Part three: The Ol' Huck 'n' Buck
You have possibly seen this classic pose before but will almost certainly have had no idea that it had a name.
Well, it does have a name, and that name is: The Ol' Huck 'n' Buck.
Ask any former footballer over the age of fifty who is still capable of responding to simple questions or hand signals or who happens to be Terry Bradshaw, whose casual mention of the Ol' Huck 'n' Buck was a revelation to me. I watch neither football nor long distance telephone commercials, so how this occurred I do not know.
In the spirit of this ignorance do we present for your edification: The Ol' Huck 'n' Buck:
A BIT OF THE OL' HUCK-BUCK HUCK-BUCK
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AN OPEN MOUTH AND PARTED FINGERS CAN INSTANTLY SPOIL THE CLASSIC HUCK 'N' BUCK LOOK
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PRACTICALLY THE LOCUS CLASSICUS OF HUCK 'N' BUCK PHOTOS -- APART FROM THE PARTED FINGERS THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK GETS LITTLE BETTER THAN THIS
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IF WE CAN SEE THE BOTTOM OF YOUR CLEAT WHY THEN YOU'RE DOING THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK MY GOOD FRIEND
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CAUTION: THE CLASSIC HUCK 'N' BUCK MUST NOT ENCROACH UPON BEEFCAKERY -- YOU'RE NOT LOOKING TO BE PINNED UP INSIDE OF ARMY LOCKER DOORS THERE NUMBER 44
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IF THE PRURIENT INTEREST IS APPEALED TO IT IS CERTAIN YOU ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK MAYBE A NEW HUCK 'N' BUCK WHO KNOWS BUT NOT THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK
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EXCELLENT CLEAT DISPLAY FROM MR LINDON CROW DOES NOT DISTRACT ONE FROM SUSPECTING THE USE OF A TRAMPOLINE
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THE ACCEPTED HUCK 'N' BUCK RITE REQUIRES THAT ONE APPEAR TO BE HUCKING AND BUCKING UNDER ONE'S OWN UNASSISTED POWER NOT MERELY BEING PHOTOGRAPHED IDLY DOING LEG BENDS ON THE GROUND MISTER
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NOR DOES PROPER PERFORMANCE OF THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK CONSIST OF ACTUAL RUNNING
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ANY MOKE CAN RUN EMLEN TUNNEL WHO LAUGHED AT THE NAME HUCK 'N' BUCK UNTIL THE DAY HE REALIZED HIS NAME WAS EMLEN TUNNEL
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BEING PORTRAYED IN THE GUISE OF THE GREEK GOD MERCURY IS PERMISSIBLE UNLESS YOUR FACE LOOKS AS THOUGH YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE ANY INTELLIGENT MESSAGE TO DELIVER
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YOU CAN HUCK YOU CAN BUCK BUT SCRATCHING ANYONE'S EYES OUT IS CONTRA BOTH RULE AND TRADITION
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TRY TO AVOID APPEARING AS THOUGH YOU JUST PIROUETTED OUT OF A COPLAND BALLET
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OR THAT YOU ARE HOPEFUL OF BALLET SCOUTS IN THE STANDS
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OLLIE DO HUCK 'N' BUCK SURE SURE BUT WHOSE FACE DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE STIFF-ARMING WAY UP THERE BUSTER -- MAYBE TOO-TALL JONES OR WILT CHAMBERLAIN WHO IS DEAD AND ANYWAY WAS NOT A FOOTBALL PLAYER
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DUDE DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE TOLD NOT TO ATTEMPT THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK WITHOUT POSSESSION OF THE BALL
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WHERE POSSIBLE AVOID THE INVOLVEMENT OF CORN -- THAT IS THE OL' SHUCK 'N' BUCK WHICH CAN GET ITS OWN DAMNED WEBSITE
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YOU MAY FIND IT NECESSARY TO BRIBE THE PHOTOGRAPHER TO ENSURE THAT YOUR CAREFULLY CRAFTED HUCK 'N' BUCK IS NOT CROPPED
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IT IS A FEARFUL THING TO HUCK
WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BUCKED
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AS TIME PASSED THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK GRADUALLY BECAME A DYING ART
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BY THE LATE SIXTIES THE HUCK 'N' BUCK WAS DEAD 'N' GONE
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YOU CAN'T JUST PHONE IN THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK SLICKO
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WORST. HUCK 'N' BUCK. EVER.
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TONIGHT WHEN YOU HIT YOUR KNEES PLEASE ASK GOD TO SAVE THE OL' HUCK 'N' BUCK
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