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Before 666 CEO response . . .
From: CLODO2
Subject: satansatansatansatan.....
i've recently come across the 666 Cold stuff, and it got a good laugh outta
me. i bought bottles of it for christmas presents for like minded friends.
before looking up the actual name on the browser, i went to Montecello itself
and left an e-mail for an explanation, but now i know that there are others
that know of this. isn't the greatest. even though i'm a devout atheist, i'm
still not ever going to take it. gimmie the skinny on any updates that you
might have, SATAN is here, and he didn't appear as a UPC symbol, he showed up
as a cough syrup, or a "Cold Preparation", if you will.
From: Thomas Guarino
Organization: NYC Board Of Education
Subject: I Saw It Years Ago!
Hey!
I lived in Tucson, AZ in the seventies and eighties, and I too saw the
now infamous 666 cough syrup. I always wondered if there were Satanic
links to the product. Now that I have read the company lawyer's letter
to you, I am convinced that this product is definitely part of the spawn
of hell.
Just thought I'd let ya know—
Claudius
From: jello
Subject: 666
I found your site as a result of the cruel site of the day. I have seen
quite a few parody/humor sites on the 'Net, but few make me laugh out loud. keep up the good work, and I wouldn't even worry about legal action.
In response to Hypnagogue's posted letter, the expression red herring came
from a practice of dragging a piece of fish accross a fox path to throw the
hunting dogs off the scent.
BTW, Did you hear about Monticello's new product - Old Scratch Jock Itch
Cream.
-jello
From: Tim Hansen
Subject: The Devil Comes By Mail!!
That's right!
Yesterday, my response from Monticello Companies, Inc. came in the mail.
Along with a complimentary bottle of New Pleasant-tasting Monticello 666
Cough and Cold Formula!!
And an 800-number for orders!!
It's 1-800-735-0666!
[Here's] the new sharp-looking, less evil-appearing box (notice how tiny and far
apart the three sixes are).
Next time I get sick, I'll have the dosage photographed. It appears to
be cherry-flavored.
From: "Britain P. Woodman"
Subject: Cough Cough
You know, I used to listen to old people's radio stations around
Detroit once in a while (at work, at home, in the car) and your
friends the cough medicine used to be a frequent sponsor, right
up there with Triple Action Gold Bond Medicated Powder. But
the announcer in the ads always called it "Three Sixes Cold Medicine."
For years I wondered what was up with that, if they were aware, if
anybody else was aware. When I got X #12, x number of years ago
(I think I was in senior year of high school at the time), I read
that damn article to everyone who would listen. I even attempted
a hick accent. It was beautiful.
To hear, years after the fact, that Monticello is trying to
intimidate you into taking it off the web, well, it kind of
irritates me. I'll be glad to mirror it, if need be, and
if I can get a text copy, I'll put it on an auto-responder
so anybody who sends an email message will automatically receive it.
Keep up the good.
From: Hypnagogue
I may not be a lawyer nor had nun fancee book learnin', but I can't imagine
they can legally force you to remove the article. It's obviously in the
spirit of humor and parody and not impugning the product itself. On the other
hand, they are in league w/Satan, so I wouldn't rile 'em. ;)
My favorite part: "However, it was always Monticello's belief that the mark
of the beast "666", was not evil unless it was written on human skin." So
there was a strategy meeting & a rather free-wheeling, corporate-approved
rationalization of Biblical declarations! (Of course, were I in attendance at
this summit, I would have pointed out that *ingesting* 666 is even worse
because then it's in your BLOOD!!!!! I would have then concluded with a
rousing exclamation of MOO HOO HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
This is such a perfect addendum to your article—you couldn't have written it better
yourself! (You didn't, did you? Of course not—you know where to put your
commas! Or is that just a red herring???) (P.S. Where the hell did the phrase
"red herring" originate? This calls for a Cooley investigation!)
— Christine
"Slickery" James
From: laura b.
Subject: Works cited
Hello!
Sorry to hear about your potential legal troubles with the cough syrup
people. What in the devil are they thinking?
From: Candi Strecker
Yo, I actually forwarded a copy of this to my pal Chris Grigg of Negativland, as yet another example of the legal hell unleashed upon this world ... Best of luck in resisting this legal inanity. Sheeeeeeeeesh.
You probably have heard of John Marr of the zine Murder Can Be Fun ... he
recently got randomly assigned a home telephone number with the prefix 666!
(And was absolutely delighted, of course.)
The part about blaming the movie The Omen is so weird ... I don't quite
follow their logic!
I'd like to see the legal precedent for "offending the team" being an
actionable crime!!!!!!
From: onion
WOO HOO more bad press from planet (sort of)! hehe
anything i can do to help at least annoy and at most make them get off your
back? i hate seeing these types win just because they're getting their
"feelings hurt" or whatever they wish to call it.
and i'm sorry to say this, but on the behalf of planet, i'm going to
request that you track down all of these emails that have run about the net
with this message and manually extract the words "planet" and "magazine",
as the owners of these words together are not happy with their use in
conjunction with this legal matter blah blah balh ad furthermore ba blah bah
bblah balh blah haablaha.
okay?
p.s.—in the name of free speech (just to befuddle the The Monticello Companies
anyway) i do have an identical copy of this article resting at:
[url deleted]
so, if you have to move yours or take it down temporarily, there it sits.
and you know, we might even be able to stick this thing on a server outside
the us, say hong kong or thailand? i know some people out there....
From: Paul DeValera
Subject: kill the lawyers!
They are asking you nice, but that does not mean they can do anything. I
have a couple classes with a lawyer so I'll ask him if they can take action
against you. I guess your entitled to your opinion about a product, like
consumer reports, they don't get sued when they cretique a product in a bad
light.They didn't say it was "slanderous" or any other legal mumbo-jumbo,
also with the big deal in the gorvernment about protecting the internet
under the 1st amendment and all, I don't think they can do much. Point out
to them that because of your website, many more people are now aware of
your product! (granted, they might want it as a show piece, not to use).
I'll see what I can do.
Hey Doc,
I guess my response to this e-mail would be "and that no one may buy or sell
except one who has the mark or the name of the beast or the number of his
name" or "hey lighten up and have a
Ricola"
Diane
From: Tim H
Subject: Even Men Of God find "666" Article Hilarious
Deuce of Clubs is perfectly within its legal rights.
Also, I printed out the entire article and gave it to Rev. Martin
[name deleted—g.d], who teaches at [name deleted—g.d].
His response- Amusement!
And not just mild amusement! Loud, hearty laughter amusement! From a
certified pastor, no less. He has the article on file and even uses it
for a part of his government class. The article poses NO negative
religious or legal problems as far as I can see.
Also, any chance you can send me the company address so I can buy a
bottle for myself?
Not that I'd take any, you see, I have this understanding with
illness. It doesn't bother me, and I don't call it "nancy boy"
anymore. So, I remain healthy. I still want a bottle to put on a shelf
for the insane novelty of it all-the true Deuce of Clubs spirit-insane
novelty!
From: Howie
Subject: You are a victim
I like the 666 art you have produced—tell Paul K. that you will kill
all the links if each company employee answers the question: Do you
believe Satan exists?
From: Patrick K.
He just requested that you remove it. You have done nothing wrong Mr
Civil Liberties!!!!! Stick up for your rights or else the cops will
be showing up at your door to take them away.
However, you should take them up on their offer to have one of the
Sr. Executives call you, it would make an hi-larryous addition to the
story.
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After 666 CEO response . . .
Date: Wed, 07 Oct 1998
From: Tom Magliery
tim hansen alerted me to your pages, and i've been wasting my
morning. "you stinker" [the old lady at the end of ally mcbeal.] the reason he mentioned it to me was
because of the 666 story.
about 12 years ago i drove from kansas to
california and back for a spring break. on the return trip one of
the things i brought home was a couple snapshots of roadsigns from
highway 666. (if it had been night at the time, i might have had
something other than snapshots.)
From: Patrick M.
Date: Tue, 11 Aug 1998
While perusing the 666-1.jpg I noticed this label- "8% alcohol"
That is 16 proof. Almost 50% more alcohol in a Bud Light.
Suggested Slogan- "Drink with the Devil, Satan's Supressant"
From: Brian H.
Subject: Re: the 666 ad
Date: Sat, 23 May 1998
I enjoyed the experience of your call to the folks at 666. I can't believe that they're still around. But, I imagine when you're allied with "The Dark Master" finance isn't really a big issue.
From: Candi Strecker
Subject: Monticello Reply
Matt and I are both happy to hear that this company has called off its
lawyers and that this story has reached a happy ending!
From: Bigrig Industries
Subject: Not to start anything....
But doesn't Ghost scent have some paranormal implications? Isn't
Monticello afraid of a witch hunt?
just curious,
rusty
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