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11 April 2003:
AS SAYLIYA CAMP, Qatar (Reuters) - The United States will soon deliver a deck of playing cards to its troops of Iraq's deposed president Saddam Hussein and his inner circle.
Brigadier General Vincent Brooks held up one of the first examples of the 55- card packs at a Central Command briefing on Friday,explaining that each card depicted a character the United States wanted pursued, killed or captured.
He refused to say who was who in the deck, though a Reuters photograph of it showed Saddam's son Qusay at the top as the Ace of Clubs.
Ms. Ultima inquires:
So have you found out what evil scourge is the deuce of clubs in the Iraq's Most Wanted Card Deck?
Well, Ms. Ultima, it turns out that the Deuce of Clubs is the second card in the deck, which the government offers in the handy, easy-to-download-at-56k size of 22MEGABYTES. In case you want to make, say, Playing Card Wanted Posters, rather than, say, Playing Card Wanted Playing Cards.
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Son of Saddam
("I ... will ... KILL YOU DEAD!!!")
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ATTENTION:
UGLA ABID SAQR AL-KUBAYSI FARTOO-MANYPUNS-HIR!
YOU ARE WANTED BY THE FORCES OF WASHINGTON, D.C. FOR HAVING SERVED A NON-WASHINGTON-APPROVED TYRANNY! (YOU MIGHT INSTEAD CONSIDER A POST IN KUWAIT OR SAUDI ARABIA, FOR EXAMPLE!)
ALSO, WE HAVE MADE YOU THE DEUCE OF CLUBS, LOWEST CARD IN THE DECK! IN YOUR FACE, UGLA ABID SAQR AL-KUBAYSI! YOUR OVOID, COLORLESS, FEATURELESS FACE!
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Ugla Abid Saqr al-Kubaysi
("This isn't the best photo of me, but I'd like you to have it anyway.")
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DeuceOfClubs.com will closely monitor this effort. If it works, look for our privately issued decks of cards here in the states, featuring photos of the top 55 IRS leaders, to start with.
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Update, 20May2003:
2 of Clubs in custody
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