How to Construct
a
Clothespin Match Gun

You may have fond memories of clothespin match guns from your childhood in juvenile hall. You find, unfortunately, that among your many repressed memories is the method of constructing these guns. Or perhaps you were prissy enough to have used your clothespin gun to shoot peas or unpopped popcorn kernels, in which case there's no way you didn't just find it lying on the ground somewhere, already made. Because if you made your own clothespin gun, you used it to shoot matches (childhood's rules were strict, but fair). Before we tell you that we are in no way responsible for any boneheaded thing you may foolishly choose to do with any clothespin gun you use these instructions to construct (such as using it to shoot peas, ya priss), we will tell those who are as yet unfamiliar with the clothespin match gun that what it does is light a wooden strike-anywhere match and shoot it, still burning, anywhere from 10 to 20 feet or so. Yep. It is Thee Troof. Now to the... Disclaimer: We are in no way responsible for any boneheaded thing you may foolishly choose to do with any clothespin match gun you use these instructions to construct. Nor even any intelligent, inventive thing (though we wouldn't mind hearing about any applications, foolish, intelligent, inventive, otherwise, or some combination of whatever.) Note to anyone reading this who works for law enforcement, code enforcement, Patriot Act enforcement, or any other idiotic government entity: Fuck off and go find honest work. Okay. Disclaimer fully understood? Government employee twits all fucked off? Good. Let's begin.