Getting out of Phoenix was still a problem. I'd figured Xmess day would be easy--who besides me hates Xmess enough not to mind traveling during it? I sent out general alarms/dispatches as appropriate:
21 Dec 1994
Subject: IMMEDIATE DELAYS. Xmess CONGESTION THWARTS SANTA AND HIS ELF, WHO ARE TRAVELLING ON STANDBY PASSES [GRACIOUSLY PROVIDED BY AN AIRLINE WORKER FRIEND]
i'm hoping that tomorrow something will turn up that will enable me to leave tomorrow night or thursday morning. but, owing to some holiday or other, most flights seem to be overbooked as a service to the consumer. so...it would seem that santa's elves are working late nights making wrenches to throw in my works.
The Art Car Baton Pass was tentatively set for Michigan City, Indiana (not too confusing), where resided (temporarily) Liz Clayton (editor of the always entertaining Wind Up zine).
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 1994
X-Sender: Liz Clayton
To: Deuce of Clubs
cc: X Magazine, Pat
Subject: Re: urpurpurpurpurpurp
On Tue, 20 Dec 1994, Deuce of Clubs wrote:
> i'm hoping that tomorrow something will turn up that will enable
> me to leave tomorrow night or thursday morning. but, owing to
> some holiday or other, most flights seem to be overbooked as a
> service to the consumer. so...it would seem that santa's elves
> are working late nights making wrenches to throw in my works.
If you can't get out until Monday, or even Sunday night (I might possibly be able to help put you up Sun P.M. if you need), that would in fact give the Gang[TM] more time to frolic in Chicago when they get you; not that expediency isn't our primary objective here.. Anyway, uh, let us know..
> p.s.: mark, you're going to post the trip progress/regress
> reports to alt.zines, right? (some people here want to follow
> along at home.) HEY! we could be a THREAD!
Wouldn't alt.travel.road-trip be a better place? In between all those
discussions of winter tire chains and all that?
-liz
Finally, a likely flight turned up, just as I was lining up likely stops, including, but not limited to: The Biograph (where Dillinger was gunned down), Jack Ruby's Tomb, a miniature tavern that caters exclusively to little people, the Funeral Artifacts Museum, the World's Largest Catsup Bottle, the Precious Moments Chapel, and Fantastic Caverns (where they give underground propane jeep tours and rent out one of the larger caves for operas). I packed up my things and sent out the final pre-flight e-mail:
23 Dec 1994
the story so far: arrive chicago 230p 25 dec america worst airlines...if pat and/or mark want to bring the mountain to mohammed (i mean lucky, not elijah mohammed, who's buried in chicago), then santa will be most jolly happy by jove, yes...cos what with going underground in jeeps and such, the trip home looks to be wanting a number of...days...that's it...days...yes. ergo, we monkey around chicago, visiting tombs and statues and midgets and things, and then
ZOOOOOOOOM
we start phoning in roadtrip reports from cicero.
Here's a more complete list of our planned stops along Route 66:
| Chicago, IL | Biograph Theater |
| Chicago, IL | Jack Ruby Tomb |
| Chicago, IL | Resurrection Mary |
| Chicago, IL | Lava Lites |
| Springfield, IL | Lincoln's Tomb |
| Evanston, IL | Funeral Artifacts Museum |
| Niles, IL | Tower of Pisa |
| Wadsworth, IL | Pyramid House |
| Woodhull, IL | Wheels Museum |
| Alton, IL | Tomb & Statue of Robert Wadlow; Piasa Bird |
| Collinsville, IL | World's Largest Catsup Bottle |
| St Charles, MO | Noah's Ark Restaurant |
| Stanton, MO | Meremac Caverns |
| Springfield, MO | Fantastic Caverns |
| Carthage, MO | Precious Moments Chapel |
| Webb City, MO | Praying Hands |
| Dewey, OK | Tom Mix Death Car |
| Tulsa, OK | Oral Roberts U |
| Oklahoma City, OK | Enterprise Museum |
| Amarillo, TX | Big Texan Steak Ranch |
| Sandia Park, NM | Tinkertown |
| Lupton, AZ | Tomahawk Indian Store |
One remaining problem was warm clothing. I live in Arizona: my existing cold-weather gear consists of a jeans jacket. I had to load the charge card with over $100 worth of such things as wool pants, balaclava, and the essential and all-important scientific underwear (you don't want to ask). I justified these expenses--as I would many others--by telling myself I was getting a car out of the deal.
On Xmess day, 1994, Santa & Elf set out for the Midwest.
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