Go get him...

i wouldn't mind so much if the rest of the copy weren't so abominably written:
[THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER AND MOST ULTRA EXTRA RARE CHARLIE MANSON RELATED L.S.D. MIND CONTROL 1960'S BOOK EVER PUBLISHED. AND ITS A GREAT READ TOO THEY DONT OR CANT WRITE BOOKS LIKE THIS ANY MORE!!! AS AN ADDED INSENTIVE YOU CAN GET A 1ST EDTION HARD BACK COPY OR EITHER: "WILL YOU DIE FOR ME?" BY CHARLES TEX WATSON OR A 1ST EDITION OF CHILD OF SATAN CHILD OF GOD BY SUSAN ATKINS WITH THE PURCHASE OF THIS BOOK IF YOU USES THE BUY IT NOW FEATURE THIS IS A VERY GOOD NICE TIGHT COPY OF THE "IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND" MIND *UCKERS IT IS THE FIRST AND ONLY PAPERBACK PRINTING THERE AINT NO HARD BACKS MADE THIS IS A COLLECTORS PIECE IF YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT IT YOU NEVER WILL IF YOU DO KNOW ABOUT THIS BOOK YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT AND NEED IT! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!]

It just pissed me off because I read your site, and have been looking for that book. As soon as I read his description I knew where it was copied from. The book does go for a lot, but it's also one of those things that could just as easily show up in a thrift store for a buck (I'm looking!). I can't believe he stole the image too! Take care, great site!

i just checked bookfinder -- cheapest copy there is $125. but there is another route you could take -- the book was originally serialized in rolling stone magazine, in two or three successive issues. you could find those issues for probably no more than ten bucks apiece or so, i would think.

Thanks for the tip!

de nada

The Lyman story is what I was interested in.

he was a character, all right. i guess if not for the murders manson would be no more famous than lyman was

Now I'm after those old Rolling Stones.

good luck!
doc

From: Deuce of Clubs
Subject: Question for ebay seller
Date: Fri, 14 Jun 2002

hey bub ... what's the idea of swiping my description and scan of the mindfuckers book?

deuceofclubs.com

From: "Starpowerseller"
Date: Fri, 14 Jun 2002

geez im sorry I borrowed it so sue me! just trying to sell a lousy book for crying out loud!
Have a cow!
Why dont you?
there now are you happy?

YOURS GREG

wait. you *do* understand that it's wrong to steal something someone has written and represent it as your own, don't you? especially if it is in the interest of your own monetary gain? surely you do.

From: Cindy L.
Subject: in great need of help...
Date: Fri, 14 Jun 2002

In an article you published online..
mentions a lady who has pet ducks. In the article it cares to mention about raising ducks in New York City, in an apartment. Well, that's me. I live in Manhattan and in an apartment. I am finding great difficulty in everything with my ducks. I have read as much as I could find about ducks but no LUCK. Just this morning my smaller duck (tac) fainted. I think he has respiratory problems. I have two ducks. Yellow (tic) and black (tac) ducks. I would like them to roam around my apartment but they poop everywhere. It seems like Ms. Nancy Townsend knows quite a deal about taking care of ducks. I called the number in which I could possibly reach her but it does not work. Can you please help me get in contact with her. Thank You so much.

here's nancy's site. good luck

From: Guibbory
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2002
Subject: what is books of the weak?

stumbled across your site while searching google for references to a relative, who happens to be an author of one of your listed books. Curious assemblage. Do you have a purpose or are you just collecting weird stuff?

do you insist upon a difference?

Lord knows there's plenty of it out there. BTW your cavalier tone is more appropriate in some places than others. Just my opinion.

btw, your ancestor claimed to be the messiah and "that all prophets had predicted his own coming to this world." doesn't get much more cavalier than that.

regards,
doc

(p.s. -- whatever did happen to moses guibbory? do you know? people write in from time to time, trying to buy the book.)

The book is no longer in print, obviously, but copies do exist. I believe yours has gold leafed pages if it is one of the first 1000. They were printed before Mr Guibbory's arrival in the US. The signature is a forgory by an imposter who sought to profit from the small group of followers the book generated, and was later jailed.


From: Anaisabine
Date: Thu, 6 Jun 2002
Subject: dee dee rip

hate to be the bearer of bad news (again) when it comes to the ramones, but...

Dee Dee Ramone, rock singer and artist, dies at 49

DANGIT ALL RAMONES STOP DYING THIS DAMNED INSTANT DO YOU HEAR ME

Date: Wed, 5 Jun 2002
From: Kelly

thought of u tonight, was following a bumper sticker:

"667. Neighbor of the Beast"

i think there was once a compilation cd -- maybe a heavy-metal one? -- called that.

From: Curt L.
Date: Wed, 5 Jun 2002
Subject: L.A. D.J.s Palaverin' 'Bout Whip Cream!

Sir,

This morning approximately 7:03 the wake-up team of Mark & Brian spoke of keen interest of the Alpert album they reported Rolling Stone voting as 'One Of The Ten Sexiest Album Covers Of All Time". Found at 95.5 KLOS for the last 15 years or so, the duo are much like any other predictably out-of-control morning team. Watered down, plasticized Stern clones that feign interest towards something they feel may be hip for the next nanosecond and then move on to another subject faster than their Ritalin can kick in. Although they can barely summon the talent between them to conjure up a moderate fart joke, they did speak highly of Julie London and the popularity the Album Cover has brought Mr. Alpert for these many decades....

Here To Help,
Curt

hope they aren't under the impression that julie london is the whipped cream girl.

Date: Wed, 05 Jun 2002
From: Juan M.
Subject: Re: of

hiya doc,

those of's are looking sharp!

all's well here. i know it's been rough out there, and i wish you the best. best of luck w/ everything. and may the booth thieves spend an eternity in some dingy and uninteresting gehenna. selah.

seconded (for the thieves of my booth and for the thieves of the other booth, as well).
although such a fate would probably not bother dingy and uninteresting thieves

From: Msbreweryula
Date: Tue, 4 Jun 2002
Subject: Yeats suggestion

Have you thought of using Of Mice and Men then "Yeats-ing" out the Mice & men part?

well, i'm trying to do it with as little resort to yeats-ing as possible. coincidentally, not long ago my friend juan found a book called Of for me. You can see it here. And here.
And here.
And here.
And here.

How fun! I've recommended your site to my students (10th grade Orthodox Jewish boys), as I appreciate any opportunity to show that people really do care about this poetry stuff.

Thanks for the cool site!

de nada. do your students get to learn the really weird stuff about yeats?

Subject: The centre cannot hold!
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002

For your W. B. Yeats project, you may find The Drowned World by J. G. Ballard of use.

i'm still holding out for a book, any book, called, simply drowned. has to be one. somewhars.

Yeah, you'll have to use one of your nifty little stickers of Oscar Wilde, but what the Heck, effendi.

(actually, it's yeats himself. but i'm not offended, jefe.)

Incidentally, did you catch the episode of the Equalizer wherein Edward Woodward as Robert 'the Equalizer' McCall quoted Yeats in a police station? Almost as good as the 'Danielle the fox' dialogue.

i haven't seen the equalizer. but i have seen the wicker man. points for me, points for me.

DISCLAIMER

This e-mail contains proprietary confidential information some or all of which may be legally privileged and/or subject to the provisions of privacy legislation.

i promise not to tell unless someone pays me.

It is intended solely for the addressee. If you are not the intended recipient, an addressing or transmission error has misdirected this e-mail; you must not read, use, disclose, copy, print or disseminate the information contained within this e-mail.

must not read it? then ... shouldn't the warning be at the *top* of the email?

Please notify the author immediately by replying to this e-mail.

in process, jefe.

Any views expressed in this e-mail are those of the individual sender, except where the sender specifically states these to be the views of the London Borough of Redbridge.

am i to understand, then, that the London Borough of Redbridge does not favor mr. j. g. ballard?

This e-mail has been scanned for all viruses and all reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure that no viruses are present. The London Borough of Redbridge cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this e-mail or attachments.

right back atcha, lord boroughbridge!
doc

From: danny
Subject: the 1968 forecast by rigel spica
Date: Wed, 29 May 2002

hi, iv'e seen your review of this book, do you sell this book or know where i can source it from. thanks

i had a copy, but sold it long ago. i'm curious, though why you are interested in this book? of all the books reviewed on the site, that's not one i would think many would be interested in, but i do get regular inquiries about it. let's just quash a rumor here:

THERE IS NO $20 BILL STASHED AWAY INSIDE THIS BOOK, WHICH IS TRULY THE ONLY IMAGINABLE REASON ANYONE WOULD WANT IT. THANK YOU.

in addition, i would just like to mention that until further notice, it is no longer 1968. again i say, thank you.

Date: Thu, 23 May 2002
From: aristeia

shit, man, sorry to hear about the theft... i've been a loser lately and not checking the site. i wish i wasn't so fucking poor or i'd send you a contribution. but maybe during this current move i'll at least find something interesting to send you. not that i have anything interesting, which drives the likelihood down somewhat.

(i like to ditch 68% of my stuff every time i move, so now i have very little... not that that would make it any less devastating if people stole it. it's gotta be an even bigger blow for someone so devoted to collecting things. wait, i just contradicted myself.)

well, thanks. i'll have to just content myself with stones and cacti for a while...

stones, cacti, and REVENGE!

the stones and cacti may come in handy in the course of REVENGE!

actually, you know what you need for REVENGE?

buzzard tree!

TIE THEM TO THE BUZZARD TREE! SIX WEEKS UNDER THE BUZZARD TREE FOR THE EVILDOERS!

buzzard tree gulag tie a noose to the buzzard tree, put the noose around their neck, put them on a horse, put the horse under the buzzard tree, and then *don't* slap the horse on the ass and have it walk off.

ha! or make it a bronze horse. or "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a buzzard shitting on the human face, forever."
<dies laughing>

new sign for the buzzard tree!


From: mollie anna
Subject: there is a giant walking toilet on tv
Date: Wed, 22 May 2002

hi deuce,

i went to your site to do my usual viewing of all things wagner, and was horrified to find out that someone had stolen all of your things. it's just inconceivable that someone could stoop so low to take things that are basically only sentimental to people.

it is literally difficult for me to believe it, too. even if i were a lowdown thief, why steal things i can't use? why such malice for someone i don't even know?

i'm really sorry that it happened to you.... i hope that you find whoever did it, and i'll keep my eye out for replacement items at the thrift store.

shalom,
mollie anna

thanks, m, i appreciate it.

From: Cardhouse Robot
Date: Sun, 19 May 2002
Subject: mjt

I saw the note MJT sent you and I spontaneously clapped and shouted "YEAHHH!!!" in my real voice, not my ironic deep voice. I will certainly crank up my donation next time I visit ...

so will i! that's quite an outfit. not that i didn't always say so, of course

From: Seamus M.
Subject: pixies thing
Date: Sun, 19 May 2002

bizarre, where is my mind has always been my favourite pixies track

probably mine, too -- especially the beginning, with kim's vocals

and apparently, according to your quiz thingy its what pixies track i am.

it would be interesting to know exactly how many of those songs were factored in...

you'll have to help, i'm irish living in england, factored in the quiz? did you not write it?

oh, no -- that's an external link.

this whole net thing confuses me. external links, unregistered servers, who is controlling the whole thing???

pete rose.

its regan isn't it? him or his bastard son bush(w.jr.) i don't know, who can you trust these days?

probably not pete rose.

if you can't trust the good burghers of the internet then what hope for the world? who's the man? TELL ME!!!

kenneth keith kallenbach.

Date: 20 May 2002
From: Holly F.

i sent money last month and you never said "thanks". Even the dude by Sharret's Liquors says 'god bless you' when you give him money, even though it's for booze.

i'm sorry, holly -- if it was via Amazon, they don't reveal the name of the donor unless the donor specifically asks. but please know that i certainly do appreciate your help.

p.s. -- & i'm not a drinker, if that helps

From: Marie
Subject: Thanks for updating "Ravers"
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002

In the inexplicable way the heart works, it was good to read everyone's response. Although I'm still saddened by your loss and concerned for you, I'm pleased & relieved that so many care about you and want to help. I think the love and affection tendered makes you one of the wealthiest men I know.

i cannot disagree with you.

Date: Thu, 16 May 2002
From: Eric S.
Subject: Re: Amazon Honor System Payment

it was the least I could do considering the time I spend "working" while crusing your site. Even though I never actually saw any of your stuff, I feel like someone stole from me as well. Good Luck with the rebuilding of the collection...I will keep an eye of for things I think would help.

many thanks, eric.

From: jacque miller
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002

Hi, I am the author of The Lopsided Gal, your book of the week. I am interested in knowing who referred my book to you. It is now out of print but I do have some copies available if anyone would like to purchase a copy.

Thanks
Jacque Miller

no one referred your book to me. i think i got it at a thrift store. i haven't had any inquiries for it; most people seem to be after either in the bible in the hands of its creators, astrology and horse racing, or mojave desert ramblings. but if i receive any, i'll pass them along to you.

[and as i was typing the previous response, i swear to you, the following email arrived:]
From: Emilio S.
Subject: book
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002

Please tell me how I might get a copy of the book Astrology and horse racing by Rigel Spica.


(and consolation it was, indeed...)

From: Felicia
Subject: Oh no.
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002

I am utterly at a loss for words about this horrid thievery. I am so sorry that this has happened.


Date: Sat, 11 May 2002
From: Minister David
Subject: BURT BACHARACH'S BOOK

Greetings,

Not sure from your web site if you are a collector. But, I have a copy of Burt Bacharach's Book for Men. I will go ahead with my plans to discard it, unless I hear from you in the next three (3) days.

we do have a copy on hand already, to the great relief of all who must look at us.

thanks for checking,
doc

From: Courtney G.
Date: Wed, 8 May 2002

Popped into your site today. I hadn't been there in a while. I'm so sorry to hear of your Vandal trouble. Motherfuckers. What can one do? Anyway, persevere. Let me know if I can help.

thanks, courtney. it's been a pretty stinky time lately, but it's been a valuable luxury having the support of friends.

From: Curt L.
Date: Tue, 7 May 2002
Subject: WHIPPED CREAM & ... sighting

Sir,

During the 1999 film BOONDOCK SAINTS a 'Whipped ...' sighting can be had. Approximately 45 minutes into this 108 minute action film the moron hitman wanna-be 'Rocko' realizes his two professional hitmen friends told him the truth. The damn Russian mob IS trying to off him. Rocko reacts to the news by trashing his druggie girlfriend's apartment and accidentally changing the housecat into a fresh Jackson Pollock. The cavalcade of carnage begins with Rocko kicking the stereo over and the audience is treated to a half-second close-up of 'Mr. Alpert's Finest' sailing to the floor.

i'll make a capture in due course. good spot, thanks for the catch.

This film also features Willem DeFoe tarted-up-to-the-nines. Didn't he also play Christ a few years back?

he did. but that's okay, everyone used to wear dresses in bible times. even the guys.

Date: Sat, 04 May 2002
From: Rebecca N.

Good luck to you, I had my shit ripped of between uhaul loads when I moved to my new house, they even got my car! I hope you get your shit back, Im not interested in the reward, I would however like to know if you ever catch the ASSHOLES! Im sorry I cussed, I just hate ripoffs!

(no need to apologize -- you wouldn't believe some of the things i have thought and said about them...)

Date: Thu, 02 May 2002
From: Fingers

I just heard a couple of days ago about the robbery and vandalism. I just wanted to say I'm sorry it happened.

I hope those f------s broke their backs stealing that stove!

so do i! hrmm ... maybe i should check area emergency rooms.

From: Susie M.
Subject: still upset
Date: Wed, 1 May 2002

Dear Doc,

I'm still sad and angry about your recent theft. I really hope you catch the bastards. I sent you some money. I urge others to do likewise.

We have a lot of crap. Is there anything specific you would like? If you made a wish list, I think a lot of us would contribute.

my friend max said the same thing, and she even made a provisional list. i've just been so overcome by my current work situation that i haven't had the time to go over it with her, but i definitely will. everyone's been very kind to me.

From: Vinyard
Subject: My Condolences
Date: Wed, 1 May 2002

Man,

I can tell by your web page that the thievery hit you pretty hard. I'm feelin' for you and I hope everything ends up ok.

I've been in your spot before when I lived in Tucson. Been thieved from at least half a dozen times. One time someone there stole my pants off the clothsline. Hoped the bastard suffocated on them. (Since any thief obviously has their head in their ass)

well put. (though at least one could imagine a person being in a jam & needing a pair of pants. i can't think of a plausible situation that would excuse someone from stealing a phone booth.)

[Via Cardhouse:]

Date: Wed, 01 May 2002
Subject: DoC Theft
From: Lekkerbelangrijk

Picked up your story on the DoC burglary, it's also on my page now. Will send some cash to the Amazon page, hope some of my readers will do this as well. Talked to DoC in the mojave booth some years back ;-) Alas, check it out

Cheers
--Jan


From: lynda
Subject: hey
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002

i just read the message. i'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. if there's ANYTHING i can do, please let me know.

lynda


From: Rev. Chris
Subject: encouragement
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002

I can only imagine the sense of intrusion you must feeling regarding your container break in. I am so sorry!

Deuce of Clubs is one of those sites,where I find some much needed distraction and good laughs. I work with sick folks, so now and then its good to get online, to get a break....your site is bookmarked, and I love getting lost reading and looking at the pics.

I hope the bastards who robbed you find whatever truth they need to discover within themselves...and understand what a shitty thing they did. May the Universe heap upon the heads of the guilty; restless nights, shame and a few nasty uro-gential infections...(for the lower shakra types)..May THEY always doubt themselves and look over their shoulder..wondering if they're REALLY being followed.....

May the God/Goddess heap upon the Deuce of Clubs...Blessings...prosperity..and restfull nights filled with soul-stirring images of peace and contentment!!

Peace...and keep your chin up!
Rev.Chris

thank you for the kind words, chris. i add to your wishes the hope that the universe will cause the thieves to be overwhelmed by the urge to return what they stole!

From: Marie M.
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002

Words fail me. I don't think I can imagine your anger, your despair, or your sense of devastation and loss. I wish I could say something consoling, something that might help. This is the best I can muster:

Quick now, name those three bitches, the Fates, and tell me which we chase down first and fuck up.

Marie

i quote the inimitable amalric: "kill them all; god will recognize his own."

Amalric of Bena? That brings us back to French philosophers, but anyone the papacy deemed heretical can't be all bad.

Mind me inquiring whether or not you think you're going to be alright eventually? I'm not being flip; I recognize the spiritual toll may be greater than your material loss.

quite possible. but i usually manage to land on my feet, even when i feel like roadkill.

Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002
From: Paul

I am very sad and appalled to read of the enormous personal losses you suffered recently at the hands of sociopathic scoundrels. I pray that you can recover quickly, emotionally and financially, from this tragedy.


Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002
From: Laurie M.
Subject: out here

hi
well I just went to your site and saw the details of ripoff and am actually almost nauseous over it. it makes me want to just go to sleep.

those were two of my strongest reactions as well.

damn. all your stuff. I imagined what it would be like if my stuff never made it here last week. uh oh I couldnt. My objects and even my clothes all seem to be a means of knowing my own history.
They reassure me of my place in the physical world.
They are relationships that never end.
totems and memory holders.

well expressed. fortunately, as another of my friends noted, at least some of the stuff is up on the net, so it can't be stolen. and some of it is in storage elsewhere, along with my books. if i had lost my books ... ay de mi. i really don't know what i would do if i lost those.

I am still missing my old furniture that I left behind - I gave it away cuz I had gleaned it to begin with.
I enjoyed the empty space of this cottage but I felt ill at ease until I had retrieved my 40 boxes in Flag. Now its all here comforting me.
Can I help you reestablish your library? are there some books I can watch for in used stores?

thank you -- fortunately, still have the books.

I will send some dough via amazon.
please take care. you alluded to other difficulties in the past months. I hope they are abating and dont involve your health.

Laurie

these difficulties have not yet abated, but fortunately, neither has my health, and for that i am thankful.

Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002
From: babs

what up d? haven't heard from you for a while.

nothing happy. check the home page.

that is pretty sucky. pretty sucky indeed.

could not agree more. unless it were to say, even more sucky than that.

did they tie you up and make you think you were patty hearst?

i think if i were tied up i would think i was sweet nell.

do you have any suspects, like the crazy neighbors, or the pla?

the sla, you mean? i believe they burned to death.

(i must tell you though that it's pretty weird when you can just refer people to your website when they inquire about you.)

but handy, though, don't you think?
w safe?

wagner's lucky that i would never have abandoned him to desert storage.

Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002
From: Pete Forbes

Sadly, I saw your page last night. I was getting ready to go to bed but couldn't sleep after that bad news.

neither could i, believe me.

From: dj 'tine
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002
Subject: just found out what happened

hey deuce,

i just visited your site and read about the horrible break-in at your trailer.

i'm so incredibly sorry. is there anything i can do for you? i live not too far from a thrift shop... want me to pick you up some clothing or other items? anything i can do to help, just let me know. i know i live on the other side of the nation from you, but if you need anything, please let me know.

again, i'm so sorry. but i'm here you for you.

with love and support,
dj 'tine

thanks, i appreciate that. at the moment, i don't have another place besides the cargo box that i could store stuff, & i'm not eager to put anything back in there at the moment. but there may come a time when i solicit bizarre and interesting t-shirts...

done and done, deuce!

dj 'tine


Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002
From: Geoffrey H.

I read about the theft...fucking assholes who would do a thing like that piss me off. Bloody hell. Any luck yet finding stuff?

not yet. but there is always hope.

From: XtremeHelloKitty
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002

I really enjoy your site and wanted to let you know that I put a link to it on my Links page. I want others to enjoy it, too.

Keep up the great work!!!


From: Christine
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002
Subject: Phoenix from the flames

I just checked out your page and read about what happened. It is horrible every which way, on levels practical, artistic, psychological and sentimental. I know you know this, but none of the stuff that was taken touches who you are. You are the mastermind who created it or imbued it with meaning. The Deuce of Clubs psyche is the only element that's truly irreplaceable. I very much hope the criminals are brought to justice, right-wing style, and that your cherished collections are recovered. But much of it lives on in the web mythos you've woven, and your diligence there preserves the items via photodocumentation and witty explication for the eternity of the Internet. You have anthropomorphized, impregnable safety deposit boxes in all the people you've entertained, educated and engaged. Certainly there was work not shared, and stuff that you just plain need. But if there's anyone with the skill, the will and the wherewithal to get past adversity, it's you.

christine, you have no idea how much your message meant to me. thank you so much.

Well, *you* mean a lot to *me* -- so if there is anything I can do, let me know and it will be done double-time. With the possible exception of procuring you another tiger whisker. At least not with my bare hands. I'll diligently check eBay for one though .--C

P.S. If comedy is tragedy plus time, the punchline post futurum will have to be the police report. Imagine the investigating officer reading the inventory, scratching his head exaggeratedly, disbelieving eyes agog "Phone booth glass? Rake buddies? Peripheral convexes of every kind? A pooping pig?!?!"


Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002
From: Gregg K.
Subject: Struckus house

You have the web's most authoritative site on that place...

somehow that just doesn't seem fitting and proper...

Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002
From: Russ C.

For what it's worth, I was sorry to read about your recent setback. The weird part is, it's stuff like that that probably made you want to go off in the boonies in the first place.

it seems there is no escaping the virus that is Bad Humanity.

Damn the bastards.

"damn. them. all. to. hell." -- bill boggs (edward scissorhands)

Subject: HQ robbery
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002
From: Robb

Really sorry to hear about the break-in... I know it really sucks to lose all of your personal stuff, and that even if you've got insurance, it doesn't replace the sentimental stuff. Sorry to hear it.


From: Jean
Subject: Theft
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002

Just want to say very, very saddened to hear idiots stole so much from you. I wish the worst for those cruel people.

Sigh,
Jean

when i got to the scene, i saw the deuce of clubs you painted, having been carelessly tossed into the desert. that pretty much symbolized things for me...

Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002
Subject: Sorry to hear...
From: Marney M.

...about all of your stuff. My car got broken into a while back, and my $241 perscription sunglasses got stolen. I am not rich, It was 2 years before I could afford to replace them. I can just imagine the jerk who took them trying them on, going crosseyed and tossing them in a dumpster. Idiots.

you said it. i wish theft were treated more seriously in this society.

I will keep my eyes peeled at the local flea markets and swap meets for your stuff. You have eyes in Seattle.

Marn

thanks, marn.

Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002
From: dr. cliff

I heard the news about your loss. I can't think of anything useful to say, except that it's a damn good thing you're wise & tough. It's a pity these valuable qualities are most useful when things turn to shit.

I assume you've sent descriptions of the more salable items to pawnshops across a *wide* radius. also check ebay etc and freebie classified papers. i know you've already thought of all this and more; i just need to feel helpful.

if i see a phone booth for sale anywhere, somebody's taking one in the face.

let me know if there's anything i can do at all. right now i'm gonna toss some goodies in a box and ship to you. get back to me soon to bounce ideas/gripe/bitch/rant/cry per your needs, pal. sorry again to see your strength so sorely tested.

your pal,
Dr. Cliff

thanks, bub. i may indeed take you up on that, once i get a chance. you're a good egg, cliffy.

From: Nationwide Clyde
Subject: Ezekiel 25:17
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

more like, the gospel according to tarantino, 25:17 (when i first saw that movie, i thought the quotation didn't sound right, so i looked it up when i got home.)

I am aware of Tarantino's embellishment...somehow, I just feel that this situation requires Tarantino-style justice. Let's face it, no home security system is complete without Samuel L. Jackson.

the judicious use of that slogan ought to bring you fortune

Until such time as I can muster great vengeance and furious anger, please accept my $20 via the Amazon honor system.

many thanks. i appreciate it.

And should you ever need help in the replenishing-stock-of-weird-crap department, just let me know where to send the crate. I've got almost two dozen copies of *the album*, as it is now known...

would you believe they stole a bunch of copies of *the album*?

Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2002
From: Rob C.
Subject: bummer

Sorry about your loss.

That kind of container piracy.. they took the fucking phone booth??!

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

thanks, i appreciate that. not to be maudlin, but the whole thing is pretty hard to take.

From: Marco De Beest
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 (via snailmail)

I was so sorry to hear of your loss. I doubt you remember me, but I'm the guy who ran into Mark Simple (and Wagner) in Mystic, CT in the Fall of '96. I had just taken a photo of my Glow Maria when he came up and took a photo of Wag. We chatted, he told me about you & your website, and when I got home I looked you up, and I've been a DoC fan ever since.

I'm enclosing a money order for 10 bucks. It's not much, but it's the least I can do, considering all the pleasure I've derived from your site. (I even called the Mojave Phone Booth once.)

Keep up the good work.

Yours truly,
Marco De Beest

I do indeed remember you, and I remember talking to you once when I was at the Mojave Phone Booth. And here is the email you sent several years ago:

From: Magic Marco
Date: Wed, 7 Jul 1999
Subject: The Mystic Meeting of Wagner and Glow Maria

Here 'tis , as promised the other day in our Mojave Phone Booth conversation: your boy meets my gal at the old Mystic Seaport. The statue of the Blessed Virgin is of the glow-in-the dark variety, and unfortunately tends to appear rather ghostly in photos, but there she is, just to the left of Wagner. That's me on the left, and I wish I could remember the name of W's escort, but I can't. Imagine my surprise, running into another nut taking pictures of a statue--but there we were! We traded stories and he gave me an internet address, but we didn't have a computer back in them days. The first chance I got(some three years later when we got the net at work) guess where I went. And the rest is history as they say. Really enjoyed chatting with you the other day--we'll be in touch. The photo is from October '96, by the way.


From: ZincMaster
Date: Thu, 18 Apr 2002
Subject: Unknown saloon singer

Dear Hopefully Helpful,

In the movie A Big Hand For A Little Lady there is a saloon singer at the end, that I can't find in the credits anywhere. Do you know who she might be?
A beautiful voice and no mention of her. Please help if you can. Thank You!

if it's not at imdb, i don't know what to tell you

From: Aunt Janie
Date: Mon, 15 Apr 2002

What a bite in the ass!! EVIL

Whelp, I'm unenjoyed @ present, but I hope this helps a little in the process of piecing together yer existence again. On behalf of myself, Rob the Wop, Yaz the Iguana (unfortunately, my cherished Ziebe passed away last month), here's hoping things start looking up.

Cheers,
Aunt Jayknee

thanks so much to you & rob for the card & gift. very sorry to hear about ziebe. i met ziebe the same day i first met you (burning man 96)

no prob--happy to help a fellow desert creature. (i'm not by birth, but covet desert life. rob grew up in the mojave desert, hates it. go figure)
GOOD LUCK!

PS Actually, you met Wen in '96. (Victor still has him) Ziebe went to BM '99. And luckily, I still have Yaz


Date: Sat, 13 Apr 2002
From: andria
Subject: HOLY SHIT.

I just saw Cardhouse.

I'm so sorry, Deuce. Damn.

the booth is a terrible thing to lose, as is everything else ... but the personal stuff! letters, documents, stuff i've collected. and what they didn't steal, they destroyed. the camper is a total loss, trashed. so now i have no place to stay when i go there (that popup tent, of course, is gone with the rest).

From: rockettebob
Date Fri, 12 Apr 2002

i found a very warped"taste of honey"record in a religious shrine,on a hill in bisbee,arz this morning.it made me laugh.thank you.i have a blown head-gaskit....fucking art-cars......rockettebob


From: rockettebob
Date Fri, 12 Apr 2002

hello.i was up on a hill in bisbee and saw a taste of honey today.i felt much better.art cars,compulsive behavior.i am not in texas.fuck cars.i am ejoying THIS IS NOT ART.thank you....bob

hey, rocket bob. didn't know you were living in bisbee now. reno get too hot for ya? i can't believe my album is still up at the shrine on the hill, but i'm glad that it is. that was maybe 2 or 3 years ago i put that up there. one of these days i'll have to rescue whip it! from san jose...

From: LEWIS2048
Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2002
Subject: Disturbed

You sound like a very disturbed individual and I suggest you get some help before you have a mental breakdown or harm yourself and others around you. Anyone who only sees the dark side of life is under the control of the evil one themself,

(themself? do what now?)

and needs help immediately. Otherwise, the evil one will take as many as he can down the same road he went, straight to __________!!!!!

hrmmm, choices, choices ... shall i ...

a) take seriously criticism from some idiot who doesn't know me and who cares enough about soap operas to rant about them publicly (see below) and has no command of spelling or grammar?

or

b) tell that person to go jump in a lake of fire?

oooh! i know the answer to this one!

go jump in a lake of fire, lewis2048!

cordially,
doc

p.s. -- in case you've forgotten how utterly silly you are, your publicly posted rant should refresh your memory. (for god's sake, you're complaining about the portrayal of divorce on the young & the restless? how could a person even live long enough to develop such stupidity?):
Name: L D Lewis -
E-mail: Lewis2048@aol.com

Comments:
I think the new mac stinks, I hope they bring the original mac back. Do these people believe in counseling or only divorce. For Gods sake, get Sharon and Nick some help. The divorce rate in America is not 95%, like most soaps, so get real and get a decent couple some help. Also this Malcomb mishap seems about as real as when Victor got injured and stuck in the desert. Also have you noticed that Ryan is still on the previews and he died a month ago. And poor Paul is always getting pussy-whipped, does the man have any backbone at all? Is his former wife overwith or will she return after Paul remarry's. She sure left the show in a hurry, guess they had to write her out. They can't keep all the good ones. Have you noticed the players are getting much younger, they must be wanting a younger audience. Guess kids today spend more money than they did 10 yrs. ago.

your tone and your grammar sound familiar, Lewis2048. are you sure you weren't trying to write to amy grant's mandible?

From: Amithequark
Date: Tue, 9 Apr 2002
Subject: duck diapers

how can i either
A. contact the duck lady
B. obtain duck diapers
C. order a single duck egg?

type "duck diapers" (include the quotation marks) into the search box at google?

Date: Mon, 01 Apr 2002
From: The Evolution Control Committee
Subject: Poopalicious

Presumably you have no interest in going to Burning Man again, but just thought I'd check for sure. I've got tix for this year (not that it's a guarantee that I'll follow through)....

Great to read the explanation about Mountain Monograms; I'd always wondered.

Okay, I should go be a bit more productive now. That's the shame of not working for The Man or The Problem -- less goof-off time to answer your mail.

Cheers,
Mark G.


Subject: It's a Wag Wag Wag Wag World
Date: Sun, 24 Mar 2002
From: Robb

So, ah, are the big "W" palm trees still up? I remember being very young (10 or so?) and riding with my mom out to Gilbert (which felt like driving to New Mexico back then) to see her doctor, and always looking out the window to see the "W" from It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. As a "grown-up" (other people's children sometimes call me that), I have not seen the trees, and I assumed they were plowed over by some homebuilder with no sense of nostalgia. But then I saw the Wagner Calendar Project homepage, and there was W, basking in the glow of the big W (you can decide which is which).

Can the trees still be seen, or was that Wagner photo taken a long long time ago (or doctored - I know about how you carry on with Photo Shop...)?

true. but i like the wagner photos to be undoctored (if they're doctored, they generally end up in the w gallery).

the trees were real, and still are real, though the area is much changed. what was a vacant lot is now, i think, a mini-storage. but the trees have not changed much ... wagner seems to snap to attention whenever we pass them (which is pretty frequent, since arizona blvd is hwy 87)

From: Ryan S.
Subject: Tombstone
Date: Sun, 24 Mar 2002

I stumbled across your page about the movie Tombstone and about the original director Kevin Jarre. I'm glad you're telling people about the original script, not many know what happened. I was actually one of the actors written out of the movie after they fired Kevin.

ouch, tough break. tombstone's a great film to have been any part of, though.

I was only 12 then and I was supposed to play Lucinda's son. Kevin was the coolest director I've ever met. Only since I've gotten older have I been able to appreciate his writing. I didn't know at the time of the film that he also wrote Glory, my favorite war movie.

and had an interesting cameo, as you probably know (he's the bigot who ends up shouting, "give 'em hell, fifty-fourth!")

He really is a very talented writer, and I'm glad I got to work with him a little bit. I'll never forget my big monologue shouted from the top of a wagon as Wyatt rode off into the sunset to glory... Well, anyway, thanks again for trying to tell people about the sham that actually happened.

Ryan


From: Constance H.
Subject: "Pop" Lofinck
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 2002

Finding your book review of Pop's book was one of those few times when I REALLY am GLAD I've stayed alive long enough to use the web. (Don't panic, I'm not 80, just the sunny desert side of 50).

(i wouldn't panic at email from 80-year-olds. C'MON ALL YOU OCTOS)

How could I have ever found that there is anyone else (still alive) who seemingly was touched by some of the same exact points in the book? For me, Pop's book reads like it was written last year, not 35-45 years ago!

books like his ought to be written every year.

I borrowed the book a few weeks ago from the san bernardino county library in Hesperia (I live in Phelan) and the book inspired me to return to my writing projects. It inspires me in my job, also, which involves motivating and inspiring others.

I'm looking for my own copy of the book (I could xerox it, but some of those photographs!) I saw a copy on bibliofind for $40.00. Wow! That is a lot of money, but last weekend I rushed up to Ridgecrest and Maturango Museum (who published the thing) doesn't even OWN a copy themselves! c.

that's sad. just now i did find one listed via bookfinder.com for half that price.

Your site has some interesting stuff. makes one think you might be one of those people who becomes one of life's unforgettable "characters." Sounds like you have lots of fun. And, it sounds like you are a kind guy.


From: Phillip N.
Subject: Its the freedom
Date: Tue, 12 Mar 2002

Hey Deuce,

Cool site, I have been lurking it for about a year now. It was the information about freedom that led me to here...

Anyway thanks for the site. Keep up the cool work.


From: Greg K.
Subject: Jack Donovan
Date: Mon, 11 Mar 2002

Hi, my wife's Father was Jack Donovan. Do you have any more cowboy photos of him? I have a couple I can email you. I think the one you have is from the silent film "Hoof Marks" from 1926 or 1928. We have done allot of research on his film history. He was also an architect and a Red Cross lifeguard.

could you email me a better copy of that photo on your website?

interesting info, thanks. i'm sorry, but the photo on the site is all i have (i got the scan from an ebay auction but i didn't bid on it). i've seen that card on ebay more than once, though, so you might have a decent chance of finding another.

From: KG4DXTBOB
Date: Sun, 10 Mar 2002
Subject: "mania 58"----who-knows-what. 58/13/4 is- I was born with the "madness."

Item 58 | What the Deuce?! -- Fearless Cultural Mania

5 + 8 = 13 = 1 + 3 = 4
?

Last night while doing more research at work, on the job where they is not much work-sometimes, I found another shock. A shocker.
you see, I'm BIPOLAR as in BIPOLAR DISORDERS

2 9 16 15 12 15 18 4 9 19 15 18 4 5 18 19 = 108=9
I have three old dictionaries. all three were published on different dates but in the early part of the century.
only one of them had "mania 58" in it. the other two only had "mania." in other words the definition of the word "mania."
Of course the "58" jumped out on me like who-knows-what. 58/13/4 is what powers my Arithmancy divination.
Yes, I may be "mad" but i have a good excuse. i was born with the "madness." other's might just not have that good of an excuse, if excuse is a good term.
we all seem to have been born into a world which we seem to have had no choice about.
get to the point bob!
i want to know why "MANIA 58" is in this dictionary i own. the dictionaries once belonged to Western Electric Corporation my dad got one of them after they were replaced i suppose, and i ended up with it.
the other two i bought at a yard sail or a used book store. OK, it was goodwill, i confess.
the 1916, first printing, and the 1960 last printing was the dictionary it "mania 58" was in, and it was the one from my dad through western electric. how bout that!
dad has played a bigger part in my life than just getting me here, yes indeed, for he just might have helped pray me out of Florida when i was literally going to the "dogs" as they say. as a matter of fact my 1971-2002 anniversary is in march. March 11 to be exact.
So can anyone help me with this part of the mystery. I'm hoping Gary, codeufo, might give me some input. Maybe Mr. Mason, or one of the other of the "code gang" might know about "mania 58!?"

another thing. my family, including my wife of just about 25 years now, as our silver is coming up April 10, all know without a doubt that i am "mad." perhaps mad just might not be the right terminology for folks like me and many others. i was born, i repeat, i was born this way, and i can prove it. how? by the numbers man, by the numbers. THIRTEEN
call me what you will, but when I put the link THIRTEEN in my "hit" was 446 which means the one before it was 445. 4+4+5=13 the way I count. OK! So I'm somewhat of a smart%*$ to, but it's the "mania madness" man.
Yesterday while heating my peaches for my wheaties in the microwave I stopped it without looking, for a minute I thought might be to much, yes, you guessed it, it stopped on 13 seconds. I have a witness, my loving wife of almost 25 years.
someday I hope to document all the 13 number coincidences I have had over the years of this investigation. My web sites have a bunch of them in them.
"[hint'}
O.K. whose first. I have a need, a need to know. so before I die of ....
OLD AGE
15124175=26=8, OLD =13/4, AND AGE =13/ 4
somebody help me. after all i am to be pitied, for i am a manic depressive, and am mad, mad, mad, mad.
no bull
bob gray smith
1 6 6

google- search-kg4dxtbob
Paranorman Research by
Arithmancy Divination

Yes, I know of the paranormal, and I know of no skeptic that can honestly challenge my
W O R K
23 15 18 11
22/4
successfully
!!!!

"The addictive nature of web browsing can leave you with an attention span of nine seconds - the same as a goldfish."

Bob Gray Smith 2 15 2 7 18 12 5 19 13 9 2 8 67=13=1+3=4----2002

Bob Gray Smith 2 15 2 7 18 12 5 19 13 9 2 8 67=13=1+3=4----2002

was there a question in there somewhere?

i want to know why "MANIA 58" is in this dictionary i own.

that is an excellent question. good luck.

Date: Tue, 5 Mar 2002
From: Robb L.

Entry #17 - The King Becomes a Deuce - You may have been told this before, but it's another instance of the convergence of the Ace of Hearts / Deuce of Clubs that you mention in Entries #18 and #63. The story involves swapping her Ace of Hearts in order to get the Deuce of Clubs Elvis card.


From: Lynda
Date: Mon, 04 Mar 2002

do you know the origin of 'silly mountain road'? we wondered if it was a regular road to a silly mountain, or a silly road to a regular mountain.

i do know the origin. it's comparatively recent. it used to be called something else, but a the daughter of a guy who's lived out there for a long time always called it silly mountain, cos she thought it looked silly. when the highway department came through making signs, they asked the guy the name of the mountain, he told them silly mountain and they believed him.

at least, that's the story i was told.

Date: Sun, 03 Mar 2002
From: Wig
Subject: mr lyman

it is a sad day. arthur lyman has passed away. <3 wig

NOOOOOOOOOOO

damn. chuck jones. spike jones. arthur. the greats are dropping everywhere...

From: DanishVikingQueen
Subject: Hello
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002

I am not a freak of any kind, religious or otherwise, I am just an ordinary woman who happens to live 2 miles from Giant Rock. I was very please to read what you had to say about the big boulder. I wrote a short story about it right after it split in half. I called the local paper and asked if they would print it. They said no because it was fiction. I was wondering if you might be interested in reading my story? I wrote it as if I were the grand old boulder myself, in other words, "gave it a voice" and it speaks about it's existence before the first humans, up to the present. Let me know, Joanna

sure, i'd be happy to take a look at it. (please send it as plaintext right in the body of the email, though, rather than as an attachment. we don't open attachments here at DoC.)

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