Deuce of Clubs Book Club: Books of the Weak

I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski

Guy Debord: Revolutionary

No Place to Hide

Command of Office

The Christ-Myth Theory And Its Problems

The Christian Delusion

Lincoln's Wrath

How to Do Nothing with Nobody All Alone by Yourself

The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex

Bossypants

Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

Catching the Big Fish

Dig Infinity

The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones

Crazy for God

Basin and Range

Anarchy Evolution

The File

John Ringo

The Supremes

End the Fed

Burning Book

The Hohokam Millenium

God's Middle Finger

Narcocorrido

In Heaven Everything Is Fine

The Shunning

Wisdom Sits in Places

The Marvelous Country

Hamilton's Curse

The Secret Life of Houdini

The Trouble with Being Born

Schulz and Peanuts

First Into Nagasaki

Joe Miller's Jests

Human Smoke

Dirty Tricks Cops Use

A Futile and Stupid Gesture

All For A Few Perfect Waves

Systemantics

Death in the Desert

American Signs

Secret Proceedings and Debates of the Constitutional Convention

Secrets Of A Stingy Scoundrel

The Self-Made Tapestry

A Constitutional History of Secession

The Neurotic's Notebook

Interrogation Machine

Monster Midway

The Harlot by the Side of the Road

Forced Into Glory

Imperial Life in the Emerald City

J. G. Ballard: Quotes

The Compleat Practical Joker

Laugh with Hugh Troy

Pranks!

A Liar's Autobiography

Cobb

Chasing Rainbows

Letters from Tucson, 1925-1927

The Five Fosters

The Giant Cactus Forest and Its World

How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker

World Famous Cults & Fanatics

That's Not All, Folks!

God's Problem

Will Christ Return By 1988?

Fragments of an Anarchist Anthropology

The Whiskey Rebellion

FDR's Folly

Wilson's War

Bully Boy

[If] I Did It

The Dark Side

Secret Origins of the Bible

Godless

The End of Faith

Why I Became An Atheist

"Life's Calendar for 1922"

Churchill, Hitler, and the Unnecessary War

The Negro Cowboys

EXPECT RESISTANCE

Monty Python Speaks

Baseball Between the Numbers

The Psychopath's Bible

Satisfaction

J. G. Ballard: Conversations

Days of War, Nights of Love

Gospel Fictions and Who Wrote the Gospels?

The Real Deadwood

Deadwood

The Revolution: A Manifesto

45

The Secret Man

Stormin' Mormon

From Psyche to Soma

I'll Gather My Geese

The Osama bin Laden I Know

Alias "Paine"

A Man Without Words

The Wild Trees

The World Without Us

Arizona's Changing Rivers

The Phoenix Indian School

Realm of the Long Eyes

John Dillinger: The Life and Death of America's First Celebrity Criminal

Buckey O'Neill: The Story of a Rough Rider

Thanks For Tuning In

Adventures in the Apache Country

Waylon: An Autobiography

My Life: Sunrise to Sunset

Mimes and Miners: A Historical Study of the Theater in Tombstone

The First 100 Years: A History of Arizona Blacks

Enter Without Knocking

City in the Sun: The Japanese Concentration Camp at Poston, Arizona

House by the Buckeye Road

Vanished Arizona

The Big Con

The Astronomy Cafe and Back to the Astronomy Cafe

A Handbook on Hanging

The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right

A Mind Restored

Mr. Show: What Happened?!

Reclaiming the American Revolution

Stumbling On Happiness

Treasure Maps of the Superstitions

Sunny Slope

Did Genesis Man Conquer Space?

Look Homeward, America

Radicals for Capitalism

Kayaker's Little Book of Wisdom

God Is Not Great

The Echoing Green

The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll

K Foundation Burn a Million Quid

The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes and The Tao of Willie

Just Six Numbers and Our Cosmic Habitat

Wild Goose Chronicles

Behind Bars: Surviving Prison

Silent Night: The Story of the World War I Christmas Truce

The Gang They Couldn't Catch

Manhunt

A History of the End of the World

Al Sieber: Chief of Scouts

Apaches & Longhorns

Deep Survival

Captured

DINO

Sock

Bo: Pitching & Wooing

You Are Worthless

You And Your Hand

Access All Areas

Field Guide to the Apocalypse

The War on Terrorism

Those Idiots From Earth

September 11: An Oral History

Mortal Questions

The Heresy of Self-Love

The White Flag Principle

Medieval Panorama

An Honest President

Those Words

À rebours

Peterson's Incident Report Book

Boo! Culture, Experience, and the Startle Reflex

Victory Denied

Nothing, Arizona

A Porcine History of Philosophy and Religion

O Holy Cow!: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto

DOME COMPENDIUM OF TOPICAL TREATMENT IN PROCTOLOGY

¿Hablas conmigo

Thirty-three Candles

Black Monk Time

Men of Distinction

Alexander the Corrector

Space Viking

Mark These Men

Hallucinogenic Plants

Prohibition: An Adventure in Freedom

JESUS! He's Our President

LOVE

How to Watch Football on Television

Merrill Markoe's Guide to Love

Lincoln: The Man and The Car

Whatever Men Know About Women

Biographies of Italian War Heroes

ABC of Espionage

Art Colony Perverts

Devil-ution

Starting Right with Bees

Planet Earth is a Cult

Baseball Letters

Fetish

Dopey Doings

Democracy: The God That Failed

Handgrenade Talk

Hi, How Are You?

het zingen van het ijs

The Museum of Jurassic Technology Jubilee Catalogue

The Rector and the Rogue

Colorful Cacti of the American Deserts

Odd Jobs: The World of Deviant Work

The Hungry Man's Outdoor Grill Cookbook

How to Get Invited to the White House

How to Work for a Jerk

Never Work for a Jerk!

The Mentality of Apes

Your Vigor for Life Appalls Me

Dr. Strange: Sorceror Supreme

Nautical Notions for Nibbling

A Short Introduction to the History of Human Stupidity

The Fake Revolt

Coup D'Etat

History of the Town of Felicity

Hood of Death

Dolls' House Bathrooms: Lots of Little Loos

Border Security / Anti-Infiltration Operations

Living on Light

God is for Real, Man

Did the Apostle Paul Visit Britain?

Twin Peaks

2001

Power Phrases

The Truth About Wagner

The Life of the Bee

Tombstone

Science Looks at Smoking

The Chiricahuas

The New Dark Ages Conspiracy

The Big Question

Everybody's Book of Epitaphs

The Death of the Fuhrer

Mindfuckers

Gorbachev! Has the Real Antichrist Come?

The World's Worst Poet

Alyssa Milano: She's the Boss

Home is the Desert

Nine Lives: From Stripper to Schoolteacher

How to Start Your Own Country

How to Found Your Own Religion

Sex Objects in the Sky

Indian Oratory

Bastard Without Portfolio

The Bedside Book of Bastards

Hopeless -- Yet There Is Hope

Bible in Pocket, Gun in Hand

Margie Asks WHY

Death of a Hippie

Wake Up or Blow Up

Feeling and Form

Guilt

A Mile in His Moccasins

Mojave Desert Ramblings

Passing of the Outhouse

This Way to Happiness

The Happy Life

Young Only Once

The Monkey Gland Affair

Bert Bacharach's Book for Men

The Two Babylons

For Good and Evil: The Impact of Taxes...

Why Christians Crack Up!

Why Do Christians Break Down?

Hava Nagila!

Beethoven or Bust

How to Abandon Ship

Livin' in Joe's World

The Last Democrat

Salvation Mountain

The Varmint and Crow Hunter's Bible

Love in the Western World

Jack the Ripper: Light-Hearted Friend

Little Men of the NFL

No One May Ever Have The Same Knowledge Again

The Secret Museum of Mankind

James Bond's World of Values

We Did Not Plummet Into Space

The Boy Who Didn't Believe IN CHRISTMAS

The Great Escape From Your Dead-End Job

All About Tipping

My Loser Godfrey

A Haircut in Horse Town

Mucusless Diet Healing System

Jefferson Returns

Lincoln Returns

Churchill Returns

Corporation Freak

Null Bock auf DDR

So You're Going on a Mission?

Nudes in My Camera

Why I Hate the Nazis

Flesh, Metal & Glass

The James Beard Cookbook

Mortal Refrains

Deadbolt

Amy Grant: A Biography

The X Cars

We Were Five

Mr. Wilson's Cabinet of Wonder

Hello ... Wrong Number

I'll Kill You Next!

Murder in Vegas

Did MAN Just Happen?

Terror at the Atlanta Olympics

Criswell Predicts

Your Next Ten Years

They Pay Me to Catch Footballs

The Phantom Menace

Just For Fellows

The Lopsided Gal

Astrology and Horse Racing

The Cokesbury Stunt Book

The Origin of Things

Remarks on the History of Things

U.S. Government Sewing Book

Funeral Tributes II

Blinky, the Friendly Hen

The Serbs Choose War

My Mystery Castle

Iggy

Funeral Customs the World Over

The Right to be Let Alone

Mormonism and the Negro

The Church and the Negro

Preacher with a Billy Club

Fighting Parson of the Old West

Invisibility: Mastering the Art of Vanishing

How to Disappear Completely

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies

How to Catch a Man, How to Keep a Man, How to Get Rid of a Man

Langenscheidts Konversationsbuch

Marlene Dietrich's ABC

The Bible in the Hands of Its Creators


You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

Scott Dikkers (1999)

 

You often say that you're not doing exactly what you want to be doing with your life. You will continue saying this until you die. (7)

Eight things you can do to feel worthless today, #5—Reveal to a dear friend that your life is falling apart and watch her quickly lose interest and distance herself from you. (27)

Your friends say they like you, but really they only like how they feel around you. You barely figure into the equation at all. (36)

Sometimes your friends hang out with you not because they enjoy your company, but because they feel sorry for you. If they have to keep doing this much longer, they're going to dump you like a hot potato. (36)

If you had never met your friends, and you had been born in Iraq or something, they would probably not care if you got bombed. In fact, they might support the idea. (38)

When the chips are down, your friends are just going to save their own hides. I guarantee it. (39)

Let's sit down and actually count the genuine true friends you have. It's not that many, is it? (42)

Actually, you probably don't have a single friend. (43)

Oh, except Jesus. He's your friend. Why don't you call him and see if he wants to hang out? (43)

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends. (47)

Your friends care a lot more about themselves than they do about you. (56)

If they were paid a half million dollars and were guaranteed to get off scot-free, most people would have no problem killing you. They've done surveys on this. (60)

When you're really down and out, who do you turn to, your fucked-up family? Your no-account friends? Basically, you've got no one. Except maybe your counselor. And I'm only in it for the money, I can assure you of that. (64)

Ninety-five percent of the people on this planet live in painful, abject poverty. And you don't care. Heck, none of us do. (66)

A person just died in the time it took for you to read that. Who gives a flying fart? He or she was probably clear across the other side of the world anyway. (66)

Your parents didn't think about what they were doing for a second. They just reproduced like dumb apes, and here you are—part of the problem. (69)

Your family only tolerates you because you have some of the same genetic material as them. They're basically in it for themselves. (69)

Maybe other people aren't what they seem at all. Maybe this is all an elaborate setup, and really you were abducted by aliens a long time ago and have been strapped to a table in an alien prison for years with needles stuck in your brain, and they're making you imagine your whole life as some kind of twisted experiment. Don't let them do it. Fuck with the experiment. Go shoot some people in a mall. (73)

How do you know your best friend isn't one of them? (73)

Beyond mere attraction, how do you expect someone to actually fall in love with you? Why, the notion is preposterous. (78)

If you're in a relationship right now, you should know that your special friend doesn't really love you; he or she is just using you. (79)

Your various exes probably got over you pretty easily. (89)

Someday your special someone is going to wake up and realize that you're not worth the time of day, and he or she is going to leave you and never speak to you again. (94)

You should get out of your relationship first, before your partner does. It hurts a lot less to dump someone than it does to get dumped. (95)

You can never really know the person you are in love with. He or she could turn on you any second. (97)

No matter how much you think you love someone or trust someone, know this: Between you and everyone else on this planet there is a dark, infinite chasm that can never be crossed. (98)

Love hurts. (100)

You know what really hurts? Love. (100)

Here is something: Love hurts. (100)

Do you know what love feels like? It hurts. (100)

Love. It hurts like hell. (101)

Are you in love? Sucker. (101)

When someone says, "I love you," what they really mean is, "I love the way I feel when anyone expresses an interest in me, in this case, you. (102)

Next time you get dumped, it might comfort you to remember this: You will never find a love like that ever again—that person meant everything to you, and you will never find anyone that special ever again. (106)

If you truly love someone, then you are the biggest chump of all. (108)

I really hate my writing. You probably do too. Don't even try to say something nice about it, it won't matter. I know I'm awful. I read back some of my writing and it's just embarrassing. I can't imagine that it's helping anybody. I am a complete fraud. (149)

What purpose do you serve, exactly? (163)

You are destined for mediocrity. (181)

When you pray, no one is listening.
Furthermore, you look ridiculous.
(185)

Attention, Christians: In the Gospel According to Luke, Jesus promises his followers that he will return from the dead during their lifetimes and bring God's kingdom to Earth. He's running a little late. But keep waiting, he's sure to come any day now. (186)

If it weren't for science, the pope would probably still be torturing people who thought the earth revolved around the sun. (195)

Jesus doesn't really love you. He just loves the way he feels when you're around. (198)

Did you ever stop to think just how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things? I mean, it doesn't really make any difference whether you live or die, does it? (214)

The world would have been no different if you had never been born. (214)

There's so much shit to do. But really, why bother with any of it? You're going to die eventually. Then you're really going to wonder whey you bothered with all that shit. (216)

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