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ACHTUNG! Sp*mmers force another email change. doc2006 has jumped two years ahead.
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21nov2008 — Mandible-to-Mandible Message Mandate

What Would Tyler Durden Do? reports:   Jennifer Garner today received a permanent restraining order against Steven Burky, a 36-year-old man from Pennsylvania who has been following Garner obsessively since 2002. He's appeared on her film sets, at her home and at personal appearances, and has written her hundreds of letters and messages professing his love and warnings about her safety. The New York Daily News says... Burky, 36, is a born-again Christian who believes he was the victim of satanic abuse rituals as a child in Pennsylvania, according to his blog. "Almost not a day has gone by when I have not written or talked aloud of my love for you," he wrote in one note. "But I don't know if you were ever allowed to hear it." In a February email to a film crew member, he begged that Garner be warned about a vision. "The vision shows that a persecution may take place in broad daylight against Jennifer Garner for her faith in Jesus Christ," it said. "The vision showed Mrs. Garner surrounded by a mob in public. "It also involves the possible emergence of a dark secret in America. The presence of illicit witchcraft going on in this country, and illicit sacrifices."   Tell you what, that Jennifer Garner's got quite a mandible. I'll bet if a person had a website called Jennifer Garner's Mandible and that person, purely as a courtesy, forwarded scary and threatening emails received by the website from some whacked-out and possibly dangerous born-again, Jennifer Garner would be grateful. Or at least not inclined to resort to legal threats. What I'm suggesting here is that Jennifer Garner clue in Jennifer Cooke (Amy Grant's manager). How about it, Ms. Garner? (If you do, I promise never to have a website called Jennifer Garner's Mandible.)

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The Simpsons || Two parents. Three children. Maybe four. Springfield is nowhere nearby, but Springerville is. After that, everything you know about The Simpsons is wrong.

The Pursuit of Liberty || How to lose an election, pester world heads of state, and fail to start your own country, all in the name of just being left alone. NEW: Phase IV begins...

Whip It! & Other Delights || Official home page of the Herb Alpert Whipped Cream & Other Delights Art Car. Burning Man, Art Car shows, cross-country tripping, breakdowns in tiny towns -- plus, your chance to win the What Is Whip It!'s Problem? Contest -- all here. But you're mainly interested in the Whip It! Girls, I'll bet.

The Mojave Phone Booth Project || The most popular item on deuceofclubs.com. Why? We're not sure. It was just a working phone booth in the middle of nowhere in the Mojave Desert. But for a working phone booth in the middle of nowhere in the Mojave Desert, it had a lot of friends.

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Amy Grant's Mandible Home Page || You've admired The Mandible. Don't tell us you haven't. Now you can celebrate it. The Mandible. Do it for the children.

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The Mountain Monogram Project || Why are there huge letters on the sides of mountains in the American Southwest? Yeah, I know what they stand for. But who thought of it? How did they begin? Any help you can offer may constitute evidence of insanity. But think about it -- that could come in useful one day.

oobiland! || Just two eyes and a hollow interior, it's ... Al Gore! No, no, it's ... oobi! Much as we disdain hippies, we LUUUV oobi!

666 Cough Syrup || Another old favorite. What damage control is like when brand-name recognition of your product consists of people crossing themselves and crossing to the other side of the store aisle.

Smut || The most popular page with the search-engine porn seekers. In a tie for second: The All-Spanking Show and Farrah nude in Playb0y. Secks!
Also: the doesn't-belong-here-but-where-else-does-it-go Switcheroo.

Celebritizationism || Celebrities, Psychos, Simpaticos -- Frank Black, El Vez, Elvis del Monte, Dan Quayle, Joe Coleman, Arthur Lyman, Hasil Adkins, & more. Also: Wagner interviewed by Space Ghost; the next pope -- we hope -- Kardinaal Godfried Danneels; the Celebresemblities game, and the mighty Matt Gerson. Under the wire: The Julia bin-Roberts Home Page

Burning Man Crapola || Allabout duh use-ta-be.
UPDATE, 2005: And duh ta-be.