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Dopey Doings (1951)

by Elizabeth Ripley

  • Why did the dope think the restaurant was closed? Because he saw a sign reading "Home Cooking."

  • Why didn't the dope need to use glasses? He drank out of the bottle.

  • Why didn't the dope wait for the last act? Because the program said it took place two years later.

  • Why did the dope take a loaf of bread up on the Empire State Building? He wanted high-bred company.

  • Why did the seasick dope think he was a writer? Because he contributed to the Atlantic.

  • What did the dope say to the other dope? Nothing, because he was a dope.

Apologies to Number 9 ... RIP
(if your creepy kid will ever let you)
The final joke in the book is as fresh as today's freaky-family-fighting-for-father's-frozen-body headlines.