Maybe You Knew About These Fetishes, but . . .
. . . I did not.
James P. Coyle: A gentleman has been going around recording the interior activity of people. Do you think there's any sense to this?
Man on the street: No, I don't. I don't go for that. I don't agree with it.
Coyle: Would you be willing, yourself, to participate in an experiment?
Same man: Yeah, I'd be willing to participate in it.
Sharpe: First, we're gonna record your stomach.
Man: Yeah. Will this be today?
Coyle: Yeah, it would be right now. We ask you to swallow a small recording device. We have it attached to an electrical unit. While the small microphone is in your system, we ask you to do some tumbling, anything that will cause a great deal of commotion in the interior of your body. Rolling around, somersaults, this sort of thing. Even headstands, if you can do that.
Man: I'd be willing but I'm not no athlete. I don't think I could do that.
Coyle: LET US RECORD THE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC THAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW INSIDE YOUR BODY.
Coyle & Sharpe, "Record Your Stomach" (from These 2 Men Are Imposters)
I've never entitled an interview "What the...?" but this time I was tempted.
Most people like women who are smart, funny, beautiful, that sort of thing. There are, however, people for whom those things are not enough.
Sarah Jane is smart, funny, and beautiful . . . and something more. For years I'd read her (now defunct) website, "The Scandalous Diary of a Vegas Playgirl" before my then-girlfriend and I met her one stoned and storied night in Las Vegas a few years ago. A former boyfriend of Sarah Jane's has since caused her to be shed of her pink Lincoln and saddled with a mortgage that has led her to embark on scandalous adventures of an even more extraordinary type: she's entered the world of fetish porn.
Unless you're a total freak, the term "fetish porn" probably conjures up mind pictures of latex, masks, and ball gags. That's not inaccurate as far as it goes and, of course, there are always things like hotchickswithstubbedtoesmakingsexfaces.com, hotchickswithfistsintheirmouths.com, hotchickspickingupdogshit.com, hotchickssmilingatgroundzero.com, and (of course) hotchicksplungingtheirtoilets.com. While those may be more or less joke sites (right?), you may not know that fetish porn goes in waaaaaaaay quirkier directions than that, as Sarah Jane will describe for you. Up until now, for example, I wouldn't have categorized a thermal image of a fart in progress as porn. I've now become a fundamentalist believer in the literal truth of Rule 34 ("If something exists, there's porn about it").
(I'd love to know how much of this stuff has been studied . . . and by whom. I have to believe that being turned on by vomit has to arise from some narrow and well-defined pathology/circumstances. Somehow I can't imagine very many people who'd suddenly say to themselves one day, "You know, up until now, it just never occurred to me how sexy puke can be!" I wonder also how much of it is new. What a horrible fate it would've been to have a thing for PVC in centuries before it was invented. "I crave . . . GAH, I DON'T KNOWSOMETHING!")
Procedural note: I decided to conduct this interview via Facebook chat. Besides saving me from having to transcribe it from a recording, the informality of the chat format lends itself well to Sarah Jane's freewheeling manner. Obviously, the way people type in a chat isn't how they'd write something for publication, even on the web. Therefore, because corrections have been minimal, you should make the allowances customary with chat transcripts. I assure you that she is quite literate. (If you don't believe me, follow the link at the bottom of this page to read her more recent online writings.)
Under what name do you want to be interviewed?
Whatever you prefer... you can mention both names, I'm not secretive about it!
So . . .
I just started about a year ago
I was browsing craigslist adult gigs
Bored before work one day, and had just broken up with my conservative ex.
He had just left me with an obscene mortgage to pay each month
so I was looking into alternate avenues of revenue!
I saw an ad for "Fetish models with no tattoos, no nudity required" for face-sitting videos down in Phoenix
So on a whim I submitted my pics.
The director happened to be visiting Vegas that weekend, and we arranged to meet up and discuss the work.
I met him for cocktails after work one night, and he turned out to be a genial jock-type about my own age (32) with bad acne scarring but an otherwise good-looking, all-American appearance.
His fetish name was Luke, so I refer to him privately as Luke the Mook.
He was very nice and down-to-earth, and not TOO creepy
So I agreed to have him fly me down to Phoenix for a shoot
He explained that they paid $400 for one hour's worth of content for his site, femdomarmy.com
If I flew down and spent the night at his place, we could do two filming sessions and I'd be $800 richer
And all I'd have to do is sit on strange men's faces so that their breathing was restricted and they began to suffocate
While clothed, I should add.
I wasn't ready to sit on strangers' faces in the nude, mind you.
So I flew down the next week on my day off, and Luke picked me up at the airport
I had to have a bloody mary or two at the airport on the way, to steady my nerves
which I wrote off on my taxes as "entertainment"
Who'd believe the IRS wouldn't have a category for "face-sitting-related expenses"?
my accountant was nonplussed and titillated by my scandalously labeled receipts... he blushed more than once
You'd think he'd see all sorts of stuff, in Vegas.
yeah, he's a real square family-type mormon guy, referred by an old lady acquaintance! LOL!
Luke picked me up and took me straight over to the house where filming was to take place.
...the suburban tract home of a local perv and smother fetishist/ tech geek who had volunteered to appear in the vids for free
it was a win-win
we got a free sub, and he got free facesitting
something which would have cost him big bucks at a strip club
his house was tastefully decorated with Star Wars and Lord of the Rings memorabilia
plus a full Rock Band setup
which I found touchingly geeky
I made awkward conversation with him as Luke set up the lighting
our first clip was to be 10 min of me sitting on the geek's face while I ate dinner.
We had stopped at Panda Express on the way from the airport
Free plug for Panda Express. Win-win-win!
so Luke set the coffee table with silverware, napkin and glass of water and had the geek lay underneath
(panda x because he wanted something that required the use of silverware... to make it look more formal and ladylike, hahahaha)
I sat down to eat, and planted my camouflage pants-covered ass on the geek's face
and proceeded to take my time eating the Chinese food, one dainty bite at a time
Were camo pants requested?
I just happened to be wearing them
but they fit in with the femdomarmy theme
so now my ass is actually on the main page of his site!
There was no dialogue
Guess it would have been pretty one-sided dialogue....
just me sitting there, eating in silence, stopping now and then to take a sip of water and dab my lips with a napkin
niceties for which i normally have little or no time
he squirmed underneath, and after 10 minutes I was done eating and the clip was over
his nose was all red
and covered in broken capillaries
but he was clearly exhilarated
You were actually putting your weight on him the whole time??
I felt bad, like I didn't want to hurt him
but luke kept exhorting me to let my full weight rest on him
no matter if he squirmed or complained or anything
we filmed 5 more clips of me in different outfits sitting on his face in various scenarios
luke was big on little set-ups
like in one clip, the perv was tied up and I had on a commie outfit
he was my prisoner, and wouldn't talk, so I came out and told him i had a GUARANTEED way to make him talk
which was facesitting
like he could talk around a facefull of my ass
I hadn't chosen a fetish name yet, so I let Luke pick one
he said he liked my hillbilly girl-next-door real name (Sarah Jane) and wanted to go along those same lines
so he called me Missy May
Missy May the Commie
you can see my clips at fetishvideos.com/femdomarmy (just search missy may)
not that I make any royalties, but whatevs
I was going to ask about that.
You just get a fee, right?
yes, just the $400
the biggest thunderstorm in 100 years was brewing outside
(which was great for the commie clip, you could hear it cracking and booming outside as I tortured the geek for information)
so we couldn't go out or anything, just went back to Luke's house and hung out chatting all evening
and how he makes his money
he showed me how he gets email receipts every time one of his clips sells
and they come in around the clock, from all over the world
some poor perv in London ordered 10 clips right then
we figured it to be about evening time in london, and figured he was settling in for a nice long evening of kink
so we talked about travel, and sex, and this and that
we actually got along very well
and he was a great host
he wanted me to try and fart on video
which was what he really needed -- he'd had a lot of requests for farting girls
so I promised to try
Couldn't that just be dubbed?
the pervs are very savvy
they can tell if it's faked
CAN'T FOOL THE PERVS!!
they want to see the asshole contract and all
not to be gross
Oh! Got it.
These aren't demure farts we're talking about.
I was planning on wearing panties, so idk how they would know about that
either way, I was tired and exhausted from my first foray into the underworld
so i went to bed fairly early in his guest bedroom
the next morning I got up and went about the business of getting gassy
I drank a quart of milk
I DETEST milk
and am lactose intolerant
"Jeeves, I require broccoli!"
so I figured it would do the trick
so then we got in the car and drove around the block to taco bell
for a bean burrito
Plugs left & right, here.
yeah, fast food nation
I scarfed the burrito and we went back to film
my belly was totally bloated, but I was too nervous
I tried and tried, but only got one good one out
he had me lay on the floor while he stepped on my belly and everything
but no farts would come
i'm too trained to be a lady i guess
he paid me for trying anyway
I think he was sweet on me
and took me back to the airport.
I was back in vegas in time for work
I guess the obvious question is, had you left detailed word of where you were headed, & so forth?
i think i told my mom and one of my friends
no address though or anything
i like living life on the edge
i got a good vibe from him
when i met him for drinks
What about those stories where a model gets offed in the desert by a photographer?
i hear all about that
all the time
from all my friends and relatives
i've only brought a gun once
because i was suspicious
but then the guy turned out to be so nice i felt bad
You can always work a gun into a shoot.
i would have been sooooo embarrassed if he knew i had a gun
I mean, a film shoot.
i do take risks
but calculated ones
You're very open about your fetish work. You describe your family as unusual but have any of them given you any flack about it?
my mom doesn't like me doing the breath holding stuff
because she's afraid i'll asphyxiate
other than that they're cool
we had a family website
like a newspaper, and I wrote an article all about it in there
it was great! you should read that
Is it still up?
it's private; you have to have a password so I'd have to just email you the article
the website is defunct i think
family got tired of it
except for me
i was the only one posting
I always missed your Vegas Playgirl site. Funny, funny writing.
I MISS IT TERRIBLY!!!!!
I do have a new diary you can plug.
So, you do breath holding, face sitting, EKGs (???), underwater, stomach noises--where do you think this stuff comes from?
people get turned on by straaaange stuff
stuff happens when they're kids
and it scars them
This is such specific stuff.
like the xpansion fetish
where women inflate
I'd think, yeah, a few people, but not enough to make money from.
it all stems from the violet beauregard scne in willy wonka
its a huge fetish now
Seriously? For real, that's the origin?
yes, the real origin
humiliation is from moms being abusive
it's really sad
Have you heard of Rule 34?
Basically, "if it exists, there's porn about it."
i've done sneezing, neti pot, coughing
horsey back riding
What's neti pot?
it's a sinus rinsing pot
you use to rinse your sinuses
like a little teapot
Yipe. That creeps me out. I have a friend who uses one of those.
yeah i did a vid with it once
all about the snot for some ppl
Snot = hot, huh?
also spitting, slapping
How many of those have you done?
The ones you just listed.
one or two of each
which is very popular
and i've done A LOT of that one
burping a lot too
done a few of those
I saw the one you linked where you trampled Xmas ornaments. There's got to be really, really sad stories behind that one!
yeah, when you think about it, probably
me and my roomie just cooked that one up on a whim
he thought the balls would crunch nicely
no market research was done
You're usually so careful about your body--do you get extra money for the overeating ones?
no... I enjoy overeating!
I do it every now and then
for fun and profit
im careful not to push myself TOO far
this other chick i work with
goes way too far
and pukes every time
I don't puke
whatever I eat stays in my body
so I can never beat her
Don't the people who want to see overeating also want to see puking?
yes, but it's illegal
Why is puking on video illegal? Is that considered a bodily fluid?
i guess... idk, spitting is allowed
it's illogical and asinine
I suppose a case could be made that every fetish is weird, but these struck me as weirder than, for example, "sexy teacher/student."
yeah I suppose... I'm not here to judge, though, just to pay my mortgage!
it mostly boils down to subordination
guys like to be dominated by women
Of the types you've done, which strikes you as the weirdest?
I had to wear a full inflatable bodysuit
underneath some huge XXXL walmart clothes
the scenario was:
i was sitting at the computer doing my homework
while also blowing up helium balloons
i was "stressed out" at having to do this term paper while also having to prep for a party
but I figured if i didn't ace this term paper, I 'd never advance beyond being a janitor (hence my ugly XXL walmart attire)
so I'm typing
and filling balloons
and finally I look at one of the balloons
and go, "Gee, I wish I could just float away like one of these balloons..."
I took the balloon in my mouth
and sucked in the helium
they activated the air compressor that fed the fat suit
and I began to expand
as I got fatter, I started to panic
i patted my swelling bosoms and belly
and eventually came to terms with it
the director was adamant I say the word "explode"
so finally I grew resigned
and said, "Gee, I guess I'll just explode..."
at which time my face was totally squashed by the fat suit rising up to my cheeks
my voice was all strangled
which the director said the pervs would LOVE
Did they have you do the helium voice?
and finally, the money shot was when my shirt buttons blew off and hit the helium tank
Just by serendipity?
no, carefully orchestrated
The pervs don't mind that level of special effects, but fake farting is out of the question?
yeah, go figure
the director was this super cool ex-porn star
super beautiful , but run to fat
and turned to fetish to make money
still gorgeous tho
she appeared in a clip with me
we had a boob-growing contest
which i won
her tits blew up
("Exploded," you mean.)
as in, exploded
You have a straight job, too, right? Would there be any repercussions if they found out? Or are they pretty much everything-goes-in-Vegas types?
i post it all on facebook, and i have several work friends and bosses on there
no one's complained yet
Do you ever get leads that way?
not yet, really
I meant from friends & bosses, but sure, FB either?
well, maybe in a roundabout way
not from bosses tho
theyre just amused
Do you prefer the nude modeling to the fetish videos, or does it matter?
either. nude modeling pays better usually
That seems backwards, somehow.
for some reason i have a block about appearing nude on film
only did it once
if i did, i might make more
i'll probably cave soon
guy wants me to do naked mermaid vids
That's just topless, though, right?
no, fully nude
Where's the authenticity??
this is vegas
For the divinelyssa.com stuff, is that yours, or do you get a flat fee? It seems like it'd be yours.
the guy offered me either $100 /hour or my own site
i took the site
so the credt card hosting company takes 10%
and we split the other 90%
me net 45%
not much :-( :-(
about $20/day...or less!!!
But didn't you just start it up fairly recently?
yes, one month ago or less
i have to build a fan base i guess
How do you go about doing that?
Get interviewed on some dumbass's website, maybe?
yeah, hopefully some breath/heartbeat people are reading this!
What's their slang term for that?
none that i'm aware of
Maybe there's your angle--come up with one and trademark it.
I'll bet you could come up with a million!
fetish market's so saturated tho
You could try to tie in the "Breatharians" (the new agers who think they can survive on oxygen alone)
i'll have to look them up
Jasmuheen is the name of the eedjit who came up with that one.
Any funny story/stories you'd like to end with?
yes, about my mom
about how cool she is with all this
back in the day I used to have a sugar daddy thing
where i wanted a rich old man boyfriend to buy me stuff and "keep" me
I dated a few musty old captains of industry
and made a few bucks
but my heart was never in it
my mom dressed up like santa claus on xmas morning
she came in the living room with her sack of gifts
and gave them out one by one to me and my siblings
like, "Now Daniel, I hear you've been doing really well in school. Here's an XBox 360 for you!"
When it was my turn
she got all stern:
"Now Sarah, Santa hears you've been having sex with old men for money. That has to stop, or no more gifts!!"
I was like, "Sorry, Santa!!! I promise, I 'll stop!!!"
She said she's gonna do it again if i don't stop the breath holding stuff
Santa would make a great sugar daddy.
too true; the best!
I don't get it. There are a lot of more dangerous things one could do than hold one's breath.
she is just skeeved out by it...
strange but true!
out of all the shit i do, that's the one that bothers her
It's not like you're chained in Houdini's Water Torture Chamber.
(Er . . . is it?)
yeah but i think it's linked to a drowning fetish which is sick, and creepy
Have you been at it long enough that when you start dating someone you have a standard "introductory talk"?
no, i put it on blast on all my dating profiles so it's no surprise
it's an incentive, if anything
What do you mean by blast?
I mention it openly, right away, as an interesting fact of my life
a hobby, as it were
Nice open policy.
yeah but the guy i'm dating is a little weirded out
he tried not to be
but he's jealous
but i told him, i cannot be fettered or tied down!
Not unprofessionally, at any rate.
I must be free to fart in the face of decency
any more Qs? I gotta wash my hair for tomorrow's mermaid shoot
If I think of more, I'll let you know. Thanks, this was fun, SJ!
thank YOU! talk soon!
Gracias y buenos noches.
You can read Sarah Jane's hilarious written accounts of her ongoing adventures at WonderHussy.com.