Back to the secret training camp of Julia bin-Roberts


Dear Potential Bigtime Hollywood Producer of Potential Osama bin-Laden Biopic Potentially Starring Julia (Pretty Woman) Roberts:

As President Bush has been saying lately, The American People have long believed that there is something evil about Julia Roberts. Fortunately, the President speaks in broad generalizations on behalf of abstract entities. I think President Bush, in this, at least, is right. While Julia Roberts plays the goodytwosneakers better than most, it has seemed to me, as far back as Sleeping with the Enemy, that she might be more interesting if she played an evil character for a change.

Julia Roberts hints at her potential for hatching evil by hatching an oversized, evil Easter Halloween egg.

Outside of her role in Notting Hill, which was more of a spoiled, pampered film star, My Best Friend's Wedding is about as much evil as she's managed so far. That, and dumping Kiefer Sutherland at the altar. In the same vein, her dating of Matthew Perry was, if not evil, at the very least vile, and since vile is an anagram of evil, I think we can agree that Matthew Perry can stand in as symbolic of Julia Roberts's regrettably stunted record of evil for the present time.

That is, at least, until Julia Roberts finally tackles a really evil role. Let me jump to my point.

It has been publicly suggested that Osama bin-Laden be given the Denmark treatment and afterward sent swishing back to the lady-lovin' Taliban.

Here is my alternate suggestion: forget Copenhagen & hooray for Hollywood! Cheaper and easier would be a campaign to shame bin-Laden by drafting Julia Roberts to portray bin-Laden in the inevitable big-screen adaptation of his life and crimes. This campaign is underway. In fact, you're soaking in it. It is my hope that you will "cast" your considerable Hollywood production weight beneath the juggernaut-like train of Julia Roberts in order to facilitate the casting of Julia Roberts in the role of Osama bin-Laden.

Yes! it can be done. Here's how...