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J. Fife Symington III, former governor of Arizona

Citizens, behold! J. Fife Symington III, sometime marcher in Arizona's long parade of disastrous governors.

(Just like J. Danforth Quayle, J. Fife Symington III did not want to hold the greatest composer of all time. They must teach that in Rag-ass Politician School: Never hold the statue. So our unindicted co-conspirator was forced to stay in the photo. Unhappy with how the lens caught her that day, she requested cover, which is provided here courtesy of Photoshop and the ever-smiling Mandible.)

Many of Wagner's frequent Cake Times are held at the Esplanade (see, for example, The World's Most Retarded Tea Party), financial dealings surrounding which helped land Fife in much political stickiness that ended up ousting him from beneath the gaudy copper dome some are pleased to call the state capitol building.

During a number of our Cake Times we have spotted Fife strolling past our outdoor table at Au Petit Four. (Once Fife was accompanied by former gubernatorial hatchet man Jay Heiler, whom some may remember as the large doofus in the alien costume at the press conference Symington called in the midst of his scandals, supposedly to reveal the source of The Phoenix Lights Mystery, but really just to spring a joke on the press, in an effort to deflect attention from his political troubles. It seems like a dumb idea to antagonize the press in the midst of a scandal, but then, I guess if you're just a governor, you can't launch missiles at foreign countries when you're in political hot water, as Clinton did during the Lewinsky business. Coincidentally, when both were Ivy Leaguers, Symington once saved Bill Clinton from drowning; perhaps not so coincidentally, on his last day in office, Clinton pardoned Symington. Which act was the more unpardonable I leave to you to decide.)

Anyway, upshot: J. Fife Symington III, power behind the Esplanade, is now a pastry chef at the Esplanade. No lie. Reminds one of Karl's line from Casablanca: "The leading banker in Amsterdam is now the pastry chef in our kitchen."

Perhaps next Cake Time we will sample Fife's pastry.

But this Cake Time Wagner was interested only in Fife's pasty ... face.

Lori Petty A Valkyrie Burning Man Frank Black Pere Ubu Alfalfa Switzer Bad Pennies Kim Deal Wrong Number Cardhouse Operatives Space Ghost Angelyne Horned Friend Girl Trouble Psychotic Episodes Elvis del Monte Olympia Santa Bond Diane Dan Quayle Farrah's Head Granny! Mel Blanc Wanda Jackson Cadillac Angels El Vez Hasil Adkins The Maestro, King of All Cowboy Artists Joe Coleman Jamie Lee Curtis Arthur Lyman Shane Dorian Getting Into Liberty Adrian Roberts (Blue Period) Wallace (of Wallace and Ladmo) C & S from SD Alice Cooper Robert Morse Robert Loggia John O'Hurley Kevin Sorbo Ray Parker, Jr. Darth Vader Mickey Jones Seymour Cassel Dean Stockwell Tim Meadows (Ladies' Man) Ben Stein Gene Simmons Harry Knowles Tina Yothers Loveline (Adam Carolla / Dr. Drew) Daniel Johnston David Cross J. Fife Symington III Ted Nugent Gottfried Wagner Laura Molina Little Elvis Michael Moore Sarah Jane Jose Canseco Richard Simmons Mojave Phone Booth screening Harrod Blank Mark Hosler Evolution Control Committee Kathryn Calder Gram Rabbit

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