Deuce of Clubs Book Club: Books of the Weak

I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski

Guy Debord: Revolutionary

No Place to Hide

Command of Office

The Christ-Myth Theory And Its Problems

The Christian Delusion

Lincoln's Wrath

How to Do Nothing with Nobody All Alone by Yourself

The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex

Bossypants

Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

Catching the Big Fish

Dig Infinity

The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones

Crazy for God

Basin and Range

Anarchy Evolution

The File

John Ringo

The Supremes

End the Fed

Burning Book

The Hohokam Millenium

God's Middle Finger

Narcocorrido

In Heaven Everything Is Fine

The Shunning

Wisdom Sits in Places

The Marvelous Country

Hamilton's Curse

The Secret Life of Houdini

The Trouble with Being Born

Schulz and Peanuts

First Into Nagasaki

Joe Miller's Jests

Human Smoke

Dirty Tricks Cops Use

A Futile and Stupid Gesture

All For A Few Perfect Waves

Systemantics

Death in the Desert

American Signs

Secret Proceedings and Debates of the Constitutional Convention

Secrets Of A Stingy Scoundrel

The Self-Made Tapestry

A Constitutional History of Secession

The Neurotic's Notebook

Interrogation Machine

Monster Midway

The Harlot by the Side of the Road

Forced Into Glory

Imperial Life in the Emerald City

J. G. Ballard: Quotes

The Compleat Practical Joker

Laugh with Hugh Troy

Pranks!

A Liar's Autobiography

Cobb

Chasing Rainbows

Letters from Tucson, 1925-1927

The Five Fosters

The Giant Cactus Forest and Its World

How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker

World Famous Cults & Fanatics

That's Not All, Folks!

God's Problem

Will Christ Return By 1988?

Fragments of an Anarchist Anthropology

The Whiskey Rebellion

FDR's Folly

Wilson's War

Bully Boy

[If] I Did It

The Dark Side

Secret Origins of the Bible

Godless

The End of Faith

Why I Became An Atheist

"Life's Calendar for 1922"

Churchill, Hitler, and the Unnecessary War

The Negro Cowboys

EXPECT RESISTANCE

Monty Python Speaks

Baseball Between the Numbers

The Psychopath's Bible

Satisfaction

J. G. Ballard: Conversations

Days of War, Nights of Love

Gospel Fictions and Who Wrote the Gospels?

The Real Deadwood

Deadwood

The Revolution: A Manifesto

45

The Secret Man

Stormin' Mormon

From Psyche to Soma

I'll Gather My Geese

The Osama bin Laden I Know

Alias "Paine"

A Man Without Words

The Wild Trees

The World Without Us

Arizona's Changing Rivers

The Phoenix Indian School

Realm of the Long Eyes

John Dillinger: The Life and Death of America's First Celebrity Criminal

Buckey O'Neill: The Story of a Rough Rider

Thanks For Tuning In

Adventures in the Apache Country

Waylon: An Autobiography

My Life: Sunrise to Sunset

Mimes and Miners: A Historical Study of the Theater in Tombstone

The First 100 Years: A History of Arizona Blacks

Enter Without Knocking

City in the Sun: The Japanese Concentration Camp at Poston, Arizona

House by the Buckeye Road

Vanished Arizona

The Big Con

The Astronomy Cafe and Back to the Astronomy Cafe

A Handbook on Hanging

The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right

A Mind Restored

Mr. Show: What Happened?!

Reclaiming the American Revolution

Stumbling On Happiness

Treasure Maps of the Superstitions

Sunny Slope

Did Genesis Man Conquer Space?

Look Homeward, America

Radicals for Capitalism

Kayaker's Little Book of Wisdom

God Is Not Great

The Echoing Green

The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll

K Foundation Burn a Million Quid

The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes and The Tao of Willie

Just Six Numbers and Our Cosmic Habitat

Wild Goose Chronicles

Behind Bars: Surviving Prison

Silent Night: The Story of the World War I Christmas Truce

The Gang They Couldn't Catch

Manhunt

A History of the End of the World

Al Sieber: Chief of Scouts

Apaches & Longhorns

Deep Survival

Captured

DINO

Sock

Bo: Pitching & Wooing

You Are Worthless

You And Your Hand

Access All Areas

Field Guide to the Apocalypse

The War on Terrorism

Those Idiots From Earth

September 11: An Oral History

Mortal Questions

The Heresy of Self-Love

The White Flag Principle

Medieval Panorama

An Honest President

Those Words

À rebours

Peterson's Incident Report Book

Boo! Culture, Experience, and the Startle Reflex

Victory Denied

Nothing, Arizona

A Porcine History of Philosophy and Religion

O Holy Cow!: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto

DOME COMPENDIUM OF TOPICAL TREATMENT IN PROCTOLOGY

¿Hablas conmigo

Thirty-three Candles

Black Monk Time

Men of Distinction

Alexander the Corrector

Space Viking

Mark These Men

Hallucinogenic Plants

Prohibition: An Adventure in Freedom

JESUS! He's Our President

LOVE

How to Watch Football on Television

Merrill Markoe's Guide to Love

Lincoln: The Man and The Car

Whatever Men Know About Women

Biographies of Italian War Heroes

ABC of Espionage

Art Colony Perverts

Devil-ution

Starting Right with Bees

Planet Earth is a Cult

Baseball Letters

Fetish

Dopey Doings

Democracy: The God That Failed

Handgrenade Talk

Hi, How Are You?

het zingen van het ijs

The Museum of Jurassic Technology Jubilee Catalogue

The Rector and the Rogue

Colorful Cacti of the American Deserts

Odd Jobs: The World of Deviant Work

The Hungry Man's Outdoor Grill Cookbook

How to Get Invited to the White House

How to Work for a Jerk

Never Work for a Jerk!

The Mentality of Apes

Your Vigor for Life Appalls Me

Dr. Strange: Sorceror Supreme

Nautical Notions for Nibbling

A Short Introduction to the History of Human Stupidity

The Fake Revolt

Coup D'Etat

History of the Town of Felicity

Hood of Death

Dolls' House Bathrooms: Lots of Little Loos

Border Security / Anti-Infiltration Operations

Living on Light

God is for Real, Man

Did the Apostle Paul Visit Britain?

Twin Peaks

2001

Power Phrases

The Truth About Wagner

The Life of the Bee

Tombstone

Science Looks at Smoking

The Chiricahuas

The New Dark Ages Conspiracy

The Big Question

Everybody's Book of Epitaphs

The Death of the Fuhrer

Mindfuckers

Gorbachev! Has the Real Antichrist Come?

The World's Worst Poet

Alyssa Milano: She's the Boss

Home is the Desert

Nine Lives: From Stripper to Schoolteacher

How to Start Your Own Country

How to Found Your Own Religion

Sex Objects in the Sky

Indian Oratory

Bastard Without Portfolio

The Bedside Book of Bastards

Hopeless -- Yet There Is Hope

Bible in Pocket, Gun in Hand

Margie Asks WHY

Death of a Hippie

Wake Up or Blow Up

Feeling and Form

Guilt

A Mile in His Moccasins

Mojave Desert Ramblings

Passing of the Outhouse

This Way to Happiness

The Happy Life

Young Only Once

The Monkey Gland Affair

Bert Bacharach's Book for Men

The Two Babylons

For Good and Evil: The Impact of Taxes...

Why Christians Crack Up!

Why Do Christians Break Down?

Hava Nagila!

Beethoven or Bust

How to Abandon Ship

Livin' in Joe's World

The Last Democrat

Salvation Mountain

The Varmint and Crow Hunter's Bible

Love in the Western World

Jack the Ripper: Light-Hearted Friend

Little Men of the NFL

No One May Ever Have The Same Knowledge Again

The Secret Museum of Mankind

James Bond's World of Values

We Did Not Plummet Into Space

The Boy Who Didn't Believe IN CHRISTMAS

The Great Escape From Your Dead-End Job

All About Tipping

My Loser Godfrey

A Haircut in Horse Town

Mucusless Diet Healing System

Jefferson Returns

Lincoln Returns

Churchill Returns

Corporation Freak

Null Bock auf DDR

So You're Going on a Mission?

Nudes in My Camera

Why I Hate the Nazis

Flesh, Metal & Glass

The James Beard Cookbook

Mortal Refrains

Deadbolt

Amy Grant: A Biography

The X Cars

We Were Five

Mr. Wilson's Cabinet of Wonder

Hello ... Wrong Number

I'll Kill You Next!

Murder in Vegas

Did MAN Just Happen?

Terror at the Atlanta Olympics

Criswell Predicts

Your Next Ten Years

They Pay Me to Catch Footballs

The Phantom Menace

Just For Fellows

The Lopsided Gal

Astrology and Horse Racing

The Cokesbury Stunt Book

The Origin of Things

Remarks on the History of Things

U.S. Government Sewing Book

Funeral Tributes II

Blinky, the Friendly Hen

The Serbs Choose War

My Mystery Castle

Iggy

Funeral Customs the World Over

The Right to be Let Alone

Mormonism and the Negro

The Church and the Negro

Preacher with a Billy Club

Fighting Parson of the Old West

Invisibility: Mastering the Art of Vanishing

How to Disappear Completely

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies

How to Catch a Man, How to Keep a Man, How to Get Rid of a Man

Langenscheidts Konversationsbuch

Marlene Dietrich's ABC

The Bible in the Hands of Its Creators


The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right

Robert Lanham - (2006)

 

The actor Stephen Baldwin, for God's sake, is the host of a traveling skate boarding ministry. He's been hanging out in parking lots of adult entertainment shops photographing patrons as part of an antiporn campaign. (xx)

Evangelicals have received a lot of scrutiny lately, so access was often tricky. For all their talk of inclusiveness, most are actually wary of intruders and are experts at spotting them. We found that unless you sign your e-mails "God bless" and say "Hallelujah" when hearing an anecdote about converting a Hasidic salesclerk at Circuit City, they'll likely identify you as an outsider. (xxi-xxii)

Amanda is against gay marriage but supports civil unions, because she doesn't want to "force a new definition of marriage on people who don't want it." She has "advanced gaydar" and has dated other lesbians she's met at church. She's currently in a serious relationship with a woman who used to teach a gay deprogramming class. Amanda recently came out to her fundamentalist parents, who have since stopped talking to her. (xvii)

[James Dobson's Focus on the Family] has an annual budget of $146 million and receives so much mail it has its own zip code [80995]. (2)

Dobson began his career by publishing a book about spanking. Dare to Discipline is his response to what he believes to be a culture of permissive parenting. In it, he promotes the disciplinary effectiveness of spanking, even for "sick and deformed" children, whom, he says, should be treated no differently than normal children. After all, his own mother hit him with "a multitude of straps and buckles," and look how normal James turned out! Dobson says he believes spanking is biblical. Everyone knows that Mary spanked Jesus with a bamboo reed whenever he turned his brussels sprouts into Reese's Pieces. (3)

The Eleven Evangelical Commandments
6. Thou shalt become aware of pop culture trends eight years after the fact and co-opt these trends for Christian culture. (8)

At megachurches, regular congregants often arrive early and save their seats with their Bibles. And be sure to leave your cigarettes at home, since evangelicals only like lawmakers who support the tobacco industry. (17)

Lakewood takes in so much cash, the church has its own vault to store the offering. (31)

As reported in Christianity Today, [Joel] Osteen writes in Best Life Now that he was able to convince an airplane pilot to stow his TV camera in the cockpit, despite having been informed by the counter clerk that the camera needed to be checked with the rest of his luggage:
"The woman behind the counter glared at me and shook her head, clearly aggravated. I just smiled and said, 'Sorry, ma'am; it's the favor of God.' " (36)

"In general, higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early adult mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy and abortion in the prosperous democracies." (Journal of Religion and Society, 2005) (37)

Despite their hippie roots, it's next to impossible to get any weed at any of the Calvary Chapel churches. (41)

Megachurch Hall of Fame
10. Radiant Church, Surprise, Arizona: Operates a publicly funded school that doubles as a church recruiting center. Radiant spends $16,000 annually on Krispy Kreme donuts.
9. Brentwood Baptist Church, Houston, Texas: Has its own McDonald's, complete with golden arches and a drive-through.
8. Southeast Christian, Louisville, Kentucky: Has a gym, sixteen basketball courts, a rock-climbing wall, and a member of its congregation invented the Greenlee Communion Dispensing Machine, which can fill forty Communion cups at once in a matter of seconds.
4. Crossover Community Church, Tampa, Florida: The hiphop church. Reminiscent of a nightclub, Crossover is decorated with graffiti, has a pulpit designed to look like a large spray can, features breakdancing, hip-hop music, and is pastored by a rapper named Urban D who calls himself a "player" on his church Web site. The church covers topics like "what it means to be God's illest."
2. Saddleback Church, Lake Forest, California: Bar codes are assigned to babies checked into the nursery to avoid losing them at the Purpose Driven pastor's (Rick Warren) enormous megachurch. (44-5)

[Rick Warren has] ministered to leaders such as George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Rupert Murdoch, and claims to have personally signed a copy of The Purpose Driven Life at the request of Fidel Castro, though some of the aforementioned, obviously, are still going to hell. (54)

Quick Facts about Warren's Saddleback Church:
Collected $ 7 million in cash on one Sunday.
Provides several service styles, including gospel, guitar-driven, and even "hula and island-style." (56)

Prior to the 2004 election, Warren set up voter registration booths on Saddleback's church patio. Most tellingly, he sent letters to 150,000 pastors, insisting they encourage their congregations to vote for Bush. (56)

In the mid-seventies, [Bill] Hybels polled his community and used market research to see what unchurched people liked and disliked about church and then removed the obstacles. Today, his church has no steeple, no hymnals, no stained glass, and no intimidating religious crosses or symbols. (61)

The divorce rate in red states is 27 percent higher than in blue states. Furthermore, born-again Christians have a higher divorce rate than any other social group in the United States. (U.S. Census Bureau and Barna Research) (77)

The only thing more scandalous than Jim [Bakker]'s notorious affair with buxom Jessica Hahn was his then-wife and cohost, Tammy Faye, who had an equally messy affair with her mascara wand. (89)

Like Falwell, Robertson has evangelical Tourette's and has managed to offend nearly everyone on Earth, and in Heaven, purgatory, and hell. Everybody has a favorite Pat outburst. Ours occurred when Pat addressed the Republican National Convention in 1992, saying that feminism was "a socialist, antifamily, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." (90)

[Pat Robertson] on gays: "[Homosexuals] want to come into churches and disrupt church services and throw blood all around and try to give people AIDS and spit in the faces of ministers." (92)

[Jerry Falwell] Memorable Quote (on September 11): "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way—all of them who have tried to secularize America—I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.''' (97)

[Luis Cortes, Nueva Esperanza] Memorable Quote: "This is what I tell politicians ... you want an endorsement? Give us a check, and you can take a picture of us accepting it." (98)

[Paul Crouch] Memorable Quote: "If you have been healed or saved or blessed through TBN [Trinity Broadcasting Network] and have not contributed ... you are robbing God and will lose your reward in Heaven." (99)

[Jimmy Swaggart] Memorable Quote: "And I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one [a gay man] ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died." (105)

[Ted Haggard] Defining Quote: ''I'm a right-wing religious conservative .... I joke that the only disagreement I have with George Bush is on what type of truck to drive." (115)

Where leaders like Dobson sound like broken records when it comes to their incessant gay bashing, Haggard is more obsessed with patriotism and promoting the biblical basis of free markets. (118)

[Haggard] describes his wife's "predictability" as an attribute. He speaks angrily about the "homosexual agenda." (119)

In the Prayer Closet: Don't Be Weird
Haggard knows being too Pentecostal could affect his public persona. Following increased media attention, he's been coaching his congregation to avoid discussing the voices they hear in their heads. "Don't be weird," he says. "When we're alone, run around, do cartwheels, kiss your enemy, do whatever you want. But when the cameras come on, remember ... they cannot understand tongues, they cannot understand cartwheels." He's even become reluctant to discuss his own spiritual gifts. "I don't operate technically with the gift of tongues," he says. Nevertheless, he does claim to "pray in tongues every day" in his "prayer closet." (119)

Haggard believes evangelicals seeking a nonviolent God are searching in vain. "If you want a peaceful God," he says, "choose Buddhism." New life Church is decorated with enormous bronze warrior angels all brandishing menacing larger-than-life swords. They're the church emblems. A variety of sword-toting angel miniatures are even sold in the bookstore. With swords drawn for battle, two especially aggressive sculptures known as "The Defender" and "The Reaper" are apt metaphors for Haggard's belief that Jesus is a God of might. "The God of the Bible has never been peaceful," Haggard says. He recently told Harper's, "I teach a strong ideology of the use of power, of military might, as a public service." (120-1)

Though Dobson usually gets all the credit for bringing about the evangelical boom in Colorado Springs, the "prayer warriors" at New Life Church tell a different story. In 1984, years before Dobson made the move to the Rockies, pastor Ted Haggard arrived in what he called a "pastors graveyard," Sensing Colorado Springs was overrun by "demonic activity," "humanism," "New Agers," "ex-hippies," and "covens," Haggard and members of his church decided to "prayerwalk" the town, reclaiming it for God's purposes, one Applebee's at a time. Haggard and his prayerwalkers visited gay bars, government buildings, and stood outside the houses of "witches," tirelessly chanting and anointing troubled areas with what one New life congregant described as "gallons of motor oil." (126-7)

Freaky Christian Ministries
K&K Mime: Two African-American mimes who perform in whiteface. The identical twins, Keith & Karl Edmonds, are the self-proclaimed "founders of gospel mime." "K&K Mime has a burden," claims their Web site, "to reach the people of this present generation, as well as the babes in Christ." (133)

American Family Association—Want to see Little House on the Prairie restored to prime time? AFA's got your back. They're the boycott-happy, family-values watchdog trying to control what you watch and hear. They also produced the antihomosexual propaganda video It's Not Gay, which ironically is indeed pretty gay. (170)

Everyone knows that Capitol Hill doesn't have nearly enough out-of-touch, born-again, Aryan policy makers who decorate their offices with guns and Jesus statuettes. A stone's throw from the nation's capital, Patrick Henry College is an evangelical college for aspiring politicians in the business of rectifying this deficit. . . .
Students at Patrick Henry are forced to conform to a dress code, stay out of the dorms of the opposite sex, and avoid any public display of affection. Smoking and drinking are also forbidden. All students must also sign a statement of faith that claims non-Christians will be "confined in conscious torment for eternity." Moreover, Patrick Henry's faculty must agree to teach that creation occurred fully in "six twenty-four-hour days," since this biblical understanding is "the best fit to observed data." Most disturbingly, Patrick Henry's literature claims that the government should be built upon the realization that people "are tainted by sin and therefore cannot be trusted to be free." (180)

Most Inane Mark Driscoll Quote: "After church tonight you will go home and you will eat chicken, not human, because of the spread of Christianity ... go to a country where there hasn't been the spread of Christianity and they're having human for dinner." (207)

[Mark Driscoll] says he's seen possessed people "totally overtaken" by demons "levitate off the ground." (208)

Affliction: Preferred term for any form of sickness, since it implies an outside force (Satan) trying to impose his will. Saying you're "sick" sounds mundane. Claiming you have an affliction, now that's some Old Testament shit. (217)


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