Spanking the monkeys: The brief but brilliant The All-Spanking Show
(First published in Planet Magazine, 18jul1995)
Most public access cable shows are bad. But only a few are
brilliantly bad. Take, for example, The All-Spanking
Show. Only the completely dull and incurious could have
resisted checking out that one. Those who tuned in saw a lawn
sprinkler watering a back yard. For half an hour.
Naturally, I had to keep watching. And, at the
show's end came the payoff—a message came onscreen:
"Thank you for watching the All
Sprinkling Show We would like to apologize for the
misprint stating this was the All Spanking Show.
I'm sure you enjoyed the sprinkling much more. Give us
a call and tell us what you think."
Plenty did just that. The next All-Spanking Show
featured the same sprinkler video, but now with an added audio
track consisting of dozens of irate messages received from
disappointed would-be voyeurs. "I stayed up late to watch your
show! You could be SUED for false advertising! I'm calling my
LAWYER!"
Whoever thought this up is brilliant.
There have been a few public access shows goodbad enough to watch. Bar Tyme and Monk & Moo come to mind. But my all-time favorite has got to be My New Chew Toy.
© Deuce of Clubs
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