The Integratron

Here we met Daniel Boone, one of George van Tassel's sons-in-law. So we had Daniel Paul, Daniel Boone, and G. Danneels. That's 100% Daniels in one place. Mr. Boone, who lives next to the Integratron, told us all about how the Space People appeared to Van Tassel and how he helped George build the Integratron in the early fifties, using no nails or other metal. "Interferes with the electrical operation of the Integratron," he said.

What does the Integratron do? "It'll add forty, fifty years to your life," claims Daniel Boone. I don't think it worked for Mr. Van Tassel, who died some time ago and, as such, joins such other immortals as Mary Baker Eddy and L. Ron Hubbard.

After George's death, ownership of the Integratron passed out of the family. The current owners have a website at http://www.integratron.com. But they don't seem to be quite aware of the intricacies of the Integratron. "They just keep repainting it with regular ol' paint," Boone chuckles. "That ain't gonna work at all."

Mr. Boone was tickled to pose with Wagner, being a big fan. He volunteered the name of his favorite Wagner opera: Parsifal. That makes two of us, my friend. (Coincidentally, Mr. Boone also said he'd been to The Superstition Mountains half a dozen times, to look for the Dutchman's gold.)

Just then, a truck appeared on the tiny road, blocked by both Whip It! and Daniel's car. It was another Van Tassel son-in-law. I smiled at him as I ran to Whip It! He glowered. I pulled Whip It! off the road and into the mud and got stuck. Daniel's car wouldn't start. We pushed it out of the way & let Mr. Grumpy drive by.

We worked on Daniel's car but couldn't get it going. At that point, Daniel Boone started to get jumpy. He urged us to get those cars out of there pronto, characterizing Mr. Grumpy as a "paranoid" person who "likes to make trouble."

A friendly guy wearing a Phoenix Coyotes ballcap pulled up in a truck and helped Daniel get his car started. Mr. Boone told me to "try & stay out of girl trouble." (Had I mentioned the Girl Trouble / Mojave Phone Booth connection? I don't remember. But then, I don't stay out of girl trouble, either.) We headed off for Giant Rock Airport.


Update, jun2005:

Robert Q. sends along a current photo of the Integratron:

Meet the new Integratron, same as the old Integratron, except now there's a swanky plaque, courtesy of the Billy Holcomb chapter of the ever-mysterious Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus: